depressed

tkachev

Hi Paticiamary,

I manage now(kids are 12, 10 and 6) and do what I have to to keep them happy and loved. The older 2 dont live here. Im concerned about 3 months non weight bearing as that seems impossible in my eyes- how Toni managed after a back op I really dont know.
Got some days coping alone coming up and not looking forward to it as not keen and feel vulnerable. I have stopped asking for help as its like banging my head against a brick wall. Im not ill in their eyes and their son has a hard life doing everything but they think he doesnt smoke either when he does!!!!!!OH mum looks after other grandchild child and has no time for mine now. I have to book up months in advance in order to get a babysitting spot.

Thankyou everybody I will try to thank you all properly when i have spare time.
E X

frogmorton

tkachev wrote:

Hi Paticiamary,

I manage now(kids are 12, 10 and 6) and do what I have to to keep them happy and loved. The older 2 dont live here. Im concerned about 3 months non weight bearing as that seems impossible in my eyes- how Toni managed after a back op I really dont know.
E X

You know I dont know either

It was a really hard time for me. The kids lived on microwaved food and were sooo good really.

The ex's family weren't much help - just borrowing money off me I hadn't got :roll:

My Dad was dead and my MUm was v poorly too.

Charl;ie the eldest at 8 was honestly more use to me than I was to her.

I wish I was nearer Elizabeth I would be straight round to help.

Love and hugs

Toni xx

sharmaine

Hi tkachev

You poor thing - I do feel sorry for your dilemma. I used to think like you but it's amazing how the family copes when you are unable to do anything.
It seems you've got to do just about everything. It doesn't seem fair to me that it is all left to you especially as you are obviously in a lot of discomfort and pain with your ankle.

Have you sat them down quietly explaining that you need help?
Start all your sentences with "I" instead of "why". For example "I need your help"; I am not well and need to rest; I would like you to tidy after yourself etc.

Go and have your operation - when you're not there they may appreciate how much you do for them and may change for the better. Don't raise your voice. I would take to my bed for a week - tell them the surgeon says you're suffering from stress and exhaustion and that you have to rest............and see what happens!!!!! Don't move from that bed and groan and moan lots.

Take care and I hope things went well with the surgeon today.
Sending you lots of cyber hugs and best wishes.

Sharmaine
X

tkachev wrote:

I am off to see the surgeon about ankle fusion today. I just cannot see how i can have an operation as I do everything in the house. Nothing will get done without me.

I feel so tearful as i dont get any help at all. One son is going through anger stage- throwing things about, one needs lots of supervision and daughter has health probs. Every time I walk into the bathroom....wee on floor and seat, dirty undies to bag up and tidy away. Oh is always able to manage trips out on his scooter, BBqs but cant feed anyone but himself! I have just been to family BBQ but no one offered to get me a drink or food. I had to sit away from everyone so that I could watch my son whowas hiding in the alleyway by the house. His nan followed him into the house so i thought she was watching him but 10 mins later she comes out, no i havent seen him so mad hobble indoors to check his where abouts.
I have 2 days alone looking after them...well i have booked 4 hours carer to help on one day but couldnt find anyone for next day. I think OH is pushing it.
Anyway have a party (withput children) on 24th so looking for a knight in shining armour to take me away from this hell....

Elizabeth

elnafinn

Aw Elizabeth

I so feel for you with all this. It has all gone pearshaped, hasn't it? Been brewing for some time but now bubbling and boiling over. The smoking and his parents not knowing could be used to your advantage perhaps........ what else do they not know? Have they heard your side of the story?

I wish I could come up with some ideas of helping you.

Love and hugs
Elna x

suncatcher

I am so sorry you are so low. I know how horrible that feels. You have so much on your plate sending you cyber hugs you are in my thoughts and prayers best wishes from Joanne

ps wish i could do more to help

sharmaine

Hi Elizabeth

I've just re-read your posts and realise your children are very young. It can't be easy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your family will rally around and give you some support especially your OH. You are a strong woman to cope with all of this especially with your health problems.

Thinking of you and hoping things get better.

Regards
Sharmaine
X

tkachev wrote:

I am off to see the surgeon about ankle fusion today. I just cannot see how i can have an operation as I do everything in the house. Nothing will get done without me.

I feel so tearful as i dont get any help at all. One son is going through anger stage- throwing things about, one needs lots of supervision and daughter has health probs. Every time I walk into the bathroom....wee on floor and seat, dirty undies to bag up and tidy away. Oh is always able to manage trips out on his scooter, BBqs but cant feed anyone but himself! I have just been to family BBQ but no one offered to get me a drink or food. I had to sit away from everyone so that I could watch my son whowas hiding in the alleyway by the house. His nan followed him into the house so i thought she was watching him but 10 mins later she comes out, no i havent seen him so mad hobble indoors to check his where abouts.
I have 2 days alone looking after them...well i have booked 4 hours carer to help on one day but couldnt find anyone for next day. I think OH is pushing it.
Anyway have a party (withput children) on 24th so looking for a knight in shining armour to take me away from this hell....

Elizabeth

ironic

Hello Elizbeth,

How are you today? So sorry that things are not so good for you at present. Not an easy situation for you I know. I truely hope you find a way of getting things sorted.
Maybe and I really hope so, that the family wakes up to all you do for them.

Fingers crossed for you.

Lv, Ix

skezier

Hi Elizabeth,

Better news on the ankle than you were expecting but not so good on the hip. I wish i knew how to help but leaving you a bucket of hopes and a ((( ))) Luv Cris xx

tkachev

Sorry was unable to go on forum yesterday as daughter unwell. Luckily had an appointment with her surgeon booked months ago and this time it was much more productive and have been given medication that should work(if she lets me). Then had more meetings and appointments for other things.
Cris I had a mini strike and went to bed afterwards as I was exhausted but had to get up to put the oven on and got him to watch and dish-up food while I went back to bed. And then couldnt ignore the pile of washing-up!
I am sorry as I have ignored others on the forum who are also suffering.
I shouldnt use the D-word as it is very strong. Maybe I am frustrated and angry!

Will try to answer the posts a bit better when able to think straight. I am thankful to you all as lovely replies and great advice as always.
Elizabeth
xxxxxxxx

tkachev

elnafinn wrote:

Aw Elizabeth

I so feel for you with all this. It has all gone pearshaped, hasn't it? Been brewing for some time but now bubbling and boiling over. The smoking and his parents not knowing could be used to your advantage perhaps........ what else do they not know? Have they heard your side of the story?

I wish I could come up with some ideas of helping you.

Love and hugs
Elna x

Hi Elna,
I never get to say my side but that happens with families. I dont want to sound bitter as it always backfires but the smoking is an example of parent- son relationship isnt it? I always say to you I never get any thanks and lately, with my R.A much better controlled I think they think I am lazy! No point in dwelling or getting upset. I will just focus on those that matter.

Elizabeth

valval

there is a time to think of your self have not read all of it back but you sound like you need me time and plenty of it (((hugs))) to get you started even if just 10 min nap think this my time everyone else can wait . good luck you will get through val

skezier

Hi Elizabeth,

I don't think you need to apologize cus you 'have been neglecting posts' I think at times we all need to take a bit of time out and recharge even if not feeling very low or trapped.

I hope the new meds help for Lucy and your feeling a bit better. ((( ))) Cris xx