Arthritic Pub Signs

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  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I know this is not quite on-topic but please forgive and I hope it raises a little smile or two.



    Welcome to the Hotel Incapacitated, we hope you enjoy your restless stay with us. Only BB holders are allowed, mobile bods can twit off. Breakfast is served anywhere between midnight and mid-day, other meals will be prepared as and when you want them. Nurse Bountiful will make drugs rounds every twenty minutes or so so that your individual drugs regimen can be carried out - but not by you! Those of you who require blood tests during your stay should report to the Make a Fist salon on the ground floor and your results will be posted under your door the following day. The Dammitalltohell Bar (also on the ground floor) is open all day, every day and all night, every night and, in addition to alcohol serves Tetleys, Horlicks and Hot Chocolate (with cream) on tap. Next to that is our beautiful lounge, The Recliner Room, in which you will find all manner of entertainment (and all-electric recliners).

    Our in-house medical staff will always be available and appointments will always be on time (and last for as long as YOU want). We have recently recruited a new orthopaedic surgeon (Mr Hammerscrew) who will operate on any joint that is causing you concern, regardless of your age or weight and even if it doesn't hurt. Now, how good is that?

    Our favourite masseurs, Miss Roll It and Ms Press It have returned from their refresher course and our old favourite, Mr Tiny, can now offer acupuncture: those who require that should report to the Little Prick Centre, also on the ground floor.

    Evening entertainment is provided by that comedy trio, The Grumpy Old Men (you can name the trio of your choice) and, of course, the Divine Miss Daisy (complete with tassels, though please forgive her if they become entangled in her Clatterator, she is still not quite used to performing whilst sitting) .


    DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,716
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Well, I was all set to join tkatchev in The Docs Arms but I confess I wavered a great deal on reading of the Hotel Incapacitated. However, I do have some reservations about the latter.

    For a start, BB holders only? Hm, you see I actually like quite a few able-bodied people.

    Your Mr Hammerscrew scares me a little. Even the name scares me. That, plus his gung ho attitude of operating on any joint, painful or not.

    The Little Prick Centre? Ah yes, I know a few candidates for there.

    The Divine Miss Daisy? Now someone here is being rather economical with the truth because the last I heard she had become extremely adept at ‘performing whilst sitting’.

    All in all, I think the Hotel Incapacitated would make an excellent Hospital Incapacitated but, for my regular drinking sessions, I think I’ll stick with The Docs Arms provided it’s a new pub, well-decorated and lively.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :lol: Sticky, I think I love you. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • julie47
    julie47 Member Posts: 6,041
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    DD and Sticky you both put a smile on my face thank you :lol::lol:

    oooh the docs arms seems a good place to be, on my way :lol:
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I' m not sure I want to go in the make a fist room!


    Elizabeth x
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    The needa rest
    The Imust rest

    The Iwanta rest

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,716
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    julie47 wrote:
    oooh the docs arms seems a good place to be, on my way :lol:

    Doc's Arms seems a popular place & getting a bit crowded. Shall some of us adjourn to The All Inn?
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • smol
    smol Member Posts: 43
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    was there a "done inn" ?
    Sarah

    ‎"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."- Edward Everett Hale
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