Angry!

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Dide
Dide Member Posts: 5
edited 28. Nov 2023, 14:10 in Living with arthritis

Hi . I've just been diagnosed with O A in my hands and I'm really angry! I'm just approaching retirement after years of being a nurse and have married a lovely man 3 years ago. My life is now going to be my own and I was going to do all sorts of things.

I used to run 5 and 10ks and walk for miles but now I feel robbed of all the good things I had hopes for. Will the O A appear somewhere else!? Etc. I'm just having a rant, just wanted to say "hello."

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  • Chris_R
    Chris_R Moderator Posts: 812
    edited 26. May 2023, 20:52
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    Hi @Dide

    Welcome to the online community,thank you for telling us your journey and emotions because of Osteoarthritis that you have just been diagnosed with,we can all empathise with you over your anger and feelings as we have all been there on our journey with arthritis and planned things we cant do but just to say we have found other things we can do and ways to cope with our arthritis.It may appear elswhere but then again it may just stay in your hands everyone is different.

    here are a few links that may help

    please tell us how you get on and do go onto our forums and chat to others it often helps and they all understand rants aswell as everyone on the forums have some form of arthritis.

    I was a nurse too and when i could no longer work due to arthritis i retrained at 60 years old to be a keep fit instructor for the over 60s,musical based movements and chair based exercises which i really enjoy it also helps me with my movements aswell.

    Take care hope all goes well Christine

    Need more help? - call our Helpline on 0800 5200 520 Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,636
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    Morning @Dide

    I am so sorry to hear about your OA in your hands just as you were about to retire and have sone fun with your new husband too😠

    You are in shock a bit I can see that so it feels as though the world had 'ended' I did exactly the same when it happened to me, but years and years later I realise that most of what i feared did not happen.

    I am still standing (more or less!) and having a great life travelling and walking most days. I am on my second marriage too and just beginning to have time with my husband on our own with the last of the kids having flown the nest.

    That's good what Christine teh moderator has done since she retired. There's more to our mods than I realised!

    Take care and keep posting ((()))

    Toni

  • Dide
    Dide Member Posts: 5
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    Thanks for your reply and understanding. Went to see the physio yesterday and now have some specific hand exercises so hope it will help. At least it gives me a feeling of some control and self treatment.

  • Bettyboo22
    Bettyboo22 Member Posts: 23
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    Hi @Dide

    Hope the above comments give you encouragement that there is still a great chance of you having a wonderful enjoyable retirement. Hopefully you'll find a treatment and exercises to keep your OA at bay.

    I've heard a lot of great things about Wax bath therapy | Side-effects, uses | Versus Arthritis, it might be worth looking into.

    Pleased you are feeling a little more empowered after physio appt.

    Best wishes

    Bettyboo

  • Dide
    Dide Member Posts: 5
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    My husband worries about me and trys to do as much for me as possible. However I want to do as much for myself and sometimes get frustrated when he takes over from me. Last evening I was watering the garden and went indoors for something and when I came out he had taken over!

    I said let me do it, and he said he was only trying to help. I walked off! Luckily I play the recorder and he can't, so I played for much longer that I should have to calm my frustrations. Good for my hands too.

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,730
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    I was chatting to a friednd this morning. We've both had inflammatory arthritis for years and she's in a flare. I'm having a few problems too right now and we both have lovely husbands who are willingly taking up the slack in housework. We agreed how lucky we were and how irritating it is😉

    I've cherished my independence most of my life. When i was first diagnosed, my mother would have wrapped me up in cotton wool but i was 15 and had the usual things I wanted to do. So I did them. However, she was great when i flared after both pregnancies.

    I think we have to accept that arthritis affects everyone in a household. but differently. For that reason i think it's essential that we keep talking about it. not in a 'poor me' way but in a matter of fact way that sorts out the best ways to deal with things.

    Flares come when they will but we know we can make things worse any tme by doing too much or, indeed, not doing enough. (Your hand exercises are a good idea.) Sometimes overdoing things may be 'essential', 'necessary' or just plain worth the payback. But, if you can stay together on it, it wil be beneficial to both of you. It's horrible having to watch those we love in pain. I guess your husband is trying to deal with that by 'dealing' with your pain as best he can. They do, frequently, get it wrong, bless 'em, but, if we're open about what's wrong and how they can help (sometimes by not helping though they have to have that explained!) there is less frustration for all.

    It's a steep learning curve. I'm 63 years into RA and 55 years into marriage and we're both still learning. But learning can be fun especially if the 'we need to talk' sessions are held over a nice meal with a bottle of wine.

    One more thing - a valuable lesson that arthritis has taught me. For every cherished thing you have to give up, don't nurse the grief and anger, just take up something else. That has led me down some fascinating pathways that I'd never, otherwise, have taken.

    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,636
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    "......One more thing - a valuable lesson that arthritis has taught me. For every cherished thing you have to give up, don't nurse the grief and anger, just take up something else. That has led me down some fascinating pathways that I'd never, otherwise, have taken."

    Brilliant philosophy from Stickywicket as ever I just had to reiterate it👏

  • Trish9556
    Trish9556 Member Posts: 607
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    Hi @Dide

    Your husband sounds just like mine and he drives me absolutely bonkers persististently telling me to stop doing something and rest. If I can do something I will and to heck with the consequence.

    I'm a typical assertive stubborn Taurean who doesn't tolerate being told no!

    It can lead to some interesting conversations but I'm not prepared to lie down and play the invalid card just because if this stupid OA which is currently in both of my hips so well done in standing up for yourself!

    Love n hugs

    Trish xx

  • Dide
    Dide Member Posts: 5
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    Thank you so much everyone for your comments. It is so nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I love my husband deeply and now appreciate him more knowing that, even when we end up arguing, he means it all for the best. I have to keep reminding myself of this. He cares about me and loves me. Also that he is suffering, just in a different way.