Cry me a river

Sarahb181279 Member Posts: 18
edited 16. Mar 2018, 18:41 in Living with Arthritis archive
So today has been a particularly bad day my legs are throbbing burning in my knees and my lower back has been unbearable. Took all my meds no relief which I am sure we all have these days. Lately I find myself reduced to tears as I feel helpless and I try to share with my bf and he just says to me u cry all the time really easily, which then upsets me even more. I feel like I have no one to turn to as I think he just thinks I am being stupid is this normal ?

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  • Babsb
    Babsb Member Posts: 26
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You are in pain and that is difficult for other people to understand who don't have experience of it . Because you seem to be crying a lot I would suggest you see your sounds like depression which a lot of us have experienced at one time or another due to constant pain. I feel for you as it really is a vicious cycle. I hope you get some relief soon.
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sarah, sorry to hear you are struggling at present. I agree with Babs that a visit to the GP to discuss depression would be useful - as she says it's not uncommon among those in this arthritic situation.
    You are not being stupid and it is not helpful of your bf to say or think that, however the arthritis is a problem for him as well as you, and his attitude may reflect his difficulty in coping with it. Seeing a loved one suffering and being unable to do anything to help is very hard at the best of times, but I think men have an added hurdle - well 2 actually - in that fixing problems is how they tend to like to operate, and that emotions are a bit of a no-go area.
    There are two bits of reading that might be of use - the spoon theory, and the gorilla in the house(this is a link from a forum member
    At some point you and he will need to sit down and discuss this all, but for now please be kind to yourself and concentrate on getting a bit more on top of the pain and depression. Keep posting, talk to the Helplines - sharing is better than bottling it all up and getting even more distressed.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Arthritis not only affects us, it affects those around us, it tests all our relationships, there's no doubt about that. I am lucky in that Mr DD is old-school but with a modern twist, old-school in that he does not let my disease affect his feelings towards me (they have never changed in thirty years and vice versa), modern twist in that we can talk about how things are affecting me (and therefore him). It is not, however, the only thing we talk about, the disease has not changed the essential me and will never be allowed to do so.

    I began arthritis the year we married (we'd been together for ten years prior) so he's witnessed my decline every step (ha-ha) of the way but having a history of poor health I already had coping strategies in place - if this is coming at you from out of the blue then it is a very difficult time indeed. I know that he feels frustrated that there is nothing he can do to improve matters but I know that he does with his unfailing support and encouragement. He's had to learn to live with arthritis too, it's not all about me, or you, or anyone else on here. DD
  • Sarahb181279
    Sarahb181279 Member Posts: 18
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know my depression has increased since feeling this way I am already on 60mg of fluoxetine have been since my mum died 3 years ago it’s just so hard coping with it all but I am hoping once I see rheumatologist and just make a start on better medication it will all level out xx

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  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 28,548
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am sorry Sarah :(

    I wish I could help and hope you have a rheumatology appointment very soon


    Toni xxx
  • Buka
    Buka Member Posts: 43
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sorry you're having such an awful time Sarah. Most of us have experienced exactly the things your going through in one way or another. I used to find crying almost therapeutic in the early days. When medication didn't help, crying sometimes did. It was like a release of pure frustration. Like you, I missed my Mum enormously. She was the one who would listen and understand and just plain be there. Without her I felt very alone some days. I agree with the others that a degree of depression is mixed up in there making you feel even worse. My OH said he felt a lot better when I told him that I didn't expect him to do anything except maybe give me a hug when I needed it. I tried to cry upstairs in the bedroom, where possible on my own, so he didn't feel quite so helpless and it was better. Their understanding does improve over time as will your methods of coping. Hopefully you will get some help really soon and some medication that calms it all down. I agree with everyone else that to keep posting and talking about it is the way forward for now because we all totally understand (and your feelings are perfectly normal). I hope today is a better day. Buka x
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sarah

    You mention you suffer with RLS. Fluoxetine is listed on the RLS-UK website: as one of the medications to avoid.

    Trazodone generally do not worsen RLS. Mirtazapine (Remeron) will worsen RLS for a small minority but not everyone.