Partner has passed

GraceB
GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
edited 27. Feb 2016, 05:44 in Community Chit-chat archive
Firstly I wanted to thank you all for your support and lovely messages to my other post. I've been looking but not posting.

John passed away 3.57am this morning. The hospital called me about 2.30am and my friend Deb who's been with me since Thursday took me straight over. We were therefore with him when he passed, my niece Kate was also there as John and her had a strong unique relationship and she adored him.

We'd been told Thursday when his life support was switched off that it could be either minutes or hours, but it was made clear that it would not be days, weeks or months.

We are just relieved - for his sake - that he's now at peace. He'd have been horrified if he'd known what was happening. As I said in my other post, the John I met, fell in love with and lived with as his Wife in all but name, died on Tuesday. I'm not sure if out of body experiences do take place, but if he had an out of body experience as he passed he would have seen me by his side, as I've been the last 25 years.

My friend Deb has to return home to Cambridgeshire today but local friends will now take over being with me, so I'll not be on my own.

Please tell your loved ones that you love them. You never know when it might be your last chance to do so. And please - if anyone you know or love could possibly have a DVT force them (if necessary) to seek medical help if they won't go voluntarily. Don't let this happen to you or any of your loved ones.

GraceB
Turn a negative into a positive!
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Comments

  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Grace I wrap my arms around you as other forum members will ,we are all here for you and will be over the coming difficult weeks ahead,God bless. Mig
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,451
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My very deepest condolences to you.
  • moderator
    moderator Moderator Posts: 4,085
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sending love and peaceful thoughts to you -

    Thinking of you

    All the back room team
    Mod Yx
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,680
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Grace :(

    I am so very, very sad for you.

    The strength you have shown and courage in letting your wonderful man go so bravely and selflessly has been amazing to see.

    I am so glad his niece was with you both when he went and that you have such good friends around you.

    Enormous love and hugs on their way to you from me.

    Toni xxx
    Toni xxx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am sorry to hear this but pleased, if that's the right word that the end came peacefully, that you were there and that it didn't go on for too long. I know from when my Father died that the waiting, knowing there is no chance of recovery, and that in effect the person you loved has already gone, is very hard and that you are constantly waiting for that phone call. You were there for him, now you need to look after yourself, I'm glad you have someone with you as I think you now need to be looked after.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    ((((( )))))

    One quote from Khalil Gibran (which has helped me after bereavement or other setbacks) is 'The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain.' These are indeed dark days but you Kate were there, which I am sure was a huge comfort to him. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,094
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace I am so very sorry, but glad it was peaceful for him and you..like Toni say your strength and courage has been amazing.its good to have friends and family around you ...(())xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am so very sorry to hear about John, Grace, but you have shown amazing strength, and were at his side, which in days to come will bring comfort to you. No-one will be able to take away the memories you and John have made, and I'm glad you have friends who can support you.

    Loving thoughts.
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,011
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Grace
    i'm very sorry but John is not in pain anymore.
    you are a very brave lady who has some good friends.
    take care we are all here for you when you need us.
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    A sad time for you Grace, but what a blessing you have friends and family around you and also that you were there to bid him farewell on his final journey.
    My thoughts are with you.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,253
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    (((( ))))

    You knew, from Thursday at least, that this would happen but you have, characteristically, borne it all stoically with no trace of self-pity despite the enormous burden of saying goodbye to your love of 25 years.

    How lovely that you and Katie could be there for John right to the end and I'm so pleased that your friend, Deb, was there for you too. In time, when the rawness has eased a little, these things will comfort your grieving.

    Insofar as we can help, we are here for you. ((( )))
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • prefabkid47
    prefabkid47 Member Posts: 1,316
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So sorry Grace to read of your sad loss.I'm sure I can speak for all of us on the forum that our love and thoughts are with you and your family.
    Ron x
    ''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  • Sharon2960
    Sharon2960 Member Posts: 329
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am so sorry for your loss, life can be so cruel. I'm glad you've got plenty of support, not just for now, but for the time ahead.
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all for your kind words and support. Deb is now back in Cambridgeshire. I've had a couple of friends come in this afternoon which has helped but they've got family to look after so I'm now on my own. I take the view that, hard as it is, I've got to get used to this as being on my own is how it will be from now.

    I'll be off work this week but intend to return to work next week as I'll need a distraction and it will be essential for me to keep busy.

    For this coming week I'll be making arrangements and I'll have someone with me at some point every day. I've hardly slept since last Tuesday and needless to say these last few days have had a massive effect on my joints. Being 5 weeks post op from gallbladder surgery isn't helping either and my GP on Friday had to put me back on my anti spasmodic drugs, and increase my tramadol. I'm on a huge dose of antibiotics as I have a badly infected ingrown toenail.

    Again, my sincere thanks.

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • slomo
    slomo Member Posts: 180
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace, so sorry for your loss, I'm glad you were able to be with John at the end.
    Do try to get some rest now and take care of your health.
    Thinking of you and sending love and (((())))

    slomo
  • Starburst
    Starburst Member Posts: 2,546
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    (((Grace))) my thoughts are with you. So sorry for your loss. I know John will have known you were there and been comforted as he passed. You will never be alone on here, we are always around - in one way or another - so please reach out if you need anything.

    Wishing you love and strength in the days ahead. May your happy memories with John comfort you in these times of sadness.

    With love,
    Sophie xx
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sending ((((())))), I don't even want to imagine what you must be going through but I'm trying because I really feel for you and, I know it could easily happen to me too.

    It's difficult to find words that could possibly be comforting so I'll just say that I'm thinking of you and hoping that you can find some peaceful moments for yourself.
  • Turbogran
    Turbogran Member Posts: 1,989
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sorry to hear this Grace and my thoughts are with you all at this difficult time and i'm sending bucketful's of love and hugs to you {{{{{{ Graces and family }}}}}}
    Take care
    Carol xx
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,094
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace I am thinking about you, like you say you will be busy for now, and then work so that will help a little.. ...I hope the infection will eases very soon..try and be kind to yourself..dont forget we are always here...(())xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • lindalegs
    lindalegs Member Posts: 5,408
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Grace, I'm so sorry to learn you have lost your lovely man. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

    With love,
    Linda xxxx
    Love, Legs x
    'Make a life out of what you have, not what you're missing'
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Some hugs for you and families. ((((())))) Mig
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,680
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Grace

    In-case you pop by I wanted to send some extra love and hugs and hope that you have managed a little sleep.

    Work is a good idea I agree, but hope you are well enough you sound to be a bit run-down with your toe-nail. Still the distraction and support from colleagues will be really good too.

    Take care - we are all thinking about you

    Love

    Toni xxx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Just wanted to send you some (((hugs)) and to say am so sorry to hear of your loss.
    Christine
  • Megrose2
    Megrose2 Member Posts: 331
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I've been away for the weekend and am just trying to catch up. I'm so sorry to hear your news, Grace. Please be kind to yourself and take care.

    Thinking about you.

    Meg
  • ichabod6
    ichabod6 Member Posts: 963
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Grace,

    You have long been and are a brave lady.
    Please stay on that chosen path.