I can't go on...

stlucia
stlucia Member Posts: 392
edited 6. Nov 2010, 15:21 in Living with Arthritis archive
...I can't take any more of this at all. The pain is too much and the tramadol makes me itch so bad and I can't sleep. I'm so tired and it hurts so badly that I just wish it would all end. I really can't do this any more at all. I'm at my wits end. I can't wait any longer to get on the anti tnfs. I give up.
«134

Comments

  • daylily
    daylily Member Posts: 641
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    wish desperately that I could help you.
    Please take care. Carry on posting all night if it takes your mind off the pain and itching.
    I'll answer
    anne x
  • moderator
    moderator Moderator Posts: 4,085
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Message from the Moderators

    Please note: If at any time any of our members is feeling particularly low you can get advice and support by contacting the following:

    The 24/7 Samaritans’ phone number 08457 90 90 90
    Email address: [email protected]

    Or the Arthritis Care Helplines:
    By phone: 0808 800 4050 (10am-4pm weekdays)
    By email: [email protected]
    By letter: Helplines team, Arthritis Care, 18 Stephenson Way, London NW1 2HD
    (NB the Arthritis Care helpline is open from 10am to 4pm weekdays only)

    Moderator AN
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    stlucia wrote:
    ...I can't take any more of this at all. The pain is too much and the tramadol makes me itch so bad and I can't sleep. I'm so tired and it hurts so badly that I just wish it would all end. I really can't do this any more at all. I'm at my wits end. I can't wait any longer to get on the anti tnfs. I give up.

    Please know that there are people on here who truly understand how you are feeling, things will get better, and I know what it's like to be waiting and waiting for meds etc to be sorted while your just stuck there in agony, I went through it myself just a week ago, think it must have been a really bad flare up... It has eased a bit now and I am more positive..

    Keep on posting, I am sure as many people can, will respond.


    Tony
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    stlucia wrote:
    ...I can't take any more of this at all. The pain is too much and the tramadol makes me itch so bad and I can't sleep. I'm so tired and it hurts so badly that I just wish it would all end. I really can't do this any more at all. I'm at my wits end. I can't wait any longer to get on the anti tnfs. I give up.


    HI Stlucia

    firstly please take a big, deep breath ..... let it out, and then please accept this huge squashy hug from me (((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))

    It is horrible to feel like you describe. I have been in similar places myself, and it is not somewhere I enjoy either. But if you find help it can get better. Honestly .... even when it feels this bad.

    please don't keep this all to yourself ....... let it out on here, talk to a trusted friend, use any of the contact details that the mods have put on here, talk to your GP - anything except carry on trying to do everything yourself.

    thinking of you

    WOnky
  • stlucia
    stlucia Member Posts: 392
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you for your kindness. I try so hard every day to battle through and I'm tired of it all. I've had this horrible disease for half my life pretty much and I'm done with it. no one can seem to sort my meds out and whenever I see the doctors all I get is sympathy. I just need them to do something. I totally can not cope with all this any more. I just want to give up. The RA is in every joint and every joint feels like its been broken.

    I just don't know what to do.
    X
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    stlucia wrote:
    I totally can not cope with all this any more.
    I just want to give up.
    I just don't know what to do.
    X


    HI stlucia

    so glad you posted again.

    you see these three sentences that you wrote?

    why not print them out, and take them to your GP tomorrow morning as soon as you can.

    Don't worry about whether they will have an appointment or not - if you give them these three sentences to read I am sure that they would see you.

    if you can't wait all night then I can say from personal experience that the Samaritans are very good to talk to .... and they will listen for as long as you want them to .... all in confidence too.

    I'm still here for a bit

    WOnky
  • daylily
    daylily Member Posts: 641
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi stlucia,
    keep posting and give the samaritans a ring if you can-
    I can't begin to imagine your pain and can only hope that the lovely people on this forum can help you get through this.
    we're all here for you
    xx
  • chris7
    chris7 Bots Posts: 2,696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi stlucia

    Just calling in to add to the concern and hugs for you here. ((((( )))))The nights can be very lonely when you are feeling so low. Do hope you are finding a little peace and comfort from the support here and that you can get a doc appointment tomorrow to let them know just how bad you are feeling at the moment. We can't do anything to help with the pain and frustration but please don't feel alone.
    love
    Chris
  • stlucia
    stlucia Member Posts: 392
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you. don't worry I'm not about to top myself I just can't go on like this. i can't see a way forward.
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 12,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Stlucia,

    Sending you a ((((( ))))) and I think Wonky is right about printing out the post you have just put and getting to see a doc tomorrow. I really hope you will post again and know there are people here who will just be here. Cris x
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    stlucia wrote:
    Thank you. don't worry I'm not about to top myself I just can't go on like this. i can't see a way forward.

    Can you not get an appointment with your rheumatologist and tell them what is going on.. And also, (I know that you've more than likely exhausted all these avenues as you have obviously been suffering a long time) could you get your GP to get you an emergency referall to a pain specialist?

    I hope that you find something to help..

    Tony
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    stlucia wrote:
    Thank you. don't worry I'm not about to top myself I just can't go on like this. i can't see a way forward.


    have you tried telling the docs that?

    sometimes it pays to be blunt with them ...... some of my best appointments (from a results point of view) have been when I've blubbed over the nurse/gp/consultant ...... somehow they realise that we really mean it then!!!

    not sure what meds you are on but if you're waiting for Anti-TNF like me, you're probably on MTX at least.

    do you know which anti-tnf you might get? I'll be having the infusion - Infliximab.

    The not knowing really gets to me sometimes .....not to mention the itching .... especially over this summer when I've had a rash reaction to the LEflunomide, and I too itch all over.

    just thought ....... if you see your GP they might be able to give you something for the itching. I have anti-histamines which help a bit, but the best is a special bath oil that has some sort of anaesthetic qualities, and when I itch like mad I use that ... bliss for a few hours. Nothing lost by asking is there :wink:

    hugs
    WOnky
  • daylily
    daylily Member Posts: 641
    edited 28. Oct 2010, 19:41
    hi stlucia
    do you have someone to take you to the doc's tomorrow first thing?
    don't bother with an appointment just go there.
    they need to help you immediately. I don't know much about your type of arthur or the meds but they must have something to blast the pain away temporarily till they get it sorted properly.
    xx

    that bath stuff of wonky's sounds good
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 12,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Stlucia,

    It all takes time doesn't it and the thing that gets you down is while they take their time you keep having the trouble.

    I kinda think Wonky might have got the best answer here as the funding issues mean nothing speeds that one u really but they might be able o help you in the interim time quite a bit?

    Try the helplines tomorrow as well cus they know their stuff and could come up with helping you get some kind of plan under way? ((( ))) Cris x
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I really hope you can get some rest tonight.

    I'm off to bed now but will be thinking of you. Good luck with the doc in the morning.

    hugs
    WOnky
  • daylily
    daylily Member Posts: 641
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Got to go now stlucia, hubby's shouting me to go to loo.

    I'll get back to you in the morning.

    Hope you get some relief and rest tonight

    anne x
  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 12,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Night stlucia. leaving you a (((( )))) and a hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. Cris x
  • daylily
    daylily Member Posts: 641
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good Morning stlucia,
    I sincerely hope that you are feeling better this morning and that you managed to get some rest.

    Have a nice cuppa and get yourself off to the Doc's.
    Stay there till he does something to relieve you of that dreadful pain.

    Thinking of you. All my best wishes. Let us know how you get on.
    anne x
  • tillytop
    tillytop Member Posts: 3,460
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Morning St Lucia

    Just seen your post and wanted to say I am thinking of you.

    As others have said, please please don't feel alone with this. Do consider calling the AC helpline for a chat and/or going to your GP to get support in chasing up on the anti-tnf situation for you.

    Lots love Tilly xxx
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,669
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh stlucia

    you poor poor thing i am so very soory you are suffering so much with no end in sight.

    Like Tilly I am only jsut seeing this message :oops: so sorry.

    I hope you will post later today to let us know how you are today.

    Love

    toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • salamander
    salamander Member Posts: 2,028
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi St Lu,

    You are not alone. I've felt the same recently. It is a hard disease and sometimes life seems impossible. Are you getting enough help? Can you ask the OT to come and assess/ re-assess you? I was assessed in March and again recently as things had changed and there things out there to make your life easier. I hope to get some of them. I don't know your circumstances but there maybe things you could access. Also, as others have said, talk to your doctor about how you are feeling.

    And don't forget, you've got your blue badge now. Why don't you take yourself out somewhere in the car and treat yourself?
    love S
  • stlucia
    stlucia Member Posts: 392
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I can not thank you all so much for your amazing support. Last night was really really hard and in the light of day the pain isn't much better. I am trying so desperately hard to battle on with this disease and what makes it harder is that when you need help you can't get it or not for 3 months while you wait for an appointment!

    I have got an appointment to see the OT at the hospital and the physio but they never seem to be able to do very much. I think half the trouble is that I don't know what is available. I heard someone on here talking about wax hand baths...now that does sound nice...but no one has ever offered it to me. What am I missing?!

    I just want to get off and ditch this RA. Just not quite sure how to achieve it?

    Sal, thanks for the blue badge reminder...I would like to go somewhere but I don't think I can drive myself today because it hurts so much. :roll: and definitely no energy to get the bus to town.

    Hope you are all ok.
    Thank you so much again. x
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,669
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good to hear from you

    I reckon you should ask about somje of the 'alternative treatments' available when you see the OT or physio.

    Why not? You deserve them and they would really mabe help.

    I know what you mean about getting off thie particular ride.

    If the pain is as bad in the cold light of day you may have to be a bit pushy to get some help.

    Love

    toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Please go and talk to someone, or ring someone. One faces things on one's own, but you are not alone, if that makes any sense. This disease is wearing, exhausting: it demands so much of us and gives nothing in return. Only those who have faced such trials really understand, so hopefully your doctor (who should know you well) can step in and give some help, in whatever form. Take care. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stlucia
    stlucia Member Posts: 392
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Toni and DD, I've emailed the helpline....as oddly in my mind I am not bad enough to phone up....damn it! Maybe this is my down fall. I'm going to shout loudly to the OT about getting something in place.
    x