Feeling absolutely hopeless
Hello all, I was diagnosed in March 2023 with RA after symptoms appeared out of nowhere in the middle of Jan. me and my wife have 3 children, a 2 year old and twin boys aged 5 months. I was diagnosed 2 days before the twins were born 😱 it’s been a horrific year for me so far to be honest and I’m really struggling.
I’ve been on oral methotrexate, sulfasalazine and now on methotrexate injections. I’ve had 2 courses of steroid pills and 1 steroid injection which has now worn off and my swelling & pain is at an all time high. My GP has prescribed me with anti depressants and morphine as I seem to have become to used to the strong codeine I’ve now been taking daily for 8 months.
I am really struggling. Physically & mentally.
I can’t do much with the babies as they are so physically demanding, just changing a nappy or holding a bottle to fed them puts me in agony, I find myself naturally trying to spend less time with them, which upsets me. I am able to spend a lot of time with my 2 year old and he is a lot less physically demanding. I think this is the only happiness in my life and the only moments that bring me joy.
My wife hasn’t been supportive throughout the last 8 months, and has/is really struggling to get to grips with this new version of me. I was always the one who could do anything and would do anything to help anyone. Now I can barely wash my own hair and have to use a gadget to open the milk. I’ve turned into an old woman at the age of 36. I work full time on a laptop from home and luckily I have managed to keep this job going throughout this challenging time as I am the sole earner for our household. However this I am struggling with as I’m just so exhausted and mentally confused with brain fog so not sure how long I can continue to get away with this before someone at work pulls me up.
I don’t know what to do, I’ve had 2 weeks of methotrexate injections and my consultant has told me it can take up to 12 weeks for it to take effect & I can’t try any other drugs until that 12 weeks is up, that’s the end of October!!! How the hell am I going to make it to then! I genuinely feel I’m going to end up hospitalised in the next few months from exhaustion and swollen joints. My GP says to push the rheumatology team for more steroid injections but they weren’t that effective to be honest.
I just don’t know what to do, who to go to, where to go, I feel like signing myself up to a old age care home and just sitting in a corner and slowly fizzling out. This disease is killing me mentally. I have no one to talk to as my wife calls it “moaning” “being miserable” being negative” and I’ve lost all my friends from being so flaky and not being able to go out to do things. I’m in pain constantly, even a slight knock on my toe from my toddler feels like someone has hit it with a sledge hammer. I feel like I’m nearing the end of how much I can cope with mentally before I have some actual mental breakdown.
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