Dealing with the 'healthy' when they become ill

LignumVitae
LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
edited 17. Sep 2012, 11:16 in Community Chit-chat archive
It could just be my total lack of empathy, sympathy and humanity but I'd be interested to hear if anyone else out there is similar to me when facing healthy people dealing with health issues!

Mr LV had a skin operation last week. His patience at the required 1 month to recover has already worn so thin it is non-existent. He storms about complaining at the pain and when you suggest taking the prescribed pain relief he has that 'healthy person' moan about not wanting to take pills and drugs - chance would be a find thing! He complains it hurts to do things so you suggest he doesn't do them for a day or so or finds another way and he has a wobble because he doesn't like not being able to do things or having to find a different approach.

These are all the issues which face many of us with arthritis on a daily basis but because it is a daily basis I think we tend to be a little calmer, more tolerant and accepting of the matter. I'm not pretending to be an angel who is never annoyed with my problems but I think I tend not to tantrum and moan quite so loudly or often (partly because it would take too much energy to do that and time, and life).

I feel a bit guilty at finding his complaining so annoying, I try to help and calm things but a bit of me just can't believe how he is approaching it all. It can't be making it any easier or more pleasant for him and it certainly isnt for the rest of us!!
Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
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Comments

  • 7worlds
    7worlds Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    I know what you mean LV. But remember, he is a man after all. :lol:

    7Worlds
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    If you lack 'sympathy, empathy and humanity', LV then I'm an Olympic medallist.

    And, of course, it doesn’t help that your patient is not just a person without arthritis but a male person without arthritis.

    Mr SW has played sport all his life. He chases balls whatever their size and shape. These days it’s only golf balls, at a leisurely pace, with ‘the seniors’ but he still regards himself, contrary to all the evidence, as something of an athlete.

    Hence, he doesn’t do illness but, when he must, he behaves exactly as Mr LV. He also doesn’t do pain relief. Instead he moans for hours then leaps in at something strong rather than trying the humble paracetamol in the first place and thus being able to get on with life more or less as normal. He never gets a cold, always ‘a touch of flu’ which requires him to lie, moaning softly, under a blanket all day before making a swift recovery in time for the pub quiz starting at 9pm.

    My lovely Dad was a quiet, self-effacing man – until he got a cold. He didn’t quite lose his voice but it invariably went all peculiar. Therefore he talked incessantly so that all would know he had a cold. We all said we’d rather have one ourselves than have to endure Dad’s.

    You have my deepest sympathy, LV. Maybe the coven could prepare a little potion??? Joan seems to be full of ideas for the cauldron. And some of them seem much less lethal than others.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • JuliaHod12
    JuliaHod12 Member Posts: 456
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    oh so identify with this one LV........

    dear old Fluffy(my OH) had to have an Op to remove a tumour from his saliva gland (he'd had it in excess of 10yrs) as it had grown so large (weighed 22g when taken out)

    He was in hospital 3 days, but was unbearable when he came home,had 3 weeks off work and refused to take any pain relief (excuse being he cant swallow tablets).........started driving after 1 week when he was advised not to........wondered why then his neck was sore...........didnt massage the scar and wondered why the area was still feeling tight........eventually saw sense when i gently reminded him i'd had 3 arthrospcopies in the prior 18months and followed all instructions,pain meds and all with good results and minimal recovery time!
  • 7worlds
    7worlds Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    I remember my OH fell off the third[url][/url] bottom rung of a ladder and managed to break his arm in two places. Needless to say, after six weeks of listening to him i was ready to break a few other bones :lol:

    7Worlds
  • numptynora
    numptynora Member Posts: 782
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Oh Bless, I'm so glad I only have myself to think about :D My last husband was just like yours (and everyone else's by the sound of it..lol) in the end I just used to ignore him although like SW's Dad he had to keep talking (through his nose) to remind everyone he was ill, at the time I didn't have RA, so I dread to think what I'd have done to him if I did!!! :x
    Numps x
    Pets come into our lives, and then leave paw-prints on our hearts.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    ' . . . . . . moaning softly under a blanket . . . . . '

    I thought that was just me. :shock:

    Mr DD is the reverse. I have had to force him to stay in bed when he has a temperature of 102 degress but still thinks he can drive 45 odd miles to work and 'be useful'. Ye gods. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Is it only mine that has what I call his poorly face!he doesn't say anything its just that look and boy do I want to smack it. :roll: Mig
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    My OH has been suffering pain in his shoulder for months now, but was determined to carry on playing golf despite the strain it was causing the joint. Every time I suggested that he might be better to rest his shoulder for a while, he refused and carried on regardless. Then later he would complain about how much it was hurting :roll: Now he's finally given in and has an appointment for X-rays and an ultra-sound scan. This should have been done weeks ago but he was too stubborn to ask for help......Men :!: :roll:

    SW, I have yet to find a potion for awkward males :lol:
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    mig wrote:
    Is it only mine that has what I call his poorly face!he doesn't say anything its just that look and boy do I want to smack it. :roll: Mig

    :lol: married love in a nutshell, mig. Thank you for a lovely start to the day.
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    ' . . . . . . moaning softly under a blanket . . . . . '

    I thought that was just me. :shock:

    Mr DD is the reverse. I have had to force him to stay in bed when he has a temperature of 102 degress but still thinks he can drive 45 odd miles to work and 'be useful'. Ye gods. DD

    DD, mine used to do that too until he retired - struggled in to work regardless etc etc but, once he'd decided he was ill, it was all change :roll:

    Joan - golfers are the worst. Please find the potion. PLEASE.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Did you ever consider a career in nursing, Mig? :wink: Oh that made me laugh! :lol: I know the poorly face look, it's often seen on those who don't actually don't have that much wrong with them. :roll: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • deedeeitsme
    deedeeitsme Member Posts: 321
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    This thread has really made me laugh....poorly face and poorly voice, whats that all about :roll: . Not very sympathetic either I'm afraid. I used to manage a coffee shop and when the staff said they didn't feel well (with poorly face and poorly voice) I used to tell them to work it off :lol:

    Dee x
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    I am a nurse D D also a painter,a laundress,a cook,a cleaner in other words a housewife .Mig
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Mig - I'm looking for the 'terrified' emoticon and failing to find one. You are whatever you want to be. That's a promise. Now please put that rolling pin down.

    LV - How's the patient today? Impatient as ever, I imagine. And, how's the nurse? I'm afraid we've all had a good laugh at your expense but an even mildly ill male is a daunting prospect. I hope he recovers soon - for your sake. (())
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • numptynora
    numptynora Member Posts: 782
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    lol lol @ Mig
    Numps x
    Pets come into our lives, and then leave paw-prints on our hearts.
  • Colin1
    Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Well talk about lets gang up on the lads. Leave you all alone for a couple of weeks and this is what happens. You lot should be ashamed of yourselves and how tony has let this happen I just don’t know. And as for you mig well I’m speechless, and you DD and sticky and the rest of you none caring gossips I’m here to tell you lot why we are sicker, why we hurt more, why we can put on that sorry sick look, its because we have to put up with you ladies, “ did I say ladies” mmmm your the biggest pains we have and that sorry look well any man can understand that look its the one that says I had enough of her but cant say anything cos she wont cook the tea. Boy how we suffer in silence, and if we do happen to answer you back we are sent straight to dover and you do nothing but sulk. Come on guys fight back. And another thing you specialise in is remembering dates, well thats not nice ladies problem is we have that much on our minds its hard to remember things back so far. Whos this your in the middle of a row over nothing that you caused and suddenly you come up with” and another thing I remember what you said in 1968 when we where in that cafe with the green table cloths, I cant remember what I done yesterday how the hell can I win this argument you lot just make up things. Ill tell you what you done infact if you cant remember something so important it means you don’t care. You never loved my and then the tears flow but is men are so strong we put up with it all. I have to go Mrs C is calling me for tea and if I don’t go now she will sulk.
    WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE
  • numptynora
    numptynora Member Posts: 782
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Well that was a rant and a half Colin, do you feel better now? :D

    I think women remember things because we're wired that way, don't forget we have to run a home and think of all that has to be done, if we forgot then things would go to pot :roll: then you'd have to cook your own dinner :)
    like I'm going to do now :):):)
    Numps x
    Pets come into our lives, and then leave paw-prints on our hearts.
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Tut tut Colin who had a tantrum then.Mig
  • 7worlds
    7worlds Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    As they say in Belfast Colin, Dry yer eyes ya gurn ye. :lol:


    7Worlds
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    :lol::lol::lol: Ahhhh, you've all made me feel much better and maybe I do have sympathy and understanding for those who deserve it. I've even managed to endure the look (a cross between a scowl, a wince, a gurn, and a constipated face) today...I have sniggered my way through it all thanks to you wonderful people - although I did have the urge to slap the face at times.
    The pain relief thing is mystifying, a head ache = three ibuprofen. Post op pain = no tablets...can anybody understand that logic?!
    Interestingly, tonight is one of his nights with his group and well, he seems to be well enough to go. The house, me, the dogs and even the cat are all breathing a sigh of relief and relaxing in peace. Bliss! :D
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    The pain relief thing is mystifying, a head ache = three ibuprofen. Post op pain = no tablets...can anybody understand that logic?!

    Interestingly, tonight is one of his nights with his group and well, he seems to be well enough to go.

    The answer to the first question is, yes, another bloke.

    As for the second sentence - truly amazing! Far more effective than most of the pain meds we get offered on prescription. Does it work on women, too, LV? And on arthritis?
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • Colin1
    Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Well i think it was more of a moan than a tantrum
    i spent some time in Ballykinler 7worlds
    Colin
    WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    I think it only works on illnesses which have 'the face' as a symptom and us arthritis types (especially the ladies) just can't, don't and won't do the face!
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • 7worlds
    7worlds Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    So you will have heard us wax lyrical before then, Colin :lol:

    7Worlds
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Colin1 wrote:
    Well talk about lets gang up on the lads. Leave you all alone for a couple of weeks and this is what happens. You lot should be ashamed of yourselves and how tony has let this happen I just don’t know. And as for you mig well I’m speechless, and you DD and sticky and the rest of you none caring gossips I’m here to tell you lot why we are sicker, why we hurt more, why we can put on that sorry sick look, its because we have to put up with you ladies, “ did I say ladies” mmmm your the biggest pains we have and that sorry look well any man can understand that look its the one that says I had enough of her but cant say anything cos she wont cook the tea. Boy how we suffer in silence, and if we do happen to answer you back we are sent straight to dover and you do nothing but sulk. Come on guys fight back. And another thing you specialise in is remembering dates, well thats not nice ladies problem is we have that much on our minds its hard to remember things back so far. Whos this your in the middle of a row over nothing that you caused and suddenly you come up with” and another thing I remember what you said in 1968 when we where in that cafe with the green table cloths, I cant remember what I done yesterday how the hell can I win this argument you lot just make up things. Ill tell you what you done infact if you cant remember something so important it means you don’t care. You never loved my and then the tears flow but is men are so strong we put up with it all. I have to go Mrs C is calling me for tea and if I don’t go now she will sulk.

    Oh dear, Colin, how my heart bleeds for you :!: It's such a tough life being a man and having to suffer in silence in case you don't get any tea........but you know that you love us really, and where would you be without Mrs.C :?: :D
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    The 'problem' with the healthy (whoever they may be) is that they are not used to being compromised due to illness. The restrictons that may be placed upon them are short-term but they appear to be unable to grasp that those restrictions will end - and end a damn sight quicker too if only they are sensible. Luckily for them they are not experiencing arthritis - well not directly. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben