Ra. More stuff you don't know. (the cat, not the disease'

tjt6768

I cannot find my 'why Ra is the easy he is' thread, not using ther phone anyway..
If someone would be kind enough...?

Anyway..

Ra once had to hide within the chin dimple of a certain Mr K Douglas (actor) during the filming of Spartacus.. The CIA at the time thought three film was actually a revolutionary film of the red commy type..
So Ra his within the ample dimple for the entire filming process... Turned out, the only thing red around was the frilly nighty Mr Douglas used to wear on a night :shock: :?

True story

He also invented:
Arthur Scargill, brunch, torpedoes (sweets and munition types) the red lorry, yellow lorry game, chives, moles, comedians, left wing subversives (sorry :roll: ) mince (the meat and gay walking style :? dossiers, brookes, stink eye, vascular disease, corn on the cob, bishops, rattan, mice, goblins, taps, sixpence, ocular juxtaposing (never really took off) and space..
Plus many many more.....

jillyb1

A truly fantastic feline . Jillyb

barbara12

Tony I think your meds have just kicked in.. : can I have some..
Just a thought RA could be our forum mascot

bubbles

tony, have you been in the medicine cabinet? I fear so, will have to check stock

tjt6768

Erm... No need to check the stock Matron, I erm, checked earlier.. Everything is, erm, where it should be :? :?

Ra would be flattered to be the forum mascot. As long as he's true identity is never revealed, the Chinese are still after his whiskers for there powers, Bill Clinton wants his 'sexaphone' (don't ask) back, Lorraine (I'm bloody annoying) Kelly is still deeply infatuated with him and has been searching for him for twelve years, Leonard Nimmoy wants his shoes back, and many more folks would like to get their hands on him..
:roll: :roll:
True story

barbara12

Tony dont worry I wont let them take you away... :? :P

tjt6768

thanks Barbara, they're dying to get their hands on me :shock:

bubbles

Certainly not letting them take you away. I did check, everything is in place, but there seems less of it..............mmmmm perhaps I miscounted 8) Found one of our cats whiskers on the cooker this evening, will keep it in case we need to fend off those who seek whisker power in far off lands

tjt6768

never under estimate the power of the cats whisker Matron lol..
Thanks for erm, checking the erm stock.

tjt6768

The following section MUST be read in the style of one of those smug gits that read.the bad news out really fast at the end of adverts..,like the interest rates.etc....



Repeated touching of the WHISKER may lead to blindness (but only if its a euphemism :shock: )
Resale of the WHISKER without official documents will result in HANGING..........
Of a sign outside your house saying what you have done!
Failure to keep up payments on your WHISKER loan may result in your spouse, or other family member being taken into the garden and SHOT............. Out of a cannon, into a safety net.
Sleeping with your neighbour's wife is never a good idea :?: Neither is sleeping with your wife's neighbour :?:
Never, ever let the Chinese into your house when the WHISKER is in residence.. Chinese people cannot step into your property without your permission.. Or is that Vampires? I sometimes get them mixed up...

Matron... Tablets please
Naming the WHISKER is forbidden, anyone found doing so will be severely BEATEN..... In a sack race.

tjt6768

some say that he IS the original Stig, and, he urinates petrol, all we know is, he's called Ra!!

He invented...
The soda stream, reincarnation, bubble gum, lakes, cakes and jewellery fakes, stigmata, Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys, nodules, fresh air, attitudes, multitudes, longitudes & latitudes, bulbs, shan't, Betty Grable, W, one way systems, the fandango, John Virgo the snooker player, the lyrics to 'Crying in the Chapel', bareback riding (all variations of :shock: :shock: ) stilts, kilts and scabbard hilts, Patrick Moore's monocle and much much more



True story

tonesp

Is he any good at uninventing I've got a little list of things I'd like to see the back of :?: :?:

tjt6768

He invented un-inventing Tones

tonesp wrote:

Is he any good at uninventing I've got a little list of things I'd like to see the back of :?: :?:

bubbadog

Ra's partner in crime Bubba has had to go into hiding because of Whisker-gate!!
'There's 3 rules of Whisker Club, never mention Whisker club, Whisker stroking can never be disclosed to others out side of the club. And never tell anyone else about Whisker Club!!

Bubba was the camera man on the Tulisa sex tape! He came home and was in shock after seeing two humans get down and do the dirty! I had to show him some cats doing funny things on you tube to get the horrible images out of his head before he turned in for the night. He has told the boss of C.I.B (cats in black) that he never wants to a mission again involving humans getting on down!! The next mission he is going to do involves a ten ton lorry of flour and Kim Kardashian!!!

tjt6768

After some deliberation I have decided to also revive this thread about my little buddy Ra's extraordinary life.
It has taken me some time to do this but I'm sure he's looking down from cat heaven and purring in approval. .


so.. Some more things you didn't know about Ra.

He was once under cover as Adolf Hitler's personal schnitzel chef- Heir Rebotbot.. His mission was to discover the secret of Hitler's outstanding moustache. This was of the utmost importance to MI2.. MI5 was still in infancy back then. Anyway, Churchill was jealous of Adolf's glorious facial hair. He had once tried to grow a goatee but it was a dreadful disaster. It was...... GINGER!! As we all are aware, being 'a ginger' in those days was punishable by death.. Well, I say death. They actually just sent you to live in Wales. A much more terrifying prospect :?

Anyway. One morning while AH was out at his weekly bingo session Ra had the opportunity to sneak a peek in his luxurious bathroom.
At first he found nothing out of the ordinary. Head n shoulders shampoo, dettol soap, latex gloves :? Condoms (haddock flavoured) and the obligatory mediations for any nazi- canestan duo :?
What he was hoping to find was some kind of moustache related paraphernalia. .
He was just about to give up when he heard a squeak from behind the bath panel. . He carefully removed the panel. And behind it, in a tiny cage. . A jet black micro-hamster
He knew immediately what this meant. He gently lifted the hamster out. Careful said the hamster in a surprisingly deep voice. He'll know if I've been touched. He has a very keen eye. My name is beltbuckle spitoon.. I'm tache number 2.
Surprised by the immediate and very forward confession Ra knew he had what he was after.
Beltbuckle went on to tell him that AH had a total of sixteen micro-hamsters dotted across the country and that AH's natural facial hair was coloured a camp pink :?
Ra asked if he could take a photo on his iPhone (Yep, Steve Jobs actually invented them in 1763 and was actually immortal) beltbuckle was more than happy to oblige add long as Ra would rescue him. He had been very badly treated by AH over the ten years he was used as the infamous moustache.
Ra immediately rang the crowden branch of Domino's. It was a front for MI2 in fact and none of the people there even knew how to make pizza dough.
Within twenty minutes a rescue squad dressed as aboriginal elders arrived and got the two of them back home. .

True story

tjt6768

He also invented:

Caravans, lemurs, kraftwerk, porridge, lamented dingos, paraphrasing, paragliding, parachutes, clinical decisions, monuments, John Bishop, tiny godless fourths, carp, stirrups and chamois leathers..

True story

mig

Please Tony don't send me to wales. Mig

barbara12

I believe the bit about RA and MI5 think I once saw him at the side of Churchill..on a pic of course.. I am not that old ..but not sure about the micro Hamster with the deep voice :shock: ..don't be silly..hamsters don't talk .. :? straight jacket at the ready

tjt6768

My dear Migster, I'm sure that you will be fine. The world has progressed since back then. Gingers are now allowed out in public as long as they wear hats

Barbara, my dearest. . My dearest friend Ra wouldn't lie to Churchill so I'm certain that the hamster did speak in a loud voice. I imagine it was similar to Barry White. . :?

barbara12

I think RA deserves a medal for that...AH wouldn't have been any use without the facial hair..so that is why we won the war..god bless RA.. now what was her or his next escapade... :P

Numptydumpty

It all makes perfect sense to me, apart from him inventing John Bishop :? Still, I guess we all have our off days
More please,
Numpty

mig

Did he ever join the space race ? Mig

tjt6768

mig wrote:

Did he ever join the space race ? Mig

He did the original space race. Beating Mo Farrah by seven days

tjt6768

He was meant to be the second dali lama but had to decline he position as he was about to usurp Idi Amin, backed only by his army of ants. They were lead by the very brave captain Adam. When Ra asked him if he wanted to join him he said 'of course, I'm Adam-ant.' :?

He also invented. .
gangrene, coagulation, the word polyp, Joan Beaz, crampons and divinity.

True story

barbara12

tjt6768 wrote:

He was meant to be the second dali lama but had to decline he position as he was about to usurp Idi Amin, backed only by his army of ants. They were lead by the very brave captain Adam. When Ra asked him if he wanted to join him he said 'of course, I'm Adam-ant.' :?

He also invented. .
gangrene, coagulation, the word polyp, Joan Beaz, crampons and divinity.

True story

Tony whatever you are on, can I have some pleasessss

Mrstjt6768

barbara12 wrote:

tjt6768 wrote:

He was meant to be the second dali lama but had to decline he position as he was about to usurp Idi Amin, backed only by his army of ants. They were lead by the very brave captain Adam. When Ra asked him if he wanted to join him he said 'of course, I'm Adam-ant.' :?

He also invented. .
gangrene, coagulation, the word polyp, Joan Beaz, crampons and divinity.

True story

Tony whatever you are on, can I have some pleasessss

:roll: :roll: Oh no, not again!!

I wish he would leave it alone :oops: