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I feel like giving up

kzurawelkzurawel Posts: 7
Im new to all this, im 24 and have had ra since 19 years old, but the last 6 weeks have been hell for me!!! im in the middle of the worst flare up ive ever had, i cry all the time, struggle to walk. i have amazing partner and little girl, and it hurts them both to see me like this. my rheumatologist wants to wash out the leflunomide as she knows i would like another child and thinks getting pregnant should be my next form of treatment!!! but right now i cant imagine ever being able to cope with being pregnant and looking after a tiny baby!!! she thinks pregnancy will make my ra symptons dissapear, but what if it didnt!!!!
My fingers are swollen and ive noticed lumps on some knuckles, my knees are the size of footballs and my whole body just feels so weak. And to top it all off, i now have this awful pain in my neck/throat everytime i swallow which i dont know if it is related to my flare up?
Im so down and fed and cant handle all this pain?!?!
i dont know what to do?
:(

Comments

  • helpline_teamhelpline_team Posts: 2,068
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    kzurawel wrote:
    Im new to all this, im 24 and have had ra since 19 years old, but the last 6 weeks have been hell for me!!! im in the middle of the worst flare up ive ever had, i cry all the time, struggle to walk. i have amazing partner and little girl, and it hurts them both to see me like this. my rheumatologist wants to wash out the leflunomide as she knows i would like another child and thinks getting pregnant should be my next form of treatment!!! but right now i cant imagine ever being able to cope with being pregnant and looking after a tiny baby!!! she thinks pregnancy will make my ra symptons dissapear, but what if it didnt!!!!
    My fingers are swollen and ive noticed lumps on some knuckles, my knees are the size of footballs and my whole body just feels so weak. And to top it all off, i now have this awful pain in my neck/throat everytime i swallow which i dont know if it is related to my flare up?
    Im so down and fed and cant handle all this pain?!?!
    i dont know what to do?
    :(


    Hello Kzurawel

    I can understand why you feel like giving up, it sounds horrible what you are going through. When was the last time you saw your Rheumatologist? If you are having problems/pain swallowing it may be worth getting seen asap just incase it is nothing to do with the RA flare but something else entirely. If you have further problems over the weekend just go to A&E to get it checked out.

    Are you on anything else apart from the leflunomide? Of course the thought of another baby in the condition you are in is frightening. Your point about what if it doesn't help and also pregnancy is only a short term solution even if it works so it sound like sorting out the medication is very necessary. Have you had a chance to talk over other medication options with your Rheumatologist? In case its helpful here is a link to our booklet on drugs and complementary therapies. It tells you about other options you may wish to discuss with your Rheumatologist: http://www.arthritiscare.org.uk/PublicationsandResources/Listedbytype/Booklets We can also send you a hard copy out on monday, just private message us your full name and address or give a call.

    It may help just to talk to someone impartial as you mentioned it is difficult for your family to watch you in so much pain and so I wonder if you are able to really express how you feel to them. I hope you do call.

    If you do manage to see a doctor soon you may also want to consider asking them for a pain clinic referal.

    Take care

    Simona
  • kzurawelkzurawel Posts: 7
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for replying so quick!!!

    I take prednisolone and salazopyrin. Ive had numerous steroid injections and an infusion about 6 weeks ago, also my gp told me to take 40mg prednisolone for 5 days over easter to try and calm things down (which it did, for about 3 days!!)

    im seeing my rheumatologist soon, but think i will need to call my rheumatologist nurse for advice on monday as im in agony!

    my rheumatologist told me that if i flared up after birth then she would be ready with biological drugs, which she said i would then be eligible for!!!!

    its just all such a nightmare!!!!!! :cry:
  • elnafinnelnafinn Posts: 8,043
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi kzurawel

    I am not from the helpline but from the forum. After reading your thread, I wished to say I am sorry to hear what you and your family are going through at the moment. It sounds like some horrenduous flair you are having. At least you have a rheumy nurse you can call and I get the impression from other forum members that they are generally first class and can really help and give good guidance.

    I take it you were keen to have another child but since this flair have begun to think otherwise. I would have thought it is entirely your decision and no rheumatologist should be badgering you to do anything.

    If you have the time and feel like it, please join us on the forum. Many new peeps have joined in the past few days who have felt so alone with their pain and all that is connected with "arthur" and some have commented that they have begun to feel better in themselves after receiving replies from people who do know and understand what they are saying.

    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

    Luv
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
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