M.A.S.H. Staff - You Are Needed.

dreamdaisy
dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
edited 26. Jun 2010, 11:43 in Living with Arthritis archive
I have just heard from the hospital, my emergency draining is booked on for 26.7.10, which I think is a little distant. I could manage until then but I think I will re-open the MASH, procedure to be carried out tomorrow morning. Here are your orders.

1. Mellman, plese sweep out your glorious workshop and find the very elegant gold velvet chaise longue which we use for operations.

2. Skezier, loads of fresh, clean straw please and you will be in charge of music. Chicane, Ulrich strauss, Strobe, you know the drill.

3. Janie, paperwork is your area. Lots of it, not necessarily related to me. You could muddle in some of dorcas' notes too, just for fun. We both have PA so the confusion would be reasonable.

4. Dorcas, you will have to leave a trail of interesting foodstuffs to lure me in, I need to have my attention well and truly diverted from the horrors which are about to be unleashed upon me. Tilly and speedy, you have to stop me running away.

5. Airwave, if you would kindly resume your bar-tending duties but only AFTER the procedures.

6. Delboy - anaesthesia is your department - I believe mell has a baseball bat, so swift administration of that to my temple should sort things.

7. Livinglegend - please devise some wondrous Heath-Robinson gadgetry based on an old hand drill (the type with flaking red or blue paint), a reverse-action bicycle pump and some plastic tubing. Polyfilla will also be required. You will be in charge of surgery, drilling in (I have marked the spot on my left knee and right ankle), extracting gunk then inserting the poly. That should harden off nicely and stop all further swelling.

8. Then I have to be brought round. There's only one person for this, babycham. A quick waft of smelling salts to get me sitting up, then a large glug of Spanish Brandy. No baby, for me!

9. Frogmorton and her crew will then step in with every tea you could wish, and lots and lots of cake. The bar will also be open.

10. I will then require a sedan chair so that I can leave with some dignity. I nominate mell, del, robertls and airwave to remove me from the field of battle. I can then go home, rest, and be soothed by noeltone reading Volume 1 of Chrisov's Chatterings.

Sorted. Who needs the NHS? DD
Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
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Comments

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,403
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sleeves up then :D

    Babycham......

    Babycham!!!!

    put that down! g045.gif

    It's for LATER!!

    am off to get me Urn.....

    Ernie!! Ernie!!.....

    sound of feet clip-clopping down the corridor, the odd trip over the ash trays and empty beer cans from teh last surgical procedure....
  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD, can you use my counselling skills?..........Ange.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 25. Jun 2010, 06:33
    Wouldn't that kill me? I would quite like to wake up again, despite everything! And thank you for the offer, angel, but I think I can muddle through. Have done before and will do again. Arthritis does teach one patience. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • janie68
    janie68 Member Posts: 1,186
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD

    I can certainly shuffle the paperwork even from my hospital bed as I'm going inmyself soon. I am dedicated to the cause don't worry mr mannering!!

    Janie
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh janie, I didn't know. I wish you well with whatever it is. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • janie68
    janie68 Member Posts: 1,186
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It's for my new 'wonder' drug rituximab well it's the day unit really. You've no need to be sorry DD. I'll be shuffling dorcas' and your notes around me. I can still manage the ward from my bed/chair if I have to. It'll keep me out of mischief!!

    Janie
  • airwave
    airwave Member Posts: 579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oiiiii waddayoumeana? Open the Staff Bar ? Its the only thing the Labour Party ever gave us of any use. 24hour drinking!!!!!!!


    8) Its a grin, honest!


    Don't you worry, with a supportive group like this we'll soon sort your errrrr drainpipe or whatever it was out.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,403
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD

    need some reassurance that Airwave is NOT the doctor :shock:

    Think he might have started on the supplies.... :shock:

    Maybe we do need a bit of psychiatric help too???

    At least us staff do....

    Has the operating table/chaise longe arrived yet?

    Love

    Toni xx
  • janie68
    janie68 Member Posts: 1,186
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Don't you worry Toni

    Me is a mental health nurse, I can look after your needs. Easy, go to the staff bar, it'll all be sorted then.

    :shock: :lol:

    Janie
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,403
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    AHA!!!!

    Good thought :wink:

    So long as he's got a good supply of my cooking sherry :D

    You in the hossie now??

    Love

    Toni xx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You are so kind babycham, that will go down a treat. I'm very partial to Spanish Brandy myself, the cheap-as-chips one, yellow label depicting a bull. Smashing. Don't forget the smelling salts tho - they're vital to bring me back from del's karate chop. :shock: (Gulp). DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,403
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD

    Did Babycham say she was working UNDER Airwave?? :shock:
  • queenfan
    queenfan Member Posts: 563
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD if you need any more help, give me a shout OK :wink:
    always happy to help
    Sue x
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Tilly and speedy, you have to stop me running away.

    We're up for that. Don't worry I have the very things needed in my teaching stuff - bungees, double sided tape and velcro ... as I say to the kids at school, "trust me I'm a professional!!" :lol::lol:

    Now I'm on walkabout "duty" and need to check all is in order in the bar area ...

    Speedy
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • airwave
    airwave Member Posts: 579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh noooooo, not more teachers, I bet you do what my wife does and correct my spelling with a red pen! Anyrate at least we can get the patients name and condition right.

    Did you say kronik arthersrighteous?

    Nuff of this spelin gamme, Im off back to the cellar and cek me pipes.....

    8) Its a grin, honest!
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol::lol::lol:

    Speedy
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,403
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well.....


    we got the patient yet?? k015.gif


    Ah - there she is........

    Getting bored......


    waiting :(

    Airwave????


    Oh AIRWAVE!!!

    CAN I have some cooking sherry while we wait please :)
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Wot, u want me now? Oh . . . . . :( DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • airwave
    airwave Member Posts: 579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    wot, you want the good stuff? I was saving that sherry for the trifle at the staff party. Oh well, its for a good cause isn't it! The staff will have to drink whisky tonight.

    Up and down, up and down those cellar stairs I go , all day long, I don't know, I should be paid more for this you know, up and down I go.....(all barmen are grumpy, aren't they?) . When I started this job ooohhhh 10 days ago, I was something special, they used to call me the fastest cellarman in the ether! Now I'm just a gofer, gofer this gofer fer that....


    8) Its a grin, honest!
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,403
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD


    Isn't Airwave goin on....

    quote:Up and down, up and down those cellar stairs I go , all day long, I don't know, I should be paid more for this you know, up and down I go.....(all barmen are grumpy, aren't they?)

    But you know - he does it REALLY REALLY well.....


    Admiringly :)
  • airwave
    airwave Member Posts: 579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    babysham you're a star, you're hired! Now if we're talking proper beer, take the cork out (don't need any of them foam makers or gas) and pour into an old battered tin milk jug and pour that into a straight glass, I'll just test it shall I?

    By heck, that Directors is good stuff, better test the Bass as well.....and the scrumpy, and the Perry.. anyone like the pale Spannish sherry??? sszzzzzzzzzzzzzz............




    8) Its a grin, honest!
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh DD,

    Sorry about your knee.... come here I am good with a syringe......

    Ange will give you trauma counselling after I have finished with you :lol::lol::lol:

    In serious mode that a long time to wait...... I could do it :wink: Do you want white, green yellow or blue needles... lets see i think white.....

    I will use a bit of surgical spirit and spray you with purple spray... now I can't say fairer can I?!

    Straw all ready but I am not so good my self and need Slipper Boys chiro services... now where is he...... oh by the bins of course :lol::lol:

    rest that leg and a ((( ))) Cris xx
  • ironic
    ironic Member Posts: 2,361
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I will volunteer to be the brow mopperupper. Cool compresses applied to forehead should help with the bruising should we have to revert to plan A on the knock out method.
    Don’t you just love watching the colour changes of bruises...Black, blue, purple, yellow or is that just words of a song?
    I have also brought some grey foam lagging to place over the wounds; it should also double up as a soak away for any remaining gunk.
    Have been sorting out the cupboards and found...Half bottle of gin circa 1977, some egg nogg circa 19 O plonk and a full bottle of wait for it sherry. Down Toni, wait, steady girl.

    Ps Does this place have Secure Staff Parking?
  • airwave
    airwave Member Posts: 579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Send out for a takeaway shall IxxlBabycham[/quote][/quote]

    Takeaway? Plenty more bottles in stock! red or white?

    8) Its a grin, honest!
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What wonderful people you all are. Thank you for cheering me up and getting me thro this rough patch.

    Delboy, be gentle - a lamb chop for the BBQ does sound good - has mell got any rosemary in his garden? airwave, you and baby are doing sterling work, please save a pint of Director's for me, haven't had that in years! Ironic, Jessicar will be quite safe, I promise and as for the egg nog - well, scrumptious but it's not Christmas. Oh, what the hell, it's good stuff - and so's the lagging, what a good idea. I'm not sure about livinglegend's prowess with the bicycle pump. I think I'm about ready - let the shenanigans begin! DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
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