motability car rules.

daffy2

I'm so sorry to hear this.There's something very wrong with the world when you get bad treatment for being law-abiding.
Apologies if you've already explained or if this seems intrusive, but why a 7 seater?

tkachev

daffy2 wrote:

I'm so sorry to hear this.There's something very wrong with the world when you get bad treatment for being law-abiding.
Apologies if you've already explained or if this seems intrusive, but why a 7 seater?

We have a 7 seater because I have 5 children. They don't all live with me but there are a few occasions when we all get together. OH parents want to take out 3 friends from abroard so with OH driving there will be 6 seats needed. If they go by taxi they will need to pay for 2.

Sorry I'm feeling absolutely confused. I never thought it would get this nasty. My contract finishes in Sept so Icould just run it out but I feel sick of the sight of the car TBH. It was meant to make life easier.

Elizabeth x

hileena111

Hi Elizabeth
As Sticky asked......do you drive the car at all or do you hve to rely on your husband.
He'll come round I'm sure and once this is over and done with...the boundaries will have been set as to who can and cant use it ....things should be better
Love {{{{{{{}}}}}}}}
Hileena

Slosh

Couldn't they book a 7 seater mini-cab?
I feel,so sorry for you, you have done nothing wrong so shouldn't be made to feel like this.

applerose

I replied in the cafe but have just found this. I can see that Mobility might not find out but what if they do? What if another car runs in to yours? What if a neighbour tells them how it is being used? The car is for you and not your OHs family. I really hope he comes to understand this and apologises to you. Take care. We are here for you if you need to let off steam. (((hugs)))

tjt6768

I'm really sorry that your oh is treating you this way hun. That reaction is disgusting to be honest. He should be ashamed of himself.
I know that it's none of my business but I'm fuming for you.
That's not the behaviour of a caring spouse.

Sending a ton of Yorkshire Blokey Hugs
xxx

stickywicket

tkachev wrote:

Sorry I'm feeling absolutely confused. I never thought it would get this nasty. My contract finishes in Sept so Icould just run it out but I feel sick of the sight of the car TBH. It was meant to make life easier.

And so it should. I'm sorry it's come to this, Elizabeth, but don't take any hasty decisions. September is 3 months away yet. I've a feeling you have at least one adult daughter? Why not talk things over with her?

dreamdaisy

It was meant to make your life easier, not that of friends of the family. As I see the situation it appears that he values you for your car, not for yourself. DD

tkachev

hileena111 wrote:

Hi Elizabeth
As Sticky asked......do you drive the car at all or do you hve to rely on your husband.
He'll come round I'm sure and once this is over and done with...the boundaries will have been set as to who can and cant use it ....things should be better
Love {{{{{{{}}}}}}}}
Hileena

I'm hoping this will be the case Hileena. It has happened in the past and I don't want to keep going through with the same old argument. He should accept the rules and be glad we have a nice new car every 3 years, insurance paid, tax paid, new tyres when need.

He's now trying to sugest everything we do is illegal, take the daughter to violin, pick up Son from respite etc. Personally these are routine things which I would say were allowable.

I do drive, but prefer automatics and this is a manual. However I have not driven for many years.

Still not talking but trying hard not to involve the children. They are stable and happy ad this is going to upset them big time when they cotton on.

elizabeth xxx

dreamdaisy

I think we have found the nub of the problem: he is the one who uses the car most, yes? With or (more likely I suspect) without you? If so then no wonder he thinks it's there for his personal use. If this is the case than a feeble precedent has been set so, if you can't face life without him, come September ensure that your contract is not renewed. Keep your money and save it for your use at some future date. DD

Slosh

I would suggest getting an automatic and possibly a smaller car that you feel confident driving so you can be more independent and not feel you have to rely on him.

tjt6768

Just wanted to send more Yorkshire Blokey Hugs.
Xxx

The car shouldn't really be used unless it's for you but he's being very petty.
I hope I'm not out of line but you would probably be better without him.
We here need partners that care more than most do anyway.
As mentioned, come September don't renew the car. Use the money for taxis whenever you need to go anyway OR.. Get an automatic and some refresher lessons and get some independence back hun.

applerose

I agree with Tony. In September, either buy an automatic or use the money for taxis. Do what will be best for you, not your OH and his family. Hope things have improved a bit between you and him.

hileena111

Yes I agree with Tony as well......use the money, come September for taxis or something that will benefit YOU.
Why don't you get an automatic? I wish I could. I have a fairly new car {3yrs} I've had it from new and its manual and since buying it an old injury in my clutch ankle is really playing up now and I could do with one....but we cant afford it. Peter has his car and I have mine {not motability }so I consider myself lucky.
Go On......start looking at smaller automatics and thinking about them for September instead of all this fighting
Love
Hileena

stickywicket

tkachev wrote:

He's now trying to sugest everything we do is illegal, take the daughter to violin, pick up Son from respite etc. Personally these are routine things which I would say were allowable.

I would put taking your children to violin classes / picking them up from respite care etc in the same category as shopping for you ie it's doing something that you would otherwise have to do and that sounds to me to be within the Motability rules. Taking his family into London, however, is not.

However, if you don't drive this car your OH has probably come to regard it as 'our car' rather than 'your car' and possibly even 'my car'. I suggest you re-think your own needs and, come September, look for a car that fulfills them. Or, simply buy a car together. Motability is a very useful and convenient way of having a car for someone who is disabled because all the servicing and repairs are covered BUT it's not a particularly cheap method of car ownership.

tkachev

Thank you so much. You have all been a great help to me.

After 2 days of sleeping in another room and not talking he asked if I was moving out because I was obviously not happy. I made it clear that it wouldn't just be me moving out but the children as well and it would be a major disruption to their lives all because of a flipping car.

anyway he then said he would compromise; he wouldn't do this trip and we would then either buy this car or a cheap runaround not on the motability scheme so we did not have any more arguments about usage.

However this has made me look at the bigger picture and I'm angry and upset and not feeling the love at all.

Elizabeth xxx

stickywicket

Marriage / living as a couple requires a lot of give and take on both sides. Depending on how the car has been used previously ie if he's used to driving it basically where he wants and when he wants this probably represents quite a big compromise for him. Maybe, it would be good to have a long, non-heated discussion about things and feelings and ways forward?

I bought my last Motability car when they stopped offering the model I'd always used. I have a feeling though that the same conditions, about who drove it and when, still operated until the car was fully paid for. So, I went to the Motability website to check, just now, only to find that they are stopping the Hire Purchase scheme as of July 1st. So, if you want to go down that route you'd better apply quickly. And check the terms and conditions.

daffy2

It's sad that something that is supposed to make life easier for you has caused these problems. On the plus side you have time before the contract ends in September to decide what YOU need and want in the way of transport solutions. Also, since there seem to be issues about the relationship that need addressing which the car situation has highlighted, again you have time to think about that so you can more easily decide what to do about the car.
As others have said, it would be preferable to find a solution which makes you more independent, as that will make it easier to deal with those things over which you have no control, such as the arthritis.
I do hope that this can be resolved before too long, you can do without the emotional upset.

dreamdaisy

He said he was willing to compromise? :? Oh, the breath-taking arrogance of the man. This car is being 'paid' for by you, it's there for your use but he seems to be doing a good job of chipping away at both your independence and self-esteem.

I am still finding the total lack of respect for you upsetting. I suspect he holds the upper hand because he owns the house? You deserve so much better from this relationship - he appears to be very controlling. DD

Slosh

Just want to echo what DD has said. Things seem really tough for you at the moment, thinking of you as you make your decisions. Hope the rest of your family are more supportive of you.

tjt6768

dreamdaisy wrote:

He said he was willing to compromise? :? Oh, the breath-taking arrogance of the man. This car is being 'paid' for by you, it's there for your use but he seems to be doing a good job of chipping away at both your independence and self-esteem.

I am still finding the total lack of respect for you upsetting. I suspect he holds the upper hand because he owns the house? You deserve so much better from this relationship - he appears to be very controlling. DD

DITTO..
I hope things are a bit better today Elizabeth. X

mig

I'm sorry Elizabeth but I'm not feeling the love here give him the elbow. Mig

dreamdaisy

But it's not that easy, is it? I agree with Mig but . . . . . .

Obviously I don't know you, your family and the stress of this situation but I am upset by the lack of support that appears to be a matter of course in this relationship. As I said before, you deserve better. DD

stickywicket

Elizabeth, I am concerned that your simple question about Motability rules has almost turned into a referendum on your relationship with your OH. I count myself as guilty as any in this. None of us cyberfriends can really 'know' either of you or the way your relationship works. All relationships have their differences. At this difficult time you need people around you who do know you and care about you (That's not to say we don't care about you) and whom you can talk to, in confidence, about anything that seems relevant. I hope your situation resolves itself in a way that makes you happy and more at ease.

toady

^Indeed, so will only say hope you are doing ok today TK, that's all I can add really.