Funny signs
joanlawson
Member Posts: 8,681
On a Church Door:
This is the gate of Heaven.
Enter ye all by this door.
(This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)
In a vet's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
Over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Laundrette
Automatic washing machines.
Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In A Restaurant Window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
come in and get fed up."
Outside a Second-Hand Shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc.
Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
In A Health Food Shop Window:
Closed due to illness.
On A Repair Shop Door:
We can repair anything
(Please knock hard on the door -
the bell doesn't work)
Message On A Leaflet:
If you cannot read,
this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
In A Safari Park:
Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
This is the gate of Heaven.
Enter ye all by this door.
(This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)
In a vet's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
Over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Laundrette
Automatic washing machines.
Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In A Restaurant Window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
come in and get fed up."
Outside a Second-Hand Shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc.
Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
In A Health Food Shop Window:
Closed due to illness.
On A Repair Shop Door:
We can repair anything
(Please knock hard on the door -
the bell doesn't work)
Message On A Leaflet:
If you cannot read,
this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
In A Safari Park:
Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
0
Comments
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very good did make me smile especialy the elephants in the car valval0
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Glad you liked them Val
Outside a church
Do not let worries kill you.
Let the church help.
At a zoo
Those who throw objects at the crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.
On a notice board
Thank you for noticing this new notice.
Your noticing it has been noted
0 -
Joan!!
very good0 -
What a lovely chortle those provided, thank you Joan. Ah the vagaries of the English language and its punctuation (or lack thereof). DDHave you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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Brilliant Joan, like em..
Not exactly the same but did make me chuckle for quite some time.. Driving through the B roads up in Northumberland we came to a T-Junction, on the 'STOP' sign someone had wrote underneath, just one simple thing...
HAMMER TIME!!
Made my day, lol.. Got me thinking, wondering what others could be done..
STOP.. IN THE NAME OF LOVE??
Me-Tony
Ra-1996 -2013 RIP...
Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP0 -
joanlawson wrote:
In a vet's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
Hehehehehe... brilliant!No-one was injured in the making of this signature, however, quite a few electrons may have been inconvenienced.0 -
FISH POND
Please do not throw anything or anybody into the pond
TRESPASSING
No trespassing
Violaters will be shot
Survivors shot again
CATHOLIC CHURCH SIGN
Laying in bed shouting "Oh God",does not constitute going to church
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary(whose name, and or species you don't remember)xxTracyxx0 -
Not exactly the same but did make me chuckle for quite some time.. Driving through the B roads up in Northumberland we came to a T-Junction, on the 'STOP' sign someone had wrote underneath, just one simple thing...
HAMMER TIME!!
Oh I love that sign...when we came across it we couldn't stop laughing all day
Chrissie0 -
On a golf course
Any persons( except players ) caught collecting golf balls on this course will be prosecuted and have their balls removed.
Tramway Authority
Touching wires causes instant death. £200m fine.
Jimmy's shoe repair shop
I will heel you
I will save your sole
I will even dye for you
Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.
In an ad for a swimwear store:
"Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!"
At the dry cleaners:
"We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand."
At a swimming pool
Welcome to our ool
Notice there's no P in it
Let's keep it this way
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cthornley wrote:Not exactly the same but did make me chuckle for quite some time.. Driving through the B roads up in Northumberland we came to a T-Junction, on the 'STOP' sign someone had wrote underneath, just one simple thing...
HAMMER TIME!!
Oh I love that sign...when we came across it we couldn't stop laughing all day
Chrissie
Was it the same one??? :eek: Think it was on the way to Bamburgh, or maybe Boulmer, I forget things you know.. What was it again :???:Me-Tony
Ra-1996 -2013 RIP...
Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP0 -
On the large dustbins at the back of a crematorium
NO HOT ASHESIf at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright0 -
stickywicket wrote:On the large dustbins at the back of a crematorium
NO HOT ASHES
Very funny That reminds me of this one:
In the front yard of an undertaker's
"Drive carefully.
We'll wait."0 -
a notice was fixed to the mirror in our company's gent's loo and said
'this person is responsible for your safety'
someone had written underneath
'what both of us?'
and underneath this was
'yes,there is safety in numbers'''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)0 -
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The local hair dressing salon is called Curl up and dye Don t fancy that myselfJoanne0
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We have a cracker near us in Spain
Please do not gather snails while the partridges are sitting on their eggs!!!0 -
Click on the arrow at the side of the first pic for more. Or on the thumbnail ones top right.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/8876197/Sign-Language-week-177.htmlIf at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright0 -
stickywicket wrote:Click on the arrow at the side of the first pic for more. Or on the thumbnail ones top right.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/8876197/Sign-Language-week-177.html
These are very funny, Sticky Thanks for posting them0 -
Our health centre used to have a large poster on the door which warned parents to be aware of nits and told them how to deal with them. It bore an A4 sized picture of a very evil-looking nit. Underneath was written. NOT TO SCALE.If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright0 -
Yesterday evening I saw a new sign at our local hospital. It said Satellite Breast Screening. Now, I know satellites are powerful things but just how is that done? I now have visions of the car park full of bare-chested women. :shock: DDHave you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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dreamdaisy wrote:Yesterday evening I saw a new sign at our local hospital. It said Satellite Breast Screening. Now, I know satellites are powerful things but just how is that done? I now have visions of the car park full of bare-chested women. :shock: DD
And, somewhere up there, a satellite full of ogling men with powerful telescopes?If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright0 -
loved reading all these, they did make me laugh, thankyou
sticky...the breezy rider one reminded me....OH is out on mountain bike tonight, so all beware
Juliepf x0 -
This made me smile everytime I passed it near Brentford Essex -
'Top Secret Nuclear Bunker - This Way'0 -
In a hospital's grounds
GUARD DOGS OPERATING HERE
:shock:If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright0 -
At the end of my road, only a few yards from a row of three shops, the council were very busy putting up a sign. I was intrigued to know what it was about, and guess what?
It just says ''Local shops''. Talk about stating the obvious :!: :roll:
.........and I thought councils were trying to save money at present :!: :roll:0
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