One Day At A Time ............

DebbieT

Hi,

So to recap ... I gave up a 300 cigarette a week, 32 year old habit on 4th July 2013.

I was doing really well. I made it through my Dads illness, Death & Funeral 22nd August - 4th October & I felt strong, I hated the smell etc but I hadn't allowed the emotion in, I was stuck in Limbo. My closest friend realised wot I was doing & came for a visit & made me talk about everything, she wouldn't let me hide a single thing. My walls crumbled & at 43 yrs old I had no coping mechanisms to deal with that amount of brutal pain ... I did wot smokers do ... I reached for my old emotional crutch & lit up a cigarette!!

So here I am again ... My second attempt started this morning. I'm hopeful, concerned & terrified I'll fail again .... I will succeed at some stage though, of that I'm certain

One day at a time .......... xxx

phoenixoxo

Hi Debbie,

For what it's worth, I think you're still doing really well!

I've never been a smoker, but I do have my own emotional crutch of sorts and I can relate to having had a funny five minutes recently during which I lit up again, so to speak. This sort of thing isn't a full-on fail, just a blip, and the fact you've owned up to it shows you're ready to give it another go.

Good luck!
Phee

Boomer13

I agree Debbie, just a blip. Don't be hard on yourself; we all start over with lots of blips/glitches every day.... You are still doing so well with so much to deal with.

For me, it's food right now :oops: <-:

Megrose489

I agree that this is just a blip, Debbie, so don't beat yourself up over it. You've said, one day at a time and that's how you've got to see it. You're doing so well and I can appreciate how difficult it is to give up after smoking for so long. Have you been in touch with your local surgery? I know that our health centre have a stop smoking clinic which offers support.

Today is a new day. You will do it, I'm sure.

Take care.

Meg

dreamdaisy

You were doing well and you are doing well. One slip does not negate everything you have achieved - you lived through some very big crises without yielding and that is to your credit, one or two have been puffed, so what? You're back on track - you go girl, you have the determination, you did it before and you will do it again. ((())) DD

DebbieT

Thank you all! ((((Hugs))))

I wish I could say it was only 1 or 2 but it was a rapid decline down my slippery slope :oops:

Day 1 went really well. I used 5 pieces of gum along with my patch.

First thing in the morning is the worst bit, I wake up & remember I'm not allowed that one thing I've relied on for so long. I'm trying to change my immediate routine so it takes my mind off of it.

I do have a clinic, It's at my GP Surgery. The Nurse is brilliant & an ex smoker so I feel confident with her coz I know shes felt like this too

I appreciate all of ure support, especially wen I'm battling with myself not to reach for a cigarette!!

Xxx xxX

villier

Good on you Debbie for having another go as the others said it was just a blip, you can do this and we are all behind you. It took me a couple of goes and I have now been off them for nearly five years. That is good you have the clinic, I went to a cessation class and it helped me being with people supporting one another, good luck you can do it girl!!................Marie xx

barbara12

Debbie..yes just a blip..put it behind you...my youngest son gave up smoking on his second attempt..its now coming up to ten years...so you will do it.. (((())) xx

bridesmum

Well done for trying again, you've done it before during what sounds like a very difficult period of your life so be confident that you can do it again! Best wishes, Deb

bubbadog

As you say it's a day at a time, it's not easy as it's an addiction. You are doing really well Debbie. My Mom,Aunt and a friend I know gave up smoking and I know from them it's a hard thing to do! The tuff time you went through we can allow you the small blip, carry on the good work!!

stickywicket

You did it once, Debbie. You can do it again. It was a very, VERY tough test of your resolve but, hey, perfection is sooooo boring You can do it again and we will all be cheering you on. Go for it

DebbieT

Thank you all for the support ... Again & encouragement!!

Day 5 is rapidly passing by & so far it's been another ok day. The withdrawl or losing the habit part seems to be manifesting in tears :shock: I'm horrified!! I burst into tears at the drop of a hat about anything. My coffee doesn't taste quite right, my niece got a mouthful for being in my late Dads draws which I followed up at 43 yrs old by bursting into tears, my Grandaughter cried wen I said hello ... More tears coz that obviously means she can't remember me coz I've been too ill to see her for a few weeks!!! :roll: Seriously, wot is wrong with me?? :oops: :shock: I'm embarrassed to be me at the moment!! :roll:

The no smoking is going great so far tho I'm a bit (Ok, a lot) snappy but I'm not climbing the walls like last time, I feel quite calm about it Now to control my evil temper & stupid, stupid tears n I may have it on the ropes again. I can't say if it'll be for good but I certainly hope so!!

((((Thank you all))))

Xxx xxX

barbara12

You can do it Debbie....I can feel how down you are at the min...the crying will do you good it needs to come out..with you all the way..(((()))xx

dibdab

You are doing amazingly well, and hopefully each day will get a little easier- don't beat yourself up, the battle you're fighting will be for the benefit of all those who care about you.

Keep fighting, the end goal is so worth the journey. My husband gave up overnight after a heart attack at 45 years old- and every day without a cigarette lessens your risk of disease of many kinds.

Deb x

toady

Just another little bit of moral support, that is a huge achievement to have made so far & I can tell you are determined to keep on the straight & narrow again now. The tears are hardly surprising what with everything you've been coping with and (from your other thread) feeling very tired anyway, tiredness by itself will lower your ability to stiff upper lip through things. By my calculations you should be starting the Ustekinumab (wot a name), within a couple of weeks, so good luck with that & remember to spend some of your saved cigarette money on luvly things.

DebbieT

You wonderful lot, thank you :oops:

Wot a memory Toady :shock:
Ure quite right, they're waiting for more blood test results to come thru then, all being well, I'll have the injection delivered to my house & then I'll get the appointment booked in

Hubby has won, through an online poker tournament, (he only plays free games I hasten to add) a 4 day trip to Venice in April. It's somewhere I've often read about so my cig savings will go towards enjoying that

I've recovered from that awful illness, thankfully, since about Sunday but it never occurred to me I may still lagging, I really should've realised feeling better doesn't equate to being better!!

I have Emphysema so it is important, if I want to be around to see the Grandchildren grow up, that I conquer these cancerous sticks of evil!!! :?

Thank you all once again.

Xxx xxX

stickywicket

Well now, there's your incentive to stay cig-free What a lovely thing to win! I hope you both have a lovely time. Don't forget the travel insurance though and shop around as it's expensive for those of us with pre-existing conditions.

toady

DebbieT wrote:

Wot a memory Toady :shock:

Well partly memory but partly going back over your other thread as well. Hope your bloods come through with the green light & all goes well. Venice.. wow.. that's what I call an incentive well done, that man!

felix

hi Debbie i`m a former smoker I smoked 20 a day for 25 years I packed up a dozen times I tride herbal/ hypnosis /cold turkey you name it every time I failed , my work mate said you started smoking again because you didn't want to stop in the first place & only you can make that decision to start again .
its all about your commitment I picked a date in the distant future to be my final day shackled to the weed Mentally preparing myself coming to terms with the fact I would NEVER smoke again which is itself a daunting feeling my saving grace was I started smoking a sixteen previous to that I was a none smoker , that was the key for me for sixteen years I never needed the weed & one day I would get back to that state of mind
So I picked the date I used two weeks’ worth of 22mg of patches & two weeks of 11 mg patches & faced my enemy head on what you dont realise Debbie is how strong you really are I’m not going to kid you this is the hardest thing that you have ever done your gong to climb a mountain but you WILL get to the top .
: Work out how much you spend on **** a year
:buy yourself something YOU want for the same price on buy now pay later for twelve months after year this will have cost you the same price as a bag of dog ends that go in the bin
I did this eighteen years ago & have not smoked since
Good luck & remember only YOU can stop smoking & only YOU can start again.

dreamdaisy

Of course you're bursting into tears etc. - it's called grief. It manifests in many ways and being ill on top doesn't help. You have a deal on your plate with your health and that of your husband but now you have a great incentive for stopping the habit of burning money (because that is all you do when you smoke). I'll pop round every now and again and set fire to £50 notes to remind you, yes?

You stopped before and you can stop again. We know you can do it and hopefully you do too. DD

DebbieT

Thank you all for the support & encouragement again, it's come at a great time!!

Ure personal experience is appreciated Felix DD I'd rather not watch that, I've been doing it for too many years to count already!! :shock:

The Venice trip will be a lovely getaway. I'm really looking forward to it and especially that if I'm no state to walk about I can hop ( That's hilarious, me hop!! ) in a gondala to get back to the Hotel, is fab

My skin is awful, it's a huge, entire body unstable flare :? It's been a true test of my resolve!
It's not often that pain can make me cry but the burning heat, tearing & bursting sensations have been the worst I've ever known. My state of mind has brought the pustular out on my hands, forearms & the soles of my feet .... Omg it's itchy .... DD I hope ures has calmed down? I don't know why my psoriasis is so uncontrollable & severe, it always has been :? I haven't smoked so far tho & that's the main thing!!

((((Hugs))))

Xx xX

DebbieT

Thank you all for the support & encouragement again, it's come at a great time!!

Ure personal experience is appreciated Felix DD I'd rather not watch that, I've been doing it for too many years to count already!! :shock:

The Venice trip will be a lovely getaway. I'm really looking forward to it and especially that if I'm no state to walk about I can hop ( That's hilarious, me hop!! ) in a gondala to get back to the Hotel, is fab

My skin is awful, it's a huge, entire body unstable flare :? It's been a true test of my resolve!
It's not often that pain can make me cry but the burning heat, tearing & bursting sensations have been the worst I've ever known. My state of mind has brought the pustular out on my hands, fiorearms & the soles of my feet .... Omg it's itchy .... DD I hope ures has calmed down?
I wish knew why my psoriasis is so uncontrollable & severe but its always been like this, well thankfully I've only had a few flares this big & fast moving but it's nothing like my families :? It just seems odd to have different types, tho my niece has followed my pattern, poor girl
I haven't smoked so far & that's the main thing!!

((((Hugs))))

Xx xX

dreamdaisy

My skin is not too bad at the moment, thank you, but I am wondering if all the flakes could be used to stuff a cushion, or mixed with flour to bake a cake, or convince the neighbours that it's been snowing.

Hang on in there, Debbie, you are doing good, girl! DD

toady

How are things going at the mo..?

DebbieT

I've failed dismally I'm afraid :oops:

I feel utterly pathetic too. The time was dragging by so slowly ... I can only say I lost my resolve in the face of time, pain & my pathetically weak willpower this time :oops:

I won't post about it next time, I can't keep asking for ure support then failing you & myself also I hate disappointing you all.

My sincere apologies one & all. I started again Sunday night

DD I'm relieved to hear ure skin has been improving!! My flakes are large :shock: Think Muesli or very large porridge oats :roll: :? Sorry, it's so gross

Xxx xxX

toady

Sorry, you were probably just hoping no-one would ask (puts foot in it) :roll: but don't apologise, it must be tough, any willpower you have would knock mine into a cocked hat I'm sure. I understand how posting your intentions on here can be a double-edged sword.. support & encouragement but pressure as well.. so if you'd rather not than of course that's fair enough, but as long as it isn't just because you don't want to disappoint us because I'm sure none of us would be in a position to say anything, except well done for even trying.

*Heads over to other thread to comment on your ant-TNF situation*

all the best, toady xx