I can't go on...

stlucia

...I can't take any more of this at all. The pain is too much and the tramadol makes me itch so bad and I can't sleep. I'm so tired and it hurts so badly that I just wish it would all end. I really can't do this any more at all. I'm at my wits end. I can't wait any longer to get on the anti tnfs. I give up.

daylily

wish desperately that I could help you.
Please take care. Carry on posting all night if it takes your mind off the pain and itching.
I'll answer
anne x

[Deleted User]

Message from the Moderators

Please note: If at any time any of our members is feeling particularly low you can get advice and support by contacting the following:

The 24/7 Samaritans’ phone number 08457 90 90 90
Email address: jo@samaritans.org

Or the Arthritis Care Helplines:
By phone: 0808 800 4050 (10am-4pm weekdays)
By email: Helplines@arthritiscare.org.uk
By letter: Helplines team, Arthritis Care, 18 Stephenson Way, London NW1 2HD
(NB the Arthritis Care helpline is open from 10am to 4pm weekdays only)

Moderator AN

tjt6768

stlucia wrote:

...I can't take any more of this at all. The pain is too much and the tramadol makes me itch so bad and I can't sleep. I'm so tired and it hurts so badly that I just wish it would all end. I really can't do this any more at all. I'm at my wits end. I can't wait any longer to get on the anti tnfs. I give up.

Please know that there are people on here who truly understand how you are feeling, things will get better, and I know what it's like to be waiting and waiting for meds etc to be sorted while your just stuck there in agony, I went through it myself just a week ago, think it must have been a really bad flare up... It has eased a bit now and I am more positive..

Keep on posting, I am sure as many people can, will respond.


Tony

Wonkylegs

stlucia wrote:

...I can't take any more of this at all. The pain is too much and the tramadol makes me itch so bad and I can't sleep. I'm so tired and it hurts so badly that I just wish it would all end. I really can't do this any more at all. I'm at my wits end. I can't wait any longer to get on the anti tnfs. I give up.

HI Stlucia

firstly please take a big, deep breath ..... let it out, and then please accept this huge squashy hug from me (((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))

It is horrible to feel like you describe. I have been in similar places myself, and it is not somewhere I enjoy either. But if you find help it can get better. Honestly .... even when it feels this bad.

please don't keep this all to yourself ....... let it out on here, talk to a trusted friend, use any of the contact details that the mods have put on here, talk to your GP - anything except carry on trying to do everything yourself.

thinking of you

WOnky

stlucia

Thank you for your kindness. I try so hard every day to battle through and I'm tired of it all. I've had this horrible disease for half my life pretty much and I'm done with it. no one can seem to sort my meds out and whenever I see the doctors all I get is sympathy. I just need them to do something. I totally can not cope with all this any more. I just want to give up. The RA is in every joint and every joint feels like its been broken.

I just don't know what to do.
X

Wonkylegs

stlucia wrote:

I totally can not cope with all this any more.
I just want to give up.
I just don't know what to do.
X

HI stlucia

so glad you posted again.

you see these three sentences that you wrote?

why not print them out, and take them to your GP tomorrow morning as soon as you can.

Don't worry about whether they will have an appointment or not - if you give them these three sentences to read I am sure that they would see you.

if you can't wait all night then I can say from personal experience that the Samaritans are very good to talk to .... and they will listen for as long as you want them to .... all in confidence too.

I'm still here for a bit

WOnky

daylily

Hi stlucia,
keep posting and give the samaritans a ring if you can-
I can't begin to imagine your pain and can only hope that the lovely people on this forum can help you get through this.
we're all here for you
xx

chris7

Hi stlucia

Just calling in to add to the concern and hugs for you here. ((((( )))))The nights can be very lonely when you are feeling so low. Do hope you are finding a little peace and comfort from the support here and that you can get a doc appointment tomorrow to let them know just how bad you are feeling at the moment. We can't do anything to help with the pain and frustration but please don't feel alone.
love
Chris

stlucia

Thank you. don't worry I'm not about to top myself I just can't go on like this. i can't see a way forward.

skezier

Hi Stlucia,

Sending you a ((((( ))))) and I think Wonky is right about printing out the post you have just put and getting to see a doc tomorrow. I really hope you will post again and know there are people here who will just be here. Cris x

tjt6768

stlucia wrote:

Thank you. don't worry I'm not about to top myself I just can't go on like this. i can't see a way forward.

Can you not get an appointment with your rheumatologist and tell them what is going on.. And also, (I know that you've more than likely exhausted all these avenues as you have obviously been suffering a long time) could you get your GP to get you an emergency referall to a pain specialist?

I hope that you find something to help..

Tony

Wonkylegs

stlucia wrote:

Thank you. don't worry I'm not about to top myself I just can't go on like this. i can't see a way forward.

have you tried telling the docs that?

sometimes it pays to be blunt with them ...... some of my best appointments (from a results point of view) have been when I've blubbed over the nurse/gp/consultant ...... somehow they realise that we really mean it then!!!

not sure what meds you are on but if you're waiting for Anti-TNF like me, you're probably on MTX at least.

do you know which anti-tnf you might get? I'll be having the infusion - Infliximab.

The not knowing really gets to me sometimes .....not to mention the itching .... especially over this summer when I've had a rash reaction to the LEflunomide, and I too itch all over.

just thought ....... if you see your GP they might be able to give you something for the itching. I have anti-histamines which help a bit, but the best is a special bath oil that has some sort of anaesthetic qualities, and when I itch like mad I use that ... bliss for a few hours. Nothing lost by asking is there

hugs
WOnky

daylily

hi stlucia
do you have someone to take you to the doc's tomorrow first thing?
don't bother with an appointment just go there.
they need to help you immediately. I don't know much about your type of arthur or the meds but they must have something to blast the pain away temporarily till they get it sorted properly.
xx

that bath stuff of wonky's sounds good

skezier

Hi Stlucia,

It all takes time doesn't it and the thing that gets you down is while they take their time you keep having the trouble.

I kinda think Wonky might have got the best answer here as the funding issues mean nothing speeds that one u really but they might be able o help you in the interim time quite a bit?

Try the helplines tomorrow as well cus they know their stuff and could come up with helping you get some kind of plan under way? ((( ))) Cris x

Wonkylegs

I really hope you can get some rest tonight.

I'm off to bed now but will be thinking of you. Good luck with the doc in the morning.

hugs
WOnky

daylily

Got to go now stlucia, hubby's shouting me to go to loo.

I'll get back to you in the morning.

Hope you get some relief and rest tonight

anne x

skezier

Night stlucia. leaving you a (((( )))) and a hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. Cris x

daylily

Good Morning stlucia,
I sincerely hope that you are feeling better this morning and that you managed to get some rest.

Have a nice cuppa and get yourself off to the Doc's.
Stay there till he does something to relieve you of that dreadful pain.

Thinking of you. All my best wishes. Let us know how you get on.
anne x

tillytop

Morning St Lucia

Just seen your post and wanted to say I am thinking of you.

As others have said, please please don't feel alone with this. Do consider calling the AC helpline for a chat and/or going to your GP to get support in chasing up on the anti-tnf situation for you.

Lots love Tilly xxx

frogmorton

Oh stlucia

you poor poor thing i am so very soory you are suffering so much with no end in sight.

Like Tilly I am only jsut seeing this message :oops: so sorry.

I hope you will post later today to let us know how you are today.

Love

toni xx

salamander

Hi St Lu,

You are not alone. I've felt the same recently. It is a hard disease and sometimes life seems impossible. Are you getting enough help? Can you ask the OT to come and assess/ re-assess you? I was assessed in March and again recently as things had changed and there things out there to make your life easier. I hope to get some of them. I don't know your circumstances but there maybe things you could access. Also, as others have said, talk to your doctor about how you are feeling.

And don't forget, you've got your blue badge now. Why don't you take yourself out somewhere in the car and treat yourself?
love S

stlucia

I can not thank you all so much for your amazing support. Last night was really really hard and in the light of day the pain isn't much better. I am trying so desperately hard to battle on with this disease and what makes it harder is that when you need help you can't get it or not for 3 months while you wait for an appointment!

I have got an appointment to see the OT at the hospital and the physio but they never seem to be able to do very much. I think half the trouble is that I don't know what is available. I heard someone on here talking about wax hand baths...now that does sound nice...but no one has ever offered it to me. What am I missing?!

I just want to get off and ditch this RA. Just not quite sure how to achieve it?

Sal, thanks for the blue badge reminder...I would like to go somewhere but I don't think I can drive myself today because it hurts so much. :roll: and definitely no energy to get the bus to town.

Hope you are all ok.
Thank you so much again. x

frogmorton

Good to hear from you

I reckon you should ask about somje of the 'alternative treatments' available when you see the OT or physio.

Why not? You deserve them and they would really mabe help.

I know what you mean about getting off thie particular ride.

If the pain is as bad in the cold light of day you may have to be a bit pushy to get some help.

Love

toni xx

dreamdaisy

Please go and talk to someone, or ring someone. One faces things on one's own, but you are not alone, if that makes any sense. This disease is wearing, exhausting: it demands so much of us and gives nothing in return. Only those who have faced such trials really understand, so hopefully your doctor (who should know you well) can step in and give some help, in whatever form. Take care. DD

stlucia

Thanks Toni and DD, I've emailed the helpline....as oddly in my mind I am not bad enough to phone up....damn it! Maybe this is my down fall. I'm going to shout loudly to the OT about getting something in place.
x