Fed up.

joanlawson

I have been trying to work out his logic. Perhaps he thinks that if he behaves badly, no other foster parents will be prepared to take him on, so the only option then will be for him to stay with you. I can understand how stressed he must feel about having to move on. It's fear of the unknown, and he must feel secure with you. Acting as though nothing happened might be his way of wanting to forget the trouble he has caused, in the hopes that you will too.

tkachev

I do hope he has retracted his earlier allegations.He needs to know he cannot chop and change his behaviour to suit him. But I am glad that he is communicating with you so you are getting some idea of what is going on in his head.

Elizabeth

lupin15

Investigation is still going ahead.The lad has autistic trade marks/behaviour and gets confused between what has happened in the past and what has happened now. Not making excuses for him but he is a very damaged child that has complex needs. He has stabilised at home and is wanting to be with us which is understandable. We have said he can stay but they have to have a fall back plan in plan just in case he becomes destabilised and we cannot keep our family or him safe. We are desperate to complete what we started and give him the best change possible of some kind of normal life. The job we do is not for everyone and not for the faint hearted. The change is this child is truly amazing and he has worked so hard to come this far. It is know that if children stay to long with therapeutic carers this happens. It is the system that has caused this problem and needs to be changed. No doubt that will be my next letter going into social services once this has been sorted out. Tomorrow is another day and a fresh start.

joanlawson

Lupin, Thank Heaven there are wonderful people like you to do this very demanding and difficult work. You are giving this boy a chance in life which he's probably never had before, and I wish you good luck with him in the future. I am full of admiration for you for being prepared to stick at it despite everything which has happened.

lupin15

Today is going to be an awful day for my hubby and i feel sick just thinking about it. Hubby has an informal interview with the police. I hasten to add there is nothing informal about it as he will be cautioned before anything happens. After that they may need to take a statement off me. Then they have a big meeting to decide what will happen with all the agencies. We understand that it is procedure but it still does not make it any easier.
Hoping that this is all done and dusted by the weekend but not holding our breaths. Quite a few issues have come out with this that WILL BE ADDRESSED after the decision has been made. Thanks for everyone's support at this difficult time and will keep you informed.

traluvie

I just beeen reading your post Lupin..

I used to be in the care system..
I just wanted to say that you should be very proud of all the hard work you have done and will carry on doing for those less fortunate..
Alot of children are extremly damaged and i think if they had the right physcological care aswell as support before they went into foster care then that may work better for the carers and children..
I admire people like you who can be bothered to make a difference to childrens lives, but more should be done to support you...
I really wish you well and wanted to give you a big hug(((((x))))) and say thanks for being there for all those kids that maybe don't appreciate what you have done for them..

lupin15

Hubby done and me tomorrow. Feel sick to the stomach and the laugh is hubby solicitor said that we may not hear anything for upto 6 weeks????
Said it was about 50/50 that the police would go ahead. Sat here seriously wondering why we are putting ourselves through this.
It is not the lads fault it is the stupid system that has let us both down.

dreamdaisy

The system is reacting as it should - the boy has made serious (albeit unfounded) allegations so 'they' have to be seen to react. I know you are working hard with this lad and trying to help him but he seems to lack any moral compass whatsoever - what will he learn from this (I suspect nothing) does he give one stuff about the extra stress he is placing upon the people who have opened up their home to him (somehow I doubt it) and does he feel any responsibility at all? Now the law is involved things will grind exceeding slow. They always do. Meanwhile I feel he will continue to make a mockery of your care and concern though I sincerely hope he doesn't. You SOOOOOOO don't need this, lupin. I am worried for you. DD

lupin15

He is unable to feel empathy so as long as he gets want he wants he is fine.
Just spent half an hour drawing a sea scene on one of his school teeshirts as they have a under the sea day tomorrow.......On the back i have drawn a shark with a large mouth with teeth. Suitable at the moment.

dreamdaisy

I guess that's normal, of course we are happy when we get what we want, who wouldn't be? What did/does he want tho? What satisfaction will making these allegations have given him? And anyway, why isn't he drawing his own designs on the shirt? It's him that needs them done, he has to wear it. I hope your husband is as OK as he can be. DD

lupin15

dreamdaisy wrote:

I guess that's normal, of course we are happy when we get what we want, who wouldn't be? What did/does he want tho? What satisfaction will making these allegations have given him? And anyway, why isn't he drawing his own designs on the shirt? It's him that needs them done, he has to wear it. I hope your husband is as OK as he can be. DD

Hubby shell shocked at the moment. Police and solicitors saying one thing and social services saying another. Don't know who to believe. Will be glad when it is over.

dreamdaisy

Don't believe any of them. Stick together, everything will sort itself in time. DD

lupin15

Well given my statement this afternoon. 1 hour and 45 mins later. I am whacked and have a head ache now. Now the wait....tic toc tic toc.
He said he was going to speak with his dc when he got back to the station.
He is hoping that it goes no further but the decision is not his. Don't quite know how i feel now about all of this was hoping to feel relieved but i am not.
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

dreamdaisy

I don't think you will feel relieved until you hear that it is not going any further. Until then it will be hanging around, just like a fart but unlike a fart it will not dissipate. This child has caused you and your family some serious damage and all without one shred of remorse. You are a better woman than I, Gunga-din, I would have chucked out the ingrate. DD

lupin15

Gooseberry might be better.....not sure if they take returns. Will have to email and find out :???: :???: :???: :???: :???: :???:
Police have dropped in and asked for more documents (home school record, copy of a letter we received from social services and our hand written up notes we started taken when he really started to play up). Said he would photo copy and return to us tomorrow. Asked how long this would take for a decision to be made and he said he did not know. There was a lot of paper work to collect and read through. Some people he said had written, and typed up copies of accounts so was trying to get them all. We know that the school report had a different account of what my hubby had said to a member of staff and are just waiting for a copy of this to arrive through the post. Total confusion at the moment just want this sorted out so we know where we stand. On top of that our wee man had a terrible day at school...the school for some reason again not bother to ring us and then he ran off (then we got the phone call). Arrived at the school sorted him out and took him home.
Our boss in going in Monday to have a chat with them and offer advise on how to handle him. Ummmmm yes that is going to go down a real storm.
He has been calm with us, walked the dog not run away and even doing his homework with no arguing (and asking to read with me). Just get the feeling the school think we are the bad people in all of this because they do not understand his condition. Oh well fingers crossed they give us some sort of answer soon.
Well at least the sun is shinning today...

need me bed

WOW Lupes you are 1 strong woman. Hope everything gets sorted quickly for you. I can't even begin to imagine how much your world has been rocked. If you want to PM me any time feel free. I don't live THAT far away from you either so if you'd like to meet up for a coffee some time just shout up hun.

Take care and gentle hugs to the whole family, yes, even tiny temper there too... bless him.

X

lupin15

Would you believe it the keys for my hubby's fruit machine have gone missing.... and yes asked everyone except for our wee man. Will say one thing for him he is quick. Now we are going to have to find out where we can buy more from....grrrrr. Even found whistles today in one of his coat pockets....must be from school. Oh well tomorrow another day. Hope it stops raining.

dreamdaisy

Of course I believe it. Spots, leopards, the age of said leopard is immaterial. DD

tkachev

Is he testing you, pushing you to the limits to see if you still care about him despite his behaviour? Autistic children aren't usually that savvy.
Does he have a diagnosis of Autism or is he being tested? He will need some help and understanding in place if he is on the spectrum but that won't happen withpout a diagnosis.

Elizabeth

lupin15

Our wee man returned to us today..early...4 hours!!!!! The other carer said he had been a handful and did not know how we did it!!!! So far so good..seems calm and a pleasant wee lad that we use or some times have.
managed to get quite a few bits done with him away...so not so much of a rest but a challenge. Hahahaah. Now the dog walk. Gulp....Now have to pre-teach him the rules again....road safety, how to be nice to the dog when out.... The cat took one look at him when he came back and ran upstairs out of the way....just says everything. Positive positive thoughts and fingers crossed the break has broken the awful cycle that he had got into. Catch up later folks. Police number in phone just in case.

joanlawson

Good luck, Lupin. You and your husband deserve a medal for all the hard work and care you are giving this child. Have you heard any more about the false allegations? I do hope that they will be dropped.

Joan

caterina57

Hi Lupin
Well at least you got a break and had a lovely meal to celebrate your kids 18 & 21 birthdays, no doubt you got stuff done you simply couldn't do with the little one around.
Take a deep breath and put all your fantastic routines back into place. Hopefully things should settle down, and hopefully all that other mess will be sorted too soon.
Thinking of you though, and proud of the fantastic job you are doing
Take care and you know where I am if you want to vent
Cath

lupin15

Oh boy come back with a vengeance.... :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

lupin15

Counted to 100 and he was in bed at 7pm...phew. Fingers crossed for tomorrow morning.
Just hope i can get some sleep.