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Another newbie

jantreadgoldjantreadgold Posts: 3
edited 20. Feb 2010, 08:41 in Say Hello Archive
Hi everyone,
I'm Jan, just spent an evening on here with my 21yr old distressed/angry/frustrated daughter who was finally diagnosed with Rheumatoid A. in Sept 09. She is struggling to come to terms with the loss of her medical career due to the fatigue...and so far hasn't wanted to talk to anyone...except me and her fiance...and guess who gets all the anger...poor girl! Not sure where to go to get help for her in exploring how to express all she lost and learn how to pick up the pieces and build a new life/career. any useful do's and don't muchly appreciated!!

Comments

  • chris7chris7 Posts: 2,696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Jan and to your daughter, sorry we don't have her name?

    I'm so sorry to see this and the fact that your daughter is so young and understandably still in shock and as you rightly say angry, leaving you wondering how best to help her. I can't advise on RA, but my first thought is that a call to the Helpline may be a start. The number at the top of the page. They all either have arthritis themselves or know close family members who do and have often been a lifeline for many on this site. Just talking about how you feel to someone who understands is a good start, so do hope you or she may feel able to do that.
    You or she can also post any questions on the Living with or Young Peoples forums, sadly your daughter is not alone with this. People will help if they can and like me send sympathy and hugs if they feel unable to do more. You have both taken a first step here, so do post anywhere.

    I'm sure others will be along tomorrow to send support too and to say hi. We try not to be beaten by this awful diagnosis so do have a peak on chit chat if you need a distraction too.
    sincere best wishes to you both, and do let us know how things go.
    You are not on your own with all this.

    Chris
  • madness1985madness1985 Posts: 293
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Jan,

    I am so sorry to hear of your daughters diagnoises. I was in a similour situation in 2008. I have RA and i had to give up my course because of fatigue and i was angry, stubbon, crying and didnt no how to handle it. But 2 years on things are better ive enroled on my LLB for next year via OU there is life with RA things do get better i can assure your daughter of that. The start is hard but it gets better. If you or your daughter would like to talk to someone who was in a similour situation (not medical degree but a 23year old teaching student) then pleae send me a message.

    Take care xx
  • dorcasdorcas Posts: 3,538
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Jan and daughter,

    welcome to the forum, but so sorry your daughter has got RA!
    It's not surprising she is angry, upset and frustrated....especially as the RA has halted her career plans. Has she deferred her studies and spoken to tutors about alternatives?

    I hope she feels able to join in the discussions here as I and lots of others really benefit from sharing and supporting each other.
    There is a lot of information available too on he website and as Chris suggested the helpline can provide support and advice.
    Have a look at the publications and leaflets section (access through tab at the top of the page) you both might find that helpful too.

    It's not easy for either of you just now...so keep posting if you can; there's always someone about all hours of day and night to lend a listening ear! Irisx
  • chile168chile168 Posts: 384
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Jan,

    Sorry to hear what brings you here but pleased you have found this site and wanted to say a very WARM WELCOME.

    Arthritis is tough to deal with and adapt your life accordingly as an adult so it will no doubt be scary for her. I would like to say she is lucky to have a mother like you, supportive and caring. People here are understanding, supportive, honest and willing to share their experience, give tips and have a laugh which is great for the soul.

    Hope too see you postings in forums and in the meantime sending love to you both xxxxx

    Eve
  • elnafinnelnafinn Posts: 8,043
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Jan and your daughter and her fiance

    I am so very sorry to read your thread. Your daughter is going though a bereavement of what she has lost and will go through all the emotions and yo yo inbetween them too. It will take as long as it takes. She is blessed to have you and her fiancee and I am relieved to hear that she is talking to both of you. It does all need to be addressed - a problem shared is a problem halved and a start to moving forward again. It is early days since her diagnosis and I wonder if she could perhaps pick up her medical career at a later date when things have become calmer and the RA is more under control. I take it she is in the care of a rheumi now.

    It would be a good idea, if she feels able, for her to have a chat with the helpline here who everyone has nothing but praise. They are all very caring, understanding, patient people with a huge knowledge of all types of arthritis. You daughter will receive all the time she needs to talk.

    I so hope that you join us on the Living with arthritis or the other forums. Many more people look in there, this is more an introductory zone.

    It does get better, we are of all ages, all in the same boat with a common bond of arthritis to a greater or lesser degre and we all pull together to keep each other buoyant and offer sympathy and advice. You only have to ask and we are there for you.

    Love
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • trishertrisher Posts: 9,727
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi everyone,
    I'm Jan, just spent an evening on here with my 21yr old distressed/angry/frustrated daughter who was finally diagnosed with Rheumatoid A. in Sept 09. She is struggling to come to terms with the loss of her medical career due to the fatigue...and so far hasn't wanted to talk to anyone...except me and her fiance...and guess who gets all the anger...poor girl! Not sure where to go to get help for her in exploring how to express all she lost and learn how to pick up the pieces and build a new life/career. any useful do's and don't muchly appreciated!!

    Hi Jan

    Sorry to hear about your daughter being diagnosed with RA.

    She is young, and yes she is angry and distressed who wouldn't be? Her plans and dreams seem to be in tatters at the moment.

    There are a lot of young people on here with the same diagnoses RA.

    All you can do is to be there for her, try and support her, until she does come to terms with this nes.

    If you come on here, if she does not feel able to, you will pick up advice from the younger member also the older ones like us, you will find ways of helping her and being there when she needs somone.

    I do hope the tips and advice you get on here will help her to try and come to terms with it.

    The Helpline team are very nice and understanding to talk to. They offer a lot of good advice.

    Trish xx
  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 25,409 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi jan

    Oh dear :( Your poor daughter :( well poor all of you. Are her meds not sorted? is she still feeling really bad most of the time?

    have you shown her this site?? She could speak to other young people on the young persons forum.

    Life doesn't have to be over once things are sorted meds wise and she has had time to greive for the life she planned.

    I am so sorry

    Love

    toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • jantreadgoldjantreadgold Posts: 3
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Chris,

    iWe have been amazed by the support on here...just from one post. Elli has had a better few days. We have managed to get her to speak to her GP whi is outstanding...and he is incredibly switched on and skillfull in the way he is handling Elli's needs. She has been more positive and more willing to try and take some control over her days and feels she has actually done something with her week.

    She and Johnny are getting married in May, so there are plenty of things for her to do...when she feels up to it.

    I feel slightly more encouraged to see that there is an army out here that are so willing to share their stories. It makes it far more real...but helps to know that there is a life to look forward to. Elli is normally made of very strong stuff....so I ma hopefull that when she has seen this phase through....she will do well. Just looking forward to b righter times!

    Thanks again,
    j
    chris7 wrote:
    Hello Jan and to your daughter, sorry we don't have her name?

    I'm so sorry to see this and the fact that your daughter is so young and understandably still in shock and as you rightly say angry, leaving you wondering how best to help her. I can't advise on RA, but my first thought is that a call to the Helpline may be a start. The number at the top of the page. They all either have arthritis themselves or know close family members who do and have often been a lifeline for many on this site. Just talking about how you feel to someone who understands is a good start, so do hope you or she may feel able to do that.
    You or she can also post any questions on the Living with or Young Peoples forums, sadly your daughter is not alone with this. People will help if they can and like me send sympathy and hugs if they feel unable to do more. You have both taken a first step here, so do post anywhere.

    I'm sure others will be along tomorrow to send support too and to say hi. We try not to be beaten by this awful diagnosis so do have a peak on chit chat if you need a distraction too.
    sincere best wishes to you both, and do let us know how things go.
    You are not on your own with all this.

    Chris
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