PROBLEMS AT HOME [NORTHERN IRELAND ] NOW.

hileena111

Hi
I suppose I shouldn't really be posting this here...I should know better :oops:
My mam is 91 years old, lives on her own. My brother lives about 30 mins drive away.....He is single but has his own house.
He pops up to see her, checks she's taking her meds and do anything she cant do.
I was over there 2 months ago and she was fine.....apart from her mobility {look who's talking }....She has always been bright as a button....OK slightly deaf now but that's to be expected.
Yesterday my brother came in and found her on the ground...not quite sure what happened. She rang me but then started rambling {not like this } hadn't a clue what she was saying...that was new to me. Billy rang me and said she had been like that for about a week.
To shorten this a bit she ended up in hospital today because she was ranting and raving in the middle of the night. They said she was dehydrated and put her on a drip....apparently she is perking up a bit now and they say she can come home in a couple of days :shock:
Billy cant leave her anymore ....its not safe, and he's up seeing to her about 4 times every night :shock:
I feel so helpless stuck over here and not able to do anything.
Needless to say the stress isn't doing the OA any good.....nor is the heat although I know we are all suffering.
Sorry about this......I feel a bit better now having said that
Take care in this heat everyone
Love
Hileena

stickywicket

I'm so sorry, Hileena. It's hard enough when our loved ones are ill but harder still when they are old and far away. And of course your stress levels will be very high. I hope some acceptable solution can be found so you at least have some peace of mind.

dreamdaisy

It is so easy for the elderly to become dehydrated, and if it's been as hot over there as it has been here then no wonder. At least she is in the right place now to be sorted - is she as fiercely independent as I suspect? Of course you are stressed, Hileena, and no wonder, it is difficult being away when things are not going well. DD

elnafinn

I am very sorry to hear this Hileena. I had similar problems with my own mum. She was fiercely independent. We also did not live that close but much closer than my brother who is also self employed so we did the best we could. Do you think that when your mum returns from hospital she will need much more help? Dehydration really can set the elderly back both physically and mentally but once hydrated could she manage as she was doing before?

Gentle hugs
Elna x

hileena111

Hi Sticky
I'm hoping to hear from my brother tonight....he is good like that.
She had a TIA some years ago and he rang me constantly to keep me up to date
Love
Hileena

hileena111

Hi DD
Yes I think the heat has been much the same over there as here.
Not like your end of the world LOL but up here.
Fiercely independent is an understatement. :?
Her mobility has been bad for a few years now and she has stopped going out {even in the car with my brother}
For a long time I suggested she get a rollator to go round shops {when Billy dropped her off} She always said a shopping trolley helped. All she would say was ...I'll get one when I need it and not before it!!!!! Like you and I ...I meant her to get it to help her do things she couldn't do with out it......but no....she got it when she was 89 and needed it to go round the house :roll:
They said she could be out in 2 days time {from the hospital}
The good thing is the lady that lives next door is a district nurse/sister and has some sort of degree in nursing. Billy says she has quite a bit of "Clout" if you know what that means
She has said to him that if the hospital rings him and says she is ready, come and collect her...DONT....get in touch with her first and she'll make sure she has a full care package in place before she gets home.....Thank goodness for her.....I can do nothing from here.
Love
Hileena

hileena111

Hi Elna
Its hard to know whether she will be able to cope when she gets out of hospital.
As it was Billy was coming up and down from his house and checking she had taken her meds, more recently she couldn't cook for herself so he was doing that as well
To be honest I don't think at 91 after this she could cope on her own....might be better than she is but that's all
I'm sure she has OP as well......she's of the generation that thinks the doctor knows best and goes to him when she has to but doesn't find out much.....just accepts what he tells her and takes meds.
She has had loads of falls and broken various things but never said she has OP.....as for arthritis....doesn't know what kind she has
You know me...I want to know all the ins and outs of everything
I'll hear from Billy tonight so we'll see what happens
Love
Hileena

barbara12

Hello Hileena
I know we are in touch by PM ,b ut so glad you have posted on here and get all that off your chest, you are always there for others.
I know you are suffering without all this so hopefully you mum will get help then you know she is in good hands..thinking of you (((())) xx

hileena111

Thanks Barbara
Hear you later
Love
Hileena

villier

Sorry to hear about your mum Hileena I know how worrying it must be for you being so far away, at least you have your brother nearby which is a blessing keep us in the loop to how she is doing ((()))......................Marie xx

hileena111

Thanks Marie
I will keep you in the loop as my brother keeps me in it.
It is a bit worrying being so far away from her
Love
Hileena

hileena111

Hi
I had another call from my brother tonight......my mam is still in hospital, still on a drip and apparently she is getting fed and given water but the nurse stands there to make sure she eats and drinks it. She said to my brother she would be out on Wed. He isn't sure how much to believe of that.
The OT is coming to see her tomorrow, getting her out of bed and seeing what she is like....then checking what she needs for home.
That's about all I know
Love
Hileena

dreamdaisy

Well done, nurse, that is proper nursing compared to how the elderly are far too commonly treated over here. I suspect she won't be allowed home until some form of care package is in place - would your brother consider her going to live with him? DD

kellerman

I'm so sorry you are having this worry about your Mum Hileena but at least she is seeing an OT who should take her on a home visit to see how she manages. Your brother should also be informed if its thought she would be a danger to herself.Any care package should also be arranged.
I remember being at a loss as to what to do in my circumstances but that was because I don't really like people interfering but I am quite a few years younger than your Mum although at the moment...well!!!!!!
If things are done over there as they are here sugestions will be put to your brother about anything that may need to be done.
Nobody likes to lose there independance so she may not accept what needs to be put in place. Just tell your brother to be careful with private agency staff for although there are some really good ones there are also some that never seem to have time for anything.This doesn't sound very good I know but its something you don't think of until you get in the system.I would have rung you if I could open my mouth wide enough but unfortunately the thrush has kicked in with a vengance and even a liquid diet is running down my chin.
Keep us updated. Love May xx

hileena111

Hi DD and May
May pet you have enough on your plate...I didn't expect a reply from you. I'm so sorry about the thrush....I'll take in all that you have said and pass it on.
The nurse next door {just a neighbour nothing to do with my mam} has said if they say to him she is ready to come home, come and pick her up......DONT....get in touch with my and I'll make sure there is a full care package in place before she leaves the hospital.....although shes a nurse she's just my mams neighbour.
Sorry DD...meant to say......there isn't a lot of point in my mam going to live with my brother.....Her house is set up for her, downstairs bathroom, walk in shower, she has her bed downstairs and he is living with her at the minute.....if she went to live with him she would not know anyone, have to go upstairs to the bathroom etc......she has lived in that house for 40 something years....and although some of the neighbours have changed......she still knows some of them
Does that make sense?
Love
Hileena

stickywicket

I've been thinking of all three of you, Hileena. These situations are so hard to deal with. At least, for now, she's in the right place. I hope the OT can help and the extra fluids sort her out.

villier

Thanks for the update Hileena, lets hope the OT can get a plan sorted out for her if she is going to get home, she seems to be getting well looked after and it is good your brother is near hand which must be a bit of relief for you..........take care and also look after yourself.....................Marie xx

bubbadog

Hi Hileena, How is your Mom coping today have you heard from your brother? Hope she is eatting better and the Physio is getting her moving a little. I know how it feels at the moment my OH's nan is in hospital at the moment she is 93 and is very poorly at the moment. So I'm sitting here waiting for a text or a phone call to see how she is today and the time drags on and you can't relax till you get a call. They are tuff cookies though!! Hope the O.T can arrange things so she can go home soon.

hileena111

Hi
The physio got her up and walking along the corridor with a 3 wheel walker......talking to my brother she said that sometimes she was OK and other times she couldn't walk at all.
She is still very confused. Billy said to me he cant see her coming home anytime soon even with a care package in place.
So not very good news....He is going to see her tonight so I will hear again if there is anything different
Love
Hileena

dreamdaisy

She's a good age and maybe that is beginning to tell. Your poor mum, at least your brother is handy and can keep an eye on her. Would he be willing to move in with her for a while? I am thinking of you all very much. DD

stickywicket

I'm not sure whether it's good or bad news but I do think that, in her current state, she's in the right place and at least you and your brother know she's safe. I think that has to be good.

villier

She is in the best place Hileena and getting well looked after, it must be taking a bit of pressure off your brother, keeping fingers crossed(trying to) that she rallies round soon, sending some positive vibes...............Marie xx

FelicityD

Sorry to hear about your mum. Looks as if she is in good hands. My OH's nan went through a similar situation. She is so stubborn! But, finally got her to give a residential home a go. It turns out she actually knew a few of the other residents already. Now, she couldn't be happier and we are all relieved that she is well taken care of.

hileena111

Hi Everyone
Thanks.......
He has already moved in....although he has his own house he was living with my mam most of the time for the past few months but especially the week or so before going into hospital he couldn't leave her side....never mind still be in his own house .
SW.....it is good news I think......she's in the right place {albeit it only a hospital} but she is getting looked after and Billy is getting a break. I worry about him as much as her.
I honestly think a home would be the best place.....that possibly sounds awful. It would have to be a nursing home as opposed to a residential....the way things are at the minute. At least I know she would be safe and looked after. Also that Billy {kid brother ....65yrs old} would get some of his life back......He never says a thing but I worry about him.
I'll hear from him tonight and if there is anything different I'll post.
Love
Hileena

hileena111

Hi
Latest update......My brother went to see my mam tonight rather than this afternoon as usual......she kept telling him to go away she wanted to sleep.
Apparently she was up quite a lot during the day so she could have been tired
They are going to have a case meeting to see what the outcome will be......home with a full care package or into a nursing home??
Not a lot different
Love
Hileena

elnafinn

Hi Hileena

This brings it flooding back to me the problems, worry and heartache I had with my dear mum off and on during the latter years of her life. On different occasions I went through the psychiatrist reports and case meetings. Each time she went back home as this was what she wanted. As the psychiatrist said at one point, she is capable of making decisions but whether they are the right ones is a matter of opinion. In the end she had a broken femur, was admitted to hospital and sadly after yo-ing between hospital and a rehab centre, with about 5 hours at home only during all that time, she sadly died in hospital.

I do hope that something can be arranged for your mam where she will be happy to go. I truly sympathise with you and your brother.

Gentle hugs
Elna x