Funny signs

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joanlawson
joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
edited 2. Sep 2014, 14:41 in Community Chit-chat archive
On a Church Door:
This is the gate of Heaven.
Enter ye all by this door.
(This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)

In a vet's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

Over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Laundrette
Automatic washing machines.
Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In A Restaurant Window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
come in and get fed up."

Outside a Second-Hand Shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc.
Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

In A Health Food Shop Window:
Closed due to illness.

On A Repair Shop Door:
We can repair anything
(Please knock hard on the door -
the bell doesn't work)

Message On A Leaflet:
If you cannot read,
this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

In A Safari Park:
Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
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Comments

  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    very good did make me smile especialy the elephants in the car val
    val
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Glad you liked them Val :grin:

    Outside a church

    Do not let worries kill you.
    Let the church help.

    At a zoo

    Those who throw objects at the crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

    On a notice board

    Thank you for noticing this new notice.
    Your noticing it has been noted

    sign.jpg
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,483
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Joan!!

    a080.gif

    very good :wink:
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    What a lovely chortle those provided, thank you Joan. Ah the vagaries of the English language and its punctuation (or lack thereof). DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Brilliant Joan, like em..
    Not exactly the same but did make me chuckle for quite some time.. Driving through the B roads up in Northumberland we came to a T-Junction, on the 'STOP' sign someone had wrote underneath, just one simple thing...

    HAMMER TIME!!

    Made my day, lol.. Got me thinking, wondering what others could be done..

    STOP.. IN THE NAME OF LOVE??

    :lol::lol:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • Stu69
    Stu69 Member Posts: 202
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    joanlawson wrote:


    In a vet's waiting room:
    "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"


    Over a gynecologist's office:
    "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

    Hehehehehe... brilliant! :lol::lol:
    No-one was injured in the making of this signature, however, quite a few electrons may have been inconvenienced.
  • traluvie
    traluvie Member Posts: 2,579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    FISH POND

    Please do not throw anything or anybody into the pond

    TRESPASSING
    No trespassing
    Violaters will be shot
    Survivors shot again

    CATHOLIC CHURCH SIGN
    Laying in bed shouting "Oh God",does not constitute going to church

    WARNING
    Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary(whose name, and or species you don't remember)
    th_tn_TisFORTIGGER.jpgxxTracyxx
  • cthornley
    cthornley Member Posts: 627
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Not exactly the same but did make me chuckle for quite some time.. Driving through the B roads up in Northumberland we came to a T-Junction, on the 'STOP' sign someone had wrote underneath, just one simple thing...

    HAMMER TIME!!

    Oh I love that sign...when we came across it we couldn't stop laughing all day :lol:
    Chrissie
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    On a golf course

    Any persons( except players ) caught collecting golf balls on this course will be prosecuted and have their balls removed.

    Tramway Authority

    Touching wires causes instant death. £200m fine.

    Jimmy's shoe repair shop

    I will heel you
    I will save your sole
    I will even dye for you


    Outside a country shop:

    We buy junk and sell antiques.

    In an ad for a swimwear store:

    "Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!"

    At the dry cleaners:

    "We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand."

    At a swimming pool

    Welcome to our ool
    Notice there's no P in it
    Let's keep it this way

    sign-1.jpg
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    cthornley wrote:
    Not exactly the same but did make me chuckle for quite some time.. Driving through the B roads up in Northumberland we came to a T-Junction, on the 'STOP' sign someone had wrote underneath, just one simple thing...

    HAMMER TIME!!

    Oh I love that sign...when we came across it we couldn't stop laughing all day :lol:
    Chrissie


    Was it the same one??? :eek: Think it was on the way to Bamburgh, or maybe Boulmer, I forget things you know.. What was it again :???: :lol:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,719
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    On the large dustbins at the back of a crematorium

    NO HOT ASHES
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    stickywicket wrote:
    On the large dustbins at the back of a crematorium

    NO HOT ASHES

    Very funny :lol: That reminds me of this one:

    In the front yard of an undertaker's

    "Drive carefully.
    We'll wait."
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • prefabkid47
    prefabkid47 Member Posts: 1,316
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    a notice was fixed to the mirror in our company's gent's loo and said

    'this person is responsible for your safety'

    someone had written underneath

    'what both of us?'

    and underneath this was

    'yes,there is safety in numbers'
    ''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  • Stu69
    Stu69 Member Posts: 202
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    th_churchsign-1.jpg
    No-one was injured in the making of this signature, however, quite a few electrons may have been inconvenienced.
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    The local hair dressing salon is called Curl up and dye Don t fancy that myself :lol:
    Joanne
  • tonesp
    tonesp Member Posts: 844
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    We have a cracker near us in Spain
    Please do not gather snails while the partridges are sitting on their eggs!!! :lol::lol::lol:
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,719
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Click on the arrow at the side of the first pic for more. Or on the thumbnail ones top right.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/8876197/Sign-Language-week-177.html
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    stickywicket wrote:
    Click on the arrow at the side of the first pic for more. Or on the thumbnail ones top right.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/8876197/Sign-Language-week-177.html

    These are very funny, Sticky :lol: Thanks for posting them :grin:
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,719
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Our health centre used to have a large poster on the door which warned parents to be aware of nits and told them how to deal with them. It bore an A4 sized picture of a very evil-looking nit. Underneath was written. NOT TO SCALE.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Yesterday evening I saw a new sign at our local hospital. It said Satellite Breast Screening. Now, I know satellites are powerful things but just how is that done? I now have visions of the car park full of bare-chested women. :shock: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,719
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    Yesterday evening I saw a new sign at our local hospital. It said Satellite Breast Screening. Now, I know satellites are powerful things but just how is that done? I now have visions of the car park full of bare-chested women. :shock: DD

    And, somewhere up there, a satellite full of ogling men with powerful telescopes?
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • julie47
    julie47 Member Posts: 6,041
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    loved reading all these, they did make me laugh, thankyou :lol:


    sticky...the breezy rider one reminded me....OH is out on mountain bike tonight, so all beware :lol:

    Juliepf x
  • PollySid
    PollySid Member Posts: 343
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    This made me smile everytime I passed it near Brentford Essex -
    'Top Secret Nuclear Bunker - This Way'
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,719
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    In a hospital's grounds

    GUARD DOGS OPERATING HERE

    :shock:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    At the end of my road, only a few yards from a row of three shops, the council were very busy putting up a sign. I was intrigued to know what it was about, and guess what?
    It just says ''Local shops''. Talk about stating the obvious :!: :roll:
    .........and I thought councils were trying to save money at present :!: :roll:
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
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