Many of you might remember my 'occasional' rants about how evil the red, so called fruits are. In fact some of you may now agree with my conclusion that they are indeed.. Satan's testicles.. What I have never mentioned nor indeed ranted about is their partner appendage, the cucumber, also known as Satan's green todger..
Well I now feel slightly vilified... For on the news it had said that these green phallic menaces are killing people. :shock: :shock:
I'm afraid that this could be just the beginning of the end..
Should anyone spot one of these two Satanic ganglies under no circumcised, sorry, circumstance should you approach them. They are highly dangerous & very aggressive.
Some may remember (I know I'll never forget) the very frightening episode I had in the woods with the red rollocks..... It still brings a tear to my eye.. :shock:
I'm fearful now. For we have booked another trip to the same woods later in the year. Not only may I have the terrible two veg to fight against but they may well be backed up my the menacing meat :eek: :eek:
We had quite a close escape last time, partly due to the very unexpected fact that the mother inlaw is in fact a highly trained ninja :???:
Alas we will not be accompanied by the world's second deadliest nanna (not allowed to tell you who the first is due to yet another super duper injunction :roll:) however, we are taking with our dear friends, a gay couple that we have known for almost 24 yrs now.. I believe we will be safe as they have experience in these matters... :shock: :shock: What?!
They both fought at the 'battle of the tinned plums' back in the nineties... What did you think I meant :roll: :roll: :roll:
Hopefully these two menacing species of nastiness may be wiped out before our foray into the forest..