I thought . . . .

dreamdaisy

I knew where I was and I thought I was coping.

It turns out I don't, and I'm not.

I had a major emotional meltdown at Easter and a smaller one tonight. My poor husband.

I blame Bah. Never mind, eh? Onwards and downwards is the motto, tomorrow is another day and things will/might/won't be different. (Delete as applicable.)

:oops:

stickywicket

DD you are coping exceptionally well with a ton of exceptionally sh1tty stuff that's currently flying at you from all directions.

You don't know where you are? You are here, using your own pain to help others cope with theirs - as ever, because that's what you do and, to a large extent who you are.

Tomorrow might be the same or worse and the day after might be the same or worse but eventually things will be better. They won't be perfect but then you'd never recognise perfect. But they'll be better. Remember the old adage - What do you do when you come to the end of your tether? You tie a knot & hang on. So, come on, mate, and get knotted.

psyart

DD ~ i had a melt down on sunday morning ~ 1st one in a long time. Why ~ because I couldnt dont make coleslaw for my granddaughters 2nd birthday party sat and cried and cried and cried

the trouble is how much do we have to take ~ pain, pain, and more pain, fatigue, feeling ill, feeling down, feeling usless, feeling what is the point of getting up in the mornings, etc no matter how strong we feel we are as an individual we all have a breaking point somewhere or sometime in our lives :!:

sending loads cotton wool hugs via cyber space for you ~ with a bit of the cornish air just to make it feel a bit special :!:

I also agree with stickywicket ~ things will get better ~ maybe tomorrw, or next week but you need to hang on in there and i hope they do get better sooner than later for you. x

take care DD ~ at least Mr D is supportive :?: which does help :?:

all the best

Louise xxx

Poppyg1rl

Hi DD,
I completely agree with Sticky who said it all, a very wise lady.
DD you will come through all of this, you know you will.
Its been so hard for you for a while now and yet you STILL come on here and offer advice, support and a bloomin good laugh I've never met anyone that has the same huge amount of rubbish you have to deal with and yet, has such a wicked sense of humour
Hang on in there, you are not alone, there are a lot of us here on this forum that admire and respect you immensely and are proud to call you our friend.
Love and hugs as always ((()))

fudge

DD - things will get better. Give yourself the time and patience that you give your pupil's - the new meds a chance to start working and allow yourself to accept that bah is here for the duration. You can however house train him and show him who is mistress. Be firm but gentle, a little pampering and a few treats should soon have you in control.

Hope the morning finds you rested.

fudge

Compositor

Hi DD

Feeling for you at this moment dear, I know you are going through one hell of a bad patch, you know what the score is DD we/you can't find the magic wands/portions, but, we know we have been here before. Take your medicine in your way, and, continue dishing our your daily kind medicines to the rest of us and we all should find a little level to get through the next day, and the next day. I'm not selfish DD, but, I'll share some of the kind help, wisdom, humour, encouragement and forwardness, but, you must keep making it...we ALL need a little bit of you, so, don't deprive us and keep up your strengh and endeavours until the next day and the next day and so on. Hope your getting there dear, and, thank you. Regards John x

bertyboy

hi DD , its only a few days since you started the meds give them a little time ,new pains and aches can bring different issues , lots of this Arther stuff are not helped with a simple plaster , it is good to talk rather than bottle things , you will come back fighting with your humor and support , its just at the moment that its your turn to recieve the love and support that others give , take care and please be gentle with your self xxx

tillytop

Oh DD I am so sorry.

You have been so brilliant for me these past few days during my "meltdown" despite all that's going on for you and I can't thank you enough for that my friend.

So now it's my turn. I'm all out of words of wisdom I'm afraid but everyone else has done brilliantly on that front. I am thinking of you loads and wishing with every fibre of my being for a chink in those black clouds very soon.

Lots love Tilly xxx

dreamdaisy

Thank you everyone, I do appreciate everything you have said and your kindness is overwhelming.

It is the yo-yoing of mood that has been so difficult: one moment I am fine, the next dropping like a stone, the next picking up again so I am very pleased to have the citalopram to hand (I read the leaflet, as one does, side effects may include excess sweating :shock: - I can't sweat any more than I already do, surely! ) and I downed the first one this morning, so here's to a more even emotional life, yes? Raise a glass with me, all of you? As a Lebanese friend of mine once proudly announced at a party 'Up your bottoms, everyone!'. Indeed.

Thank you. DD

fayrose

dreamdaisy wrote:

As a Lebanese friend of mine once proudly announced at a party 'Up your bottoms, everyone!'. Indeed.

Well there you are, even in a dark hour you are still able to cheer me up. Haven't had such a good chuckle for a long time.
Hugs for you DD x

tillytop

Yes, "up your bottoms" indeed!

Seriously tho' well done for swallowing that first anti-D and really hope it does its stuff for you. As for the sweating, as you say, surely there comes a point where it's just not possible to sweat any more so, hopefully, you won't!

Thinking of you.

Tilly xxx

valval

dd you are so hard on your self you are doing so well at coping with what arther throws at us we all cry stamp(well would if joints would let me) and scream from time to time when something you want to do proves imposible but do not give in there always a way around most things hugs val

dreamdaisy

I came back to take Fadi's quote off as it suddenly dawned on me that some might take it the wrong way. :oops: I must admit it always makes us larf, and it is the standard toast now at a number of gatherings. I am pleased to report that his English has improved, unlike my Lebanese. DD

jilly

Hi DD sorry you are down at the moment ,i have read all your posts and it seems to be your knees that are the problem . I know just how you are feeling , it was the other way for me my knees and hips have been my problem then I started with the inflamatory it knocked me for seven .
I thought it was bad enough without starting with something else. OA in the knees is terrible for pain they really drive you mad the pain is endless i find . My right knee is in need of replacing now and my god it is giving me jip . Has you know I have posted about the pain i am having at the moment (thanks for your help) I need a wheelchair most of the time .

I have found the pain from the inflamatory arthritis is not like the OA The osteo is very intense a different pain altogether , the two together take some living with .
Thanks for all you help with my problems I hope you can get your pain undercontrol You asked about my hens they are doing ok , we have lost a couple more lately they are worn out with laying so many eggs and living in horrible cages so they dont live as long as they should . But they love there new food including currants and raisons . We love their eggs .Thanks for asking , I hope you are feeling a bit better today , all the best ..................jillyxx

dreamdaisy

It IS an intense pain, isn't it? That describes it very well, jilly, my ankles are feeling somewhat similar too so I think I might request Xrays of those, just to see. I have had them drained before but they do feel different now. It does make me wonder . . . . .

I am sad to read that you have lost a couple more birds, but happy that they like the raisins! Cabbage leaves go down well too, apparently. Do birds have taste buds or is it more a matter of texture, I wonder? I need to consult my mates Sir D Attenborough and Mr D Bellamy! DD

theresa4

I hope you start to feel better soon DD you have certainly had a lot to cope with recently yet you still manage to leave your words of wisdom and comfort on here for the rest of us.
I have to admit quite selfishly that it does help knowing that even you after all these years have melt downs too, I was starting to feel very pathetic at my meltdown over 6 years. Feeling I should now be able to cope with it all and be USED to it (I dont suppose we ever will be ). You show great strength and courage DD with much wisdom thrown in for good measure I hope things start improving for you very soon.

Much Love

dreamdaisy

What lovely words, thank you theresa4. Admittedly I am a good few years further down this road than you but I don't think one ever really gets used to it. The disease itself fluctuates so much it's not surprising that our moods do too. I think the shock (for indeed it was) of finding out that OA is now a factor has had a greater impact than I realised, and the timing of that, at Easter when my mum was here and we did not have the house to ourselves, was far from helpful.

I am used to the idea that I have arthritis but that does not mean that I have stopped resenting it, stopped being angry about what it has done to me (and those around me). The impact on my life as an individual, and my life as a wife, has been huge. It has also had an impact on Mr DD but to what extent he has never said. It is tough for both of us but in different ways.

This forum has been an absolute blessing and boon for me. The support I receive is overwhelming and the loneliness much reduced. I have made some wonderful friends both on here and via here, and that makes the coping with it all easier. I am a fortunate girl, and I won't forget it. (That doesn't stop me grumbling though!) DD

PS Our lively discussion about peas has gone!

theresa4

I know I was most upset now well never know the best peas to have...

carola

Hello DD

How's it all going today? I logged on last night which was out of character as I never log on at night and saw your post and replied however it has not shown up - i must have pressed a wrong button which is why I don't log on at night! So my pearls of absolute wisdom are lost forever!

Anyway, was thinking of you when I woke up this morning. Hoping your system starts processing all these meds very soon and you see some benefit from them pronto.

If you had seen me this morning you would have decked yourself laughing at me .... remember I thought I had mice? Well, I was sitting at diningtable this morning putting my face on for chiropractor appointment and heard loud squeaking and found a mouse stuck on sticky mouse trap behind dishwasher. Freaked oot! Phoned boyfriend to say come home and free it. Meanwhile, went to Chiropractor and upon returning Jeanie the pup refused to come out of her cage then another mouse ran in front of me in living room! I grabbed Jeanie and walked around the park for 1.5 hours until boyfriend got home and dealt with caught mouse and away back to work.
So, I am now tucking my troosers into my socks and hiking boots feet up on a dining chair incase it comes back!
Remember to put a lottery ticket on as with all this tat you are dealing with must mean that something fantabulous is around the corner for you!
Postive and healing thoughts to you, Carol and x1 (I hope) mouse.xx

carola

Meant to say, perhaps the Docs should start prescribing a mouse or two to arthritis sufferers as it sure cured my SLE Lupus and Arthritis as I bolted for the door! haha x

dreamdaisy

I had a mouse at the back end of last year, he was in the bathroom (ground floor), I think he was a field mouse and I named him Waldegrave. He was sweet - but one on his own. I do remember you posting about mice but I thought they'd be gone by now - you poor thing, I am so sorry. Is Taz fed up with being Mouse-catcher-disposer-in-Chief? Oh dear Marilyn, trousers in boots is less than glamorous! You're right tho, I am giggling!

The anti TNFs are mostly mouse protein based. I am not, which is probably why they ain't done as much as I hoped! Are you still sticking to your diet? Mr DD and me are orf for a curry tonight!

carola

Mmmmmm curry! Aye, still on my diet malarky however I prefer to call it My healthy eating for Life malarky!

It is a hit or a miss whether Taz likes the stuff I am cooking - last night he spat out Puy Lentils whereas I thought they were fantastic - I guess my tastebuds have changed. There was a lot of tomato talk on the forum the other day and I have avoided them for months however with all the 'mattie talk I thought I'd try them again and Woo Pheckin' Hoo - I did not swell up, nor rash up or anything up so happy days! I am so chuffed I can return to sticking some tomatoes in the oven until they are all squishy for a sweet sauce!

You can have Rat-a-toulli so I wonder what you'd call it with one of my mice visitors? Eeweck!

Trust you to be naming your mouse guest whereas I am trying fitfully to remain glamorous with said tuck-ins, hiking boots etc - hoping the red lippy detracts from footwear somewhat!

Ocht, what am I saying? ..... I am soooo fantabulous that I can carry anything off - more like off my trolley!
PS: You should've seen Taz the big gentle softie giant cooing to the trapped mouse whilst he freed it! Too funny! x

Florence500

Hi DD,

I don't know you very well but when I joined you made me feel very welcome on the site and, although I lurk more than post, I do read a lot of posts and they have helped me cope a lot better than I thought I was going to.

I love this site and I am thankful to you all for your support and I'm trully sorry you are down and if I could find some wise words to make you feel better I would do that, but unfortunately all I can offer is a gentle ((hug)) and let you know we are here for you.

xx

dreamdaisy

Thank you - I was pleased to read that the meth is doing something for you, long may that continue. I notice when I miss the injected stuff - I feel noticeably better! It's an odd business, this arthritis malarkey. Take care. DD

dachshund

Hi DD
you will get better from all this and it will make you a stronger lady you are a fighter and you are trying to fight it but its hard i'm sure it will be worth it in the end.
take care. joan xx

Starburst

Hi DD,

I think you are coping brilliantly, even more so given what you have to contend with. I saw your other thread about asking your GP for anti-depressants and asking for help is never easy but always worth it. I've been on anti-depressants for a while now and once I'd found the right one, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted. It doesn't make all the rubbish go away but it eases a bit of pressure so you can deal with it. This forum has been a blessing for me too. A problem shared is a problem halved!

Remember it's ok to have a meltdown, you're only human.

Sophie x