marriage

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tkachev
tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
edited 24. Jun 2010, 07:46 in Community Chit-chat archive
I have mixed feelings today. My friend has got married quietly to another friend. They have known each other for years but decided to get together only a few months ago. He has had major health issues and she is 40 in a few weeks so they have taken the plunge and got married.
My mixed feelings are that he has the exact same name as my partner and I have waited 13 years to be Mrs M ! It has made me feel a bit gutted in that I am still waiting and others are getting on with things. Of course i am really happy for them but I am shedding a few tears too.......

Elizabeth
Never be bullied into silence.
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no ones definition of your life

Define yourself........

Harvey Fierstein
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  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    t69097.gif


    here think you need a large bunch of flowers and lots of hugs why r you waiting ???? what will time bring apart from old age
    val
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    You are so right Val. We have been through lots together especially my illness starting not long after we met.

    Gonna pull myself together or shall get another headache.
    Thankyou so much for the beautiful bunch of flowers.
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    you are welcome and we all get like that from time to time hugs to help you get through it val
    val
  • snowball
    snowball Member Posts: 3,465
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Elivabeth, Vals right hun so here are some flowers from e too

    g10175.gif

    ((((hugs))))

    Julie xx
    ((((hugs)))) n xxxxx to ya all
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Aw, dear Elizabeth,

    Love is love, you have been together 13 years. What is in a name? Please do not feel gutted. You have been together so long, you have been through so much and come out the other side.This is much more than many achieve. :) You can change your surname if that matter so much to you. Some people marry but keep their own names. To me that is one of the least important things - a name.

    Please do not be tearful on a wonderful sunny day, count your blessings and be happy for your friend and yourself too. You have much to be grateful for dear Elizabeth and your OH is blessed to have you by his side.

    Love
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thankyou Julie,

    When we first met 13 years ago he told everybody I was marriage material ! I did ask him once (no reply) so now I am forever dropping hints. Today my daughter said why arent you two married and he said Too expensive but we will see what can be done!

    Its just the name thing that is getting too me. I kept my married name as i thought id be Mrs M (think of the piano player) by now!

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    elnafinn wrote:
    Aw, dear Elizabeth,

    Love is love, you have been together 13 years. What is in a name? Please do not feel gutted. You have been together so long, you have been through so much and come out the other side.This is much more than many achieve. :) You can change your surname if that matter so much to you. Some people marry but keep their own names. To me that is one of the least important things - a name.

    Please do not be tearful on a wonderful sunny day, count your blessings and be happy for your friend and yourself too. You have much to be grateful for dear Elizabeth and your OH is blessed to have you by his side.

    Love
    Elna x

    Deep down I know you are right Elna. Many thanks for your lovely words.
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Elna,

    I did tell you about this last month( when my friend first told me but to I had to keep it secret until she was ready to tell others) and his sister also getting married next month and you said not to let it upset me. I am trying very hard. i will smile for my friend of course but i bet i burst into tears! I shall have to pretend it is tears of happiness.
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I am shedding a quiet tear for you Elizabeth.

    You do have all the important things, but there is something precious about that final commitment isn`t there? Especially when health issues sometimes affect your self-confidence. It`s a sort of public statement saying I come first to this person.

    You Do have all the important things though. Remember the immortal words of Bette Davis in Now Voyager "Why ask for the moon when we have the stars".............Much love.........Ange. 081.gif
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Elizebeth
    Lots of hugs for you ((((((()))))) I do understand what you are saying, maybe soon he will shock you , but you have what so many never find, love for one another.
    And men will be men no accouinting for them :roll: :) hey
    Barbara xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 23. Jun 2010, 05:16
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    Dear Elizabeth

    I remember well that you did tell me about your friend. If you do burst out crying it will be assumed it is tears of happiness. I hope it works out for your friend.

    You, Elizabeth, have been together with your man for many years and that in itself speaks volumes, to me anyway. You have made a commitment to each other, as sure as anything can be sure in this life. There are 13 years of proof.

    I sometimes feel we should not rock the boat, my son and lovely partner have been together 14 years in August, my son's first girlfriend, they have a gorgeous little daughter and are so happy without that "commitment". It is his partner who is not keen to marry and now she has been totally put off, seeing all that when on organising her sisters wedding two years ago!

    Love
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thankyou Ange and Barbara. It is a commitment thing and that is important. My first hubby and i were together exactly 13 years and that all ended suddenly. the children need security too.

    Off to hydrotherapy now but you are all magnificent and seem to know where i am coming from...
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    elnafinn wrote:
    Dear Elizabeth

    I remember well that you did tell me about your friend. If you do burst out crying it will be assumed it is tears of happiness. I hope it works out for your friend.

    You, Elizabeth, have been together with your man for many years and that in itself speaks volumes, to me anyway. You have made a commitment to each other, as sure as anything can be sure in this life. There are 13 years of proof.

    Love
    Elna x

    Thankyou ElnaX
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    At the end of the day sweetie, public commitment or not, it can all be taken away in a heartbeat.

    Cherish what you have, for as long as you have it.........Much love........Ange.
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    tkachev wrote:
    Off to hydrotherapy now but you are all magnificent and seem to know where i am coming from...Elizabeth

    Dear Elizabeth

    Hope your had an enjoyable time at hydro. You are truly a lovely person, as I have said before, never lose sight of that, however difficult it may be at times. :)

    Lots of love
    Elna x(())
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    tkachev wrote:
    I have mixed feelings today. My friend has got married quietly to another friend. They have known each other for years but decided to get together only a few months ago. He has had major health issues and she is 40 in a few weeks so they have taken the plunge and got married.
    My mixed feelings are that he has the exact same name as my partner and I have waited 13 years to be Mrs M ! It has made me feel a bit gutted in that I am still waiting and others are getting on with things. Of course i am really happy for them but I am shedding a few tears too.......

    Elizabeth

    Oh Elizabeth :(

    You will be shedding tears too :(


    Naughty boy your O/H :x

    Having said that I do think you should be broud of yourselves taht you done 13 years!! not every marriage survives that long.

    LOve and huge hug

    Toni xx
  • janie68
    janie68 Member Posts: 1,186
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Elizabeth

    Getting married sounds very important to you. These days it doesn't seem to matter but it does to you. Perhaps talk to OH about it, it doesn't have to cost much at all. We got married in a registry office and had a little reception at our house. I'm sure your friends and family will rally round for you and give you a fab day. It can be a celebration of you two coming out the other side with your illness, he obvoiusly loves you.

    If all else fails, bash him round the head or hit him where it hurts... his wallet!!! :lol:

    Janie
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    The success of a marriage has nothing to do with the cost of the ceremony. The success of a marriage has everything to do with the respect each shows to the other. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    dreamdaisy wrote:
    The success of a marriage has nothing to do with the cost of the ceremony. The success of a marriage has everything to do with the respect each shows to the other. DD

    Very profound today DD :shock:

    and absolutely right (again)

    Love

    Toni xx
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    dreamdaisy wrote:
    The success of a marriage has nothing to do with the cost of the ceremony. The success of a marriage has everything to do with the respect each shows to the other. DD

    The success of two people living together with respect for each other has nothing to do with any ceremony, come to that. :)

    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I feel that we are veering away from the point of Elizabeth`s post a little.

    Whether anyone else feels it to be unncessary or otherwise, it appears to be something that she wants. She is aware of all that she has, but seems to need that little bit more. This, I feel, is the crux of her message. It is an entirely personal issue. Some people don`t need marriage, others do. Please correct me if I`m wrong Elizabeth........Ange.
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    angel1 wrote:
    I feel that we are veering away from the point of Elizabeth`s post a little.

    Whether anyone else feels it to be unncessary or otherwise, it appears to be something that she wants. She is aware of all that she has, but seems to need that little bit more. This, I feel, is the crux of her message. It is an entirely personal issue. Some people don`t need marriage, others do. Please correct me if I`m wrong Elizabeth........Ange.

    It is a great shame if one person does and one does not for whatever reasons.

    This may cause a little ripple later on in life for my daughter and "son in law". It was discussed very early on in their relationship that she would not be getting married if she stayed with him. At least he laid the cards out on the table early on. :)

    Luv
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Wise words and quite true but I still think that marriage, the fact of a public committment, matters so much more to women. Perhaps it's a left-over from age-old morality about being a 'fallen woman' should you choose to sleep around, or co-habit, or to behave in a way that's different to the norm. Blokes can get away with it: girls can't. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • trisher
    trisher Member Posts: 9,263
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Wulf

    I disagree with you. Women think differently.

    When you are truely in love with someone and maybe you have lived with your partner, you want to be joined together by taking the man's name.

    Marriage joins you together by vows of your love for them. Women feel they are married by taking the man's name.

    It really does matter to some of us.

    Trish
  • trisher
    trisher Member Posts: 9,263
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Elizabeth

    Sending you these to try to cheer you up. I hope they do. I hope you like them, wish they were real.

    g10079.gif

    love Trish xxx
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