Partner has passed

stickywicket

(((( ))))

dreamdaisy

I am still thinking of you - from my limited experience of death these are the hardest days. The questions abound: should I? If I had? Why didn't I?

It happens, Grace, it does. No matter what we do or try the end occurs. John was (and always will be) loved by you, and he was so fortunate that you and Kate were there when he moved on from our world to another. ((((( )))))

GraceB

Thank you again for your kind messages and thoughts.

I collected John's Cause of Death Certificate from the hospital this afternoon.

My neighbour Maureen took me over so I didn't have to drive. I went back with her afterwards for a cuppa as it was last Tuesday afternoon that John effectively died in front of me when he fell to the floor and I didn't want to be alone. My friend Rachel who left work for me last Tuesday came and spent an hour with me after she'd finished work.

The envelope is sealed and has to be opened by the Registrar tomorrow. However, the lady from the Relatives Office did tell me that John's official cause of death was "massive pulmonary embolism". I'm seeing the Registrar tomorrow afternoon and then going to funeral directors with his daughter. As his partner of over 25 years I'm taking the lead on the majority of aspects of his funeral, but ensuring his children are consulted and involved as it's important they are part of the process; it's what John would want and I wouldn't have it any other way. This is the last thing I can do for John as his partner and I intend to do as good a job as I can for him.

Yesterday it took me 3 hours to put my first version of my tribute (eulogy) to John together. I'll finish it at the end of the week. As there's no way I'll be able to read this out myself at the service, my brother will do this for me and he'll see it this weekend when he comes to Kent to be here for me. I've warned him I'm still a complete and utter wreck and will be crying all over him.

My colleague from work rang this afternoon and of course that set me off again. She's a gentle lady who has an extremely good way of listening and everyone unburdens themselves to her.

It looks like I'll be heading back to my GP as my toenail isn't responding to the antibiotics. My gallbladder post-op issues are still causing havoc and every arthritic joint is flaring. It's only to be expected after last week.

GraceB

mig

The forum is down tomorrow for upgrade but we are all with you. (((()))) Mig

tkachev

I'm so sorry Grace and I know you are heartbroken and nothing anyone can say will ease your pain. My thoughts are with you at such a very sad time.


21st Feb is the anniversary of my Mum's death and she also died of pulmonary embolism and it was sudden and a massive shock as she was in hospital at the time and I was expecting her to come home.

Much love
Elizabeth xxx

dibdab

Grace I am so sorry to hear of all that you are coping with. What a blessing to have loved someone for so long, and how many wonderful memories you will carry into the future. No doubt life feels dark and empty right now so please accept some virtual hugs (((((((( )))))))). Let others be there for you and walk this path beside you, and don't worry about shedding those tears, it's a very necessary part of your journey.
Every blessing.
Deb x

Popsmith1874

Very sad for you at this sa and lonely time, take care

dreamdaisy

((( ))) DD

theresak

Please look after yourself, Grace. My Dad died of a pulmonary embolism, and I was the one who found him. I know you will find the right words for the eulogy, & I'm glad your brother will read it for you. You will be on 'auto-pilot' until the funeral is over, in my experience anyway. Keep your memories close, and know you are doing things as John would have wished.

mig

(((()))) Mig

GraceB

Again all I can say is thank you.

The funeral has now been organised for 17th March at 12 noon. Here in this part of Kent it's usually two weeks in any event after the passing but as John had asked to be buried, the undertaker had to find a date they could do, the Church could do and the local Council due to the cemetery work. The cemetery don't allow committals after 1.30pm either.

I'll see the vicar either this weekend or next week to let him know hymns, the reading and the order of the eulogies. Mine will be the main one - and it will go last. My eulogy is now on the second version and I'll tidy that up tomorrow. My brother will be in Kent at the weekend and will skim read it then to see whether he can read it out for me at the service or not. That will confirm to me whether or not it's in the right order but I think it is.

I'm going back to work Monday and will just do Monday and Tuesday. My Line Manager (and the management above him) have been wonderful. Two of my colleagues came to see me at lunchtime today. I know walking back into that office is going to be hard, everyone will hug me and I'll crumple again, but I can't just sit here and do nothing.

Thank you again.

GraceB

frogmorton

Hello Grace

Just popping by to see how you are - thank you for the update.

I am still in awe at how well you are doing. How organised you are for his funeral, the eulogy and everything.

Work sound to be so caring, just what you need. I agree about only doing two days. Enough I think.

Still sending you love and strength

Toni xxx

slomo

Hi Grace,
just wanted to send you some more (((()))) and loving thoughts. Will make a note of the date and time and will have you in my thoughts then.

love and (())
slomo

GraceB

Thank you. As I've said before, the "family" I have on this Forum have been a tremendous source of support for me. I know that I can log on, post and "vent" and you all understand.

This has been an extremely difficult time and I still feel as if it's been a nightmare to be honest.

I'm just taking one day at a time, making sure I shower, eat and drink and feed my cat. She has always been a very much "aloof" cat but the last week or so she's been much more physical and seems to sense that something has seriously gone wrong.

My friend and I went out for a couple of hours today and I got a top to wear for the funeral. It was good to get out for a few hours, but I couldn't do any more as my joints are all very bad now.

GraceB

frogmorton

Ah Grace

Our cat isn't a 'lap-cat' either, but she knew when Lucy started with leukaemia. She was on her bed with her while she slept and the settee too. They can sense our feeling I suspect.

I am not surprised that your joints are sore now. I think you may need to do your best to look after yourself now to make sure you can cope with the funeral.

Have had a root about and found you some spare spoons as well as some strength.

Love

Toni xx

mig

(((()))) so pleased people are supporting you.Mg

barbara12

Grace you have done so well to organize things, and having a cry is a good release so dont you hold back when you go into work, I am sure your colleges wont mind one bit.
Animals do have a extra sense, you make the most of it.. and be kind to yourself..((())) xx