BB owner....

stickywicket Member Posts: 27,106
edited 6. Sep 2013, 07:53 in Living with Arthritis archive
….with higher rate Mobility Allowance would like to meet toy boy with GSOH who looks good in lycra. Yorkshire CCC season ticket holder preferred but not essential.

Fed up of boring straight women with tediously tanned, toned bodies? Why not try my wholly original one, individually crafted by the famous RA and OA Bros, untouched by sun-bed, rowing machine or tattooist's needle? (Though well-stabbed by the phlebotomist's ones.)

I am worth my weight in titanium, my skills with a grabber stick and long-handled wash pad are legendary and I can access any high-seated car with the aid of an eight-pack of beer to stand on. (Real ale preferred. The latter requires regular updating.)

In conclusion, I am not your average bubbly, brain-dead clone but a mature (well - almost) woman (not 'lady'). Terms to be arranged. BOFs (Boring Old F*rts) need not apply. Email [email protected]' Please.


  • suzygirl
    suzygirl Member Posts: 2,005
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sticky, I haven't logged on for a while. Enjoyed the good old NHS hospitality holiday home ( :shock: ) again!! However your post was the first one I saw and it made me giggle!! :D:D:D

    Hope you have registered the email address, it may get stolen :wink:
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,419
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Sticky
    i'm sure you will have a lot of emails you are a lovely kind lady no one's body is perfect it's what you are like that counts.
    take care
    joan xx
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 809
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sticky. Loved the advert. Think you will be inundated with replies. If you get any 'spares', maybe you could offer them around the forum?

    Hope your day is going as well as possible.

    Beryl. xx
  • ichabod6
    ichabod6 Member Posts: 843
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello sw,

    I'd like to apply for the situation you advertise.
    I like to think I have a gsoh, but I'm a gently ageing grandad
    who would not look good in lycra.
    I support Lancashire CC, sup real ale and like Bladnoch 15 year
    old single malt and meat and potato pies.
    I would like to meet an enthusiastic tarty lady who is licensed to
    drive a motor car and, who, in spite of life's up and downs, smiles
    a lot.
    I'm sure that dd who drops the odd post on this site would be my
    cyber referee.
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol::lol: Loooove it Sticky you maniac, like Beryl any spare going give us the nod :oops: righty back to the cooking xx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,106
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oooh Ichabod, I am tempted. (It happens a lot.)

    The non-lycra thing is, admittedly, a disappointment and I do already possess 'a' gently ageing grandad who would not look good in lycra' in the lycra-discouraging shape of Mr SW. Alas, he too is a Lancs CCC supporter (and Wigan RLFC to boot) and is big on meat and potato pies, steak and kidney pies, steak and stilton pies and pork pies. (He sees the cardiologist next week.)

    However, I am warming to your 15 yr old Bladnoch. Perhaps we could conduct a – long - tasting experiment detailing the relative merits of that versus Ardbeg.

    Unfortunately, I am no longer licensed to drive a motor vehicle. However, I am familiar with your referee, DD (Who isn't :roll: ) and I wonder if we might enlist her aid in the capacity of driver though it might be necessary to hide my Real Ale Car Step or things could get tricky – not to mention illegal.

    Mr SW will vouchsafe for my credentials as a 'tarty lady' who not only smiles a lot but has also been known to laugh raucously at dirty jokes in the embarassing two seconds before the rest of the assembly has got them. Incidentally, Mr SW would like to point out that he has never - yet – been on the receiving end of my grabber stick.

    I await your reply with anticipation, bated breath and a couple of cocos.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I have read the original post and its replies with great interest - as you all know I don't look in on here very often :wink: but this one caught my attention. I am packing as I type (which requires some dexterity).

    Right, Ichabod, you have selected me as your cyber referee - do you mean in the sense of giving a reference (Ichabod6 is one decent-stand-up honest and good bloke who will not trifle with you but will happily share your ice cream) or referee in the sense of you and Mr SW duking it out after dark in the car park of a local B&Q? I rather prefer the latter as it is some time since I have donned my suit and bow tie effort.

    I can picture the scene: the ring under the spotlights, various AC ladies parading around holding the placards, the rowdy crowd thumping their crutches, sticks and rollators up and down whilst hooting and hollering, you and Mr SW trooping in to fanfares and wearing those lovely, baggy, high-waisted shiny shorts and my shouting 'Laydees an' gennnelmen, welcome to the winner-takes-all-of our lovely Stickywicket' whilst she, the 'trophy' is carried in on the shoulders of four gorgeous specimens of the younger type of male. Lycra a go-go, methinks. :wink:

    I'm on my way. DD
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,106
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    [quote="dreamdaisy"Ichabod6 is one decent-stand-up honest and good bloke who will not trifle with you[/quote]

    Hm, that's a bit disappointing.

    dreamdaisy wrote:
    whilst she, the 'trophy' is carried in on the shoulders of four gorgeous specimens of the younger type of male. DD

    :o:o:o FOUR? :shock: :shock: :shock:
    Hell's bells, I'm getting out of my depth here.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,276
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think you might be on to something here Sticky...maybe we could all get paired never said a little mad in the advert.... :lol::lol::lol:
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You, out of your depth? :? Nah, not possible. :D I think the correct technical term is a litter. :wink: DD
  • DebbieT
    DebbieT Member Posts: 1,033
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh I've just got home & this thread has given me such a giggle :lol: Thank you all, especially SW for starting it :D xxx
  • constable
    constable Member Posts: 2,115
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I just wanted to say, Thanks SW to starting this thread and thanks to everyone on here for making me have a good chuckle, which I really needed. You lot are brilliant.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    An update on my progress: I've had to stop for a beer break (well it is Saturday and I have deserted my local for the possibility of this gentle rumble in a tarmac jungle). Daisy hasn't been driven so hard and so far for ages and she too needs a rest, her little tyres are steaming. :shock:

    I've packed the ring, ropes, baggy shiny shorts :wink: and some placards. The precise details of which B&Q car park is yet to be determined but as many towns have at least one (my town revels in two) I can't see that being a problem. DD

    PS I have also dug out me tassels - remember them? :wink: I will be a boxing ref with a twist - and a shake and a twizzle. :lol:
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I remember them well DD ,when I first joined there was tassel talk aplenty along with the mad bad boys in their mankinis ,I do miss them,anyway spots are fading but I'm still in the unclean corner waiting for any passing Lycra clad (fit ) body. Mig :roll: :wink:
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hmmm... lycra clad men in a ring encircled by uninhibited women with grabbers - seems to me someone's just invented a new extreme sport!
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,106
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am a tad disturbed at the turn this thread is taking. I advertised for a toy boy and I appear to have acquired 4 lovely young hunks to bare me (sorry, bear me. My mind was elsewhere :oops: ) aloft while Mr SW and Ichabod slog it out in their 'baggy, high-waisted shiny shorts' for my affections or at least for my meat and tattie pies (That is not a euphemism) while DD, resplendent in her bow tie and tassels (Is that it, DD? Might you feel slightly chilly attempts to prevent the pair of them from running away.

    I predict one or two slight hitches.

    1. All 'shorts' and/or trousers are low-waisted on Mr SW these days due to the overhang.

    2. Rather than fight for his marital rights, Mr SW is more likely to gratefully offer Ichabod some remuneration for taking me off his hands.

    3. You are too, too kind, DD, in providing the lycra-lovelies but my stamina is not what it was. First come, first served, ladies, for the other three. Mig, it is unladylike to trample over your fellow forum buddies in the rush. As daffy has so wisely suggested, use your grabber.

    4. I presume, if I'm to be held on high for the duration, my preferred garb of jeans and a blouse will not suffice though I suspect more eyes will be on the aforementioned tassels and bow tie than on myself. Could I have a dresser please? And don't even think of a dress. I don't have a pair of surgical shoes to match.

    Finally, might I suggest, for practical purposes, that the venue be the same B&Q car park in which our lovely Barbara had her MRI scan? And, Barbara, thank you for suggesting I am merely 'a little mad'. The family consensus is barking.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 28,078
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00

    I would like to apply for the post as 'dresser' for your interviews Mrs SW

    The above is an example of my work
  • ichabod6
    ichabod6 Member Posts: 843
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hey up sw,

    I hope dd's testimonial was satisfactory.
    I think I may have a good idea.
    I like the sound of Mr sw, a fellow cricket and pie fan.
    He supports the cricket team on the right side of the Pennines, but
    not the right rugby league team. I stand up for St Helens RLFC.
    I support (and have done for a very long time ) Preston North End
    football club and more recently Fylde rugby union team and the
    English ladies test cricket team.
    The Chief Fairy is my honoury chauffer for the time being so might
    I suggest a foursome hook up in some shady nook. We could share
    our arthritis adventures whilst you sipped the single malt of your
    choice and the CF slugged back red wine spritzers and gin and
    lemonade chasers. Mr sw and self could sup real ale and chew on
    meat and prata pies whilst admiring the successes of our cricket
    and other sporting teams. And bugger the lycra.
    If we ask nicely dd may stick her tt tassels on her chest and perform
    a cabaret act and then join us for a drink and a bite on a pie.
    What think you?
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 809
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Think we may find ourselves 'X' rated at the way this thread is going. Who cares? It makes a lovely change from all the 'rubbish' aches and pains we all find ourselves with. Well done Sticky. You've given us all a great laugh. Any further ideas are most welcome. Beryl
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh my, I cannot help but agree to Ichabod's plan 'cos it sounds a good 'un. I am made redundant and rightly so, so whilst Mrs & Mr SW together with Mr & Mrs Ichabod6 sort out the nuts and bolts of life in some degree of comfort, my good self (tassles and all) and my rather grubby little car will hurtle back to the safer confines of the East of England (and the company of Mr DD).

    Sticky? This was fun and thank you. You have stirred other ideas in the odd melting pot that passes for my brain, I reckon that a little more light-heartedness wouldn't go amiss. I wonder what happened to Miss Cilly Dithers? :wink: Therein might lie a tale - if we can find the energy to relate it. :| DD
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Very funny! Bet you get hundreds of replies!! Defo pass the extra's round the forum or we could have them for a night at a time and pass them along, though I expect there batteries will need recharging after so long!! :lol:
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,106
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I agree, DD. Ichabod's plan is an excellent one but in toto please ie you will not retreat in Daisy but join us with your tassels for the delectation of the gentlemen. Hopefully, you will bring Mr DD too and he can enjoy the cricket and the victuals. As for the lycra-clad hunks- will the rest of the forum please feel free to share them among yourselves. Cricket and a good malt suddenly seem far more attractive. I've enjoyed the fantasy but Yorks are up there at the top of the championship and Lancs should win Div 2. What more can I ask?

    (Frog, if you can make me look like that you're an alchemist :wink: )
  • ichabod6
    ichabod6 Member Posts: 843
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Wow, sw another cricket loving lady as well as the CF, my
    two daughters and two of my grand daughters.
    Might you make the England ladies test team?
  • destiny0321
    destiny0321 Member Posts: 88
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I have just read this thread & had to stop laughing as in more pain for laughing.
    If only our aches & pains could go away & we all would be laughing more.
    keep smiling & we all smile with you. keep up the good work bless you all. destiny
  • Toots
    Toots Member Posts: 483
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Words fail me! You lot are magnificent! x

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