HELP ME PLS

carol101
carol101 Member Posts: 584
edited 30. Oct 2009, 14:29 in Living with Arthritis archive
I feel so bad. I just let everybody down.

Done night shift last night and although tiring i had quite a good night.

Finished work at 6 this morning. Didn't wake up till 9pm and that's only due to my husband waking me up for work. Meds make me sleep.

Felt guilty for not seeing hubby all day although i do work with him. Had a quick shower and cup of tea.

Got my things ready for work and along came the tears. Is this my life now, work and sleep? What a life!

Hubby gave me cuddle and i took my meds. Thought i'd be ok once i got to work with my friends.


Crying in car on way to work but thinking i'll get over it once i get there.

Tears got worse the closer i got.

Can't face going in in tears and everyone asking what's up.

Decide i can't go in so hubby runs in to tell them he's bringing me home.

On way home, crying so much i'm physically sick all down my front like a child.

I let everyone down. I let my work down because i'm either not there due to pain or i'm crying and can't cope. I let my husband down because i'm either in pain so can't do much, asleep or crying. Let you guys down because you don't need to read posts like this, you all want cheering up.

I don't want this life anymore


Sorry X
«13

Comments

  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hey Carol .... stop right there! your hubby loves you and will be worried for you - but I am sure he will not have told you that you have let him down. I certainly don'/t think you have let us down either ..... it is what we are all here for. We all have times like this, and it sounds like you need to stop and think a bit about how things are for you right now.

    first of all, stop worrying ... that will only keep you feeling bad. Work will cope without you. Believe me, mine did when I had battled on for ages thinking I had to keep going.

    Have you talked to your GP about how you are feeling? if not, please do. If it helps then print out what you typed on here tonight ... it says so very well how bad today got for you.

    Your GP can help ...... and your hubby sounds like he is a good one who will be wanting to help you. let them help you, and be kind toyourself. You sound like you need a good rest and some looking after.

    what about ringing the helplines tomorrow when you have had some seleep and talking though what you could do.

    thinking of you and sending lots of hugs ((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    carol u r trying to please every one and the one person u need to please at the moment is u stop being so hard on yourself i only got oa mild and only work 4 hours a day but even then some days have to have a sleep before i go as so exhausted even if only been up few hours. we need u to be u we do laugh and keep each others spirits up as it how we cope but we all have down times then we tell each other so we can help each other it what we here for do not forget. so take your meds and rest. what job do u do? if u do not mind me asking
  • vonski
    vonski Member Posts: 1,292
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Carol

    So sorry to read your post, arthur gets to us all at some point and it has certainly come your way now. You haven't let anyone down, you sound very depressed and it might be an idea to speak to your Dr. about it. Can you talk to your hubby too? sounds like you've got a good un there and it might make him feel better if you talk things through as well as you. I'm always talking to my hubby and he says he wishes there was something he could do but I tell him listening helps and of course the cuddle.

    Work well you can't be the only one that takes time off when they feel ill. It's better you take a few days off and rest up than struggle on.

    You did right to post this, don't ever feel guilty about talking to us, something else we all need.

    Love and hugs
    Vonski x
  • robertls
    robertls Member Posts: 2,304
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Carol..............you've let nobody down.......especially us.....

    We've all been there.......the bad days....

    It happens......

    Those that are close and care will understand, and support you.

    All any of us can do is our best.......

    Luv and hugs...........Rob x x x
  • carol101
    carol101 Member Posts: 584
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I work in mailing wharehouse. I am a supervisor so tonight i have left my crew with no one in charge of them. I am supposed to be a responsible person! Basically we pack magazines,books and letters. It can be very physical at times but my manager has been so good, i can do what job suits my needs at the time. They are currently getting in touch with my Dr to see how they can help me more. They have suggested part time but i don't know how we will cope with the loss of money. I work with all fella's on my shift and they ar so good. When i'm having a bad day with pain and am hobbling around (arthur is in my spine) they all take the p*** out of me. Sounds nasty but i know them so well that they do it in a funny way and it helps me cope. That's why i thought i could pull myself together tonight but i just couldn't face them. Still in tears now, 3hrs later and feel so stupid
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    you just sound exhausted and I am not surprised with what you have been doing. Take a bit of time to rest, and the crying is better out than in - believe me!

    hugs to you ((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
  • carol101
    carol101 Member Posts: 584
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My Dad and sister-in-law are both fighting cancer and they just get on with life. I've only got arthur and my world has caved in. It just ain't right
  • vonski
    vonski Member Posts: 1,292
    edited 26. Oct 2009, 19:06
    Hi Carol

    Doesn't sound like your boss thinks you let them down, they obviously want to do all they can to keep you. Look at working tax credit and then you might be able to think about working part time.

    Just seen your other post with everything involved with the cancer that is hitting you too and I know how much it affects everyone. You need to find a bit of time for yourself and do something to relax, even an hour just listening to music or a massage might help.

    Love
    Vonski x
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    arther does that, not your fault we all been through it u have no say in it it takes over all your body and the stress of them not being well will be taking its tole on u stress one of the worse things for u so rest while u can and if u need to cry let it all out take care
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Carol,

    I personally don't think you have let anyone down. Its not just your have arthritis you have a huge amount to cope with and then you got your diagnosis as well. Its not surprising you are feeling low but as has been said maybe you could talk to your doctor?

    Its hard to do night at the best of times and you just need some time for you. Sleeping, well the drugs maybe the reason but your under so much pressure and you body just wants a bit of time out so you sleep. You hang in there and I hope it soon gets easier for you. Take care and a ((( ))) Cris
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Aw Carol

    You were at the end of your tether today when you arrived home. To have around 15 hours sleep, meds or no meds, you were absolutely exhausted. You have said before about your work and that you work with fellahs. You may be supervisor but supervisor's have time off too with illness/feeling unwell. I am pretty sure that the crew worked well without you being there tonight. You have also mentioned how the fellahs joke around with you - give me men any day as work colleagues rather than a room full of women!! You have a very physical job too with the packing and all that entails. It sounds like you and your OH are a great team. You have not let anyone down and I am sure he does not think so and is probably worried about you. No one is going to think any less of you.

    I am sure your gp will be able to help you if you have a chat with him.

    Try to take it easy now and relax a little. You have got yourself into a state and you need to calm down and look at the situation rationally. The work will not come to a standstill because you are not there tonight.

    I do hope you feel better soon and I am sending you cyber hugs as you really deserve them.

    Luv
    Elna x
  • carol101
    carol101 Member Posts: 584
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    i can't stop crying. i have never felt tihs low
    i'm such a burden, no one should have to put up wih me
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hubby must be home now, Carol. I do hope you are feeling a little better today. You are not a burden at all, you work far more than a lot of us do or are able. I don't know how you put in all those hours and it is not light work either.

    Love
    Elna x
  • carol101
    carol101 Member Posts: 584
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    i was crying for 7 hrs last night. hubby said we'll get through it together and that he would phone the DR's today...........
    well he did and made an appointment for 2 weeks time! and now he's gone back to sleep
    he don't care about me, my dad has his own problems so i have no one
  • carol101
    carol101 Member Posts: 584
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    i even PM'd the helpline here and emailled the samaratans last night....no reply from either

    i'm so alone
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Carol

    Of course your hubby cares very much about you, but he needs to sleep now after his shift last night. The helpline will be open now. Why not try - you may have to try a couple of times because they get so busy. Once you are through they will give you all the time you need.

    Have you the strength to call your surgery - or even to go round there - you need to see someone today. Even better if you get round there and they will visibly see the state you have got yourself into.

    Love
    Elna x
  • chris101
    chris101 Member Posts: 16
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Carol
    I don't know if there's anything I can say to add to what the others have said, but I just wanted to say that you are not alone. I know it feels like it, but you're not. I am supposed to be working, but here I am on the forum. Got so much to do and just can't seem to find the energy. Sometimes we just need to rest and to have some time to take everything in. Arthritis is horrible. Fact. It hurts and it effects us both physically and emotionally. Plus you are so worried about your Dad. You need to talk again with your husband and maybe try to arrange for some counselling - I talk with the nurse at the rheumatology hospital when things get too much. It does help. Guess what I am saying is take some time for yourself, don't be too hard on yourself and remember there are others out here that truly understand and are here for you. Chris..x
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi, Your hubby is right you WILL get through it together. He sounds such a lovely man, just like mine, concerned for you. :wink:

    It sounds like you are right at the bottom, we've all been there at times and understand that you need help and support right now. I'm glad you wrote to us, as you've given us a chance to show that we want to care for people who are right at the bottom as well as people like me who like to rant. :oops:

    Being at the bottom means that the only way now, is UP. You will have lots of understanding from your husband and your GP, who will be able to tell you about the treatment you need and help you get it. Some of the talking therapies are good for some people and also medicaion can help. Most important of all is, you've taken the first step in asking for help, that can be so difficult, now you'v started on the journey up.

    I know that some of my really worst times I can think of have made me and my husband stronger as a couple, because thats how we faced it, together. I wish I could give you a hug or something, but I can't so, I'll send you my love and very best wishes. love Suex xxx

    I'm not making a religious statement, but I do believe in the power of positive thoght and we are all sending our positive thoughts down the line to you, so I hope you can feel them, my thoughts are with you. With much love, Sue xxxxxxx
  • lindalegs
    lindalegs Member Posts: 5,371
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Carol,

    Crying is perfectly normal because you're grieving for a life that was and a future that seems uncertain. The greatest majority of us have been there and I've cried enough to float a boat over the years. :cry:

    You will come through this, I promise.

    Your husband is there for you but he's obviously tired too and needs his sleep - it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

    Is there any chance you can bring your appointment with the GP forward or can you talk to you Rheumatology team? You do need some help.

    Hope you start to feel brighter very soon.

    Luv Legs :)
  • vonski
    vonski Member Posts: 1,292
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Carol

    You are not alone, please don't think that. You're hubby does care he did say you would get through it together. Ring your Dr. and see if you can get an appointment today or tomorrow or at least sometime this week. Honestly there is light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes it is so hard to find but it is there.

    Love
    Vonski x
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Carol, I hope you'r feeling a little bit better, but don't worry, you will need time and help to get over this. Lots of love Sue xxxxx
  • jordan7j
    jordan7j Bots Posts: 346
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Carol, love, he does care!!!! he tried his best and made the appt, he probably didnt realise it needs to be sooner. Could you phone them and tell them how serious this is now? You must see someone by the end of week at least. ~They must have emergency appts available, ask for this. You are not a burden to anyone!! you work really hard, and it takes its toll (i am still working too) you need support NOW please dont leave it. We are all very worried about you, dont let this go on. (((((((hugs))))))) Jay x
  • annie_mial
    annie_mial Member Posts: 5,614
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh, Carol, I feel so much for you. Six months ago I was in that same place and my life is easier to cope with than yours. Most of us have to play the crying game from time to time; I can only assure you along with everyone else that it does get better - but words won't convince you, they didn't me at the time.
    You do need to see a doctor as soon as, can you see if you can get one sooner than two weeks? Your workplace and your hubby sound lovely, but you have to want to be helped - it's the first step to acceptance.

    Love n 'hugs
    Annie
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 27. Oct 2009, 13:01
    Hello Carol

    I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so low at the moment. I have had periods of depression like you, and I know exactly how horrible it makes you feel. I used to think that my husband didn't care sometimes, but it was just that he didn't know what to do to help me. Whatever he tried, I rejected, because that was part of the depression. This made him feel inadequate, and maybe your husband feels like that too.

    I think you need to see your doctor sooner than the appointment you have got. Perhaps try again and say it is urgent. Have you tried ringing the Samaritans, rather than e-mailing? I rang them a couple of times and found them very helpful.

    I do hope you can get some help to get away from this black cloud. It sounds to be more than just the usual feeling fed up that most people experience. You sound physically and mentally exhausted, so I think you need a period of rest. I think you should take some time off work to recharge your batteries, and get some help from the doctor.

    Joan
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,409
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Carol.
    What do you think of the letter you wrote.if you read it through as if you were some one else.
    i would say you need to get some help from the doc.you are a lovely happy person we want you back like that.
    we all have times we feel down so dont worry.
    take care joan xx

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