Difficult subject!

hileena111

How mean....I know I shouldnt really say that...its all right for us to criticise someone we love but woe betide anyone else that does it. :shock:
But cant help it........does she realise all the things in your life that have had to be put on the back burner so to speak?

Love
Hileena

dorcas

airwave wrote:

She says I have changed her life, she was looking forward to retiring, travel, doing a degree etc etc, now she is supporting us.

Can't say i blame her, never said life was going be good or fair though?

8) Its a grin, honest!

airwave...

The impact arther has had on both of your lives, hopes and plans ..... is significant.

We can and will offer our thoughts and suggestions about the china issue (some, like mine previously, more radical than others!).... but the solution can only come from you and your wife .

.... the broken china is possibly less about the crockery than more deep seated issues about this insidious disease and it's effect on both of you?

I wondered if, as a first step, you would consider talking about this with the helpline :?: they are wonderful listeners, have a wealth of experience and understanding and may be able to offer you ...and your wife...advice & support. It can do no harm to try can it?

good luck airwave... this is a very difficult time for you.

Iris xxx

lululu

Hi there I was going to say ask your wife to read this thread then maybe she will understand that sometimes even small adjustments make a big differance to quality of life but then I see that Cris has already suggested this. I still think it may work if you pick your moment - no point letting this little thing grate on you for years to come. Good luck!

dreamdaisy

What wise words, dorcas. DD

julie47

Hi

I also think that you should have a second set of crockery, a best and a cheap. We only have cheap mfraid as my OH clatters stuff about and brakes things as do I.
Bought a decentish set 4 xmas ago and not much of it left now

We have got in the upboard though 3 glasses left from wedding day nearly 27 yrs ago. There was about 12 to start , cut glass, so not bad going eh :!:

Any way hope you come to a conclusion soon

JuliePF x

c4thyg

I want to be able to offer you support but I'm not really sure how to. It's a tough one, I know, I'm divorcing my husband because he 'couldn't stand living with a 32 year old cripple'. His words.

Does your wife go to your appointments with you? My ex didn't and as a result thought I was exaggerating all the time and said 'it can't be that bad'. Maybe if the two of you are in your next appointment you can bring up difficulties with your rhuemy nurse and let your wife hear first hand from a professional.

I really do sympathise and I wish I could give you a concrete answer. Please don't give up trying though or you'll simply have to strike. Remember the reason you're not working is because you can't. Housework in my opinion is a lot harder than going out to work. Don't expect too much from yourself on your bad days. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of any one (wife) or anything (house) else.

((hugs))

frogmorton

Oh Airwave

I want to give you a big hug.

I know I am so lucky my husband actually DID know what he signed up for. Your wife didnt :?

I want to give her a hug too.

My kids Dad WOULDN'T and DIDN'T work so I undeerstand how she might feel a bit to :? She may likley feel worn out herself, but the two of you love each other and have to work it out.

You can't be appologising for the way things have turned out - it's not your fault - she can't help feeling so hard done by.

Useless aren't I? no advice, but maybe relate - go on your own if you have to.

You cant change her but you can change your responses TO her which might change how SHE responds to YOU???

Soory

Please take care

Love

Toni xxx

lare73

hi airwave,

just been browsing the site and came across your post.

i agree alot with dorcas, i reckon she is struggling.
Being a women and a mum i feel i am allowed to say that women are nurturers and want to make things better, they are emotional creatures and feel responsible for most things that happen within their castle. She cant help or control your disease but she can control the pots, and she can blame you if the pots get broken, thats a womens perogative. albeit, this is wrong, as she is not addressing the issues that are probably really concerning her, i agree with a poster who said get her to read these messages.

funny creatures us women, good luck
c x

woodbon

Hi, I drop a lot of things and the cats knock things over and break them so we have the glasses and the breakable ornaments we inherited in glass frounted cupboards. The stuff we use every day is replaceable and cheap. To me it sounds as if the breakage problem may be more to do with how your wife feels about your illness. I might well be really barking up the wrong tree, but I know that sometimes that can happen.

I have nothing to offer except to say that the others are right to encourage you to try and make her talk about how she feels. Lack of communication can be a major problem in any relationship, not just marriage! Good luck. Love Sue

lynnemarie

can i just ask,

how does she feel about your condition?

i am only asking because my hubby cant accept mine at all, and still expects things to be the same and i push myself to make things the same because i dont want to upset him or put on him. - it wears me out and is sooo painful but i do it to make things as normal as possible for him and our children!!,

he cant accept that there is something wrong with me and if i do ever ask him to do something for me he has a big sigh!! and to be honest it isnt worth it because i am made to feel i have let him down for not been 'perfect' if that makes sense.

so what i am saying is, is it just beacuse its her terrority or is it because she doesnt want things to change??


i sympathise with you greatly

good luck! xx

lululu

How have you got on then Airwave have you tried all the suggestions - did you get a result.