Why?

maria09

Why when you get over one crisis and think right can start living with no worries does something happen turn your world upside down and the stress starts all over again
I'm now getting to the stage when I think what's the point!!
Maria

Megrose489

Oh, Maria. I feel for you. You're going through a tough time at the moment, but, hopefully, things will improve. It's all about life's ups and downs, I suppose. Be kind to yourself and take it easy. We're thinking about you.

Meg

lily

Maria

Im so sorry life is hard at the moment, I can so relate to this, its like life goes from one crisis to another without any letup

I cannot give any advice other than to say be good to yourself and as we all know things eventually will settle down,its the eventual part that we all want to know when this will be

Thinking of you
Take care
Lily x

dreamdaisy

It's called life and this is what it does. I've not had a good year but so what? I have blessings in my life, including a good husband and some cracking friends, they are constants and I am fortunate in that regard. Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of the better things but I am sure they are there and you will find them in due course. DD

maria09

Maybe it is life
But all in 2 years!!!!
First my father in law died of cancer, 3 months after my mother had a stroke and nearly died no a number of occasions, whilst all this was going on and 2 months after that another uncle died of cancer thn July last year daughter was seriously ill and if she hadn't gone into hospital and had 3 units of blood she would have died! With all that going on I was trying to go own ill health route at work and had my ward manager making my life hell, and again in the middle of all this my daughter was re admitted and spent 10 days having IV steroids
Plus I had all the cr*p with DWP and Atos so
Last week I thought great I'd lost my DW appeal and thought at least I've got my ill health pension which is more than most so time to get on with my life
Then whack! Daughter was called urgently to GP this week her Azothiaprine medication for her colitis was working too well and suppressing her bone marrow and was what's called neutropenic s o she's one prone to any infection and she can't fight it therefore getting the common cold means it could easily become pneumonia!
The other thing that can now happen as her colitis flares and can not be controlled at the age of 19 she could end up with a colostomy and also more prone to bowel cancer
So I think that enough of the so called thing called life!
I'm sorry if this offends anyone it's not meant to
But surprisingly enough writing all that down had helped to make me feel better and ready to carry on fighting
On a good note whilst my daughter was in hospital last and only having 4 weeks to study for her its exams at uni she got a 1st in these exams and was 1st in the year
Enough rambling for now I'm off to make a cuppa
Maria

dreamdaisy

And there's your better bit. Well done to your girl, despite everything that has been going on she has achieved those excellent results. DD

maria09

I know DD she's so clever but never flaunts it
She's also manager of the choir
I don't know how she will keep away from infections she's surrounded by people every where
Just need a magic bubble to go round her or a magnetic field to bounce the bugs away
She's living with 4 of her friends we went to her house today and the washing up was done and kitchen tidy but that's before the others get back later this week!
I've told her to tell them exactly what's wrong they know she's poorly but not how bad so I've said just tell them her bone marrow is not producing the white cells that's needed to fight infections and it could be very serious if she gets ill
If I could cross my fingers for Friday I would but can't!
Wish it was me not her she doesn't deserve it
Maria

maria09

She is DD
I just wish it was me that had her rotten condition so she can enjoy her life not worrying what's going to happen next
She should be out enjoying herself not worrying that she cant go out as she could get an infection and end up in hospital
Grrrr
Maria

dreamdaisy

From what I understand those feelings are the norm for mums. I'm sure mine had similar emotions concerning me when I was a child and I know she felt very guilty about the way things turned out which, let's face it, was utterly pointless and just added to the load we both carried. Things are as they are, she wasn't to know how my life would turn out - no mum knows that. DD

PS Maybe it's time to see your GP? He or she may be able to help with either counselling or anti-deps.

maria09

Hi DD
I don't need antidepressants been on them when I really needed them and they work so I know they are there if I do in fact still have some in my meds drawer
My daughter is on waiting list of counselling so its all pending
It just felt good writing it all down
As a mother you would die for your child no,matter what age they are
My mum bless her says she will help me whenever I need her to do cleaning even though she had her stroke and is totally paralysed down her left side I always ok mum just wait till you feel up to it
So the bond is there no matter what the circumstances are
Saying that there are mothers out there without a single maternal bone in their body
Maria

barbara12

Maria I think you just need to talk..and I for one don't mind listening...you will come through this I promise..and well done to your daughter for getting such good results with all she has to put up with...(((()))xx

maria09

Thank you Barbara
Writing it down did certainly help
Maria

dachshund

Hello Maria
you are a strong lady you and your daughter will get through this.
your daughter did well.
((((((((((Maria and her Daughter))))))))
take care
joan xx

Boomer13

Hi Maria;

My goodness you have had your share and now again with your daughter. That is the worst stress having a sick child (even if she is an adult). I am sorry. Do rant away if it helps! That's awful plus you are probably feeling her illness step by step (as well as your own); sending you some hugs
(((((Maria)))))).

Don't forget to keep taking care of yourself. I know you are a nurse but sometimes nurses are bad for taking self-sacrifice to an extreme when caring for others. Please take some time for yourself to rest, pamper yourself and recover your strength.

dibdab

Hi Maria,

Life has certainly dealt you a rough hand of late, just wanted to send some hugs:
{{{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}

Keep ranting when you need to, we're here to listen and share, and it often helps to get it off your chest.

Deb x

petals

Hi Maria,

Sorry you are having such a tough time.
You have had a lot to cope with over the past two years and it looks like it has all caught up with you.

You sound like a giver who concentrates on looking after everybody else but right now you need to give yourself a break.

I know that your (very clever) daughter is very poorly at the moment and that is the hardest thing for any Mum. However, she needs you to be strong for her and to do this you must take care of yourself first.

If you feel exhausted with it all, would it help to have a couple of douvet days, with a couple of good books, DVDs, lots of tea and bickies, hot water bottle to cuddle, just total rest to recharge your batteries.

I hope you are feeling better soon, come on here and moan as much as you like, you are entitled.

Love Petals xx

kentishlady

Am so sorry you are having such a tough time, Maria, and I do hope things will improve soon for you, and for your daughter too. Congratulations to her for doing so well in her exams in spite of all her problems. Take care of yourself. Am sending a few ((((())))) in case they are needed. Beryl. xx

Toots

Hugs Maria, I hope today is a slightly better day all round. Don't be hard on yourself, everyone has a breaking point and it sounds like getting it off your chest may have helped a little. It never fails to amaze me that the wonderful people here, yourself included, are always ready for kind words and it really does lift your spirits. More hugs. And a couple of extra hugs xxx

villier

((((())))) Maria, hopefully getting things off your chest is making you feel a wee bit better, I hope you have taken the others advice and have some you time............tc.................Marie xx

maria09

I have well not exactly me time I've had the urge to clean to take my mind off things
So kitchens done floor washed and now rest time while floor dries
Then sitting room next
Maria

stickywicket

Well done to your daughter for some cracking exam results. I hope Friday brings good news.

maria09

Thank you all for your support will let you know how she gets on
Maria

kentishlady

Hello Maria. You have been busy. Well done. Am afraid I've had an 'easy day'. Went a bit mad yesterday, clearing out airing cupboard and sorting out rubbish that I've somehow managed to accumulate, so that I could put it out for bin collection today. I agree thst keeping busy does help to take your mind off things, but the trouble is that we usually pay for it later.

Think you deserve a rest and a cuppa. Take care. Beryl. (((())))x

maria09

Thank you Beryl
Appointment was ok she needs weekly bloods until neutropenia as settled then back on the Azothiaprine so will wait for IBD nurse to let us know when
Had a discussion regarding surgery and colostomy which is the next option so lots to think about
Luckily her IBD nurse is excellent and answers truthfully
As long as my daughters ok I'm ok
Amazingly enough my Arthur has been really good these last few days
Onwards and upwards
Maria

Megrose489

I've been thinking about you this morning Maria. So pleased that the appointment went well.

Take care,

Meg

DebbieT

Im so glad it went well. I truly can't imagine how you both cope ((((hugs))))

Really pleased ure arthritis is behaving itself xxx