Suicidal thoughts

penfactor
penfactor Member Posts: 366
edited 30. Apr 2009, 11:38 in Living with Arthritis archive
Has anyone else here begun to think live is now too awful & hopeless to continue with? I am. I am going to have to leave my job & my partner doesn't want to be seen out with me because I have to use my stick & have put on weight as I can't keep fit like I used to. My life has just been one disaster after another and now at 50 I've had enough of picking up the pieces & starting all over again. I'm serious - I can't take any more
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Comments

  • mouseymousey
    mouseymousey Member Posts: 283
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Pen, I'm not the best person to answer this & someone better will be along soon; but in the meantime I've sent you a personal msg..
    Moragx
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,026
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Pen
    I too have sent you a pm.
    Please read it and know we care
    love
    Toni xx
  • harleyd14
    harleyd14 Member Posts: 259
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hi Pen,
    please keep posting on the forum to let us know how you are... i'm really sorry to say, and i am probally overstepping the mark, that your husband is being really quite insensitive, we all have enough to cope with without others giving us a hard time, please PLEASE don't have these thoughts, there are so many good people on this site that will give kind words and thoughts, i shall be thinking of you all day now, take care and i am sending you big hugs ((())). All my thoughts Sally.xx
  • ramummy
    ramummy Member Posts: 100
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Pen,

    I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. As other posters have said - please keep in touch with us on here, we'll do what we can to help you through this.

    Take care

    xx
  • lindah
    lindah Member Posts: 445
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Pen,
    Just reinforcing what Harley says please keep in touch and know we are here for you.
    Linda H
  • nearlybionic
    nearlybionic Member Posts: 1,899
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Pennie
    I am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. I will pm you if that`s ok. PLease keep posting, there are lots of really good supportive people here. If things don`t improve re thoughts I would advise you to talk to your gp and let him/her know how you feel.
    NB
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Pen

    I am very saddened to read your thread. At least you have told us on here. That is a start. A big step in the right direction. You need to do a great deal of talking. I may be wrong but I think you have not been doing this and have been bottling all your worries and fears up.

    You must talk to your other half and your family. Your other half may come across as insensitive but perhaps you have not sat down with him and really told him how you feel, he is obvously sending you vibes that he is unhappy about the situation and it is not him suffering, not in any way, like you are.

    I would suggest that you pick up the phone and call the helpline here. Number at the top righthand corner. I have been on the forum for 2 years now and seen many postings praising the helpline and how people have been really helped by talking to them and for some a real life saver. It is confidential, they are patient and will speak with you for as long as you wish. If you break down on the phone, they wait for you, they give you all the time you need.

    You are young and it will all get better. Believe me. You have had too many shocks and too much distress all at once.

    Go with your partner to your gp - perhaps book a double appointment so you have more time.

    You say an operation was mentioned to you recently. Why not go for it in the near future?

    Please log on here and talk with us, we do understand. We all wish to help you as much as we can.

    Sending you good vibes and strength,

    Love
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • eckstardeluxe
    eckstardeluxe Member Posts: 1,192
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello there

    Yes I have had this. It was after the birth of my first child after everything went wrong. I was consumed with guilt at feeling no bond with her and had hallucinations also.

    My advice is get help IMMEDIATELY. Don't be frightened, I was very frightened I would be seen as a bad mother or they would take my child away and it was exactly the opposite. The Dr was very caring and understanding indeed. She made an emergency appointment for me with a counsellor, the wait is usually 12 months here. I was prescribed anti-depressants and was on them for around 9 months. The counsellor I saw was wonderful, I trusted her completely.

    Sometimes people feel this way and it is nothing to be ashamed of. When you get over serious depression you realise you are not at fault at all, the only way I can describe it was if a fog entered my head for a while and then went away. The first step is admitting you need help and you should feel proud of yourself you have done this. Keeping these feelings bottled up makes them worse. Trust me, I hid this for 10 months before getting help. Make an appointment today, if they don't give you one, don't be afraid, tell them you are having suicidal thoughts and are worried you may harm yourself. They will have you seen immediately. My heart goes out to you, please get help. xxxx
  • jackie1955
    jackie1955 Member Posts: 632
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    penfactor wrote:
    "I am going to have to leave my job"

    Right. If you can't do your job anymore because of your health don't give yourself a hard time about it, try and accept it and find other things to interest and occupy your mind. Perhaps something you've never had time for before? Something you'll enjoy :)

    quote=penfactor "my partner doesn't want to be seen out with me because I have to use my stick & have put on weight"

    This has made me so mad. What a pig! So he's 'Mr Bloody Perfect' is he? Thought not. I think if my OH felt like that I'd be using my stick a helluva lot - and not for walking :wink:

    You have had excellent advice from your other cyber friends above, I can only echo what they say.

    DO go and see your gp and get some help. NOW - asap.

    Jackie x[/i]
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Pen

    I have and thats how I know your stronger than that, much stronger. I understand I honestly do and so glad you have posted that. Its better you say. I promise you I know the feelings but you are stronger than you think you are just now. Hang in there and please keep posting. ((( ))) for you. x
  • susie51
    susie51 Member Posts: 57
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    penfactor wrote:
    Has anyone else here begun to think live is now too awful & hopeless to continue with? I am. I am going to have to leave my job & my partner doesn't want to be seen out with me because I have to use my stick & have put on weight as I can't keep fit like I used to. My life has just been one disaster after another and now at 50 I've had enough of picking up the pieces & starting all over again. I'm serious - I can't take any more
    Dear Pen You and me both, what you have written fits me too! Iits horrible being left alone with all the attendant problems RA brings I really feel for you and have defintely been there myself I do hope this is just a "life is not worth living" thought rather than a definite wish to end your life, either way do go and see your GP and maybe talk to samaritans. I dont think I am alone in saying that every now and then I need to take anti depressants, they work I get over the blip and then stop using them. This has happened three times over the last 15 years so I hope that allays any fears you may have about becoming addicted to the pills. We all have to manage life in our own way and this disease is very draining both mentally and physically so please dont feel you are alone. Things will get better it just takes time to adjust to it all. Best wishes Susie
  • bertyboy
    bertyboy Member Posts: 1,860
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hi pen
    please go and talk to some body dont give up , you are worth more than that go to your docs talk to him talk on here but please please dont give up , take care you are worth every kind thought and word that people are sending , will keep checking back in to check you are ok xxxx
    I know i am a lady ,all life is a journey xx MAY xx
  • snoops
    snoops Member Posts: 29
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    penfactor wrote:
    Has anyone else here begun to think live is now too awful & hopeless to continue with? I am. I am going to have to leave my job & my partner doesn't want to be seen out with me because I have to use my stick & have put on weight as I can't keep fit like I used to. My life has just been one disaster after another and now at 50 I've had enough of picking up the pieces & starting all over again. I'm serious - I can't take any more
    Pen,
    Because you have come on here & reached out it is the start of getting stronger.
    As the others have said go to your GP. I do understand it is hard to put how you feel into words. I have that problem & get very frustrated but you have to start somewhere & you have done that on here.
    Take Care
    Ann XX
  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 1,367
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    jackie1955 wrote:
    penfactor wrote:
    "I am going to have to leave my job"

    Right. If you can't do your job anymore because of your health don't give yourself a hard time about it, try and accept it and find other things to interest and occupy your mind. Perhaps something you've never had time for before? Something you'll enjoy :)

    quote=penfactor "my partner doesn't want to be seen out with me because I have to use my stick & have put on weight"

    This has made me so mad. What a pig! So he's 'Mr Bloody Perfect' is he? Thought not. I think if my OH felt like that I'd be using my stick a helluva lot - and not for walking :wink:

    You have had excellent advice from your other cyber friends above, I can only echo what they say.

    DO go and see your gp and get some help. NOW - asap.

    Jackie x[/i]

    Hi Pen

    I just want to reiterate what Jackie said - she could have been reading my mind. Except I would have used stronger language to describe your partner!

    And please come back on and talk to us. We're all really worried about you.

    Nx
  • colinone
    colinone Member Posts: 1,039
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    penfactor wrote:
    Has anyone else here begun to think live is now too awful & hopeless to continue with? I am. I am going to have to leave my job & my partner doesn't want to be seen out with me because I have to use my stick & have put on weight as I can't keep fit like I used to. My life has just been one disaster after another and now at 50 I've had enough of picking up the pieces & starting all over again. I'm serious - I can't take any more



    Hi Pen , So sorry to hear your feeling so far down, and it is not uncommon for people who suffer long term illness to feel the way you do. Although most people won’t admit to it ill bet there are many among us who have had similar feelings I know I have. Your home life and situation with you partner will only add to your feelings. Do you by any chance take Prednisolone or anti depressants some drugs don’t help in this department they can and do enhance the feeling of being alone. You need to talk to your GP or rheumy nurse and let them know the truth how your feeling and why. Help is there for you but you need to take that first step and tell the GP. Let us all know how you get on, take care and keep your chin up.
    Colin
  • debsmartin
    debsmartin Member Posts: 209
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Pen

    So sorry to hear you so down but remember everyone on here is always ready to help with a friendly shoulder to cry on and help you over your blip.

    debs
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Pen

    It seems to me, the difference between going to see your gp unless you get on very well with him and feel that he is doing all he can for your arthritis and really understands about arthritis and all the baggage that comes with it and talking with someone on the helpline is that they KNOW what it is like to have arthritis, they have it themselves, they are dealing with people with arthritis all day every day. If you phone the helpline, once you get through, there is no time limit on the confidential conversation between you both.

    The other difference is that the gp can suggest and offer you medication, the helpline will probably be able to suggest but not prescribe.

    You message today was a cry for help and you have got over that hurdle, which is very commendable, now you must OBTAIN the help and it is out there for you.

    I am continuing to send you positive vibes and strength,

    Love
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • helpline_team
    helpline_team Posts: 3,777
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    penfactor wrote:
    Has anyone else here begun to think live is now too awful & hopeless to continue with? I am. I am going to have to leave my job & my partner doesn't want to be seen out with me because I have to use my stick & have put on weight as I can't keep fit like I used to. My life has just been one disaster after another and now at 50 I've had enough of picking up the pieces & starting all over again. I'm serious - I can't take any more

    Dear Penfactor

    This is to let you know that I have sent you a private message in response to your posting.

    Best Wishes
    Dawn
    Helplines Team
  • alison67
    alison67 Member Posts: 70
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Pen,
    so sorry to hear you're feeling so low :cry: . Please, as all the others have said keep posting and talking as it helps, and whilst we can't instantly make you feel better talking is a therapy in itself. Is your husband aware of how you're suffering? Because above all else you don't need anyone being like this to you (sorry if that sounds out of turn). Also, what medication are you on?, as, sometimes certain drugs can cause depression. Please see your g.p, not to get anti depressants as these are only short term solutions, but to talk about other methods of getting you through this dark period. I haven't had suicidal thoughhts but have been very depressed over the last few months and my doctor really did help. I do hope you begin to feel better both in body and mind real soon. God Bless.x
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    penfactor wrote:
    Has anyone else here begun to think live is now too awful & hopeless to continue with? I am. I am going to have to leave my job & my partner doesn't want to be seen out with me because I have to use my stick & have put on weight as I can't keep fit like I used to. My life has just been one disaster after another and now at 50 I've had enough of picking up the pieces & starting all over again. I'm serious - I can't take any more

    Yes - I have felt like this in the past, and also quite recently.

    I would urge you to talk to someone, either on the AC helpline, your GP, or to call or email the samaritans.

    You have done the bravest thing by admitting to yourself just how bad you are feeling - WELL DONE!!!!!

    You have done the hardest things by 'telling' others - WELL DONE!!!!!

    Now you need to be just as brave and do one more difficult thing, and talk to someone who can help you. This might be through counselling, medication, talking therapies ....... all sorts is there waiting for you if you ask for it.

    As everyone has said ....... admitting is the first step, and however bad you are feeling right now, with the help of others you will come out the other side.

    if it is too hard to speak these things, both the helplines and samaritans can be contacted by email. I have used this service when talking was impossible, and I can recommend this way if typing is the only way you can 'discuss' how you are feeling.

    Please know that you are not alone in this - so many people are here for you ..... and do please keep posting.

    all my best wishes,
    wonkylegs
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Pen

    Just sending you a whispered hello.

    Luv
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello, I suppose, if I'm really honest, I'd say, yes, I have felt doubts about going on. Sometimes everything looks black, and there seems no way out. I've never done anything though.

    Well, thats not true, I have talked to people. My GP, my husband, a very close friend. Myself! Thats all.

    I hope you soon find the way out of your 'dark place'. I'm glad you could write about it, because that is positive, it shows you are doing something to help you feel better. I hope the sun soon shines for you. Lots of love Sue
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi penfactor,

    have been thinking of you today, and sending positive vibes through the ether.

    hugs for you ((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,026
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Pennie
    Not heard from you yet - am hoping you are alright?
    Thinking of you.
    Take care
    Toni x
  • penfactor
    penfactor Member Posts: 366
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello everyone - I have been reading all your wonderful messages all day & crying at how kind & understanding you all are. I just want to let you all know I'm ok - have been going over everything everyone has written & taking it on board.
    Also to all who have sent me private messages, I will reply as soon as I can to you all.
    Still feel quite raw but really wanted to thank you ALL so so much for being here. I honestly don't know what I would do without you all now, I mean that.
    Love Pen Xx

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