Caravan life

tjt6768

Maybe it's the glue I've been sniffing again, or just too many hours chatting to a bunch of loons on AC but after being in this caravan for over nine hours I believe I'm right in thinking that I'm now a pikey
So from now on all gum'ent and official crap such as bills can be forwarded to:
I.P.Freely
My ar5e
No chance street
Over there by the dirty smelly girls with dreadlocks

Oh, this is the life, I've got a bare knuckle fight tomorrow with the other family fella.
It's tradition apparently.. I'm really throwing myself into the life.
I've got some pebbles from the beach that suddenly have musical powers, you can have one for a fiver..
Sunday I will be going to church.. Well,.the church roof that is,.lots of lead up there :!:
From now on I'm going to wear lots of gold and it won't look a bit tacky. May even get a mullet

joanlawson

Sounds like the good life to me, Tony.

No bills to pay, no need to work, and just park the caravan wherever you like.

It all sounds so good that I've decided to move in next door to you. There's no need to bother about planning permission or anything so boring, is there :?:

I've got my crystal ball and my tarot cards, so I'm ready to have my palm crossed with silver



Just hope no-one utters the E-word........( Eviction.....Shhhhh :shock: :eek: )

Gypsy Rose Joan

tjt6768

oh bee jaysuss Joan.. That's wonderful news.
Can you look into your genuine crystal ball that was NOT bought in the gadget shop.. And tell me how the bare knuckle fight will go tomorrow.. I feel I'm in good fighting condition but don't tell the social cos I'm fiddling those too. I just wondered what my chances are against the local champion Paddy 'psycho' McFisticuffs... :shock:

I'm doing it all for mee mar

Please note, no bills were payed or harmed in the making of this true story

joanlawson

Here you go, Tony


I can see that Paddy 'psycho' McFisticuffs doesn't stand a chance against such a wonderful physical specimen as you :!:

By the way, it looks as though Ra's taken rather well to the gypsy life too

tjt6768

I suppose I should get some sleep. Big fight tomorrow then it's hare coarsing followed by some electric cable acquiring... Hope Skeggy won't miss their town lights


I might have sent you a picture of me training for the fight Joan. I will check..


My boxing name is Tony 'The Ripple' McBones :green
Thanks for the confidence Joan. I'll pay you out of my winnings.. Ra is settling very well into the life..

Catch you tomorrow

tjt6768

that's the spirit Del.... You are so lucky to have a wider home than most, all those treasures you can fit in there :shock: :roll: I'm deeply jealous

I've got to admit, I'm feeling a little bit of a newcomer in the local community as I've not been wearing the same clothes for weeks on end yet. I've not gained my musty odour yet..

Think I'll get in touch with the european courts, they will help me out with some eu de must. It's my human right to fit in

valval

can i move in as well we are a big family and as you know we must all live together it our right sure the eu will agree val

dreamdaisy

Now I know where to bring all me wooden clothes pegs! I can be the fat one with a permanent **** on, peroxide hair sticking up all over the place, yelling at all and sundry. DD

tjt6768

the more the merrier Val. I do hope you have some scratty mongrels you can bring along. There's a distinct lack of barking dogs around here :roll:
They can sleep in the JCB I chanced upon last night.
Came in handy for carrying all that cable I found...
Funny thing is all the lights in skeggy are out and none of the trains are running.
How peculiar :shock:

I've been training hard for todays fight against McFisticuffs.. Had four points of lager already.. I'm well in the mood for a scrap.

DD, it would be a pleasure if you joined us my dear... All the kids can call you mar...
You could be the ref at the fight if you like

valval

surly if it a family fight we all get to join in can not let that big bully harm a hair on your head tony



think me in this out fit will scare him to bits will take months for stomache to stop wobbleing lol

dreamdaisy

Ref? I'll flaming well join in - Paddy's me grandson and I won't have you beltin the bejasus out of him, so I won't.

tjt6768

now come on girls. These fights are tradition.. What's nicer than seeing two grown eedjats, I mean, men.. Beat the holy spirit out if each other for cash..
You wimmin don't understand sportsmanship.. Lol

I will be fine, I've chewed on the end of one of Ra's whiskers so now have the strength of am ox, and the strange side effect of wanted to bury my poop :shock:
The fight is in a few minutes.. I'm off for a couple of pints. I will let you know the outcome Of the fight, not the pints.. The outcome of those will be urine :???:

angie1973

Sorry I just had to pop in and day

Thanks for cheering me up. I've got a raging throat and feeling a nag sorry for meself.

I've got some lucky heather - only 50p to you lovely folks.....

valval

let us know we will be sodding watching to make sure you do not turn tail and leg it would shame us all that would heather we got it coming out of our ears but pull up you caravan and join us around the food fire and roasting rabbits

tjt6768

well, that was easier than I expected......... Mcfisticuffs turned out to be McPansypants :shock:
Chinned him good n proper in the ac family name..
I think he'd heard about the whisker, he looked very nervous indeed.
After i duffed him up he threw in the towel, we shook hands, had a couple of pints, then he went back home to mi mar... Weird fighting ya pappy :???:
Think my next fight is with mi likkle brother Micky 'garibaldi' McWong.. (Mi Mar spent a week in China)
Should be easy, he's only nine

Oooo... Angie, pull up a sharabang my dear.. All AC are family here.

valval

watch out for 9 year olds they hit below the belt as it were val

tjt6768

:shock: I'll get mi cup warmed :shock:

dreamdaisy

valval! You sweared! That's not like you. Tony mate? DESIST. NOW. I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE. I'm turning purple. :shock:

tjt6768

but I'll have to warm it up.. It's been in the fridge all week, Janet used it as a jelly mould :shock:


(queue more coughing and sputtering :eek: )

angie1973

Who won the races? I forgot to put my bet on.

Budge up. I couldn't sell any heather in town, they seemed to think I was scammin em, can't imagine why. So I've stuff it into a cushion cover and I've got a nice pad for me bum to go on.

Plenty of room for two, or three, possibly even ten (I had a lot of heather left over.....)

tjt6768

never mind about those nags Del. There are plenty in the fields round here. It's our human right to have freedom of choice to steal them.

Notice to all AC pikeys..
Everyone must attend church on sunday, and I mean EVERYONE..it's a big bloody roof. Bring ladders

mellman01

Oi!!!, give me back my copper heating tank you thieving Pikey b*****d!, today Slade farm tomorrow rest of green belt!. I don't know give a pikey a inch and he'll take your fillings and your dog.

tjt6768

but it's our heritage and right to do as we please
Now, are you gonna have a bet with me that you can't make it out of this camp with both your legs?

valval

hey hands off him i need a new slave give him here

tjt6768

you might have to wait Val. My caravan guttering needs cleaning out

mellman01

Oh typical threaten to use violence typical pikey ploy, it's either that or your using the kids as an excuse to camp thieve fly tip and generally feck all the locals off, why is it people support this lot anyway?, anyone who's had the misfurtune of having a caravan born crime wave turn up in their village will tell you what their like,just look at the sites and s**t they leave around the place, all their vans are run on pink farm derv and have no tax or MOT, they pay no tax yet get all the benifits of what we've all paid for.
Bugger me spleen burst!.