Life Is Over

elainebadknee

Hello

I went today sat in the consulting room while he read notes, asked when had last op, then shrugged his shoulders and said the following:

i have stage 4 arthritis in my knee but a half knee wouldnt help
a full knee at my age is risky
he asked what weight i eas, what height then told me i weighed too much.......I said about dieting that its never worked for me in past and he said even if my intake was less i still wouldnt lose weight as my mobility is so poor. He asked how long it would take to lose weight, i said that was like asking how long was a piece of string.....
He said things to me such as even if you eat one slice of bread you need to be eating half a slice.....

So im discharged and drove home in floods of tears......I cant see a way round this at moment.........Sol heard it all too and im sorry he did, i felt like i could hardly speak back to him..........

I cant type anymore........

Elainex

barbara12

Oh Elaine my love...I can only imagine what you are feeling, did he explain why a TKR is to risky, when I went last week , he went on about mu weight, It really upset me, has I have gone to the gym for over 30 yrs, like you say when you are not has mobile it is hard to lose weight.
I will leave you for now, but will be back later to see what else you have to say.
Dont forget we are all here for you.
Love
Barbara xxx

dorcas

Oh Elaine

I'm so so sorry... you've had such a blow. I do wish it had been better news for you than this and I can well understand how bad you feel. :roll:
I wish I was nearer and could 'pop' over and make you a cup of tea... or something stronger.. and just be with you to offer some support.

Come back to us when you feel you can.... we are here for you.
((((hugs))))

Iris xxxx

julie47

Hi elaine

I am so sorry your appointment left you in floods of tears.

All i can do is send you a hug (((((((()))))))

Thinking of you
juliepf x

frogmorton

Oh Elaine

I can't think what to say either.

Hugs to you and Sol.

I will know what to say when I have had time to think. I promise to get back to you

So very very sorry.

Love

toni xx

grampyal

Hi Elaine,
Sorry to read your news. Some of these consultants have a very poor attitude and apparently the orthos are among the worst. It could be you are too young for a TKR. As to the weight thing I'm nearly 15 stone(5ft 10) and have had one and consultant says I'm not overweight. I've seen some HUGE people in the clinic. Perhaps being lighter makes life easier for the staff but then we're not here to make life easy for them. See your gp and explain the situation and ask for a second opinion with a more careing doc. Don't be afraid to kick up a fuss at least it will make you feel better to give them a bit of hastle for a change.
Al

cherrybim

Oh Elaine, I'm so sorry to hear of your disappointment. Can't quite follow that the doc asked you about your weight and height. It's a routine thing here that the nurses do it before you see the consultant. If the patient's BMI is over 28 then they won't do the op. I can understand that. The TKR has so much to cope with. Don't think that you can't lose weight 'cos you can even if you're immobile.

It's a real carrot to go for, my TKR has been wonderful but I was lucky that I was one of pharoah's lean kind to start with (I put that down to the tramadol which makes me feel so sick :oops:

Keep your chin up sweetpea, we'll be a rooting for you

Cherry x

elnafinn

Aw, Elaine, I am so sorry. It must have been an awful ordeal, that appointment. He obviously does not wish do the operation for you and so is coming up with (1), your age, which you can do nothing about and (2), your weight, which from what you say would be nigh on impossible, in the circumstances.

It would appear you have two choices, go back to your gp and ask to be referred elsewhere, for a second opinion or lose some weight to prove to him that you mean business. If he sees you have lost some weight, he will perhaps realise that you are desperate for this operation.

On the otherhand you may never wish to see this consultant again because of what happened today. that is perfectly understandable. Then the only other option is to go for a second opinion.

I really do feel for you. I had a bit of a battle with the consultant and I was, I am sure, much older than you as he gave the excuse of age to begin with.

Chin up,

Luv
Elna x

ironic

Hi Elaine,
I am so sorry it went so badly for you. I am not surprised that you are so down. Sometimes it’s good to have a cry and let it all out.
As others have said go back to your GP and ask if he can make some enquiries for you about the age thing.
Sending you some hugs,
Lv, Ix

Ann4

Hello Elaine.
I'm new here but just to say how sorry I am to hear how it went,maybe its time to see someone else ? you can you know,go and see your GP and tell him or her how bad it was and you wish to see another Dr its your right to be able to do that.
Again I am so sorry,pleased you have friends on this board.
Ann4

tjt6768

My poor friend Elaine, I'm really sorry that things went like that..

Will leave you for now PM me later if you're feeling up to it luv..

Tony

bertyboy

Gentle hugs Elaine . it beggers believe that consultants can make you feel like you do but please dont give up go back to your own DR and ask for his support you deserve more xx

dreamdaisy

It's a blow, but you will come back from it. You do have some strength and resilience in you, you know that and we know it too. Your life isn't over, just different. Adjusting to that difference isn't easy, all of us on here know that, but we have to try. I know that you have had two sets of opinions now, and both have denied you what you feel is the only option, but I am sure that there must be something out there, somewhere, which can help. Research is on-going in so many areas, you never know maybe a trial for a treatment will pop up and it could be of value to you. Take some time out if you need, but keep in touch. We will do our best to support you, 'cos we do know what it's like. DD

psyart

Hi Elaine - loads warm ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) for you- Not really sure what else to say except some people need to learn that when giving news like that they could choose their words a bit better :x

like DD says - you will pick yourself up from this but please come and chat to people on here as much as you feel you need to.

take care

Louise xx

sharri

hi elaine
so sorry you went through that I too have been told the same
I have been through various MRI scans and all show that my left knee needs a full replacement but the consultant I saw told me that it was out of the question as I am overwieght and because I'm 45 he told me he wouldn't even consider it until I was at least 60 which is absolute nonsense I totaly felt like you did I came home and cried like a baby I felt worthless. I have bilateral frozen shoulders and a bad limp and suffer with terrible pain life is very unfair sometimes, so I'm sending you a big hug from me x

lindalegs

Hi Elaine,

I'm so sorry about your appointment today and knew you were looking forward to it as you were pinning your hopes on it.

You will come through this, it just feels as though everything's against you at the moment.

You will turn a corner. May it be soon.

Wonkylegs

Elaine

sending you lots of love and a bundle of hugs ((((()))))))

sorry that today was so upsetting for you.

thinking of you

WOnky

speedalong

Oh Elaine, that is so what you didn't need to hear.

You can do nothing about your age, but you could try to do something about your weight, but that will not be easy due to your mobility problems. HOwever you can't just sit back and give up, having got this far. I suggest when you are feeling able you go to your GP and discuss this with him - at least you will be doing something positive towards getting closer to the op.

Speedy

julie47

Morning Elaine

I know the problem hasn't gone away but I was just wondering how you were today.

Sending hugs(((()))

Juliepf x

frogmorton

Hi Elaine

i know you will be quietly licking your wounds just now and will read theses lovely replies when you have recovered.

I know that this IS your second opinion - some of the guys on here don't - so I know along with lots of us how long a road you have alreday travelled.

Do NOT think though that this is the end. It will not be - as DD has quite rightly said you have amazing reserves of strength and once you are reday you will fight on.

If weight has to go then it has to - somehow. I don't know how, as I am fully aware how hard it is when you are less mobile. Maybe GP can help with this bit? You know we on here would be 100-and ten % behind you if this is the path you choose.

Do not allow yourself to be defeated - you will be ok you will be you are one hell of a fighter and you will succeed.

HUGE HUGE HUGE hugs to you and to poor Sol.

He deserves and extra special christmas pressie this year as l am sure he is feeling wrung out

Take care

Love

toni xx

Airwave!

Grrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!, there, I've frightened them all away, what does their attitude do anyway, just puts peoples backs up! I am 5'9" and 15 stone, according to my doctor I am obese, but then he's fatter than me and I have the last laugh!

Exercise and weight control are the new 'smoking' and 'drinking' in terms of what the doctors want us to believe in and change our attitudes to. Research tells them and they tell us what we should be doing, its just like slinging mud at a wall, some of it sticks ....and eventually we learn.


x:)) Its a xmas grin, honest!

tkachev

Hi Elaine,

I guess you feel totally deflated at the moment. You so wanted a new knee so you can get on with your life and have a better quality of life and silly obstacles keep getting in the way. To be told you must carry on suffering must be unbearable.I have also been told I am too young for my ankle fusion but I wasn't too young for a THR!

I think a second opinion would be in order. All consultanats and Surgeons have different opinions and you might find one who understands how you feel.

Yes weight, smoking and lifestyle are often mentioned. I think is a get out clause for an embarrassed surgeon knowing he is giving bad news.

You take care and hope you feel better now.

Elizabeth

Ann4

Sharri.
I have had two frozen shoulders two golf elbows and two tennis elbows all at the same time, I'm new to this, I now have arthritis in my knees just found out this week, it came on over night ! is this all the same thing ? I to have this limp reading your post its making me think you understand.
Ann4

sharri

hi Elaine
I worried about you last night I know that life isn't fair for you right now and looking over all the lovely support you have here is amazing, but I also understand how difficult it is to absorb all the support when your feeling so low, I am finding it very unfair as to why people like us are being refused a tkr because of weight, today I recieved a copy of the specialists letter sent to my GP the last bit reads "she appears to be needing a total knee replacement. This is contraindicated at her age and weight and degree of arthritis present. At most we will proceed with an arthroscopy of the knee. I have warned her that this may have little benefit for her." so feeling very frustrated. I want to scream at the consultant and tell him that if I could be more active then maybe it would help me loose weight, elaine I wonder if you keep on at your doctor if it would make any difference but why not you deserve to be heard.

and ann4 I would suggest you maybe talk to your doctor and get a blood test done to check for high levels of inflamatory, it is quite rare to find that both shoulders are frozen and your doctor should look into your condition, if I can help further let me know, good luck


sharri x

hileena111

Awww Elaine pet....I'm so sorry that it turned out like this for you and poor little sol.......My back consultant sounds exacftly the same....wonderful bedside manner.....Go back to your GP and tell him what you have told us {more or less} see what he says and will he refer you to another consultant.
Sending yuou [[[[[[[]]]]]]]]] {square hugs lol sorry}

Love
Hileena

dreamdaisy

Morning elaine, I hope you are not feeling quite so down: it is a shock, it does take some time to adjust, so be kind to yourself and others over the next few days and give everything a chance to settle. Sometimes it is difficult to gain a sense of perspective, or proportion, but it is an important facet in winning the battles we fight. Take care. DD