Advice kinda needed......

psyart

cris ~ my lovely ~ so sorry not been on here to check on you ~ jodie was home last week and now my son, his girlfriend and my grand daughter have now moved out ~ so now have empty house. BUT this is not anything like you are going through Big cyber hugs to you ~ wrapped in cotton wool of course so not to hurt you :!:

glad mr H is trying something new for you ~ takes a load off your mind.

please, please, please take care & rest up as much as possible :!:

loving the weather though.

hugs and love over the hills to you

louise xxxxx

bertyboy

hi Cris hope you are ok with the new meds and the arms are feeling better , hugs a bundle and hopeful wishes xx

stickywicket

skezier, at the risk of sounding like an old record that's got stuck, I just wanted to say I hope things get better for you soon but meanwhile just take things as easy as you can and concentrate on yourself for once.

skezier

Hi All,

Thanks again for all your help and support, I deserve neither but so appreciate it.....

Going to say some stuff here that might help me but probably won’t you.....

I have sunk very low. I keep hearing this sodding cost effective thing and you know what..... I know I am not a cost effective thing but they really hit at me saying this is it.... I said a while ago I am stuffed but you know what some other part of the UK I might not be.....

I have mixed feelings about this drip thing.....

It worked and it helped for maybe no more than 8 or so weeks but for that bit of feeling better with enough oxygen I put up with a lot... and not just from the drug....

The pregabs gave me back s much but I have got worse and they’re not as effective... I hate taking the tramadol purely cus it’s a lot to keep working with yet without it I am incapable.....

I got to the point of seeing the end of my life as being something to aim at..... Sorry I did say I was going to say some stuff that might upset some....

Back under control now.....

What ever that is...

It’s all got to me, hell I not been right since Hope died, then came Stampy and I did her single handed..... See I can still do it if I have to..... Then 2 dead foals and a very sick mare and now.....

Mare out there carrying a huge foal and staring to look as if she will in the next couple of weeks...... and her face is a bit yellow.....

The owner came today, took Mule and Owns back to the boy but I have had some influence and Flower is being left till later so she gets time to recover after all: grin:

Sometimes you do win

Back to me.... The bones are shift, they are all kicking cus I am so tired I sleep too much for them...... Armchairing it makes the neck really hurt and bed makes the hips, back and ribs hurt so back to a hammock

I asked the horse’s owner about him fetching the sheep... its going to happen.....

I just think its something to aim for better than what I sit here and think of eh?!

I know I am letting everyone down just now and hell I wish I wasn't. People tell me how strong I am.... maybe though my jury is out on that one just now... but being binned is hard.....

It’s very hard..... Mind he left the mtx at 25 so.... better than I was expecting and he thinks my hands are responding though he is 'concerned' I feel no pain in them......

The shed is looking good thought came under attack from a horse’s bum.... as did something else I must fix and something else as well..... Wish I could weld.....

Would put huge great spikes on everything they scratch in that isn’t a tree.....

Watch too much HH and spikes are useful things back along..... (Barbara you might be singing Stupid Death here, I prefer the 4 Georges )

I must find some veneer and go get milk..

Did a sale today and got frightened by all the people.... I got to stop this as this morning made me relise I do indeed spend too much time in my own world....

Sorry rambling and wallowing and hell I will become my mother...

Hey if I do you lot have my permission to shoot me on the spot

Love and many many thanks for your kindness and support cus you know what the real world is becoming hard..... The wallowing idiot in a field in Cornwall and leaving tea (bring your own milk cus I forgot to get some.....) and a skip load of hugs to you all. xxx

Hey Louise,

lovely to se you and we is heading for some storm but will try not to send it over them hills. A ton of ((((( ))))) and hope your appointment with Doc H will go well. Saw 2 this time..... They were very kind and for that I a glad: wink: xxx

frogmorton

Ok............

you deserve both :x our support and help and love from us lot here too.

To be honest we all probably cost the NHS too much, but the only difference is your trsut have the bad manners to say so. Makes me cross to hear it as l think you are worth your weight in....roddas...and you KNOW that is a lot for me

Well done for hanging on to Flower and thank you to K for agreeing to help get teh girls back to you...l know that that will do a huge amount to lift your spirits back to where they should be.

If how much we do and care were = in quality of life you would be tap-dancing in my book.

You have had a lot of losses this last year you know when you think about it and any ONE of those would put most of us on our backs Cris.

Have some milk l haven't drunk all of it l promise.

You know where l am.

and be warned....WE know where you are



Love

Toni xxx

julie47

Hi cris
I just wanted to drop in and see how you are doing. Oh my I have just read your update and I am so so sorry that you are so far down in the dumps.
I hold out my hand (but don't squeeze too hard) to you and I will try to pull you out.

I am glad that flower is staying with you and the sheep will be coming soon.

As I was scrooling back (cause I can not always remember what is written)
I notice Toni has replied to you. She is so clever with words so I want to echo hers. (thanks toni )

You know....my gp always used to tell me about cost of these drugs.....one day I told him.....so what .I am worth it.
I was only the other week he told me the plasters I need for the stump and are now on regular repeat were 15p each. (so what I need them)

Cris all I can do is send hugs (((((((())))))) andd a bottle of milk to go with the tea.
I hope things are brighter tomorrow.

take care
love juliepf x

skezier

Toni I know where you are too... though as I remember your oh had to find me and take me back to the M6

You have to come back down..... its god to have someone to talk to... and Roddas ..... if i am with that you couldn't est it all

I will get there flower don e worry.....

Just they keep telling me I am not worth the money.... I just tired of hearing it :roll:

Doesn't do your self esteem much good... one said the iloprost is not working the other was concerned at the midline failing and the new tablets.... don't half make me flaky cus of the lower bp.....

Hey the door cam under attack.... its got a bit to be repaired and I must get the electric fence sorted....

Going to open the salon tonight if you up for hand to catch Miss Breagh..... be fun eh?!

Love and so many thanks for the milk..... ((((((((((( )))))))))) and a hope your ok? :love Cris xxx


Hi Julie,

Its not good for them to keep telling you is it? I find the new doctors better... the old ones were horribly bad and told me I cost them too much, had used up my quoter, it wasn't a bottomless pit and to not bother them with anything to do with my known or suspected conditions.....

Was so glad to get away from them,.

Thing is they're kinda right ...... in my case.... I got 10 named conditions and one I wont have so they do have a point....

Hell did we get the wrong bodies flower... next time we get in a different cue

(((((((((( )))))))))))and ta for the milk.... I really have forgotten to get it 3x now.... Shall go and get some cus I need tea...

Hey you up for getting the chicken in first?! xxx

Poppyg1rl

Oh Cris my lovely,
It's not fair, it really isn't fair...if I could help you practically in anyway I would..maybe if we start a campaign for Dr's to start treating us as people and not money draining pits eh? I'll get on it
My dear, you've coped with more than I could, that's for sure AND you've coped in chronic pain, we tell you, you are strong because it's the truth.
So glad the sheep are being moved and Flower is staying with you for now. Let us know when the new foal is on the way, we'll be with you in spirit
Sending as much love, hugs and strength as I can your way sweetie
Take care Xxx

barbara12

Hi my Love
I had some Roddas yesterday...from tes.. but it dosnt taste the same.. :roll: it has to be eaten down there.
how very dare they say that to you...my god I thought our trust was bad...well they are but thats another thread
Stupid deaths ...they have taped it...so I get to see it twice a day.. :roll:
And dont you dare think you have let anyone down.....
Sending loads of exra slurps your way.....oh swop you for more Roddas

bertyboy

oh Cris what can i say , you are a tough cookie , and its not right for them not to respect you and your resident uncle arther and his family . if they looked after him better he would be happier and not kicking of like he is , hugs a bundle and a wish to see piccys of sheepys in their new home xx

tillytop

Evening Cris

Just dropped by with an everlasting milk flask (to go with the everlasting tea flask) to save you having to go out and buy milk.

Like the others, I so wish there was something practical we could do to help - both in terms of the medical stuff and the looking after the animals. I reckon if the whole lot of us trundled down to yours, we would make a formidable "army"!

Thinking of you loads Cris.

Lots and lots of love and ((()))s - and the usual deer nudge,

Tilly xxx

suzygirl

Cris, I am so sorry to hear how down you are. How rude of doctors to tell you, you are not cost effective. I think it needs a coach load to come with you on your next appt! Then I would like to hear them say it!! :shock: These docs, have no shame.

I can so relate to you finding lots of people too much, I think when you spend a lot of time on your own, it gets us that way. Also the pain makes you want peace and quiet, I find.

You haven't let any one down. You support so many and you deserve the support back. I have just got myself a kitten for company, we have had her 3 and a half months now, and she has stolen all of our hearts. It is amazing how much you attach to them and their personalities. I know you love your animals, and it brings it rewards and pain. You do so, so well and rarely complain or feel sorry for yourself. You will get through this, it will pass. Its a tough battle you fight, and you will get tired, it is only natural. Then you have daily life with its twists and turns as well.

I am not good with words like so many on here, but send you my heartfelt best wishes and warm (((hugs))) x

stickywicket

You deserve neither help nor support? Oh skezier, that’s billhooks of the highest order and you are far too intelligent not to know it so it must be the meds addling your brain. It is so so untrue it’s not even worth pursuing any further. Knock it on the head. Now. Or I'll get that lump hammer again.

You have every right to ‘say the stuff that might upset some’. You’ve earned that right by what you do and say for others on these forums. Better out than in, as my dear old Mum used to say (though I have to admit, she was speaking of more physical matters at the time).

Hope, Stampy & the foals? Not your fault at all. I’m watching out for this new one. If it goes wrong blame me, not yourself.

Letting everyone down? More billhooks. You should take some of them to your sales – you’d make a fortune.

I get the impression that ‘becoming your mother’ would be a very bad move. So, stop fretting. You won’t. Not unless your mother is/was a woman with a crip body, superstrong mind and heart of gold.

OK, I’m back on the roof now with me cuppa. Good job I brought my own pint. Can’t even get a decent cuppa round here at the moment.

Rest up. Go easy on yourself. Please.

hileena111

Oh Cris petal......what can i say that hasn'talready been said?????
Dont let them grind you down......how dare they make you feel so worthless. :x
What would we do without you and your support on here.
Like others I wish there was something more practical I could do......just sending (((((()))))))) and more tea and milk :P
Glad you got all that out of your system
Take care petal......love Hileena

skezier

Hi Poppy, Barbara, Berty, Tilly, Suzy, Sticky and All,

I should apologize for that bit... Its just they keep talking to me with such a hopeless outcome.... they almost certainly wont sanction another midline.... I wont have a permanent one as it would be in my chest and you can't exert the chest even with just a midline......

The new tablets might help eh?

The drip did and though I hated every single min of it it helped.... eventually and well now even that has gone.... i kinda worry but they did say Iloprost had kinda not given me enough and the new tablets being permanent will help no end..... we shall see eh?!

Poppy I kinda low today.. its been growing a while now and does stem back to Hope.... Wish has become gold plated now...... Mind she is also looking good and the metacma has rally helped her Hey we wont talk about the 200+ vet bill....

Leaving you a ton of light vibes and a ((((( ))))) and a thank you cus I feeling totally undeserving and like climbing back under the stone thing..... I don't do low yet here I am-doing it a bit too well xx

Barbara ah but have you got the highwayman on your phone yet I would the 4 George's but have resisted the highway man..... so far.... A ton of ((((( ))))) and tea still bring your own milk :roll: xx

Berty I not feeling too tough just now.. I hide it so well :roll: Thank you for the hugs and will be in your pocket next week..... make that list! ((((( )))) xx

Tilly Endless milk just what i do need ..... I can't believe I have forgotten to get milk 3x today...... I will in a min just need to get them chicken in...

The Deer said he would help with the salon thing... do you think he will be any good at it though?! Leaving you a cuppa in the owl box with cdm.. how on earth did we teach him to do that?! ((((( ))))) xx

Suzy What have you called her? Mine get such stupid names but I think Something and Thingummy may be my worst

They are so good at wavering their way into your heart eh? I didn't used to like cats to be honest... I then discovered Feral's.... My heart just broke and have spent the rest of my life helping the ones I could..... Got the teeth and claw marks as proof

They don't get their being helped

Mine are all tame now... not always to other folks though..... (side glance at Toni )

Hope your feeling bit better your self and leaving tea without milk still and a ((((( ))))) xx

Sticky Oh flower the fear of turning into my mother has been with me ever since they said it might be hereditary..... she was mentally ill and that gave her the get out clause eh?!

She was the most selfish and 'me' oriented person I have ever met.... I try not to be but when I go down (I rely do)it triggers so many things I haven't yet dealt with... mummy dear being one of them :roll: Hey Sticky one thing I know is she hated me mentally ill or not.....

I hate doing the 'me'; thing because of her..... I also wont go in the wallow pit cus she lived the life I knew her for in hers.... she really was both unpleasant and into mental torture...... I worry cus I don't want to hurt people and thats what she was so good at.....

Shall I shut u now

Funny I don't worry about becoming my father... and for that I am so grateful

You are on foal watch my friend, do you want the stay on harness

I just a bit worried cus this one is big...... mind so is the mare.....

Will throw you up some tea as soon as i got milk but fr now... coffee is the best I can do.... ((((( ))))) xx

Did a bit of therapeutic horse tiding..... they are funny they like the attention and without Owns they can have it ... she gets a bit jealous you see....

Right off to open the saloon after a quick trip to Tes garage for fuel and MILK!

Hileena you snuck in there.... Leaving you a ((((( ))))) and will shoot over to get in your pocket in a min. xx

speedalong

Cris,

I'm not surprised you are feeling so low .... sounds like you are having to deal with lots of cr*p at the moment.

You will never turn into your mother - you are too aware.

No one should ever be called too expensive - how can quality of life ever be less important than £ and p?! Though I'm still fighting the funding thing for S - his quality of life and wellbeing depends on the right placement ... officialdom would rather he had the cheapest one even if it isn't suitable ...

Keep posting, use the telephone and keep talking.

Thanks for the cuppa. Sending you a piece of Easter cake!! (yes I know .... it tasty, but we ate our Easter eggs before starting on the cake ... )

Speedy

ironic

Oh Cris,
It has been a terrible shock to lose so many of your animal friends and the awful awful times with the mares. No wonder you were low even before all of the downhill health problems.
To have Flower and the girls back will give you more control and I am sure more than a little comfort.
Could you use the soft collar a little while you are feeling so tired? Could resting your neck help with the arms and hands? Sorry I just want things to ease off for you even a little.
No way will you become like your mother. Please don’t torture yourself about that one. But at the end of the day you are allowed to feel hard done by with everything that is going on.
It is awful when you don’t want to be in a crowded place but remember it won’t last and you will get back to feeling comfortable behind the stall.
I hope you have managed to get your milk and are by now settled for the evening.
The new tablets could well work for you and fingers crossed they will give a constant affect on the oxygen levels.
Hugs as always,
Lv, I x

skezier

Hi Speedy, Lynn and I,

Got the lilk Didn't open the saloon... so hurt today and its all the neck, shoulders, arms and back oh and the legs that gave out again earlier but I kinda fell in slow motion and didn't get that hurt....

Hurt the confidence through doesn't it?!

When they did my back they told me to not use crutches cus it would make me uneven.... I do have some and they would help stabilize me.... hey mine are well customised and are working ones Not posh enough to go out with but.....

Besides the hands and arms don't like them and that then gets the neck .....

there is a Floyd tack that is good but it says sometimes you just can't win... seems stuck i my had a bit....

I did debate should I say how I feel cus I know some will worry.... Thing is sometimes its easier to say it to you folk than the fates.. they know how I feel Depending on your view they may have set me up for it

Speedy Tis some good to bump into you flower and thanks for being there.

S shouldn't have to fight for what he needs..... its all wrong and well done for fighting it our for him. I so hope you can in! Feel strongly you should just be given the help he needs... he is young, I am an old hag thats the real difference.

You hang in there and I have a bucket of strength that is unaffected by my 'mood' and am leaving you that.

hey Easter cake yes please I got some eggs as a return..... wish I could just give them you cus they are over flowing just now ((((( ))))) and I hope so much you will win and S will get the care he needs. Love and a cuppa with milk xx

Lynn funnily enough I did check the lodgers for lice earlier.... maybe my mind is still preoccupied

Flower I haven't been right since Hope died and I know it... 29th December I lost the real Hope and they took away any hope I had the same day by sticking me on palliative care.... double whammy somehow.... If she had been called something else it might be different though I don't think so somehow....

Stampy I so miss..... Bre is a double or even triple stamp foot and kinda similar to Stamps when I first got her... though Stamps was young and Bre is 8! Can't help thinking she wont become tame tame but she did take a custard cream out of my hand today....

Its a start.....

I really do worry about turning in to my mother.... does it show :oops: She did a lot of damage and the scares are very deep and when I go down there it all is..... had 36years of total rejection and still haven't learned to deal with it

Long ago I had the best thing in my life really.... I had dreams the bones destroyed a lot of them early on but i decided to have a beautiful top draw TB and breed a really good foal.... The day she was born everything lifted cus she was perfection.....

Anyway i was seeing a councillor at the time and we sat and had the counselling session in the stable with the mum and foal....

I said to her I'll let you knew how she gets on and she said I didn't need to cus she would still be seeing me :oops: Some accolade eh?!

Cream egg and a cuppa with milk and a promise I will find my self cus I ain't going back in the cell..... spent far to long in there Mind it has a door, a table a chair and a half decent stereo so its not not as bad as it once was..... It also has a flower....

Leaving you a ((((( ))))) and some nits if you want them (they haven't got them by the way....... I really did check them big time today cus they are scratching them selves all over the place.... xxx

I not only got the ilk am having a celebratory bowl of cornflakes Mind I am having to guard it from a horde of cats that seem to think it might be for them.....

I think you are right and i should ware the soft collar more.... I its sort of makes me go light headed and hurts cus my neck isn't so good at being upright in that way..... It can make pins and needles all down the arms and oddly lower legs but some of that is also this circulation thing...... Its better for a while on the neck though....

The back brace is god if your going to do something it doesn't like and thanks for saying about it cus I wouldn't have got one had you not.

Hey going to have to use one hand to fend this lot of the bowl so leaving you a decent cuppa (hell did I need one of those ) and a ((((( ))))) and hope your doing ok and the mtx increases are going ok... or better still not needed xx

I also must apologize cus me eyes are bad just now./.... I hate to think what words me and the spell check might come up with :oops:


Oh just wondered over the fields (but not far away ) and Sticky your on amber....... You might have to yell loud though... zzzzzzzzz

madwestie

Cris, never say sorry for things you post here that is what we are here for to pick you up when you need it and it sounds like you needed it and there are loads of pick you ups sent to you.

You are not selfish and judging by the number of animals you have rescue and turned their lives around you could never turn into your mother.

Maddie is still keeping Sticky clean and awake (she even lets her off the roof sometimes). you should have sent maddie to the shop for the milk she could have put the money in her little pockets(ever wonered where doggie pocket are..) and you could have put a little milk maid pail over her shoulders that would be some sight.

sending you loads of hugs honey and Maddie is coming to give you extra big kisses

Love Tracey

tjt6768

Hi Cris. Noticed you dint sleep too well again, you ok hun?

I hope that you can at least try to rest today to make up for it..

Catch you soon..

Be well mi dear..

bertyboy

morning Cris are the botics making a difference to your arms now i hope so , things will be easier when those girls are home and you are not having to drive the miles , you can use the time to just look at them and think ive done it ,with a little help of my friends , and that is what friends are for , some support some bash nails and some sit on barn roofs and watch and wait but we are all here so feel free to rant and curse its better out than in ,yes i am a worrier and get up set thats just me ,its your right to say how it is i just wish miles were shorter and more practical things could be done to help , hugs a bundle with up right motion mover wishes , xx

barbara12

Morning my love....I hope you managed some sleep after being up till that time....I hope that the demons have done a runner .....you could be nothing like your mother...you are your own person and with our help you will come through this...has for the ring tone....I shall have to have that.....I have learned more about history watching HH then I ever did at school....
You take care..

stickywicket

skezier wrote:

Oh flower the fear of turning into my mother has been with me ever since they said it might be hereditary..... she was mentally ill and that gave her the get out clause eh?!

She was the most selfish and 'me' oriented person I have ever met.I hate doing the 'me'; thing because of her.

You will never 'turn into your mother', skezier. You are, by nature, one of the least 'selfish and 'me' oriented' people on these forums. Don't let the fear stop you having the occasional 'me' moment. We all need them sometimes and, with all that you have going on, you need them more than most. The fact that so many of us would dearly love to ease your burden says it all. If we thought you were a selfish person we'd all have boggered off by now.

OK I'm boggering off to the roof again. I'll never cope with sleeping in a bed after this. You look after yourself, skezier, and have all the 'me' moments you need. None of us are going anywhere.

julie47

Morning cris

Hope you eventually got some sleep you poor love.

I keep hoping that today will be a better day.

I hope your arms are healing nicely now.

Take care and sending more hugs (((((())))) and buckets of hope

Love Juliepf x

tillytop

Hey Cris! Thanks for the cuppa and the CDM! Have replenished the stock for you for later on.

Glad the bottomless milk flask is coming in handy!

Oh I think the Deer would be EXCELLENT help with the salon thing! And as for how we taught him - it's cos we is clever I reckon ! Made me chuckle reading about you trying to fend the cats off the cornflakes! One of our cats had a real thing for Weetabix which made eating breakfast a bit of a challenge sometimes. And the other one was mad for cheese and would have it out of your hand if you weren't careful!

Thinking of you so much Cris.

Lots love Tilly xxx