Twelve Days Of Christmas

Numptydumpty

On the first day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
an injection of Methotrexate.

On the second day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the third day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
three folic acids, two wrist, splints and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the fourth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the fifth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
five prednis -olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the sixth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the seventh day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the eighth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines,
five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the ninth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
nine hydroxychloroquines, eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the tenth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me.
ten ferrous sulphates, nine hydroxychloroquines, eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines,five prednis-olones,
four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
eleven gabapentins, ten ferrous sulphates, nine hydroxychloroquines, eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
twelve co codamols, eleven gabapentins, ten ferrous sulphates, nine hydroxychloroquines, eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

There just aren't enough days of christmas :roll:

stickywicket

Woo hoo! Numpty's on fire. And no wonder with all those meds inside her :shock:

Thank God (s)he didn't also send the invoice

An absolute classic, Numpty. Thank you.

dreamdaisy

As Craig Revel Horwood would say: Fab-u-lous daaaaahling! Oh Numpty, thank you, that was wonderful. I'll see if I can unearth last year's carol offerings. DD

dreamdaisy

Found it! The thread is called Forced to.

villier

Brilliant ND...................... you wont need a broomstick you will be flying high on your own xxx

Numptydumpty

Glad you enjoyed it It was inspired by a visit to said rheumy. I don't actually have the injected meth yet, just 30 mg of the tablets. He said he was trying to get it for me, hopefully by Christmas. I said "Most ladies get perfume for Christmas", which made him chuckle, proving I think, he has a sense of humour after all

DD, I've just read the thread you bumped up, brilliant! I hadn't seen it before, it was before my time on the forum. So thanks for that.
Numpty

dreamdaisy

God rest ye merry arthritics
No reason for despair
'cos surgeons will grant you a wish
Including one new pair
Of bright new knees or shiny hips
So you can do the stairs

Oh tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
We have tidings of comfort and joy.

Your creaky bones do really hurt
When temperatures are low
You find yourself in such a bind
And moving really slow
But orthos have a way to make
You feel joints feel all -aglow

Oh tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
We have tidings of comfort and joy.

So joints are done you're feeling great
And log straight onto here
To find that others have to wait
To face their personal fears
Of sawing, screwing and exercise
Which could lead to shedding tears

Oh tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
We have tidings of comfort and joy.

stickywicket

Oh my God! She's not even out of bandages yet and she's in top form. Look what you've started, Numpty :!: Sheer brilliance. OK, it's now officially the AC Carol Thread.

dreamdaisy

Aaaaaaaaaagh! Major typo in verse 2 - I am so sorry. It should read

But orthos have a way to make
Your joints feel all a-glow

:oops:

Numptydumpty

That is genius DD!

OK Sticky, you're next

knuckleduster

Numpty and DD - absolutely amazing. You are both geniuses.

Janet xx

wall1409

Fantastic, keep them coming, may manage an album.

Wendy x

stickywicket

The First No TKRs

The first ‘No TKRs’ the surgeons did say
Was to certain poor arthritic folk as they lay
As they lay on their couches recounting their pain
All the wheres, hows and whens they tried hard to explain.

Chorus
No knees. No hips. No hips. No knees.
Come back in 10 years’ time. Next patient, please.

They limped and hobbled home, all in great distress
Thinking how they might cope would be anyone’s guess.
More aches and pains and pills, (Oh the outlook was bleak!)
exercises to stop muscles getting more weak.

Chorus
No knees. No hips. No hips. No knees.
Come back in 10 years’ time. Next patient, please.

They lookèd up some internet sites
Wondering if this bleak outlook held any faint lights.
And there, the Arthritis Care forums they found
With a whole host of bodies all equally unsound.

Chorus
No knees. No hips. No hips. No knees.
Come back in 10 years’ time. Next patient, please.

And there they did both stop and stay
On Hello and on Chit Chat and LWA
And discovered that laughter heals many an ache
And, unlike all the docs, never makes a mistake.

Chorus
No knees. No hips. No hips. No knees.
Come back in 10 years’ time. Next patient, please.

dreamdaisy

Strewth! Yet another gem of a carol! I dunno about you lot but I suspect I will really struggle with the words if I go to a carol service this year.



The OA and the RA
When they are both full-blown
Bring some misery unto painful joints
Making us both sigh and moan.



So, who can do verse two?

wall1409

Getting better, would you like me to your manager for the upcoming album
Wendy x

Numptydumpty

Brilliant Sticky

dreamdaisy wrote:

Strewth! Yet another gem of a carol! I dunno about you lot but I suspect I will really struggle with the words if I go to a carol service this year.



The OA and the RA
When they are both full-blown
Bring some misery unto painful joints
Making us both sigh and moan.



So, who can do verse two?

Here's the chorus,

O' the rising from the bed
And the running of the home,
The working of internal organs,
Arthritis will impede.

applerose

These are brilliant. Well done.

villier

Well done girlies fantastic xxx

dreamdaisy

To be sung to the tune of 'O Little Town of Bethlehem'

My knee was hurting and I nearly cried
With pain, so rang my GP
He said come in on Thu-uuursday
And make sure you see me
So I tod-dled i-in o-oon Thu-uu-ursday
My GP for to see
To be met by the news he wa-aaasn't in
(Just to a-void me.)

I saw a locum i-in hi-iis place
Who was nice a-as nice could be.
'I see you have a hi-iistory' he said
'Of troubles with your knee.
So-o let us ge-et it so-ooo-rted out
As soon as soon can be
Go to hospital now, ri-ight aa-way
Make a fuss, scream and shout loudly.

I pitched up for the M-emmRI
To find the department shut
I wondered what was go-oing on
So asked questions to find out.
We-e kne-ew you-oo were co-ooming
A porter informed me
So the staff downed tools and sca-aaarpered
So you th-ey would not see.

A sad and sorry tale you might think
But ple-ease bel-ieve me
I don't make a huge fuss o-o-r a stink
In ringing my GP
The fact I do it da-aaaaily
Is neither here nor there
This much is true, I can tell you
I don't think he tru-ly cares.

DD

PS My GP is lovely and does care.

stickywicket

Another cracking carol, Gromit.

Please keep 'em coming, everyone.

Numptydumpty

I think DD takes the carol writing crown.

Numptydumpty

We Three Arthritics from ACF are,
For our appointments we travel afar,
With crutches and scooters,
Wheelchairs with hooters,
Travelling by bus or car.

Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card for Physio,
Card for Doctor card for Hydro,
With Other Halves leading,
We'll be proceeding,
Clutching our appointment cards

Methotrexate to offer have I,
There may be side effects but please don't cry,
Swallow them quickly,
Or they'll make you sickly,
Times up now so goodbye.

Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card for Physio,
Card for Doctor, card for Hydro,
With Other Halves leading,
We'll be proceeding,
Clutching our appointment cards

Exercises I think are the way,
Do them religiously every day,
Stretching and bending,
You'll end up up ending,
I'm busy, so on your way.

Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card forPhysio,
Card for Doctor, card for Hydro,
With Other Halves leading,
We'll be proceeding,
Clutching our appointment cards

Prednisolone is a wonderful cure,
You'll grow a beard and get fat I'm sure,
It won't really matter,
You'll be mad as a hatter,
On your way out please close the door.

Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card for Physio,
Card for Doctor, card for Hydro,
With Other Halves leading,
We'll be proceeding,
Clutching our appointment cards

This warm water should help ease your pain,
It will relax you whilst you remain,
But though you implore,
You just can't have more,
Goodbye, and don't come back again.

Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card for Physio,
Card for Doctor, card for Hydro,
With Other Halves leading,
We'll be proceeding,
Clutching our appointment cards

stickywicket

Oooh Numpty, thank you I had to call Mr SW over for it.

I really feel we should take the AC Carol Songbook into all rheumatology depts and wards. OK I can manage a fairly awful tenor these days. Whose up for Soprano, alto and bass? As an incentive, I'm told by my former-chorister son that alcohol greatly assists the vocal chords. (Mind you, he would say that.)

dreamdaisy

Stonking stuff, Numpty, that is indeed a good 'un!

Sticky, I'm up for that and even have the brass neck to do a solo in my rheumatology department: trust me, the staff wouldn't bat an eyelid.

stickywicket

Right. We have a tenor (of sorts) plus a soprano soloist. Those are the difficult ones out of the way. Altos and basses please.

stickywicket

Far From Silent Night

Ankles don’t work. Shoulders don’t work.
Feet have both gone beserk.
Metal hips and metal knees
All my decent bits are prostheses
Half of me’s in the waste bin.
Half of me’s in the bin.

Start off each day the omep way
Else there’ll be hell to pay.
Breakfast - hydroxy with toast and tea
Weekly meth, Folic Acid. Yummy!
Cocos when they don’t work.
Cocos for when they don’t work.

Dressing stick here. Washing stick there
Raised loo seat and armchair.
Bath lift. Surgical shoes. Pick-up stick.
Slavish fashion does not rule this chick.
We do things our own way.
We do things all our own way.