My wife has Rheumatoid Arthritis-Support Needed

Phillycee2

Hi,

My wife has Rheumatoid Arthritis and I sometimes worry about her and find it difficult to cope with. I thought there might be some people out there in the same situation as me. My wife suggested this site as she is on here as Phillycee...

She said you were a friendly bunch..

It would be really nice to speak to some people in my situation or somebody that I can just talk to about coping with RA.

Hope you are all well.

xxx

hileena111

Hi Welcome to the forum,
I cant help you just to say welcome....I've got OA
There will be people along with RA soon to answer any questions you have.

Love
Hileena

Turbogran

Hi Phillycee2
Just wanted to say welcome from me too. Sorry I can't help much on the RA as I have OA of the spine and knee, but as Hileena has said i'm sure someone will be along later who can help. Your wife is right we are a friendly bunch.

valval

hi welcome,
i know it must be awfull to watch some one you love cope with arther but you sound like a careing person the main thing is take it a day at a time as you know no two days alike or even part of days.i have only got as far as inflimation the rhummy here does not like lables.
how long has she had it? what meds is she on? i do hope you get some suport it bad enough for us and we know sort of what going on good luck val

traluvie

Hi and welcome from me to. . I have inflammatory arthritis and my partner has had to leave work to help me. . It can be very hard at times and emotional. . I am sure you are doing all you can to help and support your partner. . Any questions you want to ask fire away. .

stickywicket

Hi there, and welcome.

My husband is in the same situation as you - I have RA, he gets the fallout - but he doesn't venture on here. He prefers to wallop a golf ball and, frankly, I prefer that too. Arthritis of any kind certainly affects everyone in the household but in different ways. I guess some of it depends on the personalities involved. I think Mr SW would find life easier if I were the meekly submissive type but unfortuately he pledged his troth years ago to someone who had already learned to fight for the right to be as 'normal' as possible. The man is a star but we still fight over what I can/can't or should/shouldn't do.

The main thing, I think, is to keep talking so that you both know how the other feels and how day to day things affect each of you. Your wife needs some independence and you, if you're caring for her, need some breaks. It's hard to be specific as I don't know your wife or how disabled she is. As a rule of thumb, I think, no matter how good the relationship, you both need areas of your lives where you are independent of each other.

If you go to Arthritis Care's home page and click on 'Living with Arthritis' then scroll down to the bottom of the page there's another section on Caring for Someone with Arthritis. Maybe it would help.

Please feel free to ask any questions you have and I'll try to help.

frogmorton

Hello PMcee2!

Lovely to meet you and a very good idea to have a peek at us lot and join in. We do have one or two 'couples' on here already so you are not alone.

I have inflamatory arthritis (sero-neg) and some Oa as well so any questions fire away we will do our best.

It will also be useful for you to see us lot talkingabout issues - you will be able to see how it can really affect us...often we keep thing s awee bit hidden from our Other Halves (OH's).

Love

Toni xx

liesa

Hiya Mr Phillycee2
welcome, i have RA... I think... or could be OA...lol or there agan i was told for sure it is polyarthritis.... i had a total knee replaced 4 years ago and suffer more so since, one dr said 'must be OA' as its a knee... then another will say 'its your RA' so who knows?? lol just cope as best i can...
love this forum so many lovely people on here xxxx

rugbygirl

Hiya Phyllicee2

Welcome to the forum. I have OA and lots of other aches and pains currently unlabelled but my hubby puts up with a lot. He lets me do what I can and if I tell him I cant do it then he is there to help, which is most eof the time.

One thing I found really good was the fact that I sat down with hubby and explained exactly how things were for me. Tried to explain to him how it felt by using terms he could relate to.

Get your wife to explain to you how things feel for her and ask her to tell you what she can and cant do. That way you are leaving her to be as independent as possible rather than worrying too much. I know you care and that is why it worries you but I am sure that she feels like a burden when she cant do things. I know I did and still do.

Make sure she listens to her body rather than fighting it and make sure she takes her meds regularly. Basically be there when she needs you and talk. Its not the sort of thing you can avoid as it is there all the time.

Hope it helps a bit

Phillycee2

Hello everyone and thank you for your kind words....

I'm just off to bed but I thought I would quickly check if I had any replies....

Ummm, by the way, you all seem very lovely, but I am not Mr Philly Cee, I'm actually Mrs Philly Cee.... we are a lesbian couple.... everyone who thought I was a man really did make me chuckle....

Philly1 had her first infusion of Rituximab today and I was very concerned for her but luckily enough I was able to go with her and you'll all be glad to know that it went reallly well. She was drowsy but she's absolutely fine.

Hope everyone is well.

MRS PhillyCee2 xxx

valval

oops :oops: :oops: :oops: sorry glad you forgive us do hope it all ok this morning val

stickywicket

Good that the rituximab went well. I do hope it works for her. All the best to you both.

rugbygirl

Hope things are better for you today. Look after yourselves and remember that we are always here for you both

valval

do hope things going well still for you both. do not forget you can ask anything one of us wil know this lot know most things have good nights sleep val

suncatcher

What a really caring person you are a treasure. having someone like you is just what she needs. my hubby came on here for a short time to support me by finding out more. he learnt a lot from the site. I wish more people would log on as some times those around us do not understand or belive us sometimes. they would gain so much from doing this and help us considerably. well done you and welcome. from joanne

skezier

Hi MRS Philly 2,

Glad you have come in and had a look at us.

How is Philly doing? Its hard sometimes to just have the arthritis and know it wont leave you alone ever. Its got to be hard to be with someone you care about and see them in pain and also well for me there is a bit of short fusing here and there. I try to stay even but grinding pain can make you a bit snappy... or even a ranging two headed monster... I have had 3 as well

I am lucky I can sky rant and ell that helps

I echo Joanne and her oh was great on here and its good cus he was able to see just how much it effects us mentally as well.

I got pa and oa with (allegedly) fibro with some other kind of bone shift chucked in as well. Some of it I just wont have I kinda draw a line under the 2 and the rest.. tis all to do with the 2

The joy of the forum and this lot is ask any question you like cus someone will know the answer.

Please say hi to Philly 1 and nice to meet you. Cris x

Phillycee2

Hello everyone. Thank you so much for all your messages. It has helped me alot to know that there are people out there who understand and care.

Philly1 now has a chest infection which is a side effect from the Rituxamab
She is very drained but she is soldiering on

I will say hello to her from you all.

Bye for now.

Philly2 xxxx

dreamdaisy

Oh dear, poor thing. Infections are so easy to pick up as the immune system is so drastically lowered - having said that I am not sure if that also applies to rituximab, I know it works in a different way to the other drugs. I hope she feels better soon, it will be lovely to hear from her - and you - when that is the case. I am thinking of you both. DD

valval

sorry to hear about the chest infection do hope it better soon val

PhillyCee

Just a quick hello to the wife.

Thank you for caring


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

rugbygirl

Hope your wife soon gets better as I know how bad chest infections can be.

Take it easy.

milened

Hello everyone, I am new here, but I care for mom with rheumatoid arthritis and it can be very exhausting sometimes for both of us.

gerard51

i'm new to this support group. but I can relate to some of you.My wife has had RA for nearly ten years and sometimes seeing her suffering get me so sad that it makes me cry.
My wife is a very productive person and this illness especially the fatigue has impacted our lives in a very significant way.
Some days she appears to have more energy than others, but if she is not careful symptons can flare up and put her in bed for seversl days.
We take it a day at a time and pray a lot.

Gerard

stickywicket

Hello Gerard and welcome to the forum. It’s always hard to watch those we love suffering in any way. I hate it when either of my sons is going through a tough patch in their lives but we just have to be strong and be there for them.

I would love to be painfree but I’ve no idea what sort of person I’d be without it. It’s kept me grounded and taught me some of the most valuable lessons of my life so I can’t say it’s all been bad for me and I’m sure it won’t be for your wife either.

Yes, the fatigue is debilitating and sometimes unpredictable. What sort of arthritis does your wife have? Is she taking the right meds or might she need them tweaking a bit? Has she tried physio? Might she like to join our forum?

We often say on here that arthritis affects the whole family not just the person with the diagnosis and it is so true. My husband has been my rock for over 50 years of this, helping me through the bad times and enabling me to have fun during the good times. I’m sure that you will be, too, for your wife.

I hope you have friends that you can talk to about your own feelings if it all makes you so sad, Gerard. And I hope we can support you too.

barbara12

Hi Gerard and welcome
It would be nice if your wife could come on here to get some support from us lot, it really is good to talk to people that understand some of what you are going through, and if you want to stay with us you are very welcome x

DebraKelly

I suffer from RA and my husband is the best support that I can have.

I would say that the main thing is to be there as and when she needs you.