How do you deal with nosey people

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  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Trish, you don`t just "get on with most people", you are a shining

    example to them.

    An inspiration to us all, and our Forum Queen........Much

    love.......Ange.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Non-active member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Morning all - hope you are tolerably well this morning.

    1. Hileena111 - you are not a fraud. The fact that you have bits replaced demonstrably shows that, but the replaced bits don't necessarily support the still-damaged bits. The scooter helps: use it, don't feel apologetic for that and don't apologise! It means that you can stay out longer, have more fun, do stuff you otherwise couldn't and that is a GOOD THING.

    2. Trisher, oh Trisher - you are not the rude one, your interrogators are. Lord knows we have enough to put up with without the half-witted ramblings of morons who haven't got a clue about what we face. You are wise and graceful beyond your years - if someone upsets you make sure you run over their foot as you take your leave! Then they'll have some idea of what it's like. DD (PS Look at the Do I Know You thread on this forum: I'll send you a bag of my arthritis spores for general distribution.)
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • maria09
    maria09 Non-active member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi,
    I dont mind telling people whats wrong with me At least Arturs not an embarrasing illness :!: Then I wouldnt tell them :lol:
    Because I try not to limp or moan & groan at work my pals tend to forget Ive got Arthur everywhere until I need help. Its good to be treat normal because we are :!:
    I work on an Othopaedic ward & most of my patients have Arthur so I feel I can empathise with them wothout sounding condesending We usually compare notes
    Sometimes they end up feeling sorry for me as Im worse than them :!:
    Some people dont realise they are nosey & making you feel uncomfortable its just in their nature & you certainly dont have to tell them anything
    When asked how I am sometimes I say do you want the Im ok ta or the truth :?: It can throw them slightly
    Take care & dont let people get to you they are not worth it :!:
    Love Maria x
  • carolanivey
    carolanivey Non-active member Posts: 64
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    The ones that do really get to me are the ones who say oh I would rather die than end up like you. It really used to hurt me. Now I say really I will have to try it and see. They generally are left shocked and try to run after me and apologise.

    I'm waiting eagerly for the day someone gives me grief about parking in a handicapped spot when I look pretty normal. I can't wait to drop my pants and show them my hip replacement scars. :D
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Non-active member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    You go girl! DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • becky89
    becky89 Member Posts: 8
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Joanne,

    I have a problem with people being nosey!! I'm only 20 and have had arthritis since i was 11 nd have been having a major flare up since early december. (still waiting to see rheumatologist!)

    Because i am on crutches and can hardly walk i find that some people get a kick out of talking about me behind my back especially at work. But if they were going through the pain i'm sure they wouldn't want me talking about them!! :x
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Non-active member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    carolanivey wrote:
    The ones that do really get to me are the ones who say oh I would rather die than end up like you. It really used to hurt me. Now I say really I will have to try it and see. They generally are left shocked and try to run after me and apologise.

    I'm waiting eagerly for the day someone gives me grief about parking in a handicapped spot when I look pretty normal. I can't wait to drop my pants and show them my hip replacement scars. :D

    I hope i dont meet any one who says that. thats awful!


    The parking spot thing is terrible how people target the ones who should have the spot. People can be so igorant. If you dropped your pants to show the scares that would shut em up all right :lol::lol:
    Joanne
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Non-active member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    jelliebabe wrote:
    I usually find if someone has overstepped the mark a big smile and "that's an awfully personal question dont you think?" makes them take a step back, and the smile makes them take no offence at your rebuttal!

    Chin up X

    I like this idea will try it :D
    Joanne
  • carolanivey
    carolanivey Non-active member Posts: 64
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    suncatcher wrote:
    jelliebabe wrote:
    I usually find if someone has overstepped the mark a big smile and "that's an awfully personal question dont you think?" makes them take a step back, and the smile makes them take no offence at your rebuttal!

    Chin up X

    I like this idea will try it :D


    Another good one to disarm a nosey person is to smile and say, "Why do you ask?" A very simple comeback that puts the ball in their court. :)
  • greeneyedlady
    greeneyedlady Non-active member Posts: 25
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    People have said many stupid things to me... when they say 'Have you hurt ytour neck?' I just say 'No.' It's true - I didn't hurt it! Or the guy who was coming onto me who aske dif I was limping due to a sports injury!

    But the worst ever was this: I was trying desperately to make it across the car park to work as the bar stewards in the DHSS don't see fit to allow me a blue badge. It was the hardest struglle ever and I was in agony - and this wee old man comes over and announces, totally unprovoked, 'No matter where you look, luv, there's always somebody worse than you.'

    I waited for words of widom to come to me, for nA SUITABLY SVATHING BUT ERUDITE RETORT. tHEN IT CAME, LIKE A SHINING PENNY, THE WORDS THESE PEOPLOE DESERVE, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN SAY TO THEM:


    F*** off.
  • snowball
    snowball Non-active member Posts: 3,465
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    I allways get asked why are you walking like that or when I use my crutchers I get whats wrong with you :roll: when I tell them I have r/a they say oh I get a bit of rhumitsym in my shouler :x ITS NOT THE SAME!!! I was once told by a distant family member that I was being punnished by god :roll: Its a good job I don't believe in that cr@p.


    Julie
    ((((hugs)))) n xxxxx to ya all
  • greeneyedlady
    greeneyedlady Non-active member Posts: 25
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    My faith in God lessened my disease considerably, but I agree that was barking.

    Another thing I hate is people asking 'How are your aches and pains?', cos I think that phrase really denigrates the fact you have a serious disease. I mean, anybody can get 'aches and pains' at the end of the day.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Non-active member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    I think it's a difficult topic for friends. They want to show concern but may lack the right vocabulary. It's like asking a cancer patient, in the midst of chemotherapy, 'How are you feeling today?' Showing concern and interest is difficult - aches and pains is acceptable becuase that's what they are! They may be more intensive and longer-lasting, but basically that's it in a nutshell!

    I either answer 'Fine, thank you.' or I say 'Let's not go there.'

    I have to smile: our local M&S is over three floors, with up escalators, down steps and a lift. When I'm going down the stairs I am often told (in varying tones of voice) 'There is a lift, you know.' I reply with 'Thank you, but I like to try and keep moving.' It's polite and reasonable. I always apologise when I reach the bottom to anyone that I may have blocked during my stately down-hill progress and, so far, everyone had been fine about it. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Non-active member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    becky89 wrote:
    Hi Joanne,

    I have a problem with people being nosey!! I'm only 20 and have had arthritis since i was 11 nd have been having a major flare up since early december. (still waiting to see rheumatologist!)

    Because i am on crutches and can hardly walk i find that some people get a kick out of talking about me behind my back especially at work. But if they were going through the pain i'm sure they wouldn't want me talking about them!! :x


    Im sorry to hear this becky people can be cruel. One thing ive found in all this you find who your friends really are and they will keep you strong. I dont think the people who say these things would last 5 minuits if they had arther they would moan more im sure.
    Joanne
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Non-active member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    greeneyedlady wrote:
    People have said many stupid things to me... when they say 'Have you hurt ytour neck?' I just say 'No.' It's true - I didn't hurt it! Or the guy who was coming onto me who aske dif I was limping due to a sports injury!

    But the worst ever was this: I was trying desperately to make it across the car park to work as the bar stewards in the DHSS don't see fit to allow me a blue badge. It was the hardest struglle ever and I was in agony - and this wee old man comes over and announces, totally unprovoked, 'No matter where you look, luv, there's always somebody worse than you.'

    I waited for words of widom to come to me, for nA SUITABLY SVATHING BUT ERUDITE RETORT. tHEN IT CAME, LIKE A SHINING PENNY, THE WORDS THESE PEOPLOE DESERVE, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN SAY TO THEM:


    F*** off.

    I think it depends on situation but that retort is right sometimes.
    Joanne
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Non-active member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    I think it's a difficult topic for friends. They want to show concern but may lack the right vocabulary. It's like asking a cancer patient, in the midst of chemotherapy, 'How are you feeling today?' Showing concern and interest is difficult - aches and pains is acceptable becuase that's what they are! They may be more intensive and longer-lasting, but basically that's it in a nutshell!

    I either answer 'Fine, thank you.' or I say 'Let's not go there.'

    I have to smile: our local M&S is over three floors, with up escalators, down steps and a lift. When I'm going down the stairs I am often told (in varying tones of voice) 'There is a lift, you know.' I reply with 'Thank you, but I like to try and keep moving.' It's polite and reasonable. I always apologise when I reach the bottom to anyone that I may have blocked during my stately down-hill progress and, so far, everyone had been fine about it. DD


    I have been told if people ask about health to say thanks for asking but im fine if i had anything new to report id tell you. Which is fine for friends. Well done you for the lift thing. some people think they know all.
    Joanne
  • oneday
    oneday Non-active member Posts: 1,434
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    carolanivey wrote:
    suncatcher wrote:
    jelliebabe wrote:
    I usually find if someone has overstepped the mark a big smile and "that's an awfully personal question dont you think?" makes them take a step back, and the smile makes them take no offence at your rebuttal!

    Chin up X

    I like this idea will try it :D


    Another good one to disarm a nosey person is to smile and say, "Why do you ask?" A very simple comeback that puts the ball in their court. :)

    thats the best!
    im going to start saying that..its short, can remember it..and not offensive but gets the message over theyre nosey etc,brilliant.
  • oneday
    oneday Non-active member Posts: 1,434
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    greeneyedlady wrote:
    People have said many stupid things to me... when they say 'Have you hurt ytour neck?' I just say 'No.' It's true - I didn't hurt it! Or the guy who was coming onto me who aske dif I was limping due to a sports injury!

    But the worst ever was this: I was trying desperately to make it across the car park to work as the bar stewards in the DHSS don't see fit to allow me a blue badge. It was the hardest struglle ever and I was in agony - and this wee old man comes over and announces, totally unprovoked, 'No matter where you look, luv, there's always somebody worse than you.'

    I waited for words of widom to come to me, for nA SUITABLY SVATHING BUT ERUDITE RETORT. tHEN IT CAME, LIKE A SHINING PENNY, THE WORDS THESE PEOPLOE DESERVE, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN SAY TO THEM:


    F*** off.

    haa.........(body shaking,laughing...)fantasic.
  • oneday
    oneday Non-active member Posts: 1,434
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    similiar sort of thing..as i mentined before i have a parking space at work which some people who havent are jealous about....i feel i cant go outside for fresh air/mini walk,stretch etc at lunch incase anyone says i can walk outside so why do i have a space i.e. i could park miles away etc...any good line liners for that??
    p.s. as you all know pain fluctuates...so on days when pain okay etc..would like to have a 5 minute walk round the block but think if anyone looking out the window they will think,well whats wrong with her then!
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Non-active member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    oneday wrote:
    carolanivey wrote:
    suncatcher wrote:

    I like this idea will try it :D


    Another good one to disarm a nosey person is to smile and say, "Why do you ask?" A very simple comeback that puts the ball in their court. :)


    i might try this my self :D

    thats the best!
    im going to start saying that..its short, can remember it..and not offensive but gets the message over theyre nosey etc,brilliant.
    Joanne

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