Bittersweet Week

elainebadknee

Hi Toni

Well yes , nail on head, im unfit but fit enough, im okay at work but not good enough........
I even cancelled the appointment next week with disability advisor as had tried to contact her numerous times this week and she didnt bother her **** getting in touch,,,,getting money for old rope i think...

And yes of course this has soured monday and i know someone will come on here and say be thankful for this that or other but i dont need to hear that right now.....It dont matter one iota cos how do i get by till i am allowed surgery????

Elainex

elainebadknee

Hi Hileena

Well yes, last year i got a sense i wasnt the trainers pets but i will never change and wont be an **** licker and take the flack for what i aint done, its not me never has been, so it that dont gain me brownie points so be it!!

Im afraid i dont get pleasure out of shopping anymore as cant walk very far....Its all too much of an effort......

Elainex

elainebadknee

Well today jjust gets better!!! Looked at CV afterwards and decided to scrub them off reference list....Then looked at other reference....Now i used to travel a round trip of 60 miles a day for a part time job with a council as a typist........It was year when snow were really bad and a couple of times i didnt make it in but i had to go over Shap which is one of the highest summits in england.
So i dont know why but i rang this number to pretend was aksing for reference for me, used random company name ..........Guess what? The one thing she kept repeating was that i ihadnt made it to work in bad weather....Asked re timekeeping and she said when was here it was fine......but when i didnt make it wasnt.....I always made the effort to get to work and always made up time i lost.........It was hardly an outstanding reference if it had been real i wouldnt have employed.....

Must be something up with me...#


Elainex

hileena111

Hi Elaine,
Didnt necessarily mean shopping for you was just saying was there anything else that might take your mind of it.
As for shopping.....I got no pleasure either because of pain....couldnt go very far and even that was painful....the mobility scooter was brilliant....I can go now and enjoy it..even if i dont buy.
I agree with you....What you see is what you get....and if they dont like that well tough {my attitude LOL}
Love
Hileena

hileena111

Oh Elaine pet.....what a thing to happen on top of the other job...your post came through at the same time as my last one.
What do they expect over Shap!!!! howmany other people made it i wonder

Love
Hileena

elainebadknee

Hi hileena

Well amazingly it was the year lots of towns were cut off and it was on the national news but I got told off for not making it in a few times...I mean i was genuine and there was a lass there was a druggie, she got on fine but me, no get told off.....I wont put my life at risk for a part time job where i was making no money at all as majority of wages was going on petrol and it was a record high price then.....
I feel terribly let down by people i should be able to trust and when that happens i start to question everything else about me..........

Awful friday...

elainex

elainebadknee

I dont think anyone will read this as its at the end of yesterdays fiasco so in a way im putting it in a safe place and not a new topic......
Ive decided not to post for a bit, dont know how long.....I feel as if everything Ive done this year Ive had to fight for and right now I cant do that anymore.....In a way im proud of tiny thing such as beleiving that kneecap removal was wrong for me and fighting that decision and also I was right re the job, i suppose i got the inklibg last year that i wasnt one of the teachers pets, but I still feel that the line manager who encouraged me to apply gave me the wrong impression, I wouldnt have put myself through this if i hadnt had a sign that it was going to be welcomed........And as yesterday proved with other employer it seems the only thing they remember about me is the bad bits.....I also broke ties with a partner who was not confident but despite her knowing what i was going through me she still made me make all the decisions, try to talk about things when she wouldnt open up to me at all...I had to break if off as I cannot support someone like that 24/7 as well as me....
I didnt want to celebrate my birthday, dont even feel like celebrating christmas and that will sound silly but nothing has really happened aagain for me and I dont see the habit changing...Even if I get the op at Wigan im going to be on my own as only in for a few days so will feel completely isolated then too...
Im not going to elaborate about family but needless to say im the blacj sheep. no job, home, just a car and a beany frog.....And theyre right i wont cope when im on my own, i wont be a househlder, be able to pay bills or even draw a decent pension....
I just feel like a balloon that has been deflated, ive fought at time sthis year but im out of puff right now and i cant say when I will regain my bounce....
Till then...Take care all...

Elainex

cebeem

Hi Elaine
May I suggest a good book?
Flip It by Michael Heppell
It is about looking at the negatives happening in your life and flipping them into a positive! It may be of some help ...in making you feel better with the things that are going on in your life at the moment.

Good luck..chin up!
*CB*

elainebadknee

I am sure that was well intended but i think it may take a bit more than a self help book.....


E

hileena111

Elaine,
It might be more than a self help book you need and I'm sorry I dont know what it is or what to say....just to say that your posat has been read and that you will be missed....Heopefully some others can come up with better words than I can
Take care pet
Love
Hileena