I seem to have developed an attitude...

ouchpotato

Bubbadog, that made me spit my morning coffee out! Thankyou for giving me a giggle first thing in the morning

Carrie in Crocs...fake ones at that! And ow...my eyes are watering at an arthritic Samantha!

Hileena, I have a car too, and when I have the children with me it's easier and cheaper to drive, but when I'm on my own it's free to travel on the bus and it's great for people watching. And also amusing to watch entitled older people who are much more able bodied than I am tut and moan (loudly) that I am sitting in the disabled seat. It's all great fodder for the book.

Thistlegirl...I will certainly share it when it's finished (and as long as it's not a pile of rubbish!). And thanks, I may just take you up on your proof reading offer!

Going back to my mum...my sister is away for a few days with friends, and the plan was for her and mum to come up on Saturday - mum was going to stay for a couple of days and sis was going to stay for longer. So, last night mum phoned me to inform me that she wouldn't be coming up, and sis was coming on her own. She does this every single time - she will come, she won't come - in order, I suspect, to make me beg her. Well, this time I just said 'ok, that's fine' and changed the subject. End of. It will be lovely to spend some time with just my sister, without the endless walking on eggshells.

Have a great day all

x

Kittkat

Sounds awesome. I got my hair cut short 6 months ago. It was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. I love it. Bet you look great!

hileena111

Hi Ouch
That is one thing I love......people watching.
Usually when I'm sitting having a coffee. Its wonderful the sights you see.
Also interesting to see how many seem to be worse off than you {me}
I'm one of those older people but not one that tuts at you using a disabled seat 'cause I haven't been on a bus for a long time

Love
Hileena

bubbadog

OK Ouch how about Miranda works for Citizens Advice Bureau helping people with Atos & ESA and she's over run and Charlotte is looking for the perfect man to take her on with her O.A & R.A. What do you think? It would be one funny book if someone wrote it!

How you been last couple of days? I was done in yesterday so needed a rest day. Just need to slow things down and not do too much, hardly done anything this week need to sort a few holiday things today so behind on to do lists!! You have a good weekend ouch!

maria09

Hi ouch
I can't wait to read your book ill buy it for my kindle
Ignore your mother and have a great time with your sister it seems she wants you both on a guilt trip
Be kind to yourself stay sassy and get your book written lady
Maria

ouchpotato

Hello lovely people

I haven't been on here for a few days as my sister is up for a visit. As you know my mum is very difficult, and this time it's no different. My sister was coming up alone which I was really looking forward to, then my mum was coming, then she wasn't...it's always the same. Then on Saturday morning my mum called and asked was it ok if she did come - this was 3 hours before my sister was due to arrive, so I then had to run around like a blue **** fly, cleaning, and making up another bed, and buying more ingredients so dinner would accommodate another person etc etc. The coach they get runs past my house, but she insisted that I drive into town to pick them up, so I then had to put the kids in the car, put petrol in, get stressed sitting in Saturday afternoon town centre traffic...just to pick them up when they could have got off across the road from my house!

Anyhoo...it was very difficult, a tense atmosphere, she huffs and puffs a lot. She never let me and my sister have a moment alone, upset my daughters because she openly favours my son, used foul language blah blah.

Then yesterday she wanted to go shopping, so I dutifully drove into town. She did nothing but moan, huffing and puffing, complaining about my sister wandering off in the shops (remember my sister is 53), complaining that my sister might be in Cuba for Christmas (hmm...cuba drinking mojitos or my controlling mother on xmas day?), then we bumped into my daughter and her boyfriend and she got even more annoyed. On the way home she was really rude and offensive to me, so I pulled her up over it. Cue awkward silence punctuated only by her muttering 'Jesus Christ' under her breath.

At home we were all sitting at the table, having a cuppa and nibbles and chatting. She decided to sit alone in the living room, and then when we didn't follow her in she suddenly upped and said she was going home, gathered up her stuff and left to get the coach home! Didn't even stay to say goodbye to the kids when they got home from school. I was, and still am, furious because she has upset my sister and therefore ruined her visit with me, she created a terrible atmosphere (this was all done in front of my daughter's boyfriend).

Aaarrrghhh...even when we were in town, she asked what I was cooking for dinner. I said a curry. She asked what was I doing with it. I said rice. She asked did I want to get oven chips. I said no, I was doing rice, and naan bread etc. She walked off and then suddenly turned on me and shouted 'well I want oven chips'...I swear she stamped her feet! So I'm spending 2 hours cooking a curry from scratch, and she wants blardy oven chips! It would be comical if it didn't stir up so many feelings of fear from childhood.

Anyway, after she left my sister and I got rather drunk, and had a good laugh, although I think she may be hungover now as she is still tucked up in bed. It's affected her more than me, she really does walk on eggshells around my mum, whereas I will only take so much before I get mad. I doubt my sister will come home from Cuba for xmas - she was going to, but now my mother has ruined that for all of us. She ruined my sister's visit to me. She has upset my brother so he has barely seen my sister since she's been home. Sad to say but she really is not a very nice person, and sometimes I thoroughly dislike her.

Sorry, just needed to rant and get that off my chest!

Hope you're all well

x

maria09

Hi Ouch
I'm sure your mum would do well on Jeremy Kyle!!
I know its easy for me to say but I'd tell her straight
You don't need her adding stress to your life so tell her to s* d off
You owe her nothing so enough s enough get on with your life ignore her once she realises that her pathetic outbursts have no effect on you she will stop
Well that's the theory seems to me you all need a break from her leave her to stew and get on with your lives
Ooh I do get mad at so called parents who are so selfishYou don't need it or her Grrr
Rant over sorry if it seems hares and uncaring but that's how she come across
Enjoy rest of your time with your sister
Maria

tkachev

You'll never please your Mother, she obviously likes things her way and enjoys upsetting you and your Sister anyway she can. Maybe she is jealous of your close relationship and it reminds her she hasn't got a good relationship with anybody.I'd also say it was attention seeking. At least you know you did everything you could for her even if that wasn't good enough in her eyes.

Don't let her spoil things between you and your family,

Elizabeth

thistlegirl

She sounds like a cracker Ouch!
She seems to be affecting you all so much, it is easy for me to say but your time and energy levels are better spent on those who help you. I hope you get to spend some good time with your sister, maybe agree not to talk about mum for the rest of the visit and focus on the good things?
You know your mum and it sounds like she has put you all through it over the years, I would cut her off for a while but that is easy for me to say, life is too short. It sounds like you have given her so many chances to be involved in your family and she seems to be getting worse rather than better.
My ideal would be your sister comes home from Cuba for Christmas and your Mum is not invited but I know that would be hard for your sister but if your mum doesn't have any consequences is she ever going to change?
My last thought is if she is getting worse could this be Dementia developing, I would talk to my GP and get her advice?

Good luck and enjoy your time with your sister

Thistle

ouchpotato

Maria...funny you should say that...she has always said that people who are on Jeremy kyle are morons, and so are those who watch it. BUT she watches it at least twice a day, sometimes 3 times if she watches the American one. And when I drove over to see my sister when she first arrived, having not seen her for a few years, my mum turned the tv full blast to watch JK, even though me and sis were catching up, and chatting, in the same room.

This latest strop - it takes her at least 3 hours to get home from here. It's not like it was a 20 minute journey.

I do have periods of no contact with her, I can go months without hearing from her. And it's soooo peaceful.

I'm enjoying the peace and quiet at the moment. Sis is still in bed, and I can do things my way without fear of chastisement...'you've put too much water in that kettle', 'you've hung your washing out the wrong way', you shouldn't put those throws on your settee like that', 'why do you let the kids do that?', 'why don't you have any dish cloths/toilet brush/floor cloths?'

Oh, and also 'I prefer your hair the way it was, I don't like that skirt on you, put some make up on...' Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! The stress does nothing for my pain levels.

ouchpotato

If this was out of the ordinary behaviour I would say it might be the start of dementia, but it's not. She has been like this forever. Very very narcissistic. She instilled such fear in us as children, and that has never gone away, although I am less tolerant of it than my sister. She is a misogynist, and doesn't care who knows it.

hileena111

Oh Ouch I'm so sorry.....What a mother. Can your sister not just come and see you without your mother?
How much longer will she be staying with you?
It's easy for me to say......cut yourself off for a while but not as easy to do.
Sending you ((((()))))
When your sis goes back....get your pen, pencils and pad out and off you go into Starbucks
Love
Hileena

ouchpotato

Hileena...my sister is still with me, my mum had her hissy fit and went home on Monday. Sis is staying for a few more days at least, and is terrified of going home to mum's, then she's off to Cuba on 30th. We spent a peaceful day together yesterday, me catching up with stuff on the laptop, she was reading and playing with her camera. You can't do that kind of thing with mum around as if you're not paying attention to her all the time she strops. She has never read a book in her life, so can't understand bookworms (me, sis and all my kids are bookworms). It'll give you an idea of the hurry she left in - she's left most of her stuff here, including shoes, hot water bottle (which she uses even in summer), clothes...

So today we will probably go shopping, just amble around town without fear of listening to mumbled comments, or huffing and puffing, or an atmosphere you can cut with a knife.

It made me laugh when you said about heading off to starbucks...they do say never upset a writer as you will end up dead in one of her books!

tkachev...she is definitely jealous of how close me and my sister are. I think she thought that when she stropped off home my sister would go with her and she would have succeeded in driving a wedge between us. She can't bear to be in the company of more than one of her offspring at a time, she likes to keep us separate and if we do get together and have a conversation she will strop, turn the tv up loud, or complain that she's bored because we're talking about travel for instance.

I have found a site called 'daughters of narcissistic mothers', and it's so scary to read because almost all of it is familiar. They also advocate going no contact, as it is impossible to have a relationship with a narc and it will only bring you down if you try.

I'm sorry, I've gone off again on something non arthritis, although I suppose everything we do affects us in some way, stress certainly makes me feel worse. Sounding off to you wonderful people helps enormously.

Hope you're not feeling the cold too much; heating had to go on yesterday as it was just too cold. I've resisted so far today but I'm really feeling it.

Take care and thankyou all.

x

hileena111

Hi Ouch
Glad your sister is still there for a few more days.....you should have a more relaxing time.
What's going to happen to your mums belongings????
I know...you probably don't care.....is she likely to come back for them..... :shock:
Don't kill me please
Its very cold here today...sunny at the moment but breezy and cold.
I've got to get out and deliver some Avon
Take care
Love
Hileena