Advice kinda needed......

skezier

Hi,

I got this problem and I really wandered what you think is best to do....

Is it better to warn someone about likely results or hit them with a fate accompli when you got the results?

if it were you and you were friends, or estranged family members :roll: which would you rather have....

Should do a pol eh?!

To warn then....

or not to warn then....

Either way surgery is on the cards and one of them does cover the employers for me if i am laid up......

Hey either the eye sigh is shot or I have sheep creeping along the hedges again..... one is just like Hope.... In lamb though..... wont nick her

I hope you are all reasonably ok and well any advice you have I would e grateful to read..... Cris xx

caterina57

Hi there
Well ... dilemmas .... If I was your family I would definately want to know, but then again that is me .... I would want to know so that I could give you the appropriate type of help and support. If I was kept out of the info loop I would feel very hurt!
Cath

julie47

morning cris

this is a difficult question and i am sure lots of people will have different opinions.
I personally would tell my family and close friends .
Not that i want to worry them but i think they have a right to know.
but hey thats just me.

take care ((((((((((())))))))))) and a cuppa
love juliepf x

skezier

Hi Cath,

You and me both flower.... but these people.... Its so hard.

I have a good friend (the bale out lady for the employers) and she can't cope with how bad my bones are... or the eye thing... and wont have it....

My father well he and I have a difficult relationship to say the least....

I don't want to hurt anyone but am quite fragile just now so a bit scared at their reaction cus what ever this is it ain't nothing

You kinda said what i was thinking but they are not good at accepting things at all..... Oh hell why couldn't I just be someone else

Hope your doing ok flower and a (((( ))))and a hope the new job is easier and better for you? Cris xx


Hi Julie,

Like Cath your saying what I kinda thinking ..... The estranged family is always so hard isn't it? Well hopefully you don't know.....

Its so hard cus I am as you know, I didn't give you the any consideration...... but then your a friend and its kinda nice to be able to say and not feel worried and all that......, anyway back to as you know I am running scared and these are frightening people......

Right got another two buckets... so 1...2....3.... beat you ((((( ))))) Cris xx

The sheep have just snuck back out... last time it started as 4 or 5 and suddenly there were 30

hey proves the mass produced industrial grass isn't a patch on the old meadow stuff though

dreamdaisy

I think it's kinder to warn the people who care about you, simply because they do care. If the friend is the one who takes on the Ark then yes, they definitely should be warned, that's only polite. As for your family, well, only you can decide on that front. Tough question coming - how bothered about you are they anyway? How much do they keep in touch with you, or you them? Oh skezier, life ain't easy at times. Understatement of the month, yes? DD

frogmorton

Cris

the animal sitter needs to know.....the rest can wait till you ahve more news unless they would be hurt feelingswise....at least that's my plan!

Love

Toni xxxx

skezier

Hi DD,

I think the simple answer to the how much is they don't but at the same time... they are (sadly) blood kin......

I agree she would need to be told as a matter of politeness as well cus of the employers but as yet i only know surgery is very likely what ever it is. If they see it they would be able to say better but if it is a rupture into the chest cavity they I assume will want to get there hands ion it quite quickly.....

besides she might come wiht me eh?

I really am running scared today..... it was kicking a bit last night and i think the sooner I know the better now Still say I am hatching an alien

Hate dilemmas... never been good with them :roll: Cris xx


Hi Toni,

She doesn't need to know what they are hinting at does she? She might come with as well cus that i am scared to gave to listen to......

Hey I could never hurt a single member of the blood kin side.... i just don't matter enough......

Oh flower i will have to ring her eh? She ain't going to like it.... she will just go off about it being nothing and why am I so scared and I will shut up now..... :oops: Tea, love and (((( )))) xxx

frogmorton

Mmmmm......

pmd ya!

tea and a......

dreamdaisy

Of course you are running scared, who wouldn't be? You are facing this all on your own and you have huge responsibilities with the Ark. It's a dilemma, but yes, tell the friend (who I hope will empathise) and ignore the family - you have enough complications at the moment. Oh, and tell us too - I know we are only cyber friends but we genuinely care and we will do our best to support. Brace yourself, I send you some love and some hugs, ((((())))) and a bucket of CDM. DD

skezier

Hi DD,

Oh some of you are a lot more than cyber friends! I have to say I have not shown the same consideration to you lot... partly cus its all doing my head in and partly cus well i feel I can be honest here.....

Kinda compliment really even if it sharing my worries with some of you.

I asked outright if it was likely to be... that's what they are looking for.... BUT it could be a combination of 3 things together to give these symptoms and the bones doing the ribs and the breathing.....

back on the mtx and they have been saying for weeks that will sort out the breathing and well..... soon I hope

One thing for certain though.... if its the 3 other things then the mtx really has rotted my stomach lining totally so any of you who have sickness on it get them to put you on the jabs asap.... don't do like I did and let them sideline you with anti-emetics and moans about funding etc!

Right DD ta muchly for the cdm.. its something that doesn't seem to set off too much pain but I ate yesterday and paid for it and am still paying for it... 2 lots of anti-emetics and i haven't been sick but actually.... I kinda wish.... I had ((( ))) back to you and a hope the sun is shining there?its not here now but was first thing. Cris xx

dreamdaisy

I am glad you feel you can be honest with us: OK, so it's not quite the kindness of strangers that we offer but it's not far from it. If you feel you cannot tell us what is troubling you then we are failing you as friends.

With regard to meds etc we take the advice that is offered at the time and do the best we can. We can only act on what we are told - a crystal ball would be so handy for so many of us so we can see what the future might hold with taking meth etc but we cannot. I think I can guess what your deep concern is but we are not at that point yet, are we? Let's find out as much as we can about what is exactly going on, then we can decide whether to go into full headless-chicken mode or not. I usually find 'not' to be the best option.

You know we are here my lovely, ready and waiting to do whatever we can. We can offer advice, shoulders, propping, virtual cuppas and CDM. Luv ya. DD

skezier

Hi DD,

I appreciate the kindness here more than you know.... with blood kin like mine kindness isn't normal

They promised the camera down inside 2 weeks.... they will instantly know whats wrong there and then.. they might need biopsies ( well they will take them anyway from any inflammation there cus that always do) I know what they think it is and well..... If it is i will just deal with it cus I am quite good at that but i ain't so good at the waiting eh?!

Best scenario is the crohn's actually

I been so lucky with it lower down, surgery has been mentioned but I was able to say no. The stomach has given me grief on and off for so long, years actually, and well maybe the luck with the crohn's has run out but that kind of surgery i would welcome just now

The other... if it is its got a 9 month head start.....

Waiting for this hospital to bother will have cost me if that turns out to be the result. I will be awake and know instantly what it is so there is a plus side eh?! Can't think f many others... rather be sedated.....

The clock is ticking on the 2 week thing but they still have 10 days to do it Love and a ((( ))) Cris who really isn't much good at the waiting game.... :oops: xx

dreamdaisy

Very few are good at the waiting game, skezier, but we are waiting with you. You are not alone with all this.

caterina57

Oh Cris my love,
Waiting is going to be the hardest bit of this for you as during this time your head will be busy playing out scenarios. The time will pass though and it wont be long to have the camera and have the results. We will be with you right up to the day and after. Don't worry too much its likely to be ok in the end
xxxxx
Cath

valval

sorry so late to see this you should say you are going to have in operation soon if they ask for more details then give them if not there loss . you have kept them in the loop and tell them if they want you to let them know when you get a date for it you will (do not forget to tell us or else we will get the buss out and come looking 4 u)
then forget about them you are the one that matters in all this be a little selfish for a change and think of number on i would be bricking it if was me waiting for this to happen so leaving buckets of hugs and bags of positive thoughts to help you through hugs val

angel1

Cris, my own little Cornish Piskie, I don`t post very often, but this, I couldn`t let go.

My heart breaks for all you are going through, whilst at the same time, I`m blown away by your courage.....as ever.

In the circumstances you find yourself in, you absolutely have to think ONLY of yourself. Ask yourself how telling certain people would impact on YOU. I feel that the person who is going to care for your beloved family, is a definite yes. The rest, however, will telling them cause you more worry than you already have? Anything that does that has to be a definite no. For the first time in your life, you have to be selfish.

Know that I am thinking of you, with all the love in the world.

You know where I am, if you need me.........Ange.x.

dachshund

Hi Cris.
i think if i was you i would tell the closest person to you.
then see how you feel. i cannot believe you have more worries you dont need anymore.
you do whats right for you its you that matters.
take care i will be thinking about you.
joan xx

skezier

Hi DD, Cath, Val, Ange, Joan and Lynn,

I am so grateful to have you lot as a steadying hand in all the panic i got going on inside me just now (Val bricking it is exactly what i doing half the time )

I sort of come up with this plan....

Now these people are really scary and very demanding and frankly some are dam right unpleasant but i know in my case there is a lot of unfinished business....

I don't envisage ever being able to sort that one out with any of them....

I kinda want them to have the opportunity of sorting their unfinished business (if they have any) with me...... maybe I just kinda hope they care a bit?! I don't know..... should it be the worst.

There is time for that if it is bad....

Thinking I owe my ex sister in law a email so will drop it in as I am gong for tests cus got real problems with the stomach type thing....

She will probably tell my hideous, :oops: sorry but he is, brother.... he will be a megaphone to the rest.....

If the fear s grounded I will ring my father :shock: :shock: I have done that a few times a year cus of my issues re unfinished business.... and the need to bin hate..... Thank god that bit I did manage

he is actually very ill him self and well he can't cope with that either so .... oh.... help... let me be someone else just for a week or so please

Still think that is the best idea re ex sister in law...... Bless her she cares as well so she does deserve a bit of warning....

Bit happier but can't shift this mental pic of a white duck, with a blue ribbon, straw hat and some lovely pink fluffy slippers..... that will mean nothing but a friend of mine cheered me up some this morning.....

You would be kind if you didn't say i needed to be.....

Thank you so much for just being there. Love and a ((((( ))))) Eeyore the old grey donkey xxx

dreamdaisy

It all sounds like a plan to me and you know us, we like plans. Perhaps talking to us via here gives you a chance to sort your thoughts - I know it does that for me when I am flustered about summat. I think you have made some wise choices there - the best of luck with it all. DD

julie47

Hi cris
I have been conimg back to this thread through the day and reading all the advice people have given you. I have read all your replies too and the last reply of yours now seems that you know which direction to take.
As everyone has said before me we are right behind you.
And although I am not great with words I will always try to write something.
Thinking of you
take care ane a bucket of tea and a ((((((((((()))))))))))
love juliepf x

skezier

Hi DD,

Ah plans... got a few.... need to see what it is first though....
Its a giant pass the buck but just now i have taken on bored if someone kinda cares they will ant to know.. i her case she does and well she may or may not tell the others ... she knows only too well what the e=are like

Talk the feeling i got i my head through with anyone is unfair just now..... I am a mess in the head department and bit emotional and very scared but also well I wont be surprised if it is bad cus I been saying for months to the docs this isn't an ulcer......

They are not expecting it to be either.... not now..... That much he s=did say but if it is he said its very big, very deep and very bad.....

The bail out employers friend... i will ring tomorrow.... she ain't going to have it but I shall just say I going for the camera and will let her know whats down there..... she can't kick to bad at that can she cus I can't handle any kind of agro at all just now. I hope that bucket is still working by the way? Cris xx


Hi Julie,

Flower all over the site you help and say the right thing to everyone so your words are much appreciated!

You want another bucket race? Love and a (((((((((( ))))))))))) and a blue egg xxx

barbara12

Hi my love
All I want to do is be here for you, you feel you are being selfish, but like Ange has said putting yourself first is what you need to do, and that is not selfish....you havnt got that in you.
You now have a plan, tell your sil and then they can tell the rest, your friend that helps with your employers is the one that matters..and you.
You will find a way my love....but please try not to get stressed over what others will think....this aint good.
We are here here holding your hand.....
Lots of love...and buckets fulls of courage
Barbara xxx

skezier

Hi Barbara,

flower thanks for the courage, mine kinda wavers here and there but its the not knowing more than if it is... I know if it is then so many other things will make sense....

I worry about other people's feeling cus i am selfish and want to protect my self from knowing I have up set them..... does that make sense? I also had an incredibly selfish mother and my father and siblings are as well and would hate to ever go that way.... really wonder today though cus this is all me, me, me.......

I shall go pull my weight on the forum for a bit...

but...

You are coming with when I get the date and I am saying now... I Don't want to go... and you know what that means thanks flower ((((( ))))) Cris xx

dreamdaisy

This is all about you you you cos it flaming well has to be. You are the one facing this, you are the one who will have to have treatment, you are the one that this really impinges upon. It isn't selfish my lovely, this is grotty life doing its worst to you again. It's no wonder you are upset, scared, panicking - the rest of us are dealing with creaky joints. You ain't. Simples.

Of course those that care about you about will be upset, simply because they care. They won't be upset with you or at you, just for you. You are so different from your parents and siblings, you are always there with wise words, funny words, caring words, encouragement and strength. Now it's your turn to receive some encouragement. Nowt wrong with that, as far as I can see. DD

barbara12

Well said DD...shall we go round and sought her out.... :roll: come on I will get the bus...well I would if my smilies would work...
Barbara xx

skezier

Hi DD,

That moved me.... bet you didn't expect to be able to do that

Bones eh..... mine are involved to a degree here as well... got tender lumps on the ribs and a few other bits as well... see why i am sacred.....

Sorry this is tmi isn't it?

They have told me over and over the mtx will sort the ribs out so maybe it will but you can tell where my thoughts have gone :roll: sooner they do the camera the better eh?!

Tell you one thing though the injections did make me feel sick to not have that grinding gnawing pain in the stomach the tablets gave me is wonderful ((( ))) and thanks. Love Cris xx

Barbara shall expect you in ten... but..... many have tried and failed on that one xxx