Not Fair and Live for today

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Tubby
Tubby Member Posts: 177
edited 2. May 2014, 06:25 in Living with Arthritis archive
:cry: Just wanted to say somewhere and I am not sure where else, but life just isn't fair. This is not a post directly about arthritis but I just don't know where else to scream. My friend, my cousin's wife, who is just 47 years old, was very fit, slim and well, had a serious heart attack on Friday night. They are now talking about switching off her life support machine and I cannot believe it. She is an Inspector in the Police and she has worked her way up from the bottom to achieve her success. I was her bridesmaid not quite 25 years ago and she was surely the one who was going to live to be 100. I have been having a pretty bad time lately, flare ups, incredible stress at work, a work colleague's wife has died of cancer, i have had reactions to the new Anti TNF's I am on but this seems nothing now. I guess the message live for today has never been more true. She has two teenage girls and I can not begin to think how they are feeling, never mind my poor cousin with whom I shared a cot and every class through school. Thank you for reading and I really hope that whatever you are feeling with this nasty disease we all share, you have better day tomorrow than you had today.
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  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    ((((( ))))) We never know what will happen to us from day one of our lives; this shows that stark reality. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 809
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    My thoughts are with you. What you have said is so true. Am sending a few (((()))) in case they can be of help to you. Beryl.
  • dibdab
    dibdab Member Posts: 1,498
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Just {{{{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}. Sometimes life feels particularly unfair. Hope today feels just a little better for you and yours.

    Deb xx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    That must have come as a great shock, Tubby. I'm so sorry.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Sorry to hear this Tubby sending a few more of these ((((())))......Marie xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • Tubby
    Tubby Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thank you so much for all of the ((())), they are much needed and very welcome. Limbo is where we are today but the sun is out and the pain ain't so bad (perhaps the Enbrel is working :) ). I wait to hear the next piece of news but whatever happens, it has given me a more than gentle kick to sort a few things out. They always say things happen for a reason....
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, of course it was a big shock especially at her age and being so fit as they have to be being in the police force. What you said is my OH & I's motto after all the upset we have been through losing several close family members and friends and our illnesses. Whatever we want we buy it and we try and go on at least one holiday a year we do try for two! And we have a bucket list each. So we also say can't take money with you so enjoy it and do as much as you can with it!!
    Sending (())'s to you Tubby.
  • Tubby
    Tubby Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thanks Bubbadog, hugs are welcome at any time. She has been more settled today so they have decided not to switch the machines off just yet. How bad does that sound!? I am so mixed up because I don't want her to go but what will she face if she wakes up?? We all face 'stuff' every day and we know what it is like and I wouldn't wish it anyone one but she is too young to leave us - this is hard. God help those dealing with children who are seriously ill :( cos this is bad enough.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    We all wake every morning with no idea of what may or may not happen over the next few hours. My husband left for work at 7am, I assume he'll be home by 7pm but I don't know for sure. Neither does he. Your friend has some youth on her side so let's hope that her inner strength will be enough to pull her through this with as little harm as possible. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Of course you are mixed up, Tubby. You want the best for your friend but also don't want to lose her. I don't know whether the decision not to switch off yet is positive or just to give her family a bit more time to get over the initial shock. Unfortunately, no-one is 'too young to leave us'. We base our expectations on probabilities, that's all. I do hope today's news is better. I wish you all strength.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    (((()))Tubby, that is a very sad story. Living with that particular uncertainty of life is one of the hardest things we all deal with. So hard for her daughters to learn this so young.

    Such a shock for you. Do take care of yourself.
  • DebbieT
    DebbieT Member Posts: 1,033
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I have no words, I'm so sorry!!

    (((((Hugs)))))

    Xxx xxX
    Healing Hugs
    Debbie.x
  • fortuna
    fortuna Member Posts: 149
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I am also feeling for you. And hope you will have better news.Fortuna
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Tubby life can be so hard on some people, then you see others that sail through it...but like you say make every day count in one way or another...I'm so sorry ((((())))) xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • mike26
    mike26 Member Posts: 416
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    So sorry to hear this tubby
    like you say we just dont know sometimes how our life
    will go.
    and it does make us ask why.
    hoping for the best outcome for your cousins wife ,and your friend.
    best wishes mike.
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I agree with DD, my husband is a carpenter/Joiner, there have been a couple of nasty accidents there. But the minute he leaves for work till the minute he pulls up on our drive I worry about him in the back of my mind. You can't help it. If we didn't worry about friends and family what sort of person would we be?
  • Tubby
    Tubby Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Mixed feelings - my friend, my cousin's wife died this morning. I am so sad but she was not going to come out of this and it was torture waiting for the phone to go and say it had all ended. At least the waiting is over and she is at peace. She was too young but she would not want to have been kept alive on a machine.

    Thank you all for your thoughts, they have been so important through this difficult time.

    Remember - live for now.

    Tubby
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thank you for sharing that very difficult news, Tubby. I'm sure you're right that this was, for her, the better 'outcome. I am thinking of you very much.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 809
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Am so sorry to hear your news, Tubby. My thoughts are with you at this sad time. Take care. Beryl. (((())))
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    That is the best outcome, hard though it is for those who remain. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • nearlybionic
    nearlybionic Member Posts: 1,899
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    hi
    So sorry to hear your sad news, but as you say she is now at rest.
    NB
  • toady
    toady Member Posts: 2,284
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    My condolences to you Tubby.

    We all have to live for the now but it is hard to do; I try to appreciate the small things like most of use here have to, but as someone who always had an 'enjoy yourself now not later' mentality and didn't ever need waking up to it I do find it difficult to take all the constant urgings to seize the day from fit & well people who must surely be aware some of us can't do any real seizing. Like bubbadog I try to make money work for me and spend time doing things I like but the irony is as I say, that most of the things in my life I love are currently and probably irremediably cut off.

    The flipside to this is I do feel terribly sad to hear of the loss of someone like your cousin's wife who was living their life as they wished, and should still be here. She had such a good 47 years, and I honestly don't know if I feel that is better than the poor ones I have had & will have, yet I am still here. Maybe comparisons are pointless. It is all very difficult. :( So sorry for your poor cousin and family, this must have been such an unthinkable shock.
  • Tubby
    Tubby Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thank you everyone for your thoughts, they have and will continue to be helpful and very welcome.

    I agree with you Toady, it is often difficult to live for today because even if your condition doesn't stop you, other people in your life will! Still, none the less, I am going to strive to do what I can to enjoy whatever life I have at any given time, which is sometimes lots and sometimes not so much. I am not sure I can enjoy every minute of life, in fact I know I am not going to, however, I do want to live it to 'my full'. I can't seize many of things I used to do but I have found new pleasures which I do when the body 'says no' to most other things. Try to keep doing a little enjoying as it makes all of the rest of it worthwhile.
  • toady
    toady Member Posts: 2,284
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Tubby wrote:
    I am not sure I can enjoy every minute of life, in fact I know I am not going to, however, I do want to live it to 'my full'. I can't seize many of things I used to do but I have found new pleasures which I do when the body 'says no' to most other things. Try to keep doing a little enjoying as it makes all of the rest of it worthwhile.

    'My full' is a very good way of putting it. I'm not going to be able to start extreme sports & travelling the world, but at least I already knew before getting ill that I wasn't going to be someone that planned for the distant future - many people reach retirement age and then find they have been counting some very insubstantial chickens. Sad and a waste. So I have had that outlook on my side, anyway - maybe for a reason.

    All the best, & hope it does continue to help knowing for certain that your cousin's wife would not have wanted 'the other' outcome.
  • mike26
    mike26 Member Posts: 416
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    So sorry to hear this tubby
    its a young age.
    RIP.
    mike.