Fed up.

lupin15

This is going to sound pathetic....i have lost my mobile phone....well not sure lost is the right word.The cable was left in the wall pluged in and power on and no phone. Ummm i never do that and tell my kids off all the time for doing that. Started to pull the house apart...(some good did come out of it the large book cupboard is now sorted.) Sent from 2pm until 8pm doing this. Had a phone call from my sister saying have you tried to ring me...explained the phone had gone missing. She said she had tried to ring back but it had rang and then the went to answer phone. We had tried to call it earlier and it had gone straight to answer. She had also been sent a pokermon picture at 8pm...
Sounds like a kid???? Have asked my foster lad today if he knew where it was and if it turned up in the kitchen nothing more would be said.
So i have now phoned and blocked the phone and the card....Really angry and fed up. So now i have to try and find time to get into Darlington to get a new sim card and then buy another phone. Meanwhile i am without a phone. Now the worry about the phone bill??????
Oh well positive thinking tomorrow is another day.

tjt6768

just logging our Lupes but sorry to hear that... Hopefully you blocked it early enough to stop any large bill being added.. I how you get things sorted soon.. Don't know what I would do without mine, it's like am extra limb for me.... Use it constantly..

Goodnight hun..

valval

sorry to here this it such a personal thing your mobile phone hope it does not turn up down the side of the settee now you blocked it

julie47

Oh lupin that is annoying.
And so inconvenient all the trouble it causes, I would be angry too.
Take care
juliepf x

lupin15

Got it back now...little bugger made me threaten him with the police before he would hand the phone over. Spent over 20 mins on the phone trying to get it back on line. Has already run up a bill of nearly £5.00 for Saturday but have to wait 2/3 days to find out the final damage . Needless to say he will be paying me back for the phone use and the 08700 telephone call. Have spent hours trying to sort my phone set up...little monster had changed everything...all the setting had been changed ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
It has taken me, hubby and my lad to sort it out. Needless to say i will not be leaving my phone around and charging it upstairs. Fingers crossed my bill is not too high.

tjt6768

Sorry Lupes but I would have called the police anyway, might have taught him a lesson... I know what I would have done if it had been mine, as well as call the police :evil
I bet you are so upset over it.. I hope he realises what he has done and how much upset he has caused.. Especially after how you are helping him by fostering him. Children stealing is a horrible thing..
Hope that you are ok hun..

mirabella

Hey Lupin,what a wonderfull person you are taking on a foster child :!: Your own children can be a challenge but someone else's,who's obviously had a hard time,is just well so,I can't find the right word,but just so good.Years ago I worked for DR Barnado's,the kids I dealt with were so sad,so mixed up,so violent,so unhappy.Just wanted to be loved,to have a family,God I could wright a book on those years(sept my spelling is so bad).God bless you,for what you do Mirabella

lupin15

Day continued just as bad. Ran away this afternoon...ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Found him bought home and shower, feed and bed. Lost after school club tomorrow. He is behaving badly because he thinks he will stay with us longer if he does. We are only short term therapeutic carers. We do intensive work on behaviour get them sorted and more them onto long term carers. The problem is there is a terrible shortage of the right type of carers...in fact any carers for him to be moved on. We have got him stabilised, into mainstream school and doing really well but he does not want to leave us (which we understand) and the longer this goes on the harder it is for all of us. No quick fix just have to hang on in there. We use to work for Barnado's so know what you are talking about but fancied a new challenge with younger children. theory being get in earlier and hopeful give the child more chance of being able to attach to us and then we are able to more the attachment on to new carers. Project has been running in the states for years with great success.The trouble is it is adapted to cope with British law.....so is a little watered down in places.
Well tomorrow is another day....
Positive positive...

joanlawson

Hi Lupin

I didn't realise that you do such valuable and difficult work. I'm full of admiration for you, as working with emotionally damaged children must be hard work at times. It's so sad that there aren't enough foster carers for these children; all they really need is a stable and loving home with parents who care about them. We adopted our twins when they were babies, but I sometimes wonder what life might have been like for them otherwise.

Taking your phone was a cry for help, by the sound of it, and who can blame him really? It must be very unsettling for a child to be moved to new people.

Joan

livinglegend

It may be possible to backup your phone contacts and settings to the phone itself or to a computer, if it is then it could have been restored back to all your original settings fairly quickly. If not, at least backup your contacts onto one of those SIM card copiers, available for £3-4 ish.

I do sympathise with both you and the fostered lad. But unfortunately stealing your phone won't help either of you. I'm sure that you will do the best thing for you both.

lupin15

Thanks all today is another day.... phone is Ok but took three adults to sort it out...how sad is that. Quite funny now think about it.
Today is the day we have a little chat again....He is one of the lucky children as he has not been bounced for carer to carer because of his behaviour. He came straight to us from his mum. He is by no means the worse child we have had...not by a long way. Been attacked by medal bars and had paint thrown at the house, children climbing out of bathrooms window one even tried to jump out of my hubbys car when he was doing 70 miles an hour. They do have a difficult start but this one knows the difference between right and wrong and it is all about making the right choices. Strick boundaries are paramount and you can not afford to emphasized too much. Yes bad start but need to move on...sounds harsh but life is....The saying "you can lead a horse to water but cannot make it drink" is so true. Hope this wee man makes the right choices and he will have a fab life ahead of him. If he chooses the wrong route then so be it...we can only guide and be there for them.
Well better get ready for work...must be mad (work with children there )

julie47

Morning lupin
I am pleased that you got your phone back, what a nightmare putting settings back.
I think you do an amazing job too. You are one special kind of person.
hope you have a better day today
juliepf x

tkachev

He made a mistake and hopefully he will learn from it. I am glad you didn't involve the police at this point, best to show you trust him not to do it again.
It was very interesting reading about the work you do and I admire you greatly.

Elizabeth

lupin15

tkachev wrote:

He made a mistake and hopefully he will learn from it. I am glad you didn't involve the police at this point, best to show you trust him not to do it again.
It was very interesting reading about the work you do and I admire you greatly.

Elizabeth

Not holding my breath about learning something ....yet. Unfortunately children with attachment difficulties which can make their thinking some what autistic..... so will be unable to understand how it makes people feel and will not understand this. Unless it directly affects him or what he wants to do or have. A little sad we understand that but he can learn rules and what is right and wrong etc....may not completely understand why but....he ho.

tkachev

lupin15 wrote:

tkachev wrote:

He made a mistake and hopefully he will learn from it. I am glad you didn't involve the police at this point, best to show you trust him not to do it again.
It was very interesting reading about the work you do and I admire you greatly.

Elizabeth

Not holding my breath about learning something ....yet. Unfortunately children with attachment difficulties which can make their thinking some what autistic..... so will be unable to understand how it makes people feel and will not understand this. Unless it directly affects him or what he wants to do or have. A little sad we understand that but he can learn rules and what is right and wrong etc....may not completely understand why but....he ho.

Yes I can see what you are saying.But I wouldn't know how to deal with it!
Elizabeth

lupin15

Just talked with another friend and asked me about a strange message she had received on Sunday night...thought it was odd. It was a tune thing!!!!on the internet grrrrrrrrrr guess i could be getting an interesting bill at the end of this month.....
Trying to think nice thoughts....sunny beaches sand and NO children for miles.....

dreamdaisy

Do I have this right - he is playing up because he wants to stay with you? That is a great compliment to you and the work you have done with him, but it shows the weakness of his logic in trying to stay - doing what he is doing would want most people to get shot of him, not hang on to him. Hats off to you for doing what you do, especially with your health troubles too: would you like to 'shift the goalposts' so to speak, so he could stay with you? Do you like him enough for that? DD

caterina57

Hi
Yes it seems bizarre doesn't it that a child who doesn't want to move plays up alarmingly which would increase his chances of being moved on even quicker. However all is not what it seems - Children with attachment disorders and problems do not behave as we would expect them to.
You would think that any child given a new home with love and care and released from abuse and neglect would behave like an angel - not so.....The pain of yet another rejection is too much to bear for these children so guess what they reject you before you can reject them. and the damage and hurt becomes deeper
Well done foster mum - and foster mums and dads all over you are very special people. Stick with it, the screaming, stealing, lying, truanting and the absconding and the rewards come - they will not be financial but emotional - for both sides.

Cath

tkachev

I guess he thought he was placed there because of his behaviour and will be moved on when he improves.

Hope he hasn't clocked up a large bill. Will he be able to pay you back?

Elizabeth

lupin15

Oh god what an awful week. Our wee man has made an allegations against my hubby. We have been telling social services for months this was going to happen. Now my poor hubby has got to be formal interviewed by the police. We have got a solicitor sorted out and now the wait. We have had a break but has returned ....to cut a long story short while we were out of the kitchen he sprayed plates of food for other people with kitchen cleaner. One of our lads has been sick...had to phone the doctors. Now had to call it a day as we cannot keep ourselves safe let alone the child. What a bloody mess. He is in bed asleep but cannot sleep as i am not sure what he might do.... Feel awful but will be relived when he is gone. Bloody mad as hell with the system but hardly surprising they cannot find carers...Ummm wonder why that is???

joanlawson

Oh Lupin, that's awful :shock: I'm so sorry that your husband is having to be interviewed in this way when you have done so much to help the boy. You certainly have done all you can for him, but he obviously has many psychological problems. You can't risk the safety of your family for him, so I think that you are doing the best thing by calling it a day.

It's very sad, and there should be a much better support system for foster carers. So many children who come into care are badly damaged by their previous neglect or ill-treatment, but the system seems so often inadequate to cope with them. It's dreadful that your husband is now faced with having to get a solicitor etc.when you warned social services about this. They should have listened to you, but they seem so bad at doing that. I hope that it will all get sorted out quickly, and that you can have a rest now.

lupin15

Thanks so much for that. They will have trouble placing him so they ask us to hang onto him. Needless to say the answer will be no. Got up this morning to find our front door wide open....yes he was in is room asleep with the light on. Run out of stream now.
Well i am attempting to go to work today...cannot keep having time off work. At least i only work mornings and my boss has been really good about not going in on friday.
Today is a new day and lets see what it brings.

dreamdaisy

I am with joanlawswon on this one - he is a very damaged child, you do have to think about your family, it is easy to blame/question the social services but that profession/service is under such stress, possibly they were so relieved to have one of their 'headaches' out of the way, so to speak, hence the 'deaf ears'. How is anyone gong to teach this lad respect for himself let alone respect for others? I suspect that on the graph of life his trajectory is straightforward enough to plot.

I have respect for you and your family, lupin, for trying with these children. I hope that very few of them have been as trying as this boy and I am sure that those you have helped in the past will remember you with affection. DD

tjt6768

Hi Lupes, hope that you are ok hun... You have had a very bad time with this particular lad eh? I know that he obviously has issues but I think a bit of tough love would be the way I would go with him... Just my opinion, and I am in no way criticising you hun.. I think what you do is amazing... You do however NOT need such hasssle, I hope that your poor hubby is ok..

Best wishes with everything hun..

caterina57

Hi, I am so sorry that this has happened It will be a very stressful time for you all - I will be here for you (as will everyone else) during this awful time, I have some experience of having to deal with unfounded allegations so if you want you can PM me.

Cath

lupin15

Good news our wonderful lad has returned to us today....but he is tearing the school tearing the school to pieces. We are sure that they are causing some of the problems by the way they are handling him. Very complex child but need firm rules with no flexibility. If this does not happen he feels unsafe and then his stress levers go up. He has also said to us today that he thinks if he is bad at school he will be allowed to stay with us for ever. We have had to tell him it will make no difference that he will have to move on but that does not mean we will not see him again......Bless him he is so damaged.
We now think he may have some kind of personality disorder as he got up this morning and acting is nothing had happened yesterday....
Even though we have said he will have to go we are now wondering whether we can stabilise him so he can move on well!!!!! We will have to sleep on that one and see how the next few days go.