pre-op/op date

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speedalong
speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
edited 4. May 2010, 16:17 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi, attended pre-op today. Not at all informative - all the nurse kept saying was - you'll have to ask the consultant/it depends ... Very non-committal. Got given a few leaflets and handouts and had various swabs and bloods done etc

My op date is 12th May!!! A month is a sensible amount of time to prepare - practically, psychologically etc. Op is being done by my consultant. Admitted on day of op to an admissions lounge ... go for op and then squeezed on any ward with a bed (ortho ward if poss - but not guaranteed!!) Sounds awful. But wont dwell on it.

Main concerns are
a) are discharged after 5 days if not home alone, after 8/9 days if no one to keep stay with you. Friends popping in not good enough ... All my friends work and even if the friend who is having S stays on at mine ... she will be fitting in her work committments whilst S is at school.

b) 2 weeks and 2 days after my op - S will be off for two weeks hols. My friend had already agreed to have him for 4 days in first week ... everyone goes away in half term ... and I will be very early post-op and unable to cope with him at home all day. Doing morning and evening routines will be enough of a challenge either side of his school day ....

Speedalong
I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
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Comments

  • patriciamary
    patriciamary Member Posts: 117
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi speedalong
    Check with the local authority in your area because here in Scotland many of them organise holiday clubs. You usually have to pay for them but its a sliding scale of charges, depending on personal circumstances. If they have these clubs I am sure you would be a priority. You certainly need the help with your son during the recovery period. You dont want to jeopardise your recovery by doing too much. Sorry I personally cant help but send my best wishes for your op and the childcare situation.
    Regards
    Trisha
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Speedalong

    Are you happy to stay in the hospital longer - 8 - 9 days if you do not have someone with you? It will put you in a much better position mentally and physically when you do return home. I stayed in 6 nights this time after my TKR, 5 nights with the first one.

    Don't tell anyone but the evening I returned home from my TKR my hubby's boss called to ask if he could possibly attend a meeting with him the next day as there were big/serious problems on a site. I could see he really felt he should go,so okayed it and off he went. I was fine. He was not home long with me after the first TKR either :oops: I was not phased by it. I suppose I said a little white lie to the hospital both times. :oops: We are all different and it is a different op too, I felt very confident, I would cope fine and I did. The other difference is that he was available to be home with me if I needed the help and one does not know how one really feels about coping until the op is over and you leave the hospital.

    I am sorry I have not any bright ideas about help with your son in the hols but I am sure you will work something out and others will call in with suggestions.

    Luv
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I was very lucky that sons school started a summer club that year.I booked the 4 weeks plus transport.I would hope their will be something similar for your son, although you still need to get them up,dressed, fed and lunch boxed.
    I had my OH at home,and so hospital never fussed over discharging me, but he is of little use, so I arranged my 2 big daughters to stay while I was in hosp( for the kids sake) then once home crossed each bridge as it came.I am pretty sure OH asked to go out the 2nd night I was home.
    It is difficult to arrange everything but start now. See if social services have any funding for a carer for those 2 weeks your son is home.Or is that wishful thinking?
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • dorcas
    dorcas Member Posts: 3,516
    edited 16. Apr 2010, 12:19
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    Hi speedalong :D

    oh you have such a lot to think about...........

    priorities are your recovery (not jeopardising it) and arrangements for your step son post op and a bit beyond!....that is without doubt a lot to be thinking about and dealing with...

    but before you even think about all of that....how do you feel about having the op on the 12th May? they have kind of 'sprung' that on you. :? and it's the urgency that they've created that is at the heart of all your concerns and putting this pressure on you!.

    Speedalong, you do have another choice....not one any of us would want when we're in pain....but you could defer the op so that you have proper time to get everything into place for your foster son and you!..... a month or even two could make such a difference, is that something you could consider?

    I know balanced against that is the need to have the op...and we have discussed on the forum ' windows of opportunity' for ops which if we don't take advantage off can slip by....but your surgeon could and should be willing to discuss this with you so that you have all the information and can then make that decision...based on facts.

    It's so disappointing to read that the nurse today was anything but helpful..whatever happened to the caring aspect of her nursing? and you seem to be getting squeezed in....none of which is reassuring for you.

    Social work dept would of course assist...they have a duty towards S..and respite is always a consideration. But unless S is already familiar with periods of respite that may not be a resolution..in fact might cause him and you more angst. Home support (carer) is also an option that you could consider.

    I was on my own post op on my return home, which was difficult, but did not have the additional pressure of looking after a son with additional needs; your situation is much more fragile. x

    what to do? take time, don't be pressurised, get more info, speak to your doc or better still telephone the surgeon's secretary on Monday and get him to phone you to talk this through. May be then it will all start to fall into place...

    Big gentle (((hugs)))

    Iris x
  • chris7
    chris7 Bots Posts: 2,696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Speedalong

    Thanks for the update, have been wondering how you got on. Sorry it was a bit hit and miss today but glad the date not too close.
    Yes still some sorting out for you to do re home care but hope you can start to get things in place now you have your date.
    Sending hugs ((( ))) and best wishes. Hope the shock wearing off a bit so you can get things organised.
    take care and let us know how you are doing?
    Chris xx
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Trisha
    S has autism and doesn't cope well with new situations/people/ I couldn't just pack him off to a holiday club with new people in a new place. His anxiety levels would rocket and this would have massive repercussions. (Trigger IBS symptoms, kick start his constipation, cause behaviour and sleep problems ... and I need him happy and steady especially as I shall be coping with my own recovery. Also, he will have just had a spell without me whilst I have my op and when I do get home - I won't be how I usually am with him, and he will find this hard to understand.)

    I have already contacted a charity called Resources for autism and filled out an application form and contacted his youth leader in prep .. shall have to chivvy them along and see what they have come up with. A month isn't long to get things sorted. But deadlines DO focus the mind!!

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Elna, I will have to stay in hospital a bit longer if I can't find anyone. If I feel rough I might prefer that, but I remember last time I was desperate to get out ... but I was in for nearly 3 weeks!!! (they hadn't sorted out my OT equip and dom care ...)

    I could tell a white lie - but my friends will be working, so would have to leave work if I needed help ... which is a big ask on top of the support they will know doubt be providing between them for quite awhile ....

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Elizabeth
    I was very lucky that sons school started a summer club that year.I booked the 4 weeks plus transport.I would hope their will be something similar for your son, although you still need to get them up,dressed, fed and lunch boxed.
    I will be having to get S up and out each day for school ... but can then rest during the day and psych self up for the evening to bedtime stint.
    I had my OH at home,and so hospital never fussed over discharging me, but he is of little use, so I arranged my 2 big daughters to stay while I was in hosp( for the kids sake) then once home crossed each bridge as it came.I am pretty sure OH asked to go out the 2nd night I was home.
    My Dad stayed with me last time - he created more work as he would leave things all spread out around kitchen for me to then carry on crutches one thing at time to the sink/bin etc But he was on hand if necesary.
    It is difficult to arrange everything but start now. See if social services have any funding for a carer for those 2 weeks your son is home.Or is that wishful thinking?
    Soc services are next to useless have fostered S since 2000 with no support. He is now between services ... as despite my best efforts no planning was in place ...they seem to add to the stress when ever they get involved. They are currently making me jump through hoops so we can join their adult placement scheme - just so S can stay at home ... and it's me doing all the running and paying out it seems (for adaptions, saftey certs and courses ....) and they couldn't even sort out S's keep money!!! Oops .... big digress - sorry!!

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    That is okay as i am not a fan of Social services either. As for your dad I fully understand. You end up with more mess and have to feed them as well! And they just stand there watching you. Been there.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Iris,
    oh you have such a lot to think about...........
    My life always feels like this!! Think I must have been an awful person in former life!!
    priorities are your recovery (not jeopardising it) and arrangements for your step son post op and a bit beyond!....that is without doubt a lot to be thinking about and dealing with...
    Nothing like a deadline to focus the mind!!
    but before you even think about all of that....how do you feel about having the op on the 12th May? they have kind of 'sprung' that on you. and it's the urgency that they've created that is at the heart of all your concerns and putting this pressure on you!.
    The 12th was kind of a relief -as thought they might be offering op in a week or two ... a month is more time to sort out arrangements and my own mind. But I wish they could have told me the date sooner ...
    Speedalong, you do have another choice....not one any of us would want when we're in pain....but you could defer the op so that you have proper time to get everything into place for your foster son and you!..... a month or even two could make such a difference, is that something you could consider
    The downside of postponing is I will not be as far along in my recovery for the summer hols ... and then my support network will be minimal. At least term time, although peeps are working they are at home evenings and weekends ... My friends all go away in the summer hols and I will have S at home all of Aug. Hopefully if all goes well I will be able to drive and be making a good recovery by Aug...
    I know balanced against that is the need to have the op...and we have discussed on the forum ' windows of opportunity' for ops which if we don't take advantage off can slip by....but your surgeon could and should be willing to discuss this with you so that you have all the information and can then make that decision...based on facts.
    This is also my fear. I have already had the shock of the joint being too far gone for the Bristol op. There is a chance a resurface is also out of the question - the sooner I have the op the more likely I am to have a resurface ... which I'd prefer to another THR - if poss.
    It's so disappointing to read that the nurse today was anything but helpful..whatever happened to the caring aspect of her nursing? and you seem to be getting squeezed in....none of which is reassuring for you.
    Yes - it really didn't help. My hospital isn't great on patient care!! I had considered going to a different hospital but decided to stick with my consultant for the op. The bloods dept were much more pleasant - and what a difference that made!!
    Social work dept would of course assist...they have a duty towards S..and respite is always a consideration. But unless S is already familiar with periods of respite that may not be a resolution..in fact might cause him and you more angst. Home support (carer) is also an option that you could consider.
    Soc serv have organised holiday daycare before when our school hols have differed - it has always been poor quality with carers with no understanding of autism. S has had massive anxiety and he has always come home and needed loads of stimulation as he has lain on the sofa eating all day ... so has bags of energy and tummy ache!! A support worker for him would be great - but they would need time to build up a relationship with him. The assessor for adult placements suggested he could have respite at a care home which she said she had visited and thought was good - I looked it up - it had one star - the reports were slating. I contacted the inspection body and asked if there were any improvements since the last inspection as I thought it sounded unsuitable - she said my instincts were right - and it was being closed down ... The others one the social worker proposed all had the same star rating and similiar reports ... I'm not being deliberately negative, but S is vulnerable - ASD is one of the least understood disabilities that seems to be suffer from a lack of suitable provision (education, social care and also health!!) Maybe I can do some campaigning whilst I'm off sick!!
    I was on my own post op on my return home, which was difficult, but did not have the additional pressure of looking after a son with additional needs; your situation is much more fragile. x
    I was on my own last time too - so boring, not a fun time. As long as I get the right care in place for S at least he will add a bit of spice to the evenings?! And when happy and steady can be a good help too.
    what to do? take time, don't be pressurised, get more info, speak to your doc or better still telephone the surgeon's secretary on Monday and get him to phone you to talk this through. May be then it will all start to fall into place...
    What to do - sort out support for S for half term. Bribe colleagues to help empty classroom. Prepare house for my return ... and then let it happen ...???
    Big gentle (((hugs)))
    Thanks. I can do this!!!
    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Chris, I'm not good with surprises ... I like careful planning - must be living with someone with autism for so long!!!

    No longer paralysed by shock!!! Am trying to sort and get things organised, which is much more me.

    Thank you for your support.

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • marion1952
    marion1952 Member Posts: 963
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Dear Speedalong

    Just to say I do hope you can get some help sorted out for when you are back home. It sounds like 12th May is a good time for you to have the op, as you will then be about 10 weeks or so post-op by the long summer holidays. What a terrific person you are to cope with all that is being thrown at you - and how lucky S is to have you as his foster-mum...


    Best wishes

    Marion x
  • dorcas
    dorcas Member Posts: 3,516
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi speedalong,

    I don't know what you were in a former life but one thing's for sure, you are one capable and caring lady in this one!

    Sounds like you know exactly what you're doing. Will keep fingers and everything else crossed for you between now and the op .

    Iris x
  • bertyboy
    bertyboy Member Posts: 1,860
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    its good you have a date and you can get organized and things will all fall in to place xxxx
    I know i am a lady ,all life is a journey xx MAY xx
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Dear Marion, Iris and Bertyboy,

    thank you for your continued support – the folks on this forum are FAB – don’t know where I’d be without you all.

    Thank you so much for "listening", supporting, advising and being there.

    Speedalong
    xxxx
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    wow!!

    that is sooner than you might have wanted but later than it could have been ..... hmmm ..... still lots for you to do though .... so lean on us when you need to and don't forget that the cafe on chitchat is always stocked with warm wonky hugs to keep you going :wink:

    hugs
    WOnky xxx
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thank you Wonky.

    No time would ever be perfect would it?!

    Just praying to get half term sorted with a solution that S will love ...

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Speedalong,

    I also don't tell the truth about being alone here cus I just want out. You may well find friends you don't expect will possibly rally around you over your lad for the hols. The good thing is you have a month to get your head round it all and hopefully the logistics will be easier to sort than you think they will be. I rally hope it gets a bit easier to see you can cope and you feel happier about it all soon. ((( ))) Cris x
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thanks Cris,

    I'll only know how I'll feel after op once I've had it. Then I'll have to decide whether I say I have found someone to be at home with me or not ... or maybe I will have!!

    It is easier to relax and do your own thing at home ... but my home is not always very relaxing!!

    Last time I had some fab people helping me ... unfortunately 2 of them have since died ... one was a lovely old man who had just lost his wife - he gave me practical help ie lifts etc and I gave him a bit of company in return. The other was a lovely chap who was off work with stress - he used to mow the grass, peg out the washing and water the plants - in return for coffee and a listening ear ... hopefully help will be found in some unexpected places ...

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • ironic
    ironic Member Posts: 2,361
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi there Speedalong,

    Soc services eh! All the training and the expense and they still dont get it. Whatever happened to common sense. Nobody seems have the same advisor for any length of time so you cannot build up that rapour. Hope things can get sorted for you asap. Good luck and sending some hugs. Ix
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Ironic

    - you can say that again - they are fussing about photocopies of my car insurance and electrical safety certificate - meanwhile I'm more concerned with planning for S during and after my op.

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Had a long phone chat tonight with brilliant friend who is having S whilst I have my op and who will be here to support with him immediately afterwards. She is also going to go shopping for me for things I will need for my hospital stay - which is a godsend as I find shopping very tricky now.

    We are having "meeting" at the end of the week with ourselves and another fab friend to discuss arrangements.

    Things WILL fall into place.
    Thank goodness for friends.

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • dorcas
    dorcas Member Posts: 3,516
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    That is such good news. :D :!:

    Such a relief to have the arrangements falling into place for S; I can feel the worry draining out of your post.. :wink: especially as your friends are going to be doing some of the more difficult shopping and supporting you too....

    fan...daby...dozy. :D:D:D I am so pleased for you. :mrgreen:

    Iris x
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Speedalong,
    I am crashing your post......

    I am going to be facing the same issues as you very soon. Your post is helping me think about these issues as I have been pushing them to the back of my mind.I am due a foot fusion but will be unable to walk for a while afterwards.Also due another THR but they need and want to do foot first.Now have to think when will be a good time to be unable to walk and thus care for my son, ASD?At least with a THR I could stagger around if I had too but wont have that option if in a wheelchair.Also have daughter with chronic constipation needs cleaning up and bathing 3-4 times a day!
    It is all such a worry.
    Best wishes
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Iris - yes, at least the op and just after are sorted - can tick that off my list!!



    Elizabeth - it is a worry isn't it. Is your daughter on meds for constipation and are they working? S suffers from this too, but has not suffered from overflow problems like your daughter. After many years we finally seem to have him on a regime that works (at least for now.) His biggest problem is withholding at school - which puts his poor system under so much strain and results in him getting very stressed at school when he is trying not to go.
    You really do have your hands full. Like me though, once ops are out the way and we have both recovered - life will be so much easier again ... it's just finding a way to cope with the op and recovery period that is the mindfield!!

    Keep us posted.

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
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