Twelve Days Of Christmas

Numptydumpty
Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,416
edited 11. Dec 2012, 18:46 in Community Chit-chat archive
On the first day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
an injection of Methotrexate.

On the second day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the third day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
three folic acids, two wrist, splints and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the fourth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the fifth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
five prednis -olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the sixth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the seventh day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the eighth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines,
five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the ninth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
nine hydroxychloroquines, eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the tenth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me.
ten ferrous sulphates, nine hydroxychloroquines, eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines,five prednis-olones,
four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
eleven gabapentins, ten ferrous sulphates, nine hydroxychloroquines, eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my rheumy sent to me,
twelve co codamols, eleven gabapentins, ten ferrous sulphates, nine hydroxychloroquines, eight finger splints, seven omeprazoles, six sulphasalazines, five prednis-olones, four piroxicams, three folic acids, two wrist splints, and an injection of Methotrexate.

There just aren't enough days of christmas :roll: :lol:
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Comments

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,271
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol::lol::lol:

    Woo hoo! Numpty's on fire. And no wonder with all those meds inside her :shock:

    Thank God (s)he didn't also send the invoice :wink:

    An absolute classic, Numpty. Thank you.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    As Craig Revel Horwood would say: Fab-u-lous daaaaahling! :D Oh Numpty, thank you, that was wonderful. :lol: I'll see if I can unearth last year's carol offerings. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Found it! The thread is called Forced to.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Brilliant ND...................... you wont need a broomstick you will be flying high on your own :lol::lol: xxx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,416
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Glad you enjoyed it :lol: It was inspired by a visit to said rheumy. I don't actually have the injected meth yet, just 30 mg of the tablets. He said he was trying to get it for me, hopefully by Christmas. I said "Most ladies get perfume for Christmas", which made him chuckle, proving I think, he has a sense of humour after all :lol:

    DD, I've just read the thread you bumped up, brilliant! I hadn't seen it before, it was before my time on the forum. So thanks for that. :D
    Numpty
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    God rest ye merry arthritics
    No reason for despair
    'cos surgeons will grant you a wish
    Including one new pair
    Of bright new knees or shiny hips
    So you can do the stairs

    Oh tidings of comfort and joy
    Comfort and joy
    We have tidings of comfort and joy.

    Your creaky bones do really hurt
    When temperatures are low
    You find yourself in such a bind
    And moving really slow
    But orthos have a way to make
    You feel joints feel all -aglow

    Oh tidings of comfort and joy
    Comfort and joy
    We have tidings of comfort and joy.

    So joints are done you're feeling great
    And log straight onto here
    To find that others have to wait
    To face their personal fears
    Of sawing, screwing and exercise
    Which could lead to shedding tears

    Oh tidings of comfort and joy
    Comfort and joy
    We have tidings of comfort and joy.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,271
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh my God! She's not even out of bandages yet and she's in top form. Look what you've started, Numpty :!: Sheer brilliance. OK, it's now officially the AC Carol Thread.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Aaaaaaaaaagh! Major typo in verse 2 - I am so sorry. It should read

    But orthos have a way to make
    Your joints feel all a-glow

    :oops:
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,416
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol::lol::lol:

    That is genius DD!

    OK Sticky, you're next :wink:
  • knuckleduster
    knuckleduster Member Posts: 551
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Numpty and DD - absolutely amazing. You are both geniuses.

    Janet xx
  • wall1409
    wall1409 Member Posts: 294
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Fantastic, keep them coming, may manage an album. :lol:

    Wendy x
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,271
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The First No TKRs

    The first ‘No TKRs’ the surgeons did say
    Was to certain poor arthritic folk as they lay
    As they lay on their couches recounting their pain
    All the wheres, hows and whens they tried hard to explain.

    Chorus
    No knees. No hips. No hips. No knees.
    Come back in 10 years’ time. Next patient, please.

    They limped and hobbled home, all in great distress
    Thinking how they might cope would be anyone’s guess.
    More aches and pains and pills, (Oh the outlook was bleak!)
    exercises to stop muscles getting more weak.

    Chorus
    No knees. No hips. No hips. No knees.
    Come back in 10 years’ time. Next patient, please.

    They lookèd up some internet sites
    Wondering if this bleak outlook held any faint lights.
    And there, the Arthritis Care forums they found
    With a whole host of bodies all equally unsound.

    Chorus
    No knees. No hips. No hips. No knees.
    Come back in 10 years’ time. Next patient, please.

    And there they did both stop and stay
    On Hello and on Chit Chat and LWA
    And discovered that laughter heals many an ache
    And, unlike all the docs, never makes a mistake.

    Chorus
    No knees. No hips. No hips. No knees.
    Come back in 10 years’ time. Next patient, please.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Strewth! Yet another gem of a carol! I dunno about you lot but I suspect I will really struggle with the words if I go to a carol service this year. :lol:



    The OA and the RA
    When they are both full-blown
    Bring some misery unto painful joints
    Making us both sigh and moan.



    So, who can do verse two? :)
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • wall1409
    wall1409 Member Posts: 294
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Getting better, would you like me to your manager for the upcoming album :lol:
    Wendy x
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,416
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol: Brilliant Sticky :lol:
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    Strewth! Yet another gem of a carol! I dunno about you lot but I suspect I will really struggle with the words if I go to a carol service this year. :lol:



    The OA and the RA
    When they are both full-blown
    Bring some misery unto painful joints
    Making us both sigh and moan.



    So, who can do verse two? :)

    Here's the chorus,

    O' the rising from the bed
    And the running of the home,
    The working of internal organs,
    Arthritis will impede.
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    These are brilliant. Well done.
    Christine
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well done girlies fantastic :D xxx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    To be sung to the tune of 'O Little Town of Bethlehem'

    My knee was hurting and I nearly cried
    With pain, so rang my GP
    He said come in on Thu-uuursday
    And make sure you see me
    So I tod-dled i-in o-oon Thu-uu-ursday
    My GP for to see
    To be met by the news he wa-aaasn't in
    (Just to a-void me.)

    I saw a locum i-in hi-iis place
    Who was nice a-as nice could be.
    'I see you have a hi-iistory' he said
    'Of troubles with your knee.
    So-o let us ge-et it so-ooo-rted out
    As soon as soon can be
    Go to hospital now, ri-ight aa-way
    Make a fuss, scream and shout loudly.

    I pitched up for the M-emmRI
    To find the department shut
    I wondered what was go-oing on
    So asked questions to find out.
    We-e kne-ew you-oo were co-ooming
    A porter informed me
    So the staff downed tools and sca-aaarpered
    So you th-ey would not see.

    A sad and sorry tale you might think
    But ple-ease bel-ieve me
    I don't make a huge fuss o-o-r a stink
    In ringing my GP
    The fact I do it da-aaaaily
    Is neither here nor there
    This much is true, I can tell you
    I don't think he tru-ly cares.

    DD

    PS My GP is lovely and does care.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,271
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol: Another cracking carol, Gromit.

    Please keep 'em coming, everyone.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,416
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol:
    I think DD takes the carol writing crown.
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,416
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    We Three Arthritics from ACF are,
    For our appointments we travel afar,
    With crutches and scooters,
    Wheelchairs with hooters,
    Travelling by bus or car.

    Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card for Physio,
    Card for Doctor card for Hydro,
    With Other Halves leading,
    We'll be proceeding,
    Clutching our appointment cards

    Methotrexate to offer have I,
    There may be side effects but please don't cry,
    Swallow them quickly,
    Or they'll make you sickly,
    Times up now so goodbye.

    Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card for Physio,
    Card for Doctor, card for Hydro,
    With Other Halves leading,
    We'll be proceeding,
    Clutching our appointment cards

    Exercises I think are the way,
    Do them religiously every day,
    Stretching and bending,
    You'll end up up ending,
    I'm busy, so on your way.

    Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card forPhysio,
    Card for Doctor, card for Hydro,
    With Other Halves leading,
    We'll be proceeding,
    Clutching our appointment cards

    Prednisolone is a wonderful cure,
    You'll grow a beard and get fat I'm sure,
    It won't really matter,
    You'll be mad as a hatter,
    On your way out please close the door.

    Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card for Physio,
    Card for Doctor, card for Hydro,
    With Other Halves leading,
    We'll be proceeding,
    Clutching our appointment cards

    This warm water should help ease your pain,
    It will relax you whilst you remain,
    But though you implore,
    You just can't have more,
    Goodbye, and don't come back again.

    Ohoh, card for Rheumy, card for Physio,
    Card for Doctor, card for Hydro,
    With Other Halves leading,
    We'll be proceeding,
    Clutching our appointment cards
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,271
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oooh Numpty, thank you :lol::lol: I had to call Mr SW over for it.

    I really feel we should take the AC Carol Songbook into all rheumatology depts and wards. OK I can manage a fairly awful tenor these days. Whose up for Soprano, alto and bass? As an incentive, I'm told by my former-chorister son that alcohol greatly assists the vocal chords. (Mind you, he would say that.)
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Stonking stuff, Numpty, that is indeed a good 'un!

    Sticky, I'm up for that and even have the brass neck to do a solo in my rheumatology department: trust me, the staff wouldn't bat an eyelid. :wink:
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,271
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Right. We have a tenor (of sorts) plus a soprano soloist. Those are the difficult ones out of the way. Altos and basses please.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,271
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Far From Silent Night

    Ankles don’t work. Shoulders don’t work.
    Feet have both gone beserk.
    Metal hips and metal knees
    All my decent bits are prostheses
    Half of me’s in the waste bin.
    Half of me’s in the bin.

    Start off each day the omep way
    Else there’ll be hell to pay.
    Breakfast - hydroxy with toast and tea
    Weekly meth, Folic Acid. Yummy!
    Cocos when they don’t work.
    Cocos for when they don’t work.

    Dressing stick here. Washing stick there
    Raised loo seat and armchair.
    Bath lift. Surgical shoes. Pick-up stick.
    Slavish fashion does not rule this chick.
    We do things our own way.
    We do things all our own way.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran