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ElaineB4
ElaineB4 Member Posts: 4
edited 10. Feb 2016, 08:26 in Say Hello Archive
Hi folks, I'm Elaine and just feeing really down at the moment. Had 2 arthroscopies , 1 on each knee since November and frankly feeling nakred as usual and am wondering why they bothered, but it's because of my age and I'm too 'active' so they don't feel they should do anything else yet and I've listened to them saying this for the last 5years, so now they think it will have appeased me, but am just wondering why they bothered. Sick of being this middle age person that just isn't young or old enough that they feel they have to do anything as it's only osteoarthritis. Am sick of hearing people say it and not knowing how damn tired I get. I currently live alone as daughter at Uni and son moved out due to problems I was having with his now x girlfriend and he prob won't come home full time cos why would you want to live in a house that your mum expects you to help out, as she's too damn tired to do it herself. I feel lazy due to not doing enough and sick of living in a house that I just haven't got the energy to do things. Am not a person to ask for help and often feel that people just say they'll help when in fact they're just too busy themselves and you ask local services for ideas for help and they just send you a leaflet or book and expect you to ring round and cos I'm not on low income its all then expected to be paid for and I have to work to keep the house and pay the bills. It's just all a constant vicious circle. Sorry for being miserable but am sure you all know what it's like. Thanks for allowing me to offload.

Comments

  • moderator
    moderator Moderator Posts: 4,088
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Welcome to Arthritis Care Forums Elaine84 from the moderation team

    As mods we are here to help with any problems you may have on the message boards.

    There are lots of lovely people here with a wide range of experiences with arthritis and the problems of living with the condition. Just join in wherever you like you will be made very welcome.

    I look forward to seeing you posting on the boards.

    Best wishes

    Mod JK
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,339
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Elaine and welcome from me too. I'm sorry, I shall have to be brief as I must get to bed. Early start tomorrow.

    You sound very unhappy and with much to be unhappy about. Of course you can't be doing lots of work only two months after two arthroscopies. If you're trying to I'm not surprised you're getting no benefit from the operations. Rest and prescribed exercises are what is required.

    However, it sounds as if your unhappiness goes much deeper than that. Your daughter has left for university and your relationship with your son is difficult. You sound as if you'd hoped for knee replacements rather than arthroscopies. Plus you seem to demand a great deal of yourself.

    On here we all understand the grind of unrelenting pain so we know it can sometimes help to just tell it like it is. We are here to sympathise and empathise. That includes our lovely Helpline people. Why not give them a ring and have a good old natter about it all?
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • ElaineB4
    ElaineB4 Member Posts: 4
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Elaine and welcome from me too. I'm sorry, I shall have to be brief as I must get to bed. Early start tomorrow.

    You sound very unhappy and with much to be unhappy about. Of course you can't be doing lots of work only two months after two arthroscopies. If you're trying to I'm not surprised you're getting no benefit from the operations. Rest and prescribed exercises are what is required.

    However, it sounds as if your unhappiness goes much deeper than that. Your daughter has left for university and your relationship with your son is difficult. You sound as if you'd hoped for knee replacements rather than arthroscopies. Plus you seem to demand a great deal of yourself.

    On here we all understand the grind of unrelenting pain so we know it can sometimes help to just tell it like it is. We are here to sympathise and empathise. That includes our lovely Helpline people. Why not give them a ring and have a good old natter about it all?

    Thank you, I am contemplating it.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,557
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You sound to be at a very low ebb and no wonder. Life continues to throw its troubles at us regardless of the fact we are struggling with such a common health issue that few take it seriously. I plunged into depression when my OA was diagnosed in 2011 (when I was 52) in addition to my auto-immune arthritis; naively I thought one could have one or the other, not both! My GP prescribed a low dose of an anti-depressant and I thought I would take them for around three months and then stop, but my rheumatologist disagreed. To this day I take a daily dose because it helps me to cope better with the demands of life, especially the pain.

    I think you should go and see your GP, they are the ones who deal with OA and its knock-on effects. Surgery of any kind is invasive and healing takes far longer than we might like: the older we are the slower it can be, if we're not too fit before surgery that can also affect the rate of deeper healing - recuperation is hard work! Joint replacement won't be offered until a certain level of damage has been reached, and that is understandable albeit hard to live. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • ElaineB4
    ElaineB4 Member Posts: 4
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Morning friends, thank you for all your advice I appreciate it all and you're so right I do need to stop putting so much pressure on myself, so today I'm going to work for just a few hours then I'm coming home to book appointment with Dr as my boss is off next week and I am putting too much on myself to be back full time next week and how I feel right now it's totally unrealistic. My gp is great and I know he'll tell me to slow down and book me to work from home again and just do as much as I can in the office but not to push myself. I need to get my positive sensible head on and just do as much as I need to do not as much as my boss and I expect myself too.

    So today positive move forward and when I get home from work, sleep, as that's what my body is saying. I wanted to be in early this morning and I'm not yet so time to start listening to the body and be practical. I haven't had such a low moment in a while and yes I'm very emotional at the moment but its just about doing what the body dictates not what my pride says. Thank you for giving me the kick up the backside I need and understanding.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,339
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You do sound a great deal more positive today, Elaine, but sometimes that's only possible when we've let out all the negative stuff so I'm glad you were able to.

    Pride and arthritis? I'm not sure they're compatible. I let my standards slip many years ago when my kids were young and I realised my options were a tidy house and knackered, grumpy, arthritic Mum or an untidy, sometimes unclean house and a not-quite-so-knackered-or-grumpy arthritic Mum. The arthritis isn't going to give, or to go away, so we have to factor it in.

    How are your knees? Please be kind to them. The surgeons can only do so much and the rest is up to us to make them work by doing the right things and avoiding the wrong ones.

    Pressures of work must be very difficult but, with your GP on your side, you can do this. Putting your own needs first will, ultimately, be in everyone's best interests. Please let's know how you get on.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,557
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You didn't need a kick anywhere and I hope that's not what we administered. I am 'fortunate' in that I have been dealing with auto-immune issues since childhood so, basically, have no idea what good health is; for me this is all more of the same. Oscar Wilde once said/wrote that 'Youth is wasted on the young.' I say 'Good health is wasted on those who have always had it.' Naturally it's taken for granted but when things start to go wrong, for whatever reason, it's a steep learning curve, and must be far worse because being continually poorly is unknown territory.

    It is not easy learning to listen to your body but it must be done. The changes I have had to make to my life over the past nineteen years or so have been necessary but not necessarily easy to make. I was fortunate in that I was self-employed so work-wise I could tailor things to suit me but, after my double carpal tunnel operation I realised enough was enough: the arthritis began in 1997, two years after I started my little business, and had been a factor throughout and my marriage (also in 1997) but that op was the final straw (only for the work, not the marriage!)

    There's always an element of 'Why me?' (that's human nature) but the only answer is 'Why not?' There are around ten million arthritics in the UK, the vast majority of whom have OA so you are far from alone. There are two articles on the net that you might find of interest: one is called 'The Spoon Theory' and the other 'There's a Gorilla in my House' - your friends and family may find them of interest too. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben