I'm feeling totally depressed

skezier

applerose wrote:

Niecee, have a great day tomorrow at your bbq. As the others have said, your friends will want to see you, stick or no stick, extra weight or not. have fun.

Cris, wasn't sure if that message was for me or not as you'd put aprilrose. I am applerose. Sorry if it was for aprilrose (couldn't find her). If it was for me, thank you. Haven't quite got my head round taking one day at a time. Feel as if I'm letting arthur win if I do that but I'm sure I'll get there and things will seem better.

I was used to wearing trainers quite a lot of the time but now, that's about all I can wear. I have got some black Sketchers which are a little bit more 'dressy' than normal trainers but I can't find any shoes I can wear with a dress or skirt which I can actually walk in without being in a lot of pain. So I only tend to wear dresses in summer at home or if I'm going somewhere where I don't need to walk when I get there.

Applerose sorry i did mean you... they eyes are not so good and the brain is no existent just now the one day at a time is hard but at times it really is all you can do as any further gets so scary.

hang in there and I honestly know it does get easier. A ((( ))) and a hope Cris x

Niecee enjoy your BBQ and I hpe you get a decent day. x

applerose

No need to apologise Cris. I just wasn't sure. Hope you are having a good Easter.
Niecee, how was your bbq?

stickywicket

Aprilann wrote:

Dear Niecee

I understand exactly how you feel - I have never felt like this before - depressed.

Today I went for a walk with my in-laws - I nearly didn't go because they would see me in my wheelchair - but it did me good to get out. I made sure I did a bit more walking than the usual. I feel a burden to my husband - out of all his brothers he is the one who has a disabled wife.

I have had RA for 32 years with another chronic illness plus others and have had a few traumatic times over the years due to my lungs.

I am really losing my independence now (but praising myself here telling you I have done so well over the years with this awful disease).

Since my husband retired two years ago he has started with OA - and I feel he is comfort eating (because of me) which is not helping his weight gain putting more strain on his joints. He won't admit it but his OA is making him depressed getting tired, withdrawn and constantly watching television instead of talking. He has recently found out he has prostate cancer (low grade) and still puts on a brave face.

I just don't know what will cheer us up. I certainly can't take anymore tablets for depression - I am on enough.

Sorry to grumble but I know everyone on here understands.

Hey, I'm glad you did bite the bullet and go for that walk. I know we don't always want people to see us in wheelchairs. I still get that feeling sometimes and I'm much more comfortable somewhere where I won't see anyone I know. There's that stupid feeling that if you can walk you should, isn't there? (Even though you actually can't walk anything like that far. :roll: )

You are not to blame for your husband having a disabled wife, Aprilann. I'm sure you didn't want your disability any more than he did. It's very sad that he, too has now developed arthritis and can't enjoy his retirement as he might have expected to. Sitting watching TV all day won't help but maybe, as you say, he's depressed too. Men are not as good at talking about their feelings usually as we women are. He's probably also worried about the prostate cancer and maybe about your joint future. If he's used to being the 'strong, fit one' he may feel - crazy as it sounds - that he's letting you down by being ill.

I think the more you can get him to open it the better. Does he have friends he might talk to? My husband and his friends 'settle' all their medical problems on the golf course but the pub can be quite good for that sort of thing too. Maybe you could have one evening a week when the TV stays off and you both just talk - we find a bottle of wine helps but it's not essential

I do hope things improve for you both soon.

niecee

:)Hi everyone!
Well I went to the BBQ!
I need to say a big thank you to you all as it was your encouragement that gave me the confidence to go!
My friend bless her bout stools for me to sit on placed them around so wasn't so obvious. I took a cab there so I wasn't in pain before I got there! Took my pills just before I left oh and while there had a few drinks. There was one idiot but otherwise I had a good time. Oh and I didn't really use my stick as I was seated most of the time. I am so grateful to my riend as I didn't feel like I stood out!
Thanks guys! Xxx

hileena111

Hi Niecee
Thats great
So thats that hurdle over ...it will probably be eaier the next time to do something similar.
Friends are great.....and will do anything to help out but the others that we think were friends....well!!!!!!! they aren't worth bothering about
Love
Hileena

stickywicket

Hey, well done! That's one BBQ under your belt. Next one will be easier. Only one idiot? Lucky you! And you've laso discovered you have at least one good friend who wants to help. I call that a result.

applerose

So glad you had a good time. The first time is always the worst so, next time, no worrying about it, just go and have fun. It was sweet of your friend to put several stools out. Good friends are there for you no matter what.

lindalegs

Hi Niecee

Well done you! I'm so glad you went. If you'd taken the easier option and stopped at home you would probably have been miserable.

You have a good friend there and it shows you that people want to help, as for the idiot next time 'accidentally' trip them up with your stick, it has more than one use you know

Here's to the next social trip out!

Luv,

emsjane

That's fantastic Niecee!!

Hopefully now too that will make you feel more confident doing other stuff too!!! And why shouldn't you, you are no different to anyone else, just because you have a stick to help you walk!!!!

Well done you xx

dreamdaisy

You may not 'stand out' as much as you think but the initial self-conciousness is very understandable. People can be very unobservant as they go about their general business, and if they do spot the stick well, so what? The most important thing is that it helps you and that is the thing to remember. Those without aids should think themselves lucky but they won't as 'you don't know what you had 'til it's gone' (as J Mitchell so memorably sang). I went from no aids to crutches thanks to an operation, and post-op it became clear that sticks and crutches were here to stay but I guess that was a kinder baptism. I am glad you went, glad you enjoyed it and I hope the next social event won't be such a trial for you. It takes confidence to get out there and carry on and I hope you have discovered that your confidence is still there inside you. DD

skezier

Hi Niecee,

that's good and well done you. As the others say the first is the hardest and really glad you had someone in your corner as well. Did you bring us a doggy bag btw?

Hope your having a decent Monday and not got any payback though sometimes that's worth it eh? Cris x

niecee

Hi guys

Well payback hit me bit later on Monday but I took the oldpills and spent day relaxing. I must admit even with the arthurs pain I'm happy feeling good about me. How you all hope you all having a good Tuesday? Have you noticed when it rains your pain increases? Crazy! Oh but electro blanky makes it all better.

Love to you all xxx

lindalegs

We often get payback Niecee but it was worth it and that's what counts. You won the first battle against arthur now the rest will be easier, mark my words.

I've had a good Tuesday just a bit of toothache but I see the dentist on Thursday. :shock: :roll:

No rain here at the mo. Enjoy you're leccy blanket.

Luv,

applerose

Glad you're feeling positive about it, Neicee. I'm only just beginning to notice that the pain and stiffness is worse when the weather is bad. Come on summer. Where are you? Enjoy your leccy blanket.