Feeling alone when surrounded by people?

You must be very bright indeed to get to uni despite missing a lot of education. Well done!

The interests you mention don't sound introspective to me. With those interests you can do so much. I used to write cricket reports for my local club to be posted in the local newspaper. That necessarily involved finding out who was who, where the new player had come from etc etc ie talking to other members and spectators.

I did Riding for the Disabled for several years but soon found myself on the group, and later regional too, committees writing publicity reports and sending out newsletters. Again, this involved finding out who was who and who had done what and, of course, making friends with other committee members - some also disabled by different diseases.

All voluntary organisations tend to be desperate for volunteers. This often involves reading and communication and generally mixing with other interesting people.

Why not give it a try?

I think that sense of feeling alone in a crowded room is very common, one thing I’ve learnt over the years is that all those insecurities you think are exclusive to yourself are actually hobbling very many other people around you, even the loud ones, it’s just that some hide it better than others. Keep speaking, reading, communicating, connecting. Like most things, the more you do it the easier it becomes, even meeting new people. And you never know what avenues it will open up. It sometimes helps to bear in mind they’re probably as anxious as you are, and grateful for someone making the first move and being a good listener. What you describe in your first post sounds like pretty standard “getting to know new people “ stuff, and the recipient of your attention was probably grateful for someone who was happy to listen to them and put their needs and interests first. In brief encounters it can sometimes be a one way street, but next time you meet them, the familiarity will make things easier. It is hard going sometimes, and you won’t click with everyone, but this is often how friendships start.

And yes, you will make a few gaffs and torture yourself about it afterwards, we ALL do that, even the rich and famous, who occasionally own up to some toe curling encounters that they have fluffed. Some of mine try to torture me late at night (and believe me in 61 years you can accumulate a lot of them - I’ve got some absolute foot-in-mouth howlers 😅), and I have to remind myself the target of my gaff probably forgot about it as soon as they got home and I should just let it go too. Or they thought I was an idiot, which is probably true, but it doesn’t define me. If I see them again maybe I can apologise if it was really bad, and if I never meet them again... problem solved.

As for the sense of aloneness you feel around your pain, try not to let it define you as a person. It may limit what you can physically do, but the sum total of you is far more than your grumbling leg. Allow your life to go in different directions where your leg becomes less relevant. Losing yourself in new interests is a great way to make pain recede into the background.

I often feel alone with my psoriatic arthritis and various other problems. It was worse when I was first diagnosed, but at the end of the day, I think everyone feels alone to some extent or other. Talking to someone else doesn’t necessarily improve things. Sometimes friends have their own agendas for conversations. I agree that trying to keep busy is important and focussing on things you can do, though i know it’s not easy, especially initially. Good luck.