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Families...

Poppyg1rlPoppyg1rl Posts: 1,245
edited 6. Jun 2011, 14:54 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi all,
I am sorry, to moan, I've just had a bit of a shocking phone call from one of my seldom seen aunts...
I'm from a big family, my Mum's one of 9 children :shock: my youngest aunt lives quite far away and we don't see each other that often, but we get on. My son is having a party in June and I sent out invites, my aunt phoned tonight to say she couldn't make it, and she asked how my childminding business was. I said I have PA and have to use a stick now and that things aren't great, and I've had to give up work. She totally shocked me by saying 'oh, right sorry' and then hung up on me...I'm a bit upset. I'm so sorry to moan about it, it sounds so trivial when written down, but it has really hurt me and I feel a bit better getting it all out, my family are so important to me and I've always tried to be there for them.
Love and hugs to all xxx
'grá agus solas'
'Love and Light' translated from Irish. X
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Comments

  • theresa4theresa4 Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi poppy
    There's probably a reason you don't keep close contact with thAt aunt so dont let her under your skin. She doesn't understand and probably didn't know what to say.
    I have family members very similar in fact mine go one further and tell me others manage with my condition.
    I hope you sons party goes well anyway x
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



    Theresa xxx
  • Poppyg1rlPoppyg1rl Posts: 1,245
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Theresa,
    Thankyou for answering my post, I'm a bit ashamed to have put it on, it's a real whinge :oops: and very unlike me.
    I used to be very close to this aunt, there's only 7 years between us, we haven't fallen out, we just have busy lives.
    I think the thing that hurt was the abruptness, and the lack of care, it's not like the aunt I remember. My mum talks to her sisters but has respected my privacy and left it to me to tell them, this was the first one :sad: I don't think I'll tell anymore.
    Thanks again Theresa, love and hugs xxx
    'grá agus solas'
    'Love and Light' translated from Irish. X
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,565 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Her reaction sounds like shock to me - possibly because the family jungle drums haven't been banging. Your aunt was probably stunned to hear the news, amazed that no-one had given her the heads-up, and she didn't know what to say. I hope this will be resolved/sorted out, perhaps give it a day or two and then ring her (if she doesn't ring you). DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • julie47julie47 Posts: 6,142
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi poppy

    I think your aunt was probably shocked and upset to hear your news.
    Perhaps she was cholked up and knew words wouldn't come out so quickly said ok sorry and then went to sit down, think about what you said and weep.and weep.
    Perhaps you could ring her later in the day to ask if she is ok.

    Take care
    Juliepf x
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,871
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Poppy, it's not trivial and it's certainly not a whinge.

    I'm with Collywobble, DD & Julie. I think she was so shocked she couldn't deal with it and maybe was about to cry. If she's a relatively timid person she'll probably be afraid to get back to you and that's how family rifts start so, if this is a relationship you value, you'll have to do the spadework. If you don't feel it's a good idea to tackle it head on you could always ring about something else, either now or later (A report on the party?) That'll make her realise you haven't taken umbrage & maybe start to get things back on an even keel.

    I guess part of this rubbishy illness is helping others to deal with our pain. Whatever you decide to do or not do, try not to worry about it.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • tjt6768tjt6768 Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi hun. I'm basically with the others, think it was probably shock.People do react in many different ways..
    I'm truly hoping that we are all right about this & that things can be made good for you both.

    Don't apologise for posting this, it's obviously upset you & you needed to get it off your chest..

    Best wishes hun, hope that the party is a big success...

    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • constableconstable Posts: 2,115
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I totally agree with everyone. We are funny us human's. There are lots of situations that we just cant deal well with. Give your auntie a bit of time for her to sort out in her head what you told her.

    Karen xx
    Karen xx
  • Poppyg1rlPoppyg1rl Posts: 1,245
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi, Toni, Sticky, Julie, DD, Lynn and Karen,
    Thankyou so much for your advice, it's all got a bit silly now, the aunt that I spoke to last night hasnt spoken to me since, but has been telling EVERYONE this morning, so the phone has not stopped going. I'm annoyed as this is not how I wanted family to find out, I'm worn out repeating the same thing over and over and if I hear "you're too young to have that" I'll scream. I'm quite down :sad: so we're going to go out to Windsor Great park for the day, and take a picnic.
    Thanks for your support, I need it.
    Love to all xxx
    'grá agus solas'
    'Love and Light' translated from Irish. X
  • tjt6768tjt6768 Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Poppy, I'm sorry to hear things have gone this way. Families are indeed a strange thing. I'm with you on the 'you're too young to have what you have' malarkey....
    Hope you can have a nice day out and forget it all..
    :grin:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,871
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    A day out sounds the best possible way to deal with this, Poppy. Getting right away from it - literally - will give you both time and space and some much-needed respite.

    I'm so sorry, but it clearly did come as a shock to her.

    As for the 'You're too young' business - chin up. They said that to me for years. They don't now though!
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • julie47julie47 Posts: 6,142
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh dear poppy
    That was naughty of your aunt. She should have got back in touch with you first.
    Just want to say enjoy the trip to windsor great park. I hope it takes your mind off things.

    Take care
    Love Juliepf x
  • rugbygirlrugbygirl Posts: 691
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I can totally sympathise with you. My family (apart from my parents) haven't spoken to me for over two years because they don't agree with my marriage. Anyway I saw one of my aunts the other week after not seeing her for nearly a year. She asked me what I had done because I was walking with a stick so I told her about my OA. Anyway she turned to me and said that I didnt need to use a stick because her husband (my dad's brother), my dad, and my dad's sister all have the same problem and none of them use a stick. I tried to explain that everyone was different and she told me not to milk it and pretend that it was worse than everyone else.

    No one can really understand how any one person is feeling but they can sympathise if they have the problem. Its not fair that we have this disease but its even worse if we are judged by our family or others who dont have it and dont understand the effects.

    It makes me mad when people judge us and the worst people for that are the benefit assessors. Give them a dose of this and see how the cope. Not as well as us I bet.

    At least you know Poppy that you can come on here and talk to people who understand and care. Hope things get better for you
    Jakib0644.gif
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Have a lovely day Poppy. as for your Aunt i think she could have handled things better but I can only guess that she was choked and couldn't speak.
    I think the family were great to contact you and it shows they care.My brothers and Sisters and their families have been so kind and helpful to me and it really helps that they try to understand and that they believe me!

    It was a lovely sunny day today, I'm sure you had a lovely time.We went to High Wycombe to the caves.It is nice to get out and about.
    Good luck with the party!

    Elizabeth xxx
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • Poppyg1rlPoppyg1rl Posts: 1,245
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi, Tony, Sticky, Lynn, Julie, Jaki, and Elizabeth,
    Hi my lovely friends, thankyou for all your kind words.
    Had a great picnic with hubby and 2 of my boys (eldest was at work) and my Mum&Dad came too, which was good because I was able to talk and talk to Mum, while hubby, my Dad and the lads played cricket :grin: Mum is pretty disappointed at my aunt, it's not the fact that she hung up so much as the way she then got on the phone to everyone, and exaggerated like you would not believe :eek: I mean she's basically made out that my life is over and I'm practically bed ridden :???: I had to speak to 7 of my aunts today :sad: it is lovely that everyone cares and loves me and I do realise this, I rang my aunt and left a message asking her to call me...I don't really know what to say...
    Thanks for listening xxxx
    'grá agus solas'
    'Love and Light' translated from Irish. X
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,871
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Poppyg1rl wrote:
    I rang my aunt and left a message asking her to call me...I don't really know what to say...

    Nor will she!

    Poppy, I'm so glad you've had a good day when it would have been so easy to just fret about it all. Well done you.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • julie47julie47 Posts: 6,142
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Morning poppy,

    Glad you enjoyed your picnic, and that you were able to speak to your mum. I agree with sticky, I suspect your aunt will be stuck for words too.
    I hope when she does get in touch the conversation goes well.

    Take care
    Thinking of you
    Juliepf x
  • bubbadogbubbadog Posts: 5,852
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Poppy, I have the most disfunctional family in the world!! My mother thinks she is still 18yrs old when she is acctually nearly 60!! I have cut ties with my father (call him sperm donor now!) the only close family member as blood relative is my sister! I'm closer to my in-laws! And when I was 1st diagnosed with Osteoporosis my mother & the sperm donor refused to believe it. I thought oh it's shock, but still now years after my mother thinks I will get better and even things it is trival !! And the sperm donor told me one day to 'get off my **** and go for a jog!! Which hurt the most.
    I get people alot telling me I'm to young to have osteoporosis, and shouldn't be in a wheelchair! A couple of cruises ago I had the run in about to get on coach, it still upsets me. Just to say a healthly couple in their 60's had taken chairs that had been reserved for myself & the OH and refused to move even when I turned up in wheelchair! And the lady turned to me with a snarl on her face and said 'she's to young to be disabled in a wheelchair' 'she's just putting it on!!' their I've said it! Even now I'm getting upset. So Polly your not the only one, I'm in the disfunctional family club! Amanda, (bubbadog).
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Poppy so glad you had a lovely picnic and had a chance to chat with your Mum.
    I'm sure your relatives know your Aunt well enough to know she might 'embellish'a story. But it is good they cared enough to listen.


    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • theresa4theresa4 Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    bubbadog wrote:
    I get people alot telling me I'm to young to have osteoporosis, and shouldn't be in a wheelchair! A couple of cruises ago I had the run in about to get on coach, it still upsets me. Just to say a healthly couple in their 60's had taken chairs that had been reserved for myself & the OH and refused to move even when I turned up in wheelchair! And the lady turned to me with a snarl on her face and said 'she's to young to be disabled in a wheelchair' 'she's just putting it on!!' their I've said it! Even now I'm getting upset. So Polly your not the only one, I'm in the disfunctional family club! Amanda, (bubbadog).

    I am still walking (in a fashion) I got on a bus once and no one let me sit down I held on for dear life until a disabled seat became available I sat in it only to be confronted by an able bodied old woman who said those seats were for people like her not youngsters like me who were rude and lazy. I told her I had arthritis and had every right to sit in a disabled seat she told me I was too young. I wasnt going to sit and argur i had RA and that im more than in th4e age group for that instaed I turned and looked out of the window. I felt so embarrasessed though I got a taxi home and now dont use public transport unless my daughter is with me no one says anything to me with her around and those who do will never confront anyone again :shock: :roll: :lol:
    As for disfuntional families my dad rarely comes to see me and until the last year didnt evcen attempt to understand my condition. My Grandma is my family member I love and count on and the love and support we give each other is second to none. My brother lives 200 miles away and doesnt really notice anything he dreams through life. My mum is bi polar and seems to use me as her mother and rings me constantly to ask advice, cry on my shoulders, moan about my sis (she is an evil little :evil ), tell me the same thing 20 times a day. my favourite uncle as he was once grabbed my hands and said you havent got RA you have no nodules on your hands. Duh thats what the new meds are for to prevent that :roll: and I wonder why this site is so important to me :wink::lol:
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



    Theresa xxx
  • tjt6768tjt6768 Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It's great to hear that you've had a good day out hun...

    Don't get me started on families, do mi bloody ed in, lol...
    "Why are you on crutches, have you done something?"
    Erm..... No..... You know my legs are bad, they're just worse today..

    "you need to exercise more instead of staying in bed all day"....
    Erm.... Get stuffed.....

    "aren't you any better yet?"
    Erm... You get stuffed as well....

    "I wish I just had a bit of backache, then I could get a new car as well"
    Erm.... You wonder why I no longer class you as my brother you pillock.....







    Families eh?
    :grin:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • margareth64margareth64 Posts: 148
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Im glad im an only child!!! :shock: Only me husband and two kids maybe thats a good thing? :lol:
    Margaret
  • tillytoptillytop Posts: 3,460
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So sorry Poppy, only just seen your thread. I know it's been a few days now, so hopefully your aunt has phoned you back and you have been able to talk to her - and hopefully the jungle telegraph has stopped now. Glad you had a nice picnic in the park though and time to chat to your Mum.

    Thinking of you.

    Lots love Tilly xxx
  • Poppyg1rlPoppyg1rl Posts: 1,245
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi all,
    Thanks for your kind words, my aunt has not phoned or got in contact with me. The rest of the family all know the truth now and not my aunts fatalistic description because I've spent hours on the phone explaining arfur and how it's affecting me.
    My mum is well, how to put this? Spitting bullets :???: and I've banned her from getting involved.
    I've decided to post my aunt a card just saying I know she cares for me and I'm happy to talk to her whenever she's ready, I don't want this to fester. I think that's the best I can do.
    I hope everyone is feeling as well as possible, much love to all.
    X
    'grá agus solas'
    'Love and Light' translated from Irish. X
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,871
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    For what my humble (just occasionally) opinion is worth, Poppygirl, I think you've handled this whole thing brilliantly. The rest is up to your aunt - or not.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • bubbadogbubbadog Posts: 5,852
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I totally agree with you Sticky! poppy you can walk with your head held high and one day your aunt will get her comuppance.Amanda,(bubbadog).xx
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