do you feel sad for your partner?

mistywillow
mistywillow Member Posts: 711
edited 28. Mar 2009, 16:01 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi all
Iam very lucky i have a very supportive and loving hubby. we met when we were 16. We travelled and did lots together before arthur but now we have such a restricted lifestyle. Even going out with friends can be too difficult sometimes and we don't really do holidays anymore either as sleeping in a different bed without all my bits etc and all the extra activity causes me to be too flared up to enjoy it.( He knows me too well if i pretend i'm having a great time.) I really feel for him though. I might be the one in pain but his life has been so changed as well and i feel really guilty for this. We do discuss it and he is cool with it all and says he has just made the psychological adjustments necessary!
Of course he can and does sometimes do his own thing but I am so sorry he has the side effects of arthur. (don't think arthur deserves a capital letter :lol: ) Does any one else feel like this :?:
Hope you have all had a pain free day (well i can hope can't i)
Gill :)
«1

Comments

  • vonski
    vonski Member Posts: 1,292
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Gill

    I know exactly how you feel, over the years my hubby has missed out on such a lot. He's put up with my moods and everything. The last 2 years he's had to take on shopping, ironing, cooking and cleaning too. I feel so guilty. I do make him go out with the lads when he's not working nights though and he does a lot of walking so he says he's ok but I'm not sure. We do still try and have fun, it's just that there is always a price to pay :roll:

    Love
    Vonski x
  • wendy57
    wendy57 Member Posts: 17
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi all
    Iam very lucky i have a very supportive and loving hubby. we met when we were 16. We travelled and did lots together before arthur but now we have such a restricted lifestyle. Even going out with friends can be too difficult sometimes and we don't really do holidays anymore either as sleeping in a different bed without all my bits etc and all the extra activity causes me to be too flared up to enjoy it.( He knows me too well if i pretend i'm having a great time.) I really feel for him though. I might be the one in pain but his life has been so changed as well and i feel really guilty for this. We do discuss it and he is cool with it all and says he has just made the psychological adjustments necessary!
    Of course he can and does sometimes do his own thing but I am so sorry he has the side effects of arthur. (don't think arthur deserves a capital letter :lol: ) Does any one else feel like this :?:
    Hope you have all had a pain free day (well i can hope can't i)
    Gill :)
    Hi Gill sorry to hear about horrible auther ruining you holidays and your poor hubby but he sounds caring, I myself have just been diagnosed with O/A of the hips and Im'e finding it hard coming to terms with what i can and can't do with the pain I cannot go shopping without using a stick to help to rest on but its annoying as i can't shop in comfort I have to keep sitting down, also my poor hubby is riddled with horrible arther and he helps me alot, before i got my stick i used to hang on to his arm and i felt sorry for him with him having it in his elbows i was pulling him down bless him, but he does not moan or nothing, we just struggle on, Hope this helps to know that your not alone in thinking this, take care both of you lets hope they come up with a miracle pill, but thats wishful thinking isn't it :) wendy57x
  • jeannie2
    jeannie2 Member Posts: 135
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yes, oh how I do feel like you do. Some days I could weep, especially when the sun's out. We came to live by the sea now we've retired and I can do nothing some days!!! He's also not well himself .... what a retirement, eh!
    Never mind .... we'll feel better about it all tomorrow ..... please God.
    Jeannie
  • colinone
    colinone Member Posts: 1,039
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Gill, we done a post on partners not to long ago badger was wanting to start a forum for partners but I don’t think there was much response, I think it would be a great idea. It is rather rough on our partners and from my point of view as a man I went through hell at first, It was a complete roll reversal for us with the wife becoming the bread winner and so much more. I’m learning to live with it now but its not always a comfortable feeling. At times I feel so sorry for her, she is so loving caring and understanding but at times I just don’t know how she copes with me.
    Some times I nit pick because I have nothing more to do and that drives me crazy when I become aware of what I’m doing. Like you we can talk and compromise on many things. No hols for three years now and can’t remember when we last went out with friends or each other for that matter. We used to go out every Friday we both worked and made the most of it when we where off together anyway yes it is hard on partners
    Colin
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    it is so hard on both sides of a relationship when arthur strikes I think. My hubby lives with arthritis just as much as I do - it pains him to see me in pain / struggling with stuff, and not being able to wave that magic wand we'd all love.

    It is hard for the sufferer, both dealing with the arthritis and also the guilt of feeling a burden and of not pulling their weight in a relationship.

    however, I must admit that in some ways our relationship has grown stronger through adversity (not just arthur, but other stuff too) and I am trying to remember that at least with arthur around I get to showoff my inventiveness :wink::wink:
  • lindalegs
    lindalegs Member Posts: 5,393
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yes I feel sad for my partner :( arthurs been our bedfellow for 23 years and even though I'm disabled I think my husband can sometimes suffer more.

    The biggest problem is all the plans you make when you're young and then this happens and my husband is still fit enough to do all the things we wanted to do. I've tried to encourage to do them but with friends and family but he always says he doesn't want to do them with anyone else but me - which is a wonderful sentiment but makes me feel even more guilty :roll:

    We've changed our lives and do different things now and he does go walking with friends or even alone whilst I take in the view but I'd dearly love to send arthur off into outer space - it's time he stopped playing gooseberry to us all :wink:

    Luv Legs :D
    Love, Legs x
    'Make a life out of what you have, not what you're missing'
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi all

    I've only been dealing with OA for the past 18 months, but coping with my feelings regarding my husband has been one of the biggest adjustments. He is A1 fit, and we used to do lots of walking together, which I can no longer do. We also used to enjoy going on city break holidays and visiting art galleries, both of which I would now struggle with.

    I think it is a bit like a bereavement for your past relationship, and you have to work on building a new one. I encourage my husband to carry on being active for the sake of his own health, and he has joined a walking group and started playing golf. I am glad for him, but at the same time I can't help feeling jealous when he goes off without me. But he is wonderfully supportive, and has come with me every time I have been to the hospital etc.

    Joan
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • mistywillow
    mistywillow Member Posts: 711
    edited 26. Mar 2009, 06:22
    joanlawson wrote:
    Hi all

    I've only been dealing with OA for the past 18 months, but coping with my feelings regarding my husband has been one of the biggest adjustments. He is A1 fit, and we used to do lots of walking together, which I can no longer do. We also used to enjoy going on city break holidays and visiting art galleries, both of which I would now struggle with.

    I think it is a bit like a bereavement for your past relationship, and you have to work on building a new one. I encourage my husband to carry on being active for the sake of his own health, and he has joined a walking group and started playing golf. I am glad for him, but at the same time I can't help feeling jealous when he goes off without me. But he is wonderfully supportive, and has come with me every time I have been to the hospital etc.

    Joan


    Hi Vonski,Wendy Jeannie, Colin, Wonkey Legs and Joan
    Thanks for replying. Yes it's all those things isn't it. Putting up with the moody blues, the extra work load (although my partner would rather leave it than do it whch can be a bit frustrating too!)
    Not being able to indulge in a bit of fun shopping because its not fun anymore. Retirement plans changed,hobbies and interests curtailed and how hard must it be if both of you have physical difficulties!! And Colin, i hadn't even considered what it must be like
    for a man.! Some of you have had this for so many years too!! he is a a mean old so and so is old arthur
    Love to you all. Keep the spirits up
    Gii xx
  • nearlybionic
    nearlybionic Member Posts: 1,899
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi
    When I`m not feeling sorry for myself :wink: , I really do feel bad for how all this is affecting my hubby. He is meeting himself coming back with work, childcare issues, shopping etc... I am trying to help as much as I can with bits of ironing, cleaning eg dusting things above waist height etc.. but I know that I am a `nitpicker` (same here colin!) and I hate myself for it! It is because I have too much time alone at home, and am jealous of my hubby being able to go out and get on with his life. Although I`m sure he`d love a few days at home, poor thing. My moods are awful at times and I know that he bears the brunt of it, then I feel even worse with more guilt. We don`t go out together, our last holiday was a disaster, and I know it also affects my children`s life. My son has asked me just this morning, when we are having a holiday. :cry:
    The children are going away with grandparents in this country for a week later in the year, and I even feel guilty about that! :shock:
    I feel that arthur has affected my relationship with my hubby, because our home is full of aids which makes me feel old and unattractive, but he says he doesn`t mind and he just wants me to feel as good as I can. Then my mum tells me how spoilt i am by my hubby, and i feel guilty again. I would love to do something nice for him too.
    I married my hubby, not arthur!!!! Can I divorce arthur from our life??
    NB
  • debsmartin
    debsmartin Member Posts: 209
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Gill

    Your post really touched a nerve for me my partner has been so brill but I think the guilt I feel for the way our life has altered really gets me down. We had just bought a touring caravan before the dreaded RA struck and we were enjoying our breaks with nice long walks along the coast but now walking is such a struggle, at one point we had even thought about selling the caravan but thankfully the methotrexate does help alot that going in the caravan doesn't fill me with dread. One thing my husband said is that no seems to ask how they are coping and in fact one day a close friend had said we all feel so sad for Deb but never think to ask how you are coping and it reduced my husband nearly to tears but he said it was just nice for someone to ask him and it really made me think.

    I just make sure he gets extra cuddles so that he knows I appreciate him

    debs
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I feel guilty, all the responsiblilities fall on him. I can do some of the housework, but not all. My husband says he does'nt mind, but I am sure it is a heavy burden he does all the shopping, (says hes better at it than me! Hes right actually. I get moody and fed up, and that doesn't help. We used to do a lot of walking, but now its just short strolls and even then, it takes it out of me. I encourage him to go out on his own, and he does, sometimes, but not as much as we used to. Its hard for him, but we share what we can and he is more limited now, as he has diatbetes, well controlled, but still a worry. We get by and manage to enjoy lots of small things in life. Hes just bought me a present, a long handled trowel and fork for the garden, I have'nt tried it yet, as the weather has been stormy, but it looks good, the handle on both is tenoscopic (spelling???)!!! Love Sue
  • jackie1955
    jackie1955 Member Posts: 632
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    'quote="debsmartin"]Hi Gill

    "One thing my husband said is that no seems to ask how they are coping and in fact one day a close friend had said we all feel so sad for Deb but never think to ask how you are coping and it reduced my husband nearly to tears but he said it was just nice for someone to ask him and it really made me think".

    debs[/quote]

    Debs and Colin, your posts so ring true to me! You see, like you Colin my OH had to finish work due to ill health and I was the breadwinner. Our life revolved around however my OH felt on the day. We'd make tentative plans but always added the phrase "if you are feeling alright"........
    As the other half with no health problems (at the time!) I can say I never ever felt like OH was stopping me from doing anything. I just altered my lifestyle to fit in i.e. when he needed to rest I'd find something to do, like read, surf the net, garden, watch tv etc On his good days we'd go out, he bought a scooter too so that he could get around more. Like Colin he would get depressed about not working, not being able to do things etc and I always tried to cheer him up, often saying 'don't think about what you can't do, think about what you CAN do', also I'd say 'you'd look after me if roles were reversed'. I had to be strong and upbeat for him, but like Debs OH - no-one ever asked how I was coping - sometimes |I just wanted someone to say "hey, are YOU ok?"

    Well, now its all turned round! I'm asking OH to do things for me,
    I have as many hospital appointments as him, I'm the one who needs a lot of rest, and I'm the one who moves at a snails pace!
    He is being great and doing as much as he can. Now we both need a siesta, and we help each other :)

    We are like Darby & Joan, this is not at all how we expected to be at this time in our lives :( I'm just glad that we did lots of things when we were younger and fitter :!:

    Sorry if I've gone on a bit - basically my sentiment is we are true to what we said 33 years ago when we stood side by side and vowed to look after each other "in sickness and in health" :)

    If you love each other, and take care of each other, your 'll be fine :)

    Lets all give our partners an extra hug today eh?

    take care all Jackie x
  • debsmartin
    debsmartin Member Posts: 209
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    jackie1955 wrote:
    'quote="debsmartin"]Hi Gill

    "One thing my husband said is that no seems to ask how they are coping and in fact one day a close friend had said we all feel so sad for Deb but never think to ask how you are coping and it reduced my husband nearly to tears but he said it was just nice for someone to ask him and it really made me think".

    debs

    Debs and Colin, your posts so ring true to me! You see, like you Colin my OH had to finish work due to ill health and I was the breadwinner. Our life revolved around however my OH felt on the day. We'd make tentative plans but always added the phrase "if you are feeling alright"........
    As the other half with no health problems (at the time!) I can say I never ever felt like OH was stopping me from doing anything. I just altered my lifestyle to fit in i.e. when he needed to rest I'd find something to do, like read, surf the net, garden, watch tv etc On his good days we'd go out, he bought a scooter too so that he could get around more. Like Colin he would get depressed about not working, not being able to do things etc and I always tried to cheer him up, often saying 'don't think about what you can't do, think about what you CAN do', also I'd say 'you'd look after me if roles were reversed'. I had to be strong and upbeat for him, but like Debs OH - no-one ever asked how I was coping - sometimes |I just wanted someone to say "hey, are YOU ok?"

    Well, now its all turned round! I'm asking OH to do things for me,
    I have as many hospital appointments as him, I'm the one who needs a lot of rest, and I'm the one who moves at a snails pace!
    He is being great and doing as much as he can. Now we both need a siesta, and we help each other :)

    We are like Darby & Joan, this is not at all how we expected to be at this time in our lives :( I'm just glad that we did lots of things when we were younger and fitter :!:

    Sorry if I've gone on a bit - basically my sentiment is we are true to what we said 33 years ago when we stood side by side and vowed to look after each other "in sickness and in health" :)

    If you love each other, and take care of each other, your 'll be fine :)

    Lets all give our partners an extra hug today eh?

    take care all Jackie x[/quote]

    How true Jackie, I know my husband will get an extra big cuddle tonight

    Debs
  • airwave
    airwave Member Posts: 579
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    [
    Sorry if I've gone on a bit - basically my sentiment is we are true to what we said 33 years ago when we stood side by side and vowed to look after each other "in sickness and in health" :)


    Hi,
    Like you, 1976, was a good year for weddings, but now, 'for worse or for worser...' has happened. Roles have reversed and life isn't the same, but then who ever said it would be? So, we are getting on with life, 'as we know it', and its certainly not bad, just different from what we had come to expect.

    Keep Smiling.

    8) Its a grin, honest!
  • jemima
    jemima Member Posts: 24
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps) my husband didn't really get to find out much about living with my OA as he died in 2003, a few years after it first started. I'm sure he would have been as supportive as he could have been though, had he been given the opportunity.

    My husband and I were going to do so many things when I retired and now I can't even do them alone. :cry:

    So some of us just have to keep on truckin' as best we can manage without much support. My mother is 87 and lives in our granny flat and also has OA - we try to care for each other within our own limitations.

    Is life fun? Nope it's not. Are we happy? Not particularly. But we muddle through somehow or another.
  • mistywillow
    mistywillow Member Posts: 711
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    airwave wrote:
    [
    Sorry if I've gone on a bit - basically my sentiment is we are true to what we said 33 years ago when we stood side by side and vowed to look after each other "in sickness and in health" :)


    Hi,
    Like you, 1976, was a good year for weddings, but now, 'for worse or for worser...' has happened. Roles have reversed and life isn't the same, but then who ever said it would be? So, we are getting on with life, 'as we know it', and its certainly not bad, just different from what we had come to expect.

    Keep Smiling.

    Hi all
    guess you get used to anything and its no good dwelling on what we can't do anymore. We are lucky to have good supportive partners, i honestly don't know what i would do without mine, he keeps me sane when he is not driving me mad :lol:
    I am glad i'm not the only one who gets irritable and moody sometimes, it makes me feel horrible when i've snapped at my long suffering OH
    Love to you all
    Gillx

    8) Its a grin, honest!
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    jemima wrote:
    Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps) my husband didn't really get to find out much about living with my OA as he died in 2003, a few years after it first started. I'm sure he would have been as supportive as he could have been though, had he been given the opportunity.

    My husband and I were going to do so many things when I retired and now I can't even do them alone. :cry:

    So some of us just have to keep on truckin' as best we can manage without much support. My mother is 87 and lives in our granny flat and also has OA - we try to care for each other within our own limitations.

    Is life fun? Nope it's not. Are we happy? Not particularly. But we muddle through somehow or another.

    Dear Jemima

    I really feel for you having lost your husband. I hear this story too often, probably because I have nearly reached retiring age myself. It is my greatest fear that my husband will die before me. It makes me very sad when people die too young. I appreciate it must be very difficult for you, caring for your mother on your own and "muddling through" is not really good enough is it? I sincerely hope that you have some good friends that you can rely on to be there for you. Even that can be difficult, if you are invited out with them, if they are all couples. I have heard that time and time again as well.

    I hope you are ok and you know you can always join in on here, if you have the inclination. I very much hope that you do. I send you a big cyber hug.

    Chin up,

    Luv
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi everyone

    When we got together with our partners, what were our expectations of life together :?: Did we imagine that we would glide through life without any problems or illnesses :?: Answer; probably yes if we were young, because you don't really think about bad things happening when you are young and in love.

    I tease my husband that after 43 years of marriage, he now understands why the words "in sickness and in health " are in the marriage vows. I also try to think how I would feel if it were the other way round, and he was the one with arthritis. I hope I would be as good at caring for him as he is for me.

    Joan
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • jackie1955
    jackie1955 Member Posts: 632
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    jemima wrote:
    Is life fun? Nope it's not. Are we happy? Not particularly. But we muddle through somehow or another.

    Oh Jemima, I felt so sad when I read your posting :cry:
    So I looked back on your previous postings to 'get to know you' better........ and I was cheered to read that you manage to go to America for your holidays. Thats brilliant and hopefully you do enjoy them don't you :?:
    I think you are more resilient than you give yourself credit for - its no mean feat travelling long-haul wen your in good health, never mind when you are not well and travelling with an elderly disabled Mum! Well done you :)

    I do hope that you could find some way to get some happiness in your day to day life though :(

    Jackie x
  • jemima
    jemima Member Posts: 24
    edited 27. Mar 2009, 08:27
    Thanks elnafinn and jackie for your kind words.

    Yes we do go to the USA and it's a light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to for us.

    Travelling long haul really isn't so difficult if you get yourself organised with all the arrangements beforehand - it takes a little concentration and effort to do but it's worthwhile.

    And hey, we're still alive and Mum and I currently have each other so we should be thankful for that. Plans don't always work out the way you think they will and we have other paths to travel instead.

    I'm sure there must be zillions of people who are worse off in life than we are and they are in our thoughts.
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi again Jemima

    You are a night owl then I see? :lol: I went to bed at 10.30 but could not sleep but better get back soon. It is probably because I had a good hours siesta this afternoon. :oops: :lol:

    You can always think of people who are worse off in life than oneself. When you get to our ages we do not have to look far, do we? I think you are both very courageous to make that long journey to the USA. I have never been. Do you have friends/family over there? I wonder if you go over there more than once a year?

    Right, I am off to bed AGAIN. :oops: :roll:

    Night, night,

    Luv
    Elna x()
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • trustymick
    trustymick Member Posts: 9
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi all
    Iam very lucky i have a very supportive and loving hubby. we met when we were 16. We travelled and did lots together before arthur but now we have such a restricted lifestyle. Even going out with friends can be too difficult sometimes and we don't really do holidays anymore either as sleeping in a different bed without all my bits etc and all the extra activity causes me to be too flared up to enjoy it.( He knows me too well if i pretend i'm having a great time.) I really feel for him though. I might be the one in pain but his life has been so changed as well and i feel really guilty for this. We do discuss it and he is cool with it all and says he has just made the psychological adjustments necessary!
    Of course he can and does sometimes do his own thing but I am so sorry he has the side effects of arthur. (don't think arthur deserves a capital letter :lol: ) Does any one else feel like this :?:
    Hi
    Me and my wife have been together for 30years
    3years ago she ( I dont like calling he she but thats the way it has to be) started with r/a and what you are going through sound the same as us,
    I have a lot more to do now in the house but who cares as long as we are together and love each other
    belive me dont feel sorry for me, I can get out and about,
    But it has taken me some time to adjust psycholoicaly to she my wife being so fit then r/a to take over has been very hard
    When my wife was was at her lowest and want to die (as she thought it would be easer for me, and how porly she was) I said what about me you cannot leave me alone, and when I went into this marrage, my vows were in sickness and in health
    so dont be so hard on yourself
    hope you have a good day :lol:
  • lindalegs
    lindalegs Member Posts: 5,393
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    [quote="trustymick.......Hi
    Me and my wife have been together for 30years
    3years ago .........for me, and how porly she was) I said what about me you cannot leave me alone, and when I went into this marrage, my vows were in sickness and in health
    so dont be so hard on yourself
    hope you have a good day :lol:[/quote]




    Hi Trustymick and welcome to the forum,

    I think you and Badger should have a chat as his partner has arthritis and he was looking for non-arthritic sufferers to talk to - he's often on the Chit-chat Forum now.

    My husband has often uttered your sentiments and I can identify with how your wife feels - although there are days when it 'gets' to both of us - we just realise how lucky in love we've been.

    Luv Legs :D
    Love, Legs x
    'Make a life out of what you have, not what you're missing'
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi misty willow
    My husband has had to take on a number of tasks as I can't manage them anymore. He's yet to learn how to put a duvet cover on .. hopefully he'll manage it one day. I can just about cope with it my arms ache afterwards. My husband drives long distances as a result of his work but tries to work 2/3 days from home. He doesn't miss too much because he's on the road so much and enjoys being at home. He's had to take on more of the tasks I used to do and does in cheerfully. We are lucky to have good men. I think my husband quite enjoys being relied on. I would worry if I thought he was missing out on things.
    Sharmaine
    Hi all
    Iam very lucky i have a very supportive and loving hubby. we met when we were 16. We travelled and did lots together before arthur but now we have such a restricted lifestyle. Even going out with friends can be too difficult sometimes and we don't really do holidays anymore either as sleeping in a different bed without all my bits etc and all the extra activity causes me to be too flared up to enjoy it.( He knows me too well if i pretend i'm having a great time.) I really feel for him though. I might be the one in pain but his life has been so changed as well and i feel really guilty for this. We do discuss it and he is cool with it all and says he has just made the psychological adjustments necessary!
    Of course he can and does sometimes do his own thing but I am so sorry he has the side effects of arthur. (don't think arthur deserves a capital letter :lol: ) Does any one else feel like this :?:
    Hope you have all had a pain free day (well i can hope can't i)
    Gill :)
  • mistywillow
    mistywillow Member Posts: 711
    edited 27. Mar 2009, 12:40
    jemima wrote:
    Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps) my husband didn't really get to find out much about living with my OA as he died in 2003, a few years after it first started. I'm sure he would have been as supportive as he could have been though, had he been given the opportunity.

    My husband and I were going to do so many things when I retired and now I can't even do them alone. :cry:

    So some of us just have to keep on truckin' as best we can manage without much support. My mother is 87 and lives in our granny flat and also has OA - we try to care for each other within our own limitations.

    Is life fun? Nope it's not. Are we happy? Not particularly. But we muddle through somehow or another.


    Hi Jemima
    somehow i didn't see your post before adding mine last night and so my response seemed so out of place. I am so sorry that you are having to go it alone, it just must be so very difficult for you having to cope with all the things arthur throws at you without the support of a partner. I do apologise if my last post seemed insensitive and did not take into account your very moving post :oops:

    Gillx