I have a date for the funeral.

dreamdaisy
dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
edited 15. Aug 2013, 15:54 in Living with Arthritis archive
Me, 'im indoors and the rest of my immediate family will say farewell to my odd old stick of a cousin at 1pm on August 14th.

His death is still reducing me to helpless tears of bewilderment, grief and sorrow. I did not cry like this when my belovéd Pa died (because I knew he was dying, it was just a matter of when) and the same for Ma, because I knew when she was admitted to hospital on 02 April she wouldn't be leaving on her own two feet. But Chris? I know the how - a massive coronary and the thinking is he knew nothing - and I know that the only answer to why is 'Why not?' (as is always the case) but somehow his un-necessary death is channelling my contained grief of my parents' death.

I know this isn't quite the right forum for this post so Mods, please feel free to move me to wherever you think is best. And that includes pressing the delete button.

Je suis une rather glum DD.
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Comments

  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I don't mind you posting on here DD I'm sure no one else does either the mods included,we are like a family we support one another.(((((()))))) Mig
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 807
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello DD. Am glad you now have a date for the funeral. I can well understand how you are feeling. To lose your Mum and now your Cousin has brought all the sadness you are feeling to the surface and I think it is quite natural for you to feel as you do. I guess in time your grief will gradually lessen but this always takes time. I lost my dear Mum many years ago but all it takes is for me to hear her favourite song, or come across one of her 'keepsakes' (as I did today), and I still get upset now. I don't think you are alone in feeling as you do.

    Do try to be gentle with yourself and rest as much as you can.

    Thinking of you very much. Beryl. (((())))
  • DebbieT
    DebbieT Member Posts: 1,033
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh DD I'm so sorry ure struggling to come to terms with his loss :(

    It's been an awful lot to cope with for you so I think you should allow ureself this time to grieve ((((DD)))) I wouldn't try & analyse how ure coping or even if ure not ... It may be time to let ureself just feel, all of it, all of your losses!!

    I hope the funeral day treats you as kindly as possible.

    I have no problem with you posting about this, I hope the mods don't mind, I'm sure they won't.

    Take care of ureself.x
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi DD
    I don't think the mods will remove this.
    I'm glad you've got a date and will have closure but so sorry you've had to go through all this over the past months.
    Take care and be gentle with yourself

    Love
    Hileena
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi DD
    I can't add anything else as the others have said it all
    (((( ))))
    Maria
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you, I appreciate your kind replies. It's a miserable day here today, dank, dark and drippy - much like me. :wink: DD
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think you kept it together for your parents and now all the grief is coming out,

    All the best
    Elizabeth x
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You are spot on with your diagnosis, Tkachev, I think that's it exactly. I had to be strong for Ma when Pa died, when she died I was determined to speak about her and for her but now? Yes, it's all bubbling 'nicely' to the surface. :( Anyhoo, I've just had a lovely lunch with a friend so that was a treat and it got me out of the house - always a good thing. DD
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Really pleased you got out and had a nice lunch that will brighten your day a little. (((()))) Mig
  • Megrose489
    Megrose489 Member Posts: 745
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Pleased you had a pleasant lunch, DD and hope you're feeling a little better. Grief can suddenly strike us at any time - usually connected with the smallest things - and I'm sure you're still grieving for your mum and dad. My mum died over 30 years ago, yet, as Beryl said, I just have to hear a song that she used to sing and I shed a tear or two.

    Take care and be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

    Meg
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,347
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello DD
    i'm sorry I don't know what to say we will be thinking about you.
    ((((((((DD)))))))).
    joan xx
  • louisarm
    louisarm Member Posts: 52
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear DD,

    I am so sorry for your loss of your cousin and mum and dad.

    Sending you good wishes and hugs at this sad time.

    Louisa x
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,274
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD it can hurt so much when you lose a member of the family without any warning...so sad...for all of you...(((((()))))xx and of course its the right forum... :)
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Once again I extend my thanks to you all. Mr DD and me lost our dads within 11 months of each other (his dad in July 2001 and mine in June 2002) then 11 years on our mums within 6 months of each other, his mum last October and mine in April. Then add in the double carpal last November (me) which resulted in our taking our marriage to a whole new level of intimacy :wink: and his very nasty appendix in late January then yes, it's been one helluva ghastly time. And to top it all we've seen the perfect house for our next move. :roll: We have still one house to clear and three to sell. Hopefully it won't sell, so many others in its area of town are still on the market after a year or so . . . . . . . . but I reckon this one will be snapped up. ****'s law, innit? :wink: DD
  • nearlybionic
    nearlybionic Member Posts: 1,899
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi DD
    I am glad you have a date to work towards. You are feeling completely as you should, given the awful set of circumstances you have encountered xx
    I have been out to lunch too, with a friend who has recently lost their spouse, and 2 other close family members. I don`t know if it would be something you would consider, but they are finding bereavement counselling very helpful. It doesn`t stop the tears but may help you to get through.
    Take care xx
    NB
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    That's a kind thought, NB, thank you. I keep wondering if I would be coping better if I didn't have the PsA and OA but what is the point of that? I suspect the answer would be yes because I would still be working whereas at the moment I have neither the energy, interest or stamina to do so. Luckily with being self-employed I can determine what I want to do and when and all my clients are being very patient with me. Mind you, being the only person in the area who does what I do helps that. :wink:

    I have a night out with the girls tomorrow - well, when I say 'out' it will be at someone's house and I will be staying over. I'm providing the cheese and biccies and it should be fun. If it isn't I'll leave them the goodies and come home. DD
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD, you post away if you need to. And blubb away too. It's only natural for you to feel like this. Glad you had lunch out and hope you enjoyed the time with your friends tonight.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I really didn't want to go but it turned out to be an utter blast. We kicked off with a choice of Pimms or gin and elderflower punch. I opted for the second and must get the recipe because it was gorgeous. The food was superb, the company good, the wine flowed and I didn't get to bed until 2am. :D I slept brilliantly in a very comfy bed (A, please go out for the night again the next time I'm round :wink: ) and this morning I trotted over C's bridge to go and see the piggies - this is their last 24 hours on earth before they go to the great sty in the sky. The next meal round there will involve them in a starring role, I'm sure. :wink:

    Mr DD also had a blast with the boys - we had a girls' night in and our respective boys had a boys' night out. 'Im indoors didn't get to bed until 3. We are taking today very gently, we're far too old for such shenanigans.
    :)
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 807
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Glad you had a good night DD. It sounds as though a good time was had by all. Have a gentle day today.

    Take care. Beryl.
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Glad you had a good night,hope there's no head- ache. Mig
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sounds like a brilliant night. Glad you enjoyed it DD.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It was so good, it turned into one of the best evenings I've had in a long, long time. We all contributed to the meal, the variety was superb and it all tasted good. I do not have a headache but I'm making up for that with plenty of pain elsewhere. That is par for the course, non? Mr DD, however, is a tad 'delicate' . :wink: DD

    PS I am taking things very easy because I can't do otherwise.
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi, I'm jelous! :? Not really, I'm glad you had such a good time, now get on with the restful day and you'll be fine.
    :D Love Sue xxxx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you, Woodbon, I rested yesterday and things are worse today so more resting (interspersed with gentle touches of ironing and cooking) will be the order of the day. I can barely move, however, which is going to make life more challenging than usual. I like a challenge (which is just as well). :( DD
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm sorry I've not got to add anything sooner DD but you have every right to post this post here. We support each other on here through good,bad & sad times. It's good you have a date now so you can plan. It seems harder when someone passes away suddenly, it's a shock. So it's harder to come to terms with it, no one expects any less to how you feel. But I'm glad you had a good night out with the girls that must have helped you. You make sure you rest up so you can get your strength back. Sending you (()).

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