marriage and arthritis

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  • nearlybionic
    nearlybionic Member Posts: 1,899
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi TLSF
    Thanks for a blokes perspective on this. Especially as it`s you who has the arthritis. We have been married for over 20 years now, and we have always been close really. I think this is why it hit hard and hurt so much to know he was avoiding the issue, even though it was because he was thinking of my pain.
    I am sorry to hear things have not been the same since your diagnosis, but it is good that you ca still be affectionate.
    Thanks again x
    NB
  • Christimay
    Christimay Member Posts: 112
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Don't worry no upset caused at all it's a very open honest and everyday life thread I just found it very moving if I could share just one thing with you my coping mechanism was keeping it to myself if it had been the other way round and my husband had said that I would have been devestated I in no way have any answers but if I had had a husband who worried when I was I'll wanted to take care of me when sick things would have been totally different I had a bad flare up last winter was bedded for 3 days and also had a bad chest infection cause my immune system is practically nil he left me and my 4 children there was no food in the house apart from pizza and bottled water which he had got earlier on in the day when I told him I wasn't able to do it, he went on to leave that night for a family wedding 2hrs away bid for 2 nights in a hotel and did not contact me once to see how things were this to me spoke volumes and I then decided I would be going as quick as I could after new year which I have done and I am just taking one day at a time you don't treat someone you love like nothing.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Christimay, I am so sorry that this has happened. Arthritis not only affects us, it also affects those around us and it would appear that he could not cope with what was happening. Obviously I don't know that this is the case but I recall when I left my first husband (I met the current Mr DD just after I married the first one) not once did he ask me to return let alone admit he was missing me. That spoke volumes (as did other things but no matter).

    You've taken a brave step and I hope it works out for you. I wish you well. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Thelaststarfighter
    Thelaststarfighter Member Posts: 34
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi all,

    I'm so sorry to read your story christimay, however you had to do what you did. It probably not what you wanted but you had to make the decision.

    He was very selfish caring more for himself than you and his children.

    I hope all works out for you, keep strong

    TLSF xo
  • lazicat
    lazicat Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thinking of you , hope you are ok. You are doing so well, have a nice weekend x
  • lazicat
    lazicat Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Just wondering how you are NB . Thinking of you & sending positive vibes x
  • nearlybionic
    nearlybionic Member Posts: 1,899
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi
    Thankyou for thinking of me xx
    I have been feeling a little brighter in mood lately, but my pain is really bad today, which makes me feel down. I have a review with my GP tomorrow about my new tablets.
    Things are ok with my hubby and me, he is really trying to help with thingds I am not able to manage now. He is not a talker, but I am trying to keep us talking about things so it does not get bad again. But I am snappy when in pain so I should probably keep quiet today!
    The roller coaster of how arthur affects our relationship keeps going, and I really mean that. It does feel like a rollercoaster, a little chink of something positive will happen one day, like being able to do something for yourself (or even better for someone else) that you can`t usually manage, then BANG the next day I am struggling to dress myself never mind do things for others...
    Thanks again for your kind thoughts x
    NB
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