Caring for my neighbour

joanlawson

Hi

I am the main carer for my neighbour, who is a lovely lady of 86. She has no family members in England, as her daughter lives in Brussels, and her son lives in America. Consequently, I 'adopted' her many years ago, and she has become my best friend and mentor.

At the moment, she is ill, and I have just called the doctor out to her for the second time in less than a week. I am keeping my fingers crossed that she won't have to be admitted to hospital, but I am very worried.

It has made me realise how much I value her as my friend, and how much I would miss her if she weren't there. She has always been there for me, and I try to be there for her too.

I don't know what my message is really, except to value elderly people, and to care about your neighbours. I think it is also to cherish your friends by letting them know that you care.

Joan

tkachev

I will certainly make more effort to look after the elderly as have heard some shockings stories during the cold spell.In hospital I met some amazing older ladies and was sad to leave them.I didnt ask for their addresses as they are usually so independent and proud but I really wish i had so I could just pop in now and again.I really miss them...
Just be there for your friend and I hope she will be okay.
Elizabeth

joanlawson

Thank you, Elizabeth. My friend is fiercly independent normally, and doesn't ask for a lot of help unless she really needs it. She has a wonderful sense of humour, which is why we get on so well. If I live to that age, I hope I can be like her. She has stayed young at heart, and that is the secret I think.

tkachev

My Aunt is this age.She had to sell her home to go into a care home .She cannot walk now so cannot live alone(as judged by the council) but she is in with a lot of dementia patients and is distressed by it all.I hope your friend can remain at home and it is nice to hear she is still independent,although it wouldnt be her fault if she wasnt.
Hope you are well.
Best wishes
Elizabeth

joanlawson

My friend's big fear is of having to go into a care home. I have promised her that I will do everything within my power to keep her at home.

To mix people with dementia patients is dreadful, and it shouldn't happen. I have a lot of experience of coping with dementia patients, because my father suffered with it for several years. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

ninakang

The Grandad of one of my best friends was admitted to hospital just before new year with pneumonia and they found out after tests that his stomach problems weren't kidney stones but cancer and he had 6 months, tops, to live.

I feel, like you all do, that you should value elderly people and I've known the whole family for over 20 years so I went to see him in hospital last Monday. He was very stoical about it all, told us all not to worry and that he'd be with his wife again.

He died of pneumonia last Friday :-( So sudden and I think I'm still in shock about it. So I won't be posting much today.

Nina X

tkachev

Sorry to read that Nina.Take care.
Elizabeth

angel1

ninakang wrote:

The Grandad of one of my best friends was admitted to hospital just before new year with pneumonia and they found out after tests that his stomach problems weren't kidney stones but cancer and he had 6 months, tops, to live.

I feel, like you all do, that you should value elderly people and I've known the whole family for over 20 years so I went to see him in hospital last Monday. He was very stoical about it all, told us all not to worry and that he'd be with his wife again.

He died of pneumonia last Friday :-( So sudden and I think I'm still in shock about it. So I won't be posting much today.

Nina X

So very sad for you Nina, but two things struck me immediately.

His total belief that he would be with his wife again, and the fact that, hopefully, he has been spared six months of pain. I truly hope that both of these are the truth.......Ange.

annie_mial

So sorry, Nina. Look after yourself........it's always a shock.

Annie
x

joanlawson

Dear Nina

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's Grandad. It must have been an awful shock for you, and you must be feeling that a light has gone out of your life when you have known him for so long.

It is comforting to know that he felt he would be reunited with his wife, and he will live on in your memory. Hold on to all the nice memories of him which I'm sure you have got.

I send you my condolences, and my love,

Joan xx

suzster

oh nina i'm so sorry for your loss.
not much i can say except it must be a great comfort to know he believed he would be with his wife again, such a lovely comforting thought at such a hard time.
sending you hugs and i hope you are ok?
sue

joanlawson

Update on my friend;

I called the doctor at 8am and she didn't come until 4pm, but I suppose we have to be grateful that she came at all.

My friend is very poorly, and has to have some tests tomorrow, so I will be waiting for the results of those, as will she. Her family have been ringing me from Belgium and the USA. It is very difficult for them that they are so far away.

At least she hasn't been admitted to hospital, but it looks as though I will be busy looking after her this week.

valval

joanlawson wrote:

Update on my friend;

I called the doctor at 8am and she didn't come until 4pm, but I suppose we have to be grateful that she came at all.

My friend is very poorly, and has to have some tests tomorrow, so I will be waiting for the results of those, as will she. Her family have been ringing me from Belgium and the USA. It is very difficult for them that they are so far away.

At least she hasn't been admitted to hospital, but it looks as though I will be busy looking after her this week.

she is very lucky to have u friendship does not take note of age it finding some one who cares as much as u do give and take what it all about. so well done i hope she gets better soon and u do not over do things looking after her give her a hug from me as well

joanlawson

Thank you, Val. My friend is very dear to me, and I would move Heaven and Earth for her, so caring for her is a privilege.

annie_mial

Hope all goes well with the tests, Joan, and that she makes a good recovery.

Annie

joanlawson

Thanks Annie. I will let you know.

ninakang

I hope your friend starts to get well soon Joan.

Thanks for the messages everyone, and sorry for hijacking Joan's thread, it just all came pouring out yesterday!

Nx

valval

ninakang wrote:

I hope your friend starts to get well soon Joan.

Thanks for the messages everyone, and sorry for hijacking Joan's thread, it just all came pouring out yesterday!

Nx

that ok sure she will not mind that what good about this place when some one posts it often affects some one else and helps them as so many people going through simalar things and can help each other.

joanlawson

ninakang wrote:

I hope your friend starts to get well soon Joan.

Thanks for the messages everyone, and sorry for hijacking Joan's thread, it just all came pouring out yesterday!

Nx

Hi Nina

You didn't hijack my thread at all. I'm glad that you were able to write about the death of your friend. I hope you are feeling OK today.

Love from Joan xx

joanlawson

After a whole week of wasting time, the doctor finally decided to admit my friend to hospital this afternoon. I have had to jump through many hoops on her behalf in order to get this result, and at times I have had to be quite assertive, but I knew that she needed to be assessed in hospital.

I knew on Monday that she was getting dehydrated because she had almost stopped drinking, but the doctor seemed to be unconcerned. But once in hospital, she was put on a drip immediately because in the words of the hospital doctor, she was 'as dry as a crisp'.

I feel very annoyed that time has been wasted because at the age of 86, my friend needed urgent attention. I am also worried as to what might have happened if I had not been there to help her. Many old people living alone like my friend do not have someone to fight their battles.

annebr

Joan,

How are you? You seem to have been so busy helping your friend I hope you are getting a chance to look after yourself? Plus you will be feeling a bit down and upset?

I hope your friend gets well soon.

Big hugs to you, look after yourself.

Anne

valval

you have done well for your friend well done hope she better soon

joanlawson

Thank you, Anne and Val

I am OK, thanks. Now that my friend is in hospital, I can relax more, knowing she is being properly cared for.

annie_mial

Do let us know how she goes on, won't you? Full marks to you for your attentions to her.

Annie

joyful164

I have had some wonderful neighbours in the past who were elderly and as a young mother, valued their knowledge. One couple were very kind to me and loved Ali and Andy and they would often have them play in their beautiful garden. They were the kind of people who grew all their own food, never wasted anything and this is where Andy started his interest in tools and building. On their golden wedding anniversary, as a thank you I organised and cooked for their party. Including a cake. Rich fruit and beautifully decorated even if I say it myself. I was quite proud of it.
I was thoroughly enjoying the day until a member of their family turned to me and said "Don't expect to get anything in the Will because you do all this". They were really vicious. As you can imagine, I was thoroughly hurt. I was just so happy that my two children had learnt a wealth of knowledge and values from this lovely couple who I loved dearly. I live opposite to where they use to live and now, the garden has been half built on and all the fruit trees have gone except one and which is in the back garden of our other friends. When we spent New Years Eve with them, they promised me some cooking apples off that tree.

Joy

joanlawson

annie_mial wrote:

Do let us know how she goes on, won't you? Full marks to you for your attentions to her.

Annie

Thanks, Annie. I would do anything for my friend, so it was no hardship. I am just worried for old people without a friend. If I had not been very persistent, I dread to think what could have happened.

When I rang for the doctor at 8am on Monday, the doctor didn't come until late afternoon, despite me telling her how worried I was about my friend's condition. When she finally arrived, she said that she was late because she had a meeting :!: Are they getting their priorities right these days :?: