More trauma to deal with and in so much pain

ouchpotato

Hello all

You might remember that I had 'ishooos' with my ex; he was abusive, I ended it etc etc, he then took to blackmailing me to stop me reporting him for assault. I have spoken to the police, who feel it may put me in further danger to report him (long story but it makes sense).

So, on Monday I got a solicitor's letter saying he wanted every single thing he had bought returned. He made up lies saying he had brought them all in to the home we shared together (he bought them as gifts long before he came to stay here)...this is after I had a text from him saying I could keep it all. So I kept some and sold some.

So anyway, I am to tired and too ill to fight him and I want him out of my life so I told the solicitor to tell him he could collect it all today at 12 noon, and that he had to dismantle and remove it himself as I did not want anyone else in my house (he associates with very shady people, including a murderer). He wants to take tv, dining table and chairs, all beds...seriously, he wants to make a woman with arthritis and three kids sleep on the floor...dressing table, desk, rug....literally everything. I will be left with just the walls of the house.

So today I have woken up in such pain. My back, hips, groin and thigh are so painful I want to be sick. And I will have to traipse up and down stairs as I will not allow him free rein in my house, because he is so nasty that he would damage the few things I have left, or take things that are mine. My house is very old, and three storeys, so the stairs are very steep and narrow.

I just want to cry. I don't often get down but I can feel this defeating me. My kids are going to be left with nothing because of the bad choices I made in dating him. If he takes it all I will build it all up again, I have done it before and I will do it again, but I am so tired...on the outside I am strong and capable but inside I am curling up and sobbing. Today I need to pop pain meds and curl up with a hot water bottle but instead I have to deal with him and when he's gone I won't even have a settee to curl up on! Or a bed to sleep in.

Send some strength my way today please.

x

stickywicket

I'm sorry this reply will be short, ouchpotato, but I'm a bit tired today after a long day yesterday. Briefly, I wouldn't personally have given in to his bullying-by-solicitor tactics but, if you are determined to there are organisations which provide free, good quality second hand furniture to those who need it. For a start, contact Shelter asap. http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/help_with_housing_costs/furniture_projects I hope you have a better day than you fear.

trepolpen

call National Domestic Violence Helpline , best advice I could give

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

DebbieT

I'm running so low but you need it more!! Here ... Take mine ((((strength))))

Btw I'd ask someone to be with you today whilst he's there, so ure safe or at least be prepared to call the police.

Please take care. ((((hugs)))) xxx

Susiesoo

I am so sorry you are going through this. Surely, you must have someone in the house with you. Preferably a male who an easily get up and down stairs. This situation cannot be right. As well as previous advice why not tell the police of his plans and talk to CAB. They may know of someone who could be with you.

I know you feel rough, but be strong and keep your chin up. I, for one, will be in your pocket. Wishing you strength to get through today. Keep us informed.

Susie

villier

Sending some ((((()))) hope you get through this ok you have had some good advice, I was wondering if police might send someone along until he gets what he came for, it would be worth a phone call............tc.............Marie xx

barbara12

Oh bless I am so sorry you are having to go through all this, I do hope you have someone with you when he comes.
Gosh why on earth do people get so nasty is beyond me..please keep talking to us then we can support you....have you any family nearby or friends that can be with you....I would honestly not let him in if you are alone,,of course you want him out of your life ..would the police not send someone round while he is there...I really wish I could come round and give you a big hug..but you know we are here...(((())))xx

maria09

Oh dear Ouch
I'm so so sorry for you this nasty piece of work needs to be out of your life for good
I can not believe he is going to take everything you have! He's nasty nasty and vindictive, he will get what he deserves in life one day especially if he has murderers as friends, fly too close to the light you will get burnt hopefully before he gets to your house
I agree with the others you need someone with you when he turns up
Please get in touch with victim support or the other agencies the others have mentioned
You have enough to deal with with all your pain without this a**e h*** to deal with
Please keep safe and let us know how you get on
Hopefully he is just using this to threaten you rather than carry it out
Maria

ouchpotato

Hello everyone, and thankyou. I am touched by your thoughts and concerns.

Well, it's now 6 minutes past 12 and he's not arrived; I had no reply from the solicitor which I would have thought was professional courtesy, if his 'client' wasn't going to come he should have told me. This is the 2nd time I have given him a definitive day and time to collect his s**t and he hasn't turned up, which puts me in a much stronger position if I decide to let him take me to court for it. It is probably driving him nuts that I have said he can collect it - it takes away any power he has over me, he is dying to make me fight and suffer and I won't do it. Putting a positive slant on it it would give me a chance to truly start again, get rid of all memories associated with him.

My teenage son is here with me; he is a strapping 6 footer and is furious with the ex, so I do feel safe. And I already have panic alarms in the house which connect straight to the police, installed because of my previous ex. Jeez...I really have a faulty radar when it comes to men haven't I?

I do seem to remember that you can get a crisis loan from the govt for furniture etc, so if he does take it all I will look into that.

My policeman friend is going to speak to a female colleague and ask her to contact me so I can talk to her about the abuse etc, and see where I stand.

Ok, so it's now 13 minutes past and he's a no show, if it gets to 12.30 I will refuse him access anyway as he didn't keep to the agreement.

x

barbara12

I am so glad you are not on your own..maybe he is just playing mind games...x

maria09

That's a great relief to here you have your son there
I was getting worried
You seem to have it all under control that's good
You are a very strong person many would have buckled under
Glad you have panic alarm and a pal in the force
Keep fighting
Maria

ouchpotato

So, he was a definite no-show. I think, actually, that I will let him take me to court now if he tries to pursue this. A judge would look very unfavourably on his behaviour, having been given 2 dates to collect his belongings and not turning up, plus a text telling me to keep the lot anyway. Also, I can't see a judge allowing a man to take the beds from children and an arthritic woman, or leave them without any other furniture in the house. He even wants the washing machine! As he destroyed/sold all my old furniture to replace it with his own, at the very least he would be told to replace my stuff, I'm sure.

When I got the solicitor's letter it floored me, and caught me at a vulnerable time, but now I am just damn angry so let him take me to court! I need to fight for my children's rights to have a nice home, with beds.

This has all happened because his ego is hurt. He has never been 'dumped' before, and can't accept it. He is a total control freak, and lost that when I ended it.

Bring it on I say!

Toots

Oh ouch, what an awful position to be in, I'm so sorry!

It sounds very much like you've got your fighting spirit back. In all honestly, I'd probably do the same, nobody in their right mind would allow him to remove all your furniture and leave you with nothing. The only thing I will say, having been through domestic issues in the past, is that while you need to fight your corner, please only do so if you can be assured you'll remain safe. Fighting for myself often made the situation worse in my experience, and you very much need for him to just go away and let you be. Hoping things work out well for you, in the meantime please take good care of yourself xxx

ouchpotato

Toots, I've been through it all before too, which is why I can't report him for the assault, the illegal firearm or any of the other stuff. He knows how to contact my ex (who was even more abusive) who has been trying to track us down, and I'm afraid he would give him my address if I drop him in it.
He has had people 'dealt with' before who have crossed him, so I do have to tread carefully with regards the furniture etc, but it would take me an age to refurnish the house as I am a single mum and on a very limited income so I have to play it by ear really and see what happens next.

At least cocodamol is being kind to me!

dibdab

Oh dear Ouch, I've got nothing to add, just wanted to send these{{{{{ hugs}}}}}. I so wish we could all pick you up, wrap you up and protect you from this hideous bully.

Deb xx

barbara12

ouch please be careful...like you say you have been through this before so you know the score..but I am worried about you..is there a possibility you could be moved to a safe house....but I suppose this is not easy if you own the house..(((()))xx

maria09

Well said Deb and Barbara
Ouch keep strong we are all with you
Maria

ouchpotato

No, I can't move anywhere...the police won't move me as he hasn't actually done anything. And the kids have had so much disruption in their lives; we've been in women's refuges etc. Both my son and my daughter are doing their A Levels, and to be honest I am sick of running. my son is also too old to be allowed in a women's refuge now.

My friend has just been to see me; he talked to a female detective today and she is going to call me BUT he has warned me that anything I disclose WILL be investigated. So I doubt I'll talk to her after all as first and foremost I need to protect my family and the consequences could be too high.

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

kentishlady

Hello Ouch. I think the others have said it all. Be strong, for yourself and your children. Please contact a solicitor to help and act for you. He/she will take some of the pressure from you and will be able to deal with this 'nasty piece of work'. My thoughts and ((((()))))are with you. Take care. Beryl

ouchpotato

Unfortunately I can't afford a solicitor, and the laws on legal aid have changed. He knows this which is probably why he has done this. I just want it all done and dusted.

maria09

Hi
How are you doing today?
Anything from the demon man?
You are coping really well even if you think you are not many would have buckled under
Keep strong
Maria

DebbieT

Everything Maria said!!

((((Ouch)))) Keep strong, ul be free soon enough.xxx

kentishlady

Hello Ouch. How are things with you today? Hope everything will calm down a little for you soon. Take care. Thinking of you and sending some (((()))) Beryl. xx

ouchpotato

That's so kind of you all to think of me.

I'm fine thankyou; I have heard nothing at all from either 'demon man' (we call him many other things believe me...with 2 teenagers you can imagine the names which have been suggested!) or his solicitor. But I don't doubt I will hear more at some point.

Good news...my son got his GCSE results today, he was terrified he had failed and wouldn't get into 6th form, but he did very well, got 7 GCSEs and is going on to do politics, product design, photography and engineering. He is over the moon, as am I. My daughter got her A level results last week and she also did very well, so is going on to do 2nd year A Levels in Psychology, sociology and English. I am so proud of the children, despite everything they have been through all three of them have come through clever, well adjusted and kind.

x

Toots

ouchpotato wrote:

but it would take me an age to refurnish the house as I am a single mum and on a very limited income so I have to play it by ear really and see what happens next.

I know exactly where you're coming from, but I did a good job of getting furniture free, from the likes of Gumtree and the local Freegle (Freecycle) groups. Sure, some of it was past it's best, but it all did what it said on the tin and got us through to easier times. So if it comes down to it, although it won't make the situation better, there might be some options so hopefully you'll be able to get by.

Hugs x

Toots

ouchpotato wrote:

. I am so proud of the children, despite everything they have been through all three of them have come through clever, well adjusted and kind.

x

Seems to me like, against the odds, you've done a fantastic job with your kids. Huge congratulations x