Undecided

elainebadknee

Hi
I have not been on here for a few days and only logged into the forum today. I have read everyones comments and thanks for them. I am still undecided whether to keep posting but at least thought would thank and comment briefly.
Counselling...This may seem a good idea and I have been to see one, what i got was a girl aged about 19 who was more on edge than myself so I could not talk to her, didnt feel comfortable....If I had kept seeing a counsellor this may have helped my ATOS decision as i was told but somehow i doubt it....I also believe that i am not depressed, I have had a string of bad things happen to me (knocked back by ex-emplyer, criticsed for not making work by another one in snowy weather, thus giving me a bad reference)....I am also told by my free solicitor that my doctor supports me bygiving me sick notes, but she think i can go to the job centre, be supported by the disability advisor and get a job to suit....Its hard enough being a jobseeker, never mind if you have other things to consider also.....They also wrote to my unhelpful consultant at WGH who claimed he had in my second consultation about removing kneecap - he had discussed getting automatic car(wrong), he had discussed a weight loss plan(wrong, he mentioned lifestyle options but never used words weight loss) and that HE referred me for my second opinion (i went back to my GP to ask her to set the ball rolling)........On top of this i have had comments from family such as i can get a job in argos and when i reply to say that is silly i am told off!
Re housing, i have owned my own property and to cut a long story short also came out at same time (so Nikki can get my drift here) during which time my best friend abandoned me for doing so, the person who told me they could see a future with me just stopped contacting me, I was bullied at work, lost my job, had to give up flat as couldnt make repayments plus was so lonely there, everyone promised to visit but didnt, so i moved back home....
I believe myself to be a good perciever of people, i know when im being lied to, or if someone is not as they seem, just as can tell good ones too and am trusting...So i beleive them when they say good things but when this turns out to be a blatant lie i will not forgive.....I try, thats all pure and simple......
So at the moment im awaiting appeal, they wont beleive me from ATOS or WGH consultations, why should they? I even have dad as a witness but they will see him as too close to me to be give a fair and truthful account of what happened......Im told i can apply for ESA again as may be having surgery but i wouldnt be any different, im not streetwise or a liar or deciever or clever for that matter...Im honest to my own detriment.........
So if youve read this and still think counselling is an option, fine but i defy anyone to be through what ive been through and to be smiling from every orrifice?? If my life was perfect and i had it all, job, partner, home and was depressed i would consider it, but ive got good reason to be upset..........
I cant promise i will reply, i may just read in a few days time, sorry...

Elainex

lindalegs

Hi Elaine,

You're right you do have good reason to be upset but that shouldn't stop you for seeking help from a counsellor - they are people who will listen so that you can unburden yourself. We all need to talk at times and these people who aren't emotionally involved with you will be such a good sounding board.

We're here too when you need us.

Luv Legs

elnafinn

Hi Elaine

Looking from the outside in and only learning little bits of information about you, as time goes on, I do feel counselling may well be the way forward for you. I believe I mentioned before that if you feel the first counsellor is not suitable for you, ask to be referred to another until you find someone you do feel comfortable with. It is difficult enough unburdening your feelings and talking to a complete stranger which is who they are at the beginning, but if you can find someone you feel comfortable with, I do believe that it can only do you much good. There may be weeks when you say nothing to the counsellor. They understand this and all the other emotions that go with it.

I wish you well again, you have most certainly been through the mill with everything and everyone.

I so hope you can receive the help, support and guidance that you badly need very soon.

Luv
Elna x

angel1

Elaine, I`m sorry that things seem so very bleak for you at the moment.

Regarding your comments, I can assure you that the Counsellor you saw - provided she was fully qualified - would have been at least 25 years old. It is a requirement of the BACP. It sounds as if she was rather new, and inexperienced.

You also say that if your life was perfect, but you were depressed,
you would then consider counselling. Well, obviously if that were the case, counselling wouldn`t be necessary, would it? Depression would be treated by your GP.

As it was me who first suggested counselling to you, and as a counsellor myself, I am actually now of the opinion that it more than likely would not be helpful to you at this present moment in time. Counselling is a process involving two people, and a lot of hard work, BUT, both people have to be committed for it to be successful. I feel that you are perhaps not ready at present.

I hope you do continue to post on the Forum. Writing out your emotions is a very useful tool, often used in certain counselling therapies. I wish you peace of mind........Ange.

elainebadknee

I have read the above replies. I do not need counselling is becuase what has happened to me recently has been bad luck and I am just a bit fed up at the moment. It is not because I do not feel I cannot commit to such a process, but because it is unneccessary. I feel like I said before if I felt really bad such as didnt feel I could go on etc I would seek help, I simply said I had the stuffing knocked out of me at the moment and I would take time out to recover from that.
I can appreciate people thinking they are giving well meant advice and I am at fault probably for disclosing too much information. All this with my knee this last year or so and going through the process of ATOS DWP procedures has been interesting to say the least and maybe im just the type of person who gets worn down after a while. Everyone gets stressed out from time to time and thats all that has happened to me.
Many Thanks


Elainex

hileena111

Aww Pet
You are having a time of it aren't you?
I dont think counselling would do any good. I think coming on here and talking to us would do as much good....talk/vent/moan/advise others...whatever...I think it will do a lot more good. That is not a professional opinon, just a personal one.
I'm sure none of us blame you for feeling the way you do.
Hope you come back even if it is only now and then to post
Take care
Love
Hileena

nikscat33

Hi hun

Sorry you are still feeling down at the mo.... i think sometimes everyone just needs a bit of time out to blow off some steam and regroup..... I have done this myself a few times recently due to ESA, DWP, ATOS.... everyone either getting on your back or knocking you back.... its been 6 months since my partner Nikki came out of work due to the pain and we are still fighting to get all this stuff sorted and it does get you down.... Just think the luck has got to change to go your way you just got to hang in there.... keep posting hun its good to talk

Take care

Cat x

trisher

Elaine

The best thing you can do at the moment is listen to Ange.....she has a lot of training to do the job she does.

Keep posting on here, write down on here how you feel and why you do. It may be of great benefit to you although you might not realise it at the moment.

No one will mind if you do write on here, it helps all of us, we all do the same. That is why we have this site.

I hope you do post some more and I really hope things will improve for you.

love Trish xxx

elainebadknee

Hi Hileena

I suppose all I can do is put this down to experience, no more. In the last few days I have done things to make me feel better, have donated to scope shop in town and have also started the process of applying for another job, its all just application stage just now but I wanted to do it, it seems like an interesting job.
I intend to post on here and contribute, give my opinions as I like it on here. There are lovely people on here and I need to remember they have issues going on too. Such as yourself, youre due to go for surgery soon arent you? (Please correct me if im wrong).
I do appreciate everyone's opinion too and their input....

Sorry reply is late

Elainex

elainebadknee

HI Cat

First of all can I apologise for getting yours and your partners name getting mixed up! I knew someone with the username Nikscat had replied to me and I incorrecty put down the wrong name......Also sorry for not replying to you at weekend, I did appreciate your reply.
I am feeling better, like you say blow off steam, recoup, knockbacks happen, how each person deals with them is different.
I cant imagine what its been like for your partner and your fight. I know the system the government has in place is badly thought out and seems to be hugely successful for them as a lot of people dont get correct benefits but so hard for the claimants who need the benefits they are entitled to.
Im sure luck will change, well its gotta hasnt it? I also sincerely hope you are getting support with yours and your partners fight too.

Elainex

elainebadknee

HI Trish

I have taken on board Ange's comments and of course she is highly skilled in her job that she does. I do know that counselling is not the right course of action and that is not me being stubborn or negative. I discussed this a while ago with my doctor and she told me what i was exerpoencing at the time was reactive stress and that makes sense to me. Some people bounce back quicker, i dont, simple as but we are all different beings and some things we can change others we cant.
Im doing what i can at the moment being proactive......Donating to charity shops, applying for another job and taking it on the chin if dont get anywhere. I do what I feel I can, im not moping about and im not going to moan on here anymore....Even I know when ive become a serial whinger.

Many thanks

Elainex

hileena111

Hi Elaine
Its 7.25am so forgive the typing....worse than usual.....dyslexic fingers , but dyslexic dings that havent had a first cup of coffee yet :shock: are pretty awful.....glad you posted.
My surgery.....well thereby hangs a tale....its due 2 weeks tomorrow but the ortho suddenly in his wisdom decided i needed blood tests {after 8 yrs and 1 THR} to make sure i hadnt any other kind of arthur and he wanted and MRI to make sure its not coming from my back. I do have OA there as well. if it is op will be cancelled or delayed until they "treat " my back??????? Just had a call from OT dept yesterday aftrnoon to say they were delivering the stuff for the op....DONT WANT IT if I'm not having the op yet....theres loads of stuff Check my post "A GIGGLE" and you'll see what happened at the MRI
Love
Hileena

theresa4

HI Elaine

I like you was averse to counselling my issue was that I am not depressed I am reacting to my illness and lack of mobility and feeling useless.
I agreed to counselling but the counsellor I saw although very nice wasnt much help and agreed it was my situation rather than depression that was the problem. :!: :?:
It wasnt helpful and nothing changed. As time went by I felt really down as nothing was working and my mobility was hopeless and the knock on effect on my relationship was causing alot of friction at home. Following a real feeling of Id had enough of everything I went to my GP and am on a low dose of Prozac this has helped me cope a little better. Im not saying this is the route you should go down but sometimes the body does need a little help??

Im sorry so many people have let you down its hard enough with a disablity and people generally not understanding. I do hope things improve for you.

Theresa ((()))

elainebadknee

Hi Hileena
Well as i used to do audio typing i sometimes find that my fingers go faster than my brain and I end up spelling words the wrong way round...So thats my excuse for any spelling disasters and im sticking to it....
Oh no, after all this time they suddenly decide to MRI you to see if you have OA in your back? And if this is the case the hip op will be cancelled.....I guess youre just gearing yourself up for the op and now this.....The thing that comes through to me is youre keeping your spirits up and thats great, I suppose if they decide not to operate theres not much you can do about it....Im gonna check out your MRI post and messge you about that too...
Thanks for early bird reply...
Elainex

woodbon

Hi, Nice to have contact again and know that you are still around!!! (Oh, that sounds a bit odd, didn't mean it like that, sorry). You may be right and your not depressed, but I'm sure I would be in your position.

As the others have said, don't disgard councilling as you've had one
bad experience. Maybe another, older person would be better.

If you do go to the jobcentre, they do have some good advisors, I've had to see them. My trouble is that they feel they can't help me very much at the moment, because the problems I have. Lots of appointments and lots of days unwell. I would like a job, to get out of the house, its my body which is causing the problems. Still, one day I hope!

I hope that you do find a way to go forward. Love Sue

elainebadknee

Hi Theresa
Thanks for your message and your experience of counselling.
It sounds to me as if you had a lot of things going on at that time in your life and you sought a solution you opted to take.
I am also glad you feel the prozac has helped you cope better now. All I can say is that everyone has different experiences, reasons, opinions.
People have let me down but im moving on and coping the best I can, thats all one can do. Im not alone in fighting the DWP/ESA. Im sure things will improve....This morning on radio a song was on and they were singing "Let The Sun SHine" and at that moment in time it was raining cats, dogs n frogs here!! Made me laugh.
Elainex

elainebadknee

Hi Sue

I know what you mean, I did a disappearing act, but I did tell folk was doing so........I woudlnt call it depressed just a bit down n fed up but im feeling better.
If i felt I needed to go to counselling I would but I really dont feel I need it and thats an honest opinion, not denial or negativity..The job centre advisors, well in my town most of them are polite but not helpful, you get the odd one who does help but most times when ive got employment ive done it off my own back, they havent provided the service they portray.
I am applying for an admin job in HMP and going into it with an open mind, will just fill in form and see what happens, but it sounds interesting, I would like to see how far my app goes if it doesnt make interview its not the end of the world....I do want to work though, i feel i can contribute to a workplace and at home financially...
I will find ways forward, there may be twists and turns but I will get there...
Thanks for replying
Elainex

dreamdaisy

I am pleased to read you have applied for another job elaine, I sincerely hope this one has a better outcome than the last. Keep your eyes peeled however, you never know the dream job might suddenly appear! I wish you well. DD

elainebadknee

Hi DD

This time Im not building my hopes up high, having said that I will try my best in my application, if I get called for interview, I try my best thats all I do and hope for a good outcome.
Im probably not as qualified for this one, but I am interested and I want to prove I can work and that my knee condition doesnt make me unemployable.
Many thanks for your well wishes...
Elainex

frogmorton

Hi Elaine

I am so sorry I havent replied to you sooner - I had to think about it.

First of all I totally accept your veiw about counselling. You have things going on which would get most people down - a perfectly acceptable 'reactive' response. All being well once some of the battles are over you will feel way happier. If not YOU know the option is there.

I agree with DD - well done for applying - maybe it isnt 'the job' for you who knows, but we get nowhere if we dont try and you are right to give it a go.

I think i said before that I am grateful to you for letting us know you were going AWOL for a while - I would ahve worried as would others.

Love

Toni xx

PS were there really frogs in the rain?

We honestly DO get them here - we are above a small lake on a hil and so they migrate there once a year - teeny tiny ones in the rain it happens and it is so scary - you might tread on one or drive over them :shock: Luckily it lasts only a day or tow

Love

Toni xx

elainebadknee

Hi Toni

Thanks for your thoughtful message. When i say it was raining cats, dogs n frogs i really wish that there were frogs....We dont get many of my little friends here....Ages ago we came home in the pouring rain a little toad was sat on our front doorstep, we got a shovel in the end as it seemed so tame n reluctant to move, he eventually toddled off....Another time i went out to my car and a little froggie was behind my back wheel, i dont know how i saw him but I did, he too was reluctant to move and even though i pushed his little legs out of harms way he took his own sweet time to move off....Id love to own a lizard, an iguana they really are cool dudes.
My views are my own about counselling, i dont feel im dodging the issue and have had good reason to be fed up...I also know its there if i needed the service..Im glad people can see that I am making sense and also taking the advice onboard and making my own decisions.
I am in the process of answering tick boxes for the job i have applied for, such as "Give an example of how you have supported colleagues to achieve a common goal", im never brilliant at answering these questions but give it a go....
I did feel it right to tell people i was going AWOL, I wouldnt go away and just ignore people without saying so. I also really value what people say on here and feel i have built little sort of forum buddies, I like that you relate to me having Sol and not seeing that as silly for instance...
You look out for the little froggies in your neck of the woods, dont run em over....

Elainexx

angel1

What a difference a day makes Elaine! You sound a lot more positive, and your self-awareness is to be applauded.

This, actually, was why I said I didn`t feel that counselling would be helpful to you, at the moment. Not because you are afraid to commit to it, but because you know that it isn`t what you need right now. As I said, your level of self-awareness shows that you are making the right choices for you. You don`t need any help there!

There are a lot of misconceptions about the counselling process, and how it works. It is not a cure for all ills, and can only be successful if both client and counsellor are "singing from the same hymn sheet". People assume that someone suffering from, for example, depression, will automatically be referred to a counsellor, by a GP. This actually only happens when said GP has prescribed medication, usually AD`s and the counsellor then provides a supporting role.

I truly hope you start to see some results very soon from all the efforts you are now making. Often, it only takes one positive thing to happen to make a big difference to our frame of mind. I wish you all the luck in the world Elaine.........Ange.x.

elainebadknee

Hi Ange

Well thank you for your advice and comments. I do appreciate that you were offering good advice in a field you are trained in and it was meant with the best of intentions.
I would use counselling if i felt I needed to do so and know its there for me if i wished to start the ball rolling. What i didnt mention before was that in my intial consulation with young girl she asked me 6 basic questions to assess me and she told me there and then i didnt need or wasnt in need of their services, its there for people who really do need them.
Many thanks for your best wishes and advice and i think something, somewhere, nomatter how small will come good.....Now if i can only just answer these questions on this applcation woudl be a start!
Elainex

frogmorton

elainebadknee wrote:

Hi Toni
t you relate to me having Sol and not seeing that as silly for instance...
You look out for the little froggies in your neck of the woods, dont run em over....

Elainexx

Hi Elaine

hey I totally relate to the child within us all

They have alreday been for this year - you are right - they DO take their own sweet time dont they the little toads(hah!)

Hope you get the form done ok - might be as simple as encouraging a colleague to apply for training you know?

I am glad you are back

Love

Toni xx

elnafinn

We have frogs in our garden and in our little pond. Love them, our neighbour hates them. Each to their own Wouldn't do to all be the same, would it?

Elna x

elainebadknee

Hi Toni

Well thats cool cos basically im a big kid!! I think when its damp n rainy they get a bit dozy n docile, bless their froggy skin....Have you ever heard a frog scream though? They do if they are scared or are hurt......

Im sure answers will come to me, currently got bald patch in head scratching for inspiration at mo!!!

Elaine xx n Sol...CROAK!!!