Where do you draw the line?

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  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,714
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Villier is absolutely right. I believe you are over-thinking this, ouchpotato. Whatever happens to his father and sister, this man is a loose cannon with (if you'll pardon the mixed metaphor :oops: ) an unlicensed gun. It's not up to you to protect their business and houses. Your job is to protect yourself and your family and maybe others who might get in the way of a stray bullet.

    You can stop the emails just by changing your email address.

    As for the pain relief. Again, villier is right. Go to the GP and tell him what happened. This is one problem too many and one that can be dealt with relatively easily.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I'm with Sticky and Villier. His family's 'plight' is their problem, not yours. He has an unlicensed firearm? Ye gods woman. Set up a new email, leave his messages in situ as proof, contact the boys in blue today and sort out the pills tomorrow. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • ouchpotato
    ouchpotato Member Posts: 453
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I know you're right, both of you. I just don't know if I am strong enough to deal with the fallout. The police are already involved with my family as my ex husband presents such a threat that they have put bars on windows/doors and alarms all over the place. I went to the police about him and it went to trial but was dropped on a technicality, so now I live every day in fear of him finding us. To be in fear of retribution from 2 of them? And how stupid would I look to the police, getting in the same mess again?
  • ouchpotato
    ouchpotato Member Posts: 453
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    In one of his recent emails he says the gun is only a replica; however, he did say a while ago that he had bought a silencer for it. if it was a 'fake' then why buy a silencer? I'm not au fait with guns. This is all way over my head.
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    In your situation Ouch the police are there to help not to judge, we all make mistakes in life so you are not alone. You know we are right and you know what you have to do, you have got to start thinking about yourself and your family.
    Yes, why would anyone buy a silencer for a replica gun. I also know nothing about guns, hope you get this sorted out soon...............Marie xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I don't know much about guns either but I reckon I can spot an unstable mentality such as his. I can understand your reluctance to go to the Police as this does seem to echo what has happened before but that is not a deliberate choice by you. You are not the first woman to have one relationship go so bad followed by another and you are not at fault here; you may have low self-esteem and are therefore open to being dominated in these ways but now is the time to start changing that. Go to the Police again, you have to for your sake and that of your children and once things are settled, and you are feeling more secure, keep away from blokes for a while until you have a greater faith in yourself, your abilites and your strengths. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • ouchpotato
    ouchpotato Member Posts: 453
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    well I may have to go to the police, as he is now sending nasty emails, demanding back every penny he has ever spent, and every piece if furniture etc bought that is in my house.

    He didn't like my own furniture (too colourful, mismatching) so replaced it with new stuff. He threw out all the beds in the house, and bought new ones and now is demanding the kids' beds back! He didn't like the dining table as it was one I bought with my ex so he sold that and bought a new one along with the chairs. Same with my settees etc. He is a control freak and wanted to change everything in our lives. He paid a bill (completely behind my back) last year and is demanding that back too, along with the money he paid months ago to get my car mot'd. Most of the furniture was bought behind my back, and the first I knew of it was when it turned up at the door!

    Bloody hell, I don't need this!
  • ouchpotato
    ouchpotato Member Posts: 453
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    DD, I stayed away from relationships for a good 2 years at least, for exactly this reason!
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I didn't know that last bit, I'm sorry. Two years was a good long stretch but how did you progress in yourself over that time?

    You owe him nothing, he chose to spend his money in that way and you have no reason to reimburse him. You have no obligations towards him, no responsibility towards the choices he made, zip, nada, nowt, zero, none. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,714
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    You've shown a great deal of strength and courage over the last few weeks. Just keep it up. Don't worry about what either the GP or the police think of you. They're on your side. We all make mistakes and you will by no means be the first person to have made the same, or similar, mistake twice. We are all slow learners.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh my god Ouch
    How evil can he be!
    I agree totally with all the others on here
    You also need to print off all the emails he's sent to you and take them to the police as proof
    Have you thought of contacting the helpline number just to speak to someone you can't go through this on your own
    ((((( )))))
    Maria
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh Ouch, you poor thing. You certainly don't need all this. I totally agree with the others. You have to think about you and the kids, not him and his family. I noticed you called him your OH. He's no longer your OH and you no longer have to have anything at all to do with him. Please tell your GP and the police what is going on and let them help you.
    Christine
  • ouchpotato
    ouchpotato Member Posts: 453
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi all. Well things have taken a rather sinister turn - it seems that I got involved with an even bigger slimeball than I realised. He apparently has photos and 'secret' videos of me, of an intimate nature, with which he is now blackmailing me. Basically if I go to the police and report him for assault he will show these photos and videos. I don't believe he has them, but then he did often try to get me to overdose on meds so I would be unconscious in bed...who knows if he drugged me himself?
    Either way this has sickened me to the stomach - if he did take the photos etc he is beneath contempt, disgusting and abhorrent, and if he didn't he is still all those things for trying to make me think he has. I do, however, have it on text that he doesn't want his stuff back, so it is now all on ebay. I don't want his **** in my house, I'll use the money to refurnish with my own stuff. The texts all came on his phone but in third party, allegedly it was his friend texting on ex's say so...how ridiculous for a man in his 40s. This friend even described a tattoo I have on my stomach - he says he has seen the video himself - really horrible, and as I said sinister.

    Needless to say I am not feeling well at all, I'm exhausted and in pain and...defeated I think is the best word. And so so disappointed in relationships. I am back to using my cane again, as my back and hip are so bad.

    Hope you are all enjoying the cooler weather today?

    x
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 809
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello Ouch. My heart goes out to you with lots of (((()))) too. Please do as the others have suggested and go to the Police TODAY. This man must be stopped from carrying on the way he is, and stopped immediately. I really do think you need to involve your GP and also perhaps a solicitor to help you. I worked in Family Law for part of the time I was in the legal profession and saw many similar cases during my time there. You must think of yourself and your children(which I am sure you are). The CAB will be able to help you find a solicitor. PLEASE, Ouch, do it today. There are people to help you but you MUST make that first step.

    Let us know how you get on. Take care. Please pm me if you would like to.

    Beryl. xx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    You are still under his control, he's pulling your strings and watching you dance. Call his bluff, so what if he has these details of you? The police will have seen far worse, if you do appear drugged then that may help your case against him, but you have nothing different to any other woman. He's relying on you not to call his bluff, he's making you feel ashamed, embarrassed and you're playing straight into his hands. DD

    PS The cops are more likely to guffaw at him and his efforts (I know a couple of cops and believe me that is the case). I bet he hasn't thought about that.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • MrOptimist
    MrOptimist Member Posts: 175
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    You are clearly in need of 'professional' help and your GP is there to assist. Sadly, your situation isn't unique and there is nothing which you have to say that your GP will not have heard before. My own feeling is that it isn't wise to post such information on a 'public' forum - tempting though that may be.

    My very best wishes to you. I hope you are able to resolve your difficulties soon.
  • ouchpotato
    ouchpotato Member Posts: 453
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Mr O...I did show reservations earlier in the thread about posting this, but I was assured that it was ok, and that the support was there. I do not relish posting details like this about myself, believe me, but as I have nowhere else to go for advice I posted here. If the mods wish to remove the thread then so be it - the original post was about the effect several things have had on my health, and whilst other situations have resolved themselves, this one has spiralled out of control.

    DD. I have told him that I care not one iota what photos/video he has, that whilst I was doing nothing wrong he clearly was and he was breaking the law, not me. He (or his third party texter) said I could see copies if I wanted to which I replied ok...strangely none have been forthcoming :roll:

    I have a friend who is in the police force, and I may speak to him 'off the record' and see what he has to say.

    Anyway, I will let this thread die now, as it has clearly caused offence.

    Thankyou for all your advice

    x
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Well, I for one am not offended, my view is that you need support and we're here to offer it. You have found yourself in a mess which is not of your making, it is your choice whom you tell, how and in what detail, and if you haven't contacted any authorities as yet I urge you to consider doing so. You cannot carry on with this degree of stress for much longer. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 809
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I agree with DD and certainly am not offended. We are all here to help and support one another and sometimes it maybe that the forum is, perhaps, the only way of getting some support to help us through difficuly times irrespective of what the problem is.

    I do hope you will come onto the forum whenever you want to, Ouch, and I really hope that everything will improve for you soon. All this stress cannot possibly be doing your health problems any good whatsoever.

    Take care of yourself. Am sending some (((()))) to help you along.

    Beryl

    xx
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I agree with DD and Beryl. We come on here to help each other. I am not offended one bit. Please have a word with your policeman friend. We are all here if you need us.
    Christine
  • ouchpotato
    ouchpotato Member Posts: 453
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello all, and thanks for your continuing support. After all the disgusting underhand things he has done, I had a phone call this morning from him begging me to take him back!!! He loves me blah blah...I told him that he made my skin crawl and to stop contacting me. I am still waiting to speak to my friend, and in the meantime I just want to be left alone.
  • dibdab
    dibdab Member Posts: 1,498
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Ouch,

    I'm with the others- keep talking, we're here to support each other with life, not just arthritis. But I really would encourage you to talk to the authorities to, he clearly needs stopping now before he finds another victim now that you have found the courage to stand up to him.

    Take care.

    Deb xx
  • ouchpotato
    ouchpotato Member Posts: 453
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi, I know I should go to the police but I have been through all this before with my ex husband and the stress nearly killed me. I had to go through with it then though to keep my children safe. This time I have no ties to him, either familial or financial and I'm not sure I have the strength to go through it again, especially as I know what he's capable of, I am so afraid he might reveal my whereabouts to my ex husband out of sheer spite.

    After the 'I love you' call, he then reverted back to his nasty vindictive self, bleating on about enjoying sleeping in his £3k bed (it cost him a couple of 100 at most off an auction site), his 40" tv, his mirrors (which I hate) even down to me eating my dinner off his plates (little does he know they are all boxed up and being sold on ebay as a car boot sale job lot!)

    Today me and my son have dismantled the horrid bunk beds he put in my daughter's room...she has a tiny room but he decided to put 2 sets of bunk beds and a double wardrobe in there so his daughter's (who I've never even met) would have somewhere to sleep! My daughter literally had to walk sideways to get in there it was so cramped. So we dismantled them, and took the lot to the tip, and put a single bed in there for her. I couldn't even be bothered selling them, and boy did it feel good dumping them.

    I saved his texts to my laptop, the ones threatening me, and the ones about the videos etc, and also the ones saying I could keep all his stuff, and have now deleted him from my phone. Incidentally, he tells me he has secret voice recordings of some of our conversations...what kind of weirdo is he? he said he needed to 'protect himself' in case I ever accused him of anything?!?! That to me suggests he has a history of this kind of behaviour, and knew he would behave like an animal.

    On the plus side, I have been following the slimming world plan (not going to class but I know it inside out) for the past 3 weeks and I think I must have lost about a stone. The rheumatologist blamed the pain on weight among other things (don't they always) so when I go back in nov I want to be able to rule that one out.

    Oh well, onwards and upwards.

    x
  • cheekygirl
    cheekygirl Member Posts: 128
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :) hi ouch potato.i fully understand how you are feeling .i too lived the same life .i had broken ribs .fractured cheek bone ouch .very controlling .man i believe .half my health problems today are contributed by the physical abuse i put up with ,because i saw my father do the same to my mother it becomes a way of life .but i am a stronger person now.but still hate hate him for what he did to me .just be strong and chin up ..i am sending you lots lov ,,hugs,,, kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 809
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Ouch. How are things with you today? Well done for sorting out your daughter's room. Can imagine that has made you feel a lot better. I still do think you really should talk to your policeman friend as I am sure he would have some words of advice for you, and if you do find it necessary to take things further it might help that you had already spoken to him, even if it is 'off the record'.

    Take care.

    Beryl. (((())))xx
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