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Tomatoes evil friends

tjt6768tjt6768 Posts: 12,170
edited 2. Jun 2011, 04:45 in Community Chit-chat archive
Many of you might remember my 'occasional' rants about how evil the red, so called fruits are. In fact some of you may now agree with my conclusion that they are indeed.. Satan's testicles.. What I have never mentioned nor indeed ranted about is their partner appendage, the cucumber, also known as Satan's green todger..
Well I now feel slightly vilified... For on the news it had said that these green phallic menaces are killing people. :shock: :shock:
I'm afraid that this could be just the beginning of the end..
Should anyone spot one of these two Satanic ganglies under no circumcised, sorry, circumstance should you approach them. They are highly dangerous & very aggressive.
Some may remember (I know I'll never forget) the very frightening episode I had in the woods with the red rollocks..... It still brings a tear to my eye.. :shock:

I'm fearful now. For we have booked another trip to the same woods later in the year. Not only may I have the terrible two veg to fight against but they may well be backed up my the menacing meat :eek: :eek:

We had quite a close escape last time, partly due to the very unexpected fact that the mother inlaw is in fact a highly trained ninja :???:

Alas we will not be accompanied by the world's second deadliest nanna (not allowed to tell you who the first is due to yet another super duper injunction :roll:) however, we are taking with our dear friends, a gay couple that we have known for almost 24 yrs now.. I believe we will be safe as they have experience in these matters... :shock: :shock: What?!
They both fought at the 'battle of the tinned plums' back in the nineties... What did you think I meant :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol:

Hopefully these two menacing species of nastiness may be wiped out before our foray into the forest..
:grin:
e050.gifMe-Tony
n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
k040.gif
Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP

Comments

  • tjt6768tjt6768 Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    They take us for fools Del. It's part of the plan.. Infest us from the inside by tricking us into digesting the smallest particle of the macabre member or the troublesome testes :shock:
    I, like you, am wise to their tricks though. We must educate others though, before it is too late :eek:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Tony, you on the mulitple pain patches again? :smile: I think you are missing mell. :sad:

    Cucumber is gorgeous, a subtle, fresh flavour, refreshing on the palate, lovely and sweet and crunchy in the mouth, fabulous stuff. Woman cannot live by cucumber alone but this one comes a damn sight close to it. It is also, supposedly, a good anti-inflammatory, along with celery and beetroot. Can't say as how I have noticed that effect but they are all lovely to eat. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • NinaKKangNinaKKang Posts: 663
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Can't have a salad without tomatoes and cucumber...

    Also, Tony, hate to break it to you, but those Pakoras I brought with me when we met had tomatoes in them :P Glad I didn't tell you now - for the record, everyone, Tony ate practically all of them by himself!

    Nxx
  • prefabkid47prefabkid47 Posts: 1,360
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    NinaKKang wrote:
    Can't have a salad without tomatoes and cucumber...

    Also, Tony, hate to break it to you, but those Pakoras I brought with me when we met had tomatoes in them :P Glad I didn't tell you now - for the record, everyone, Tony ate practically all of them by himself!

    Nxx


    Certainly can't have a salad without tomatoes and cucumber,but try to avoid imported with E.coli as a salad dressing (makes a change from the afflotoxins associated with some organic produce).It's a fallacy that organic means unsprayed,some organic crops are sprayed with chemicals containing heavy metals.
    ''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    If the tomaotes and cucumber are Satan's you-know-what, are black grapes his piles? Just a thought.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • tjt6768tjt6768 Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    trust you...... But... Yes... They are!! Lol
    :grin:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Killer cucumbers from Germany I believe!


    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • fayrosefayrose Posts: 241
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    WHAT WHAT WHAT ........... my staple foods are tomatoes and cucumbers. Without them I'm done.

    Please withdraw those earlier posts and say you're joking ........... PLEEEEZE. :sad:
  • tjt6768tjt6768 Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    my dear Fay.. I'm truly sorry to tell you this, but I'm afraid it may be too late for you to turn away from the dark side..
    There is just one slim chance though, but it is a dangerous route and not one to be taken lightly...
    You will have to refer to the oracle of meat for advice....
    She can be found in the forest of the carnivores... Take heed, this trip should not be taken alone..

    Fare thee well :grin:

    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Fay,

    There has been an outbreak of E-coli ,linked to German cucumbers. It is on BBC News page.14 people have lost their lives.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well now they are saying its not the cucumbers!

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • roses1roses1 Posts: 1,893
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol: i think satans piles are olives! which i do not like!

    for the record i love satans tackle! :lol::lol:
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